Made it to bible study today - highlite of the week - Thank you drivers!
lots of cold sensitivity in my hands - tingly and clumsy - makes typing a challenge
nausea starting to be more noticeable -
temper settled down - thank goodness!
sleeping is my major occupation.
Very thankful for mild temperatures and sun today - walked around the block, but the wind made my face cramp up - very weird...
thankful for friends at bible study, and awesome neighbors
thankful to look back and see how God has worked in my life
thankful for dinner's - you are wonderful cooks - thank you!
trusting Him to lead us through this and be better on the other side!
sorry this is short - typing consists of lots of backspacing!
Ps 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?
thanks for checking in - love to y'all
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Round 6 underway -
The side effects started 1/2 way through chemo! Usually they wait til 1 hour past.
Tingling, numbness, muscle cramps, facial spasms and coordination problems are all giving me fits.
Drinking is hard b/c everything has to be room temp or warm - and I am not a big tea drinker
Any suggestions?
Was asked if memorized scripture helped me to get through --
I often quote scripture to myself -
it conquers fear
it distracts
it comforts
it gives me courage
it reminds me that I am not in charge
This is starting out like another sleeping binge -
I slept at chemo, I slept when I got home- I slept some more....
Thankful for milder temps
my sweet husband who takes care of me
dinners delivered
prayers raised, not just for me but for so many concerns
for a ride to bible study and home
sunshine
seabands against nausea
medicine
birds
Chance still being sassy
beer brewing in the basement :)
Puffs with lotion
scripture
friends who love us
fun memories
I am off to sleep..... thank you so much for your love, prayers and concern.
You are carrying us, providing for us when we need it -- another star in your crown in heaven
Psalm 121:4 He who watches over me will neither slumber nor sleep....
...I will sleep and I will wake in peace and health for Jesus sake...
Tingling, numbness, muscle cramps, facial spasms and coordination problems are all giving me fits.
Drinking is hard b/c everything has to be room temp or warm - and I am not a big tea drinker
Any suggestions?
Was asked if memorized scripture helped me to get through --
I often quote scripture to myself -
it conquers fear
it distracts
it comforts
it gives me courage
it reminds me that I am not in charge
This is starting out like another sleeping binge -
I slept at chemo, I slept when I got home- I slept some more....
Thankful for milder temps
my sweet husband who takes care of me
dinners delivered
prayers raised, not just for me but for so many concerns
for a ride to bible study and home
sunshine
seabands against nausea
medicine
birds
Chance still being sassy
beer brewing in the basement :)
Puffs with lotion
scripture
friends who love us
fun memories
I am off to sleep..... thank you so much for your love, prayers and concern.
You are carrying us, providing for us when we need it -- another star in your crown in heaven
Psalm 121:4 He who watches over me will neither slumber nor sleep....
...I will sleep and I will wake in peace and health for Jesus sake...
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Walk with them where they have never walked before....
Cold still hangs on -Energy coming back though! Yay! I feel like myself today!
Side effects have dwindled down, for which I am thankful, though the tiredness hangs on.
6th chemo tomorrow.
Many of you wrote encouraging me with my emotions, which is very kind of you. Thank you -- when I referred to my temper, I was pretty kind. The reaction that I have sometimes is rage -- like I want to break something, or hit something or verbally discect someone. That's foreign to me and catches me off guard. (When I was younger...well that's another story). This combined with the filter problem makes me conscious of editing what I say. Anyway - Thanks for the kind words.
One of the things that I have become aware of more clearly through this journey is the importance of being connected to others-especially the body of believers.
Every day there are hard things happening around us. Discipline issues, illness, fights within the family, divorce, scandals, death, addictions -- It happens to people all around us. As these things happen, our friends are the ones who hold us up
- who pray us through
- who fill in the gaps-
- who lead us back to Christ when our faith wavers.
Y'all have been so loving to us -- who else do you know that may need a friend?
You've heard the expression, "You may be the only bible someone reads."
Be aware of those around you that have looked down in the dumps lately, or who are super cranky. They may be in the midst of their own crisis! Smile at them. Strike up a conversation. Be the friend that they need. Pray for them
[probably to yourself -- you don't want to scare them off! ; )]
Your friendship may open the way for you to share the reason for your hope. Your kindness may be their first introduction to the Lord or the first step in their faith growth --
It is easier to walk where you have not been when someone is leading you....
As you have blessed us, please bless them also!
Pray for those around you and never doubt the effectiveness of your prayers. The last year has been one of the hardest we have endured between my father's diagnosis and death and my diagnosis. Yet your prayers have carried us. You have walked this road with us.
