I am so thankful that I had the gift of time away over Christmas with my family and friends. That strengthened me for today. Yesterday while driving, I soaked myself in scripture to build my courage and it worked! I walked in today without the fear that sometimes accompanies my visits!
It is amazing how quickly this begins to work though.
In 2 hours my coloring went from healthy, slightly tan/pink to pale yellowish with dark circles under my eyes! I had never noticed that happen before!
By the time I left, the pins/needles had started in my hands (I brought the "hot hands" along!)
Now, 4 hours after getting the bolus or loading dose of 5FU, I feel the energy draining from me. It is surreal to feel and observe the change --
it is like a balloon slowly deflating or
sinking into quicksand or
having your blood turn to lead
Other fun symptoms include:
heart racing
hair thinning (growing fine, but lots comes out!)
skin on my hands cracking open(like it might do in Winter, but the texture has become deeply
lined/crosshatched and brittle)
tastebuds corrupted -- everything liquid tastes metallic
(have to drink flavored things - water tastes like skanky well water)
jittery/amped up/emotionally fragile (pray for my fam please! this is awful)
and that is the list so far for today--(oh joy!)
I am thankful:
that I felt good over Christmas
that we got so many pictures and cards while we were gone! My fridge is filling up!
(in case you missed it - if you are praying for us, please send us your picture - we post it on
the fridge as a tangible reminder of your love and care. Send one if you haven't!)
that the nausea has not hit yet
that Paul is living at home for Winterim (even if it makes 2cars a challenge!)
that my feet have been unaffected by the Raynauds or the oxaliplatin
that Chance continues to be such good company
that it is not colder or snowier!
that I have friends that bring us food and repeatedly offer help
We are indeed blessed!
Many people have written me while I was not blogging, saying that they enjoy my writing and are encouraged and uplifted by it. I am truly humbled by this and recognize God's working through this -- He is the only one who can bring good out of any situation (Ro 8:28) even when we cannot see it. He can work through anyone who will submit their life and situation to him. (James 4:7)
I encourage you to look at your life situations and see what can be submitted to God --then give it to him and watch to see what he does!
John 11:40 - Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?
Blessings to all of you!~
PS
Here's a funny story about being jittery - Insight into the Moritz coping skills arsenal!
Back at the end of June last year, I was staying in Valparaiso while my father was in hospice care, preparing to go home to heaven. I had been there almost 2 mos. Our son Karl came home for a short visit and they came down to visit my dad and encourage me. Time with Karl? Stay with Dad? A dear friend checked in on dad so I could have time away, but to say that I was stretched is an understatement. It seemed that tears were perpetually threatening to spill over. As Todd was kind and helpful and loving, I told him "please don't be too nice to me -- I'll cry!" At lunch, we were talking about something (don't even remember what) but I took it hard and the tears sprang up again. Todd chuckled and said to Karl something like "uh oh -- now we can't talk to her either!" which made me laugh! Later, they both were watching me (probably watching for the tears! They appeared again!
Todd coined the phrase,
"Don't be nice to her; Don't talk to her and Don't look at her!"
How ridiculous! That silly little phrase has helped me laugh instead of cry so very many times --
so there you go - a window into our world! Hope it makes you laugh!
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