Roller Coaster

On an emotional roller coaster 

Cold getting better I think but slower than I would like!  (surprise!surprise!)

Emotionally - I'm not doing so well.  My temper is really short, and my filter isn't as strong as it usually is/should be and I cry easily....... 

Had something happen that I could tell by Todd's reaction was not that big a deal - but it put 

me into a tailspin.  Even after walking 2.25 miles, doing a bunch of stairs and doing laundry, I was still upset.  

The filter has been an ongoing project for the last 45 years and I had gotten better at not blurting out exactly what I was thinking -- notice I said better not perfect!  

This chemo makes me jittery/nervous/stressed/amped up -- however you want to say it--and the filter going is tied into that.  That's why I haven't posted -- I have been trying to figure out what is going on, and how to handle it and what to do/say.  Also didn't want to say something the wrong way. 

In my opinion, this is worse than nausea -- people give you grace if you are feeling rotten.  If you are rude and angry, they just think you're a witch!  

The physical side effects are easier for people to wrap their heads around.  The emotional is harder for them to grasp.  I remember my mom talking about the temper thing-that is was like a wave of rage where you just want to smash something -- or you cry over something that really isn't worthy of tears. 

Anyone had experience with this related to chemo?  

In the meantime - I am trying to cocoon a bit, as much to chill out as not to offend other people!  

The other thing that I do when life is upside down is to do something nice for someone else.  To that end, I helped out a friend this morning, wrote some thank you notes and talked to a friend that I had lost touch with (skype is great)  That helped my heart a bit....

I have also faithfully been flipping my memory verse cards - 

To keep my tongue in check: 

Prov 12:16 A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.

Prov 14:17 A quick tempered man does foolish things

Prov 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger

   These are just a few of my "mouth" verses

Toward healing, the one I am dwelling on is part of Isaiah 30:15

  In repentance and rest is your salvation,

    In quiteness and trust is your strength

along with the reminder how to do this from Zech 4:6

  Not by might, nor by power,

    but by my Spirit, says the Lord Almighty

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