Side effects are the same - perhaps a little better, but it is hard to tell much difference
Yesterday, was kind of a long day between it being the anniversary of my dad's death, and this call. This was the devotion for June 27th. It was just what I needed. It carried me through the day - taken from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.
"Rest with Me a while. You have journeyed up a steep rugged path in recent days. The way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you. Instead, focus your attention on Me, your constant Companion. Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey.
I designed time to be a protection for you. You couldn't bear to see all your life at once. Though I am unlimited by time, it is in the present moment that I meet you. Refresh yourself in My company, breathing deep draughts of My Presence. The highest level of trust is to enjoy Me moment by moment. I am with you, watching over you wherever you go."
I felt as though God were speaking to me personally--the rugged path-the uncertain future-- and the instruction to focus on Him! I love the "time as a protection - you couldn't bear to see all your life at once" - some days I can't bear to see a whole day at a time!!!
"Enjoy me moment by moment."
Enjoy -- When I was growing up, that was not a word that was stressed a lot. It evokes thoughts of resting, savoring, treasuring.....
Productivity, being ladylike (no chuckles here!) and doing your best (which means re-doing multiple times to get it right) -- that was stressed. We did enjoy Sunday afternoon "caffee" and good conversation - or sitting on the porch...but I wish that we had "enjoyed" each other's company more.
It makes me want to be very careful to not set people aside to get tasks done. Tasks are always there -- people are not. It is so important to enjoy them.
I digress --
Enjoy God -- I found myself "talking" to him a lot during the day--pleading for a friend's health --rejoicing over another friend's great test results -- laughing "with" Him about a bossy baby bird - or complaining "to Him about this call -- and He gently reminded me what a blessing it is to have the opportunity to consider another position in this economy. I found myself being more joyful throughout the day, because I was Enjoying God.
Speaking of enjoying --
in my discussions with Him, I felt that He was prodding me to give up something I enjoy as I go through this decision making process. We discussed chocolate and wine - and wine seemed to be the thing that He wanted me to give up enjoying for now--as though it might be a distraction during this time. So, I am giving up wine---go figure! That is like giving up coffee for some people! It is worth it to hear clearly from Him about this call!
Ecc 11:8a However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all.....
Praying that her devotion touched you and that you can Enjoy God every day!
Thanks for checking in!
ps - if you have any pearls of wisdom about this call, or life in CA vs life in the Midwest, please feel free to share them.....
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Another fork in the road.....
Side effects are the same as they have been -I think they are very, very gradually getting better, but progress is slow.
"Normal" life was sounding too good to be true!
When everything is going along fine - you better hang on, cause you don't know what is coming around the corner!
(We are both healthy - not to worry!!!)
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps - Prov 16:9
Todd has received a divine call from Orange Lutheran High School in Orange, California to serve as their CEO. What that means is that we now have 2 calls - one to serve here in Milwaukee and one to go serve there. We have been very prayerful throughout this process, but now we can ask for your prayers.
But let me tell you the tale---
At the end of March, within ten days, 3 ministries contacted Todd about possibly joining their ministries. We thought that was really kind of bizarre. We were not looking for a change!! In fact, we love the schools and the people here --(Winter, not so much--but it wasn't that horrible!) :) When we moved here, many people welcomed us and made us feel a part of the community. The support that we received through my dad's illness and death was amazing. It paled in comparison though, to the outpouring of loving, prayerful aid you gave us through my cancer. I cannot think of all the cards, prayers, gifts, e-mails, calls, meals, visits and rides without becoming emotional. We have never experienced an outpouring like that......it was truly stunning. It never crossed our minds that we would be any place besides here.....
But 3 ministries in 10 days made us scratch our heads a bit.
If I share all the details you would be here for days! Suffice it to say, several things led us to explore these options. It rapidly became apparent that 2 of the 3 were not a good fit. The 3rd one was Orange Lutheran and we were led to allow Todd's name to be on the list (a long list - it was an international search!) We prayed that God would be very clear whether this was something He wanted us to be a part of, and if not to please close the door. We also questioned the sanity of the timing - and concluded, that if this was what He wanted, He would figure it all out and it would be clear.