So who else besides us need prayers?
I am blessed to attend a bible study that meets on Tues. mornings. These friends have volunteered to come pick me up so that I can still go to bible study. Small thing? To be there at 9:00, I have to leave by 8:00 because of traffic! Did I mention that they live by church? They are on the road by 7 and drive me back home afterwards, so I can be a part of the group..... Friends carry us through the crises!
We are further blessed by the meals friends bring. Very humbling!
Again, thank you for all you have done-- for leading us, for praying us through on this road we have never walked before!
Side effects have dwindled down, for which I am thankful, though the tiredness hangs on.
6th chemo tomorrow.
Many of you wrote encouraging me with my emotions, which is very kind of you. Thank you -- when I referred to my temper, I was pretty kind. The reaction that I have sometimes is rage -- like I want to break something, or hit something or verbally discect someone. That's foreign to me and catches me off guard. (When I was younger...well that's another story). This combined with the filter problem makes me conscious of editing what I say. Anyway - Thanks for the kind words.
One of the things that I have become aware of more clearly through this journey is the importance of being connected to others-especially the body of believers.
Every day there are hard things happening around us. Discipline issues, illness, fights within the family, divorce, scandals, death, addictions -- It happens to people all around us. As these things happen, our friends are the ones who hold us up
- who pray us through
- who fill in the gaps-
- who lead us back to Christ when our faith wavers.
Y'all have been so loving to us -- who else do you know that may need a friend?
You've heard the expression, "You may be the only bible someone reads."
Be aware of those around you that have looked down in the dumps lately, or who are super cranky. They may be in the midst of their own crisis! Smile at them. Strike up a conversation. Be the friend that they need. Pray for them
[probably to yourself -- you don't want to scare them off! ; )]
Your friendship may open the way for you to share the reason for your hope. Your kindness may be their first introduction to the Lord or the first step in their faith growth --
It is easier to walk where you have not been when someone is leading you....
As you have blessed us, please bless them also!
Pray for those around you and never doubt the effectiveness of your prayers. The last year has been one of the hardest we have endured between my father's diagnosis and death and my diagnosis. Yet your prayers have carried us. You have walked this road with us.
So who else besides us need prayers?
Dear Ones -- You are teaching me to receive...oh how hard that is!
I am being taught the lesson of learning to ask for help. It is hard and humbling to ask for help. Usually I am the one offering to help...I am blessed to attend a bible study that meets on Tues. mornings. These friends have volunteered to come pick me up so that I can still go to bible study. Small thing? To be there at 9:00, I have to leave by 8:00 because of traffic! Did I mention that they live by church? They are on the road by 7 and drive me back home afterwards, so I can be a part of the group..... Friends carry us through the crises!
We are further blessed by the meals friends bring. Very humbling!
Again, thank you for all you have done-- for leading us, for praying us through on this road we have never walked before!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Roller Coaster
On an emotional roller coaster
Cold getting better I think but slower than I would like! (surprise!surprise!)
Emotionally - I'm not doing so well. My temper is really short, and my filter isn't as strong as it usually is/should be and I cry easily.......
Had something happen that I could tell by Todd's reaction was not that big a deal - but it put
me into a tailspin. Even after walking 2.25 miles, doing a bunch of stairs and doing laundry, I was still upset.
The filter has been an ongoing project for the last 45 years and I had gotten better at not blurting out exactly what I was thinking -- notice I said better not perfect!
This chemo makes me jittery/nervous/stressed/amped up -- however you want to say it--and the filter going is tied into that. That's why I haven't posted -- I have been trying to figure out what is going on, and how to handle it and what to do/say. Also didn't want to say something the wrong way.
In my opinion, this is worse than nausea -- people give you grace if you are feeling rotten. If you are rude and angry, they just think you're a witch!
The physical side effects are easier for people to wrap their heads around. The emotional is harder for them to grasp. I remember my mom talking about the temper thing-that is was like a wave of rage where you just want to smash something -- or you cry over something that really isn't worthy of tears.
Anyone had experience with this related to chemo?
In the meantime - I am trying to cocoon a bit, as much to chill out as not to offend other people!
The other thing that I do when life is upside down is to do something nice for someone else. To that end, I helped out a friend this morning, wrote some thank you notes and talked to a friend that I had lost touch with (skype is great) That helped my heart a bit....
I have also faithfully been flipping my memory verse cards -
To keep my tongue in check:
Prov 12:16 A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.
Prov 14:17 A quick tempered man does foolish things
Prov 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger
These are just a few of my "mouth" verses
Toward healing, the one I am dwelling on is part of Isaiah 30:15
In repentance and rest is your salvation,
In quiteness and trust is your strength
along with the reminder how to do this from Zech 4:6
Not by might, nor by power,
but by my Spirit, says the Lord Almighty
Thanks for checking in
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
RN Check better than I thought!
Cold still hangs on -
Blood counts are not stellar, but are within reason!
Cold has prevented the normal "bounce back"
Pushed myself to walk at the mall - about 2.25 miles! Worn out, but a good tired.
Hands still stinging - Stomach still upset - things still taste awfull -but could be so much worse!
Thankful for Puff's plus lotion suggestion! and
for the peroxide nose drops - though it feels like my brain is melting!
(These plus the neti pot have kept this cold from getting out of hand)
Well, I woke up yesterday coughing and blowing, to a rainy, grey, day with dirty snow --- Yuck! By late in the day, I felt a bit better--
I got adjusted at the chiropractor,
got good news from the nurse and
walked at the mall.
Gonna be a good day today - Bible Study!
I thank my God every time I remember you
- in all my prayers for all of you I always pray with joy ...
being confident of this -
that He who began a good work in you, will carry it to completion on the day of Christ Jesus...
(Phil 1:3-6)
Thanks for checking in!
Blood counts are not stellar, but are within reason!
Cold has prevented the normal "bounce back"
Pushed myself to walk at the mall - about 2.25 miles! Worn out, but a good tired.
Hands still stinging - Stomach still upset - things still taste awfull -but could be so much worse!
Thankful for Puff's plus lotion suggestion! and
for the peroxide nose drops - though it feels like my brain is melting!
(These plus the neti pot have kept this cold from getting out of hand)
Well, I woke up yesterday coughing and blowing, to a rainy, grey, day with dirty snow --- Yuck! By late in the day, I felt a bit better--
I got adjusted at the chiropractor,
got good news from the nurse and
walked at the mall.
Gonna be a good day today - Bible Study!
I thank my God every time I remember you
- in all my prayers for all of you I always pray with joy ...
being confident of this -
that He who began a good work in you, will carry it to completion on the day of Christ Jesus...
(Phil 1:3-6)
Thanks for checking in!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
God Give me Guts
Paul goes back to school today- the house will seem empty!
This cough has quite a hold on me - fighting w/ vitamins, peroxide nose drops, lots of citrus....
and coughing a lot...my nose is raw and my head hurts - pity party!
Side effects-
Hands are stinging much of the time -- makes Winter a challenge!
Still wearing sea bands for nausea, but off the pills - feeling not so great
Taste buds tempermental - what tastes great one time, I can't even look at the next -
the only thing that consistently goes down well is salad - go figure - not exactly your basic
"comfort food"! Have I said thank you for the amazing meals??? Y'all are so loving -
Thank you for making life more bearable! We really love receiving them -Thank you so much!
Some of you have asked about my hair -- You are so sweet and tactful :) My hair is thinning.
Chemo week, a lot comes out in the brush -- not quite tuft-like, but a lot in the brush. Chance
and I compete as to who has more hair on the floor :) Fortunately, I have a lot of hair, and it
does seem to re-grow -- I do not have any bald patches for which I am thankful, because that
would be cold as well as unattractive! So if you see me with a hat, it is just cause I like hats :)
I continue to wear out easily- but "wear out rather than rust out!"
It's hard exercise and avoid crowds and not freeze! challenges! challenges!
Enough whining -- and feel free to ask me anything! If anyone can benefit from this, I am happy to help!
Some of you have asked about Karl's job situation -- He did get on the schedule at the Hilton. It is for just a few hours a week - maybe 10 ish - all nights/weekends. Buckle fell through and he is waiting on Brett's RV and Starbucks, hoping to land a day job. He has also registered for 2 classes for this semester- which is what he can take and still establish in-state residency....He is a high energy young man who loves to be busy and
idle hands are the devil's workshop...Thank you for lifting his situation up!
I am thankful for the daily encouragement that I get from my collection of devotionals. Yesterday's devotion from Streams in the Desert (LB Cowman) was thought provoking. Here's an excerpt:
"The moment we receive anything from the Lord worth fighting for, the Devil comes seeking to destroy us.
When the Enemy confronts us.....we should accept it as evidence of our salvation..Power is developed through resistance...A power plant produces additional electricity by using the friction of the rotating turbines. And one day, we too will understand that even Satan has been used as one of God's instruments of blessing!.....