The long list narrowed to 2 and here we are--
back to that prayerful reliance on God -- right where we are supposed to stay-but don't always --
trusting Him to make our path clear.
When we are praying, we are seeking God's will for our ministry.
We are asking where our talents will make the biggest impact for the kingdom and
we are also asking if a leadership change would be a blessing to the association here --
could someone else more effectively take the schools to the next level?
God answers us through the bible, prayer, circumstances and friends -- You!
We very much would appreciate your prayers and any insights you may have about His will for us. This process is very difficult and overwhelming.
Ps 119:105 - Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path
Thank you so much for praying for us -- your prayers changed our world for the last 8 months --blessing us richly--and I firmly believe that your prayers will again make a difference for the kingdom!
Thanks for checkin' in! Blessings!
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Side effects are the same - fingers, toes, hair, balance, moody, tired etc....
June 21 - one month til the wedding! 30 days, but who is counting???
Karl turned 24 yesterday! Can I really be that old? Today I feel like it!
Have had a lot going on - company for dinner or for overnight - events to attend - projects to chip away at--and have had enough energy to do some of it. Yay! The events always get top energy allocation. They are more fun than the projects! :) The projects are always right where I left them!
There has been lots to think about -- thinking what I was doing a year ago -- Father's day was hard -- wedding details to figure out --the kid's birthdays are always milestones -- missing my mom-- oh lots of things....
I am kinda down today--not sure why -- and I realize I have gotten away from my habit of being thankful. You all held me accountable! I would do my blog and remember to be thankful as I was writing - and as I have been away from it, my habit went with it! It is amazing how quickly you can lose a good habit, and how fast you can build a bad habit-like complaining or worrying! So, today I am thankful for
cooler weather
friends e-mailing to see if I am ok
baby finches growing feathers
baby wrens singing
our neighbors
my chiropractor to fix the kinks in my back (from wearing high heels, not the garden!)
devotional books to focus my drifting mind
naps
technology to help me stay in touch
Bible verses to "keep me in line" like
Neh 8:10 The joy of the Lord is my strength.
Ps 5:11 Let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread you protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.
Ps 30:11 You turned my wailing into dancing....and clothed me with joy
Ps 94:18, 19 When my foot was slipping, your love, oh Lord supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
Thanks for checking in!
June 21 - one month til the wedding! 30 days, but who is counting???
Karl turned 24 yesterday! Can I really be that old? Today I feel like it!
Have had a lot going on - company for dinner or for overnight - events to attend - projects to chip away at--and have had enough energy to do some of it. Yay! The events always get top energy allocation. They are more fun than the projects! :) The projects are always right where I left them!
There has been lots to think about -- thinking what I was doing a year ago -- Father's day was hard -- wedding details to figure out --the kid's birthdays are always milestones -- missing my mom-- oh lots of things....
I am kinda down today--not sure why -- and I realize I have gotten away from my habit of being thankful. You all held me accountable! I would do my blog and remember to be thankful as I was writing - and as I have been away from it, my habit went with it! It is amazing how quickly you can lose a good habit, and how fast you can build a bad habit-like complaining or worrying! So, today I am thankful for
cooler weather
friends e-mailing to see if I am ok
baby finches growing feathers
baby wrens singing
our neighbors
my chiropractor to fix the kinks in my back (from wearing high heels, not the garden!)
devotional books to focus my drifting mind
naps
technology to help me stay in touch
Bible verses to "keep me in line" like
Neh 8:10 The joy of the Lord is my strength.
Ps 5:11 Let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread you protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.
Ps 30:11 You turned my wailing into dancing....and clothed me with joy
Ps 94:18, 19 When my foot was slipping, your love, oh Lord supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
Thanks for checking in!
Monday, June 18, 2012
Distracted!
It is pretty bad when you write and then forget to publish! Here is the post from last week!
Side effects are still holding on -
My hair keeps falling out, which is frustrating--and the texture of it is kinda fine and fuzzy - not like normal healthy hair. My fingers and toes are still tingly, though less of my fingers is affected - from about half way between the first and second knuckle to the tip. (used to be the whole finger) My find motor skills are still not very good - things like necklace clasps and typing are hard. I broke 3 bracelets and cannot wait to restring them !!
I think my eyesight is a bit better, but I don't go to the eye doc for another 2 weeks. Hoping by then that they will be back to normal--whatever that is.
My energy is very up and down. Those of you who know me well, know that I push pretty hard. That works sometimes, except that sometimes I can push hard for a long time and then crash - and other times, I push hard and crash right away. Weird!
My digestion is pretty normal - I eat pretty much anything again- craving sweets which is not good! I am not exercising in proportion to my eating tho-and I am seeing a difference :( Guess I need the doc to be on me about it!!
oh ya - my eyebrows are starting to grow back!
Emotionally, I am in an odd place --feeling better, but not all the way back. It seems surreal that I have had cancer and am healing from that. It's like a bad dream.
I am well enough to seem normal. (no rude comments here!)
I am well enough to be bugged by all the un-done things.
I am well enough to start projects, but seem to crash before I get them done.
I am also well enough to want to "play" instead of working.
When I do this, a vicious cycle starts of guilt and being overwhelmed, which isn't healthy, but is how I've been forever!
You have and will send e-mails telling me to not worry about it - to just let it go - to ask for help etc.
Intellectually, I know all that. It doesn't make the "overwhelmed" feeling go away tho.
Part of this emotional state is, I think, related to not focusing as much on God. When you are feeling so lousy you that you cannot think, and all you can do is read scripture verses and listen to praise music, you really focus on God. It's the only way to get through a day.
Now, my brain is occupied instead, with all the things that have to get done -- I have a to do list for the house, for the yard, for computer things, people to call, thank you notes to write -- you get the drift!
When I am not working on a list, the old training kicks in that I SHOULD be working on something - should be accomplishing something worthwhile. Then when I ignore that and play, the GUILT hits forcefully. It is a sick, vicious cycle because I will never be done with the to dos!
It is so hard to allow myself to rest. Yesterday for the first time this year, I sat out in my garden. I have a friend who does this every day! I had to fight the urge to pick a few weeds and deadhead my climbing rose! I never sit in my garden. I water and weed and putter, yes - sit and enjoy it? why I should be DOING something!
To combat this, I got a new devo called 40 Days with Jesus, by Sarah Young. It is similar to Jesus calling, but written with the purpose of renewal. And of course, to combat anything - be thankful!!!
I am thankful for
silly weather that is 60 one day and 85 the next
baby finches in my clematis vine
Chance enjoying his walks tho he cannot go 3 miles in the heat
going to the 73rd class reunion of the class of 1938-some of the first people we met here- and each one so sweet!
bible study running through the Summer
rabbits that eat my flowers -(God says be thankful in adversity - I am trying, but not terribly successful with this one!)
baby robins
a pretty garden to sit in
Lake Country Girls Soccer going to State
a talented God daughter who will make cake pops for me even with very short notice!!
dear friends and family
Today I am dwelling on Ps 130:5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.
and
Ps 46:10 Be still and know that I am God.....
Here "be still" means to cease striving, to let go, to let your hands down....
I'll let you know how that works for me :)
Thanks for checking in!
Side effects are still holding on -
My hair keeps falling out, which is frustrating--and the texture of it is kinda fine and fuzzy - not like normal healthy hair. My fingers and toes are still tingly, though less of my fingers is affected - from about half way between the first and second knuckle to the tip. (used to be the whole finger) My find motor skills are still not very good - things like necklace clasps and typing are hard. I broke 3 bracelets and cannot wait to restring them !!
I think my eyesight is a bit better, but I don't go to the eye doc for another 2 weeks. Hoping by then that they will be back to normal--whatever that is.
My energy is very up and down. Those of you who know me well, know that I push pretty hard. That works sometimes, except that sometimes I can push hard for a long time and then crash - and other times, I push hard and crash right away. Weird!
My digestion is pretty normal - I eat pretty much anything again- craving sweets which is not good! I am not exercising in proportion to my eating tho-and I am seeing a difference :( Guess I need the doc to be on me about it!!
oh ya - my eyebrows are starting to grow back!
Emotionally, I am in an odd place --feeling better, but not all the way back. It seems surreal that I have had cancer and am healing from that. It's like a bad dream.
I am well enough to seem normal. (no rude comments here!)
I am well enough to be bugged by all the un-done things.
I am well enough to start projects, but seem to crash before I get them done.
I am also well enough to want to "play" instead of working.
When I do this, a vicious cycle starts of guilt and being overwhelmed, which isn't healthy, but is how I've been forever!
You have and will send e-mails telling me to not worry about it - to just let it go - to ask for help etc.
Intellectually, I know all that. It doesn't make the "overwhelmed" feeling go away tho.
Part of this emotional state is, I think, related to not focusing as much on God. When you are feeling so lousy you that you cannot think, and all you can do is read scripture verses and listen to praise music, you really focus on God. It's the only way to get through a day.
Now, my brain is occupied instead, with all the things that have to get done -- I have a to do list for the house, for the yard, for computer things, people to call, thank you notes to write -- you get the drift!
When I am not working on a list, the old training kicks in that I SHOULD be working on something - should be accomplishing something worthwhile. Then when I ignore that and play, the GUILT hits forcefully. It is a sick, vicious cycle because I will never be done with the to dos!
It is so hard to allow myself to rest. Yesterday for the first time this year, I sat out in my garden. I have a friend who does this every day! I had to fight the urge to pick a few weeds and deadhead my climbing rose! I never sit in my garden. I water and weed and putter, yes - sit and enjoy it? why I should be DOING something!
To combat this, I got a new devo called 40 Days with Jesus, by Sarah Young. It is similar to Jesus calling, but written with the purpose of renewal. And of course, to combat anything - be thankful!!!
I am thankful for
silly weather that is 60 one day and 85 the next
baby finches in my clematis vine
Chance enjoying his walks tho he cannot go 3 miles in the heat
going to the 73rd class reunion of the class of 1938-some of the first people we met here- and each one so sweet!
bible study running through the Summer
rabbits that eat my flowers -(God says be thankful in adversity - I am trying, but not terribly successful with this one!)
baby robins
a pretty garden to sit in
Lake Country Girls Soccer going to State
a talented God daughter who will make cake pops for me even with very short notice!!
dear friends and family
and
Ps 46:10 Be still and know that I am God.....
Here "be still" means to cease striving, to let go, to let your hands down....
I'll let you know how that works for me :)
Thanks for checking in!
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Back again – sorry it has been this long between times -- I got distracted :)
Had my first port flush today - woo hoo! They also drew blood to check and see how my liver enzymes were and everything is back within the normal range. I am blessed and very very thankful!
It was a weird feeling to walk back into the infusion lab! I thought again how different I look compared with the other patients. It has to be God and all the prayers discussing my healing with Him! Thank you!
It was a weird feeling to walk back into the infusion lab! I thought again how different I look compared with the other patients. It has to be God and all the prayers discussing my healing with Him! Thank you!
Well, the side effects are
the same--the numbness is annoying. At night, after I have been in bed about ½
hour, my feet really tingle and are uncomfortable. It also seems as though my digestive system is more
sensitive than it used to be also, which I don’t really appreciate!
This past week I went
back to St. Louis
The wedding was lovely! The groom, we have known for twenty
years. He and the best man were close
friends with our boys. The bride was one
of the high school girls in my area bible study group about 8 or so years
ago. They have been high school
sweethearts and have lived their faith in their courting (long distance for most of it!) and now in their
wedding. What a blessing to get to be
there and celebrate with them!
I was struck by several things:
-everything is cheaper in St. Louis
-the
number of people who came up to me saying, "I have been praying for
you!"
tho I didn't realize it, St.
John
-how
many people said I had been an encouragement to them!
When I started this, I never dreamed how many
people would be affected by this blog…..
-both the bride, the groom and their parents (all separately) said how thrilled they were
that I was there! talk about feeling special!
-friends are so precious
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Cor 13:4-8 was the text for the wedding.
We think of this passage in conjunction with romantic love, yet I am reminded of how much love I have received from all of you through this. You have blessed us immeasurably! We will not forget it!
Thanks for checkin in - I will try to make it more than 1 time a week!
-friends are so precious
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Cor 13:4-8 was the text for the wedding.
We think of this passage in conjunction with romantic love, yet I am reminded of how much love I have received from all of you through this. You have blessed us immeasurably! We will not forget it!
Thanks for checkin in - I will try to make it more than 1 time a week!
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