Tribulation is the door to triumph. The valley leads to the open highway and tribulation's imprint is on every great accomplishment. Crowns are cast in crucibles...."in this world you will have trouble" (John 16:33) and then the promise"Take heart! I have overcome the world!"
...The steps that lead to thrones are stained with spattered blood...It is no secret that grief has always fallen to people of greatness....."
God, give me Guts to persevere....and do it thankfully...
This cough has quite a hold on me - fighting w/ vitamins, peroxide nose drops, lots of citrus....
and coughing a lot...my nose is raw and my head hurts - pity party!
Side effects-
Hands are stinging much of the time -- makes Winter a challenge!
Still wearing sea bands for nausea, but off the pills - feeling not so great
Taste buds tempermental - what tastes great one time, I can't even look at the next -
the only thing that consistently goes down well is salad - go figure - not exactly your basic
"comfort food"! Have I said thank you for the amazing meals??? Y'all are so loving -
Thank you for making life more bearable! We really love receiving them -Thank you so much!
Some of you have asked about my hair -- You are so sweet and tactful :) My hair is thinning.
Chemo week, a lot comes out in the brush -- not quite tuft-like, but a lot in the brush. Chance
and I compete as to who has more hair on the floor :) Fortunately, I have a lot of hair, and it
does seem to re-grow -- I do not have any bald patches for which I am thankful, because that
would be cold as well as unattractive! So if you see me with a hat, it is just cause I like hats :)
I continue to wear out easily- but "wear out rather than rust out!"
It's hard exercise and avoid crowds and not freeze! challenges! challenges!
Enough whining -- and feel free to ask me anything! If anyone can benefit from this, I am happy to help!
Some of you have asked about Karl's job situation -- He did get on the schedule at the Hilton. It is for just a few hours a week - maybe 10 ish - all nights/weekends. Buckle fell through and he is waiting on Brett's RV and Starbucks, hoping to land a day job. He has also registered for 2 classes for this semester- which is what he can take and still establish in-state residency....He is a high energy young man who loves to be busy and
idle hands are the devil's workshop...Thank you for lifting his situation up!
I am thankful for the daily encouragement that I get from my collection of devotionals. Yesterday's devotion from Streams in the Desert (LB Cowman) was thought provoking. Here's an excerpt:
"The moment we receive anything from the Lord worth fighting for, the Devil comes seeking to destroy us.
When the Enemy confronts us.....we should accept it as evidence of our salvation..Power is developed through resistance...A power plant produces additional electricity by using the friction of the rotating turbines. And one day, we too will understand that even Satan has been used as one of God's instruments of blessing!.....
Tribulation is the door to triumph. The valley leads to the open highway and tribulation's imprint is on every great accomplishment. Crowns are cast in crucibles...."in this world you will have trouble" (John 16:33) and then the promise"Take heart! I have overcome the world!"
...The steps that lead to thrones are stained with spattered blood...It is no secret that grief has always fallen to people of greatness....."
God, give me Guts to persevere....and do it thankfully...
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Saturday catch up!
Coming back to life! Still sleeping lots - cough hanging on-not much energy.
Facial swelling has abated (thank goodness!)
Still lacking in energy - but more today than yesterday - very thankful!
Walked yesterday - about 3 miles at the mall. Yay
Have trouble drinking enough because of the taste -
It has to be body temp or it paralyzes/cramps my tongue....
This eliminates so much!
Would you want to drink warm gatorade? fruit juice? yuck! whine, whine, whine....
Getting great joy from watching the birds. They are so tiny, and there are so many of them. It is great fun to watch them cue up for the many feeders (thanks to our son, Paul for filling them for me!)
They are a constant reminder to me that my heavenly father cares for them, and will also care for me (Matt 6:26)--moreover, as I think about that passage, "they neither sow nor reap" and he cares for them - so I guess he's ok with Christmas still being all over my house :) (rationalizing!)
I continue to receive lovely cards -- and re-read them when I need a boost -- yesterday's mail brought me a card from a St Louis friend. The message on the front struck me --
God will get you through -- not somehow, but Triumphantly!
He can do what our strength could never do...
He will do what our hearts could never imagine.
Eph 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us....to Him be glory....
As I sit here, marking time - ticking off minutes, this is such a comfort--particularly coupled with Romans 8:28 that God works all things together for GOOD to those who love him --
Am I glad to be sitting here fighting nausea and hacking away? No! But I trust God to bring a good result from this....and know that it is a part of his plan.
Another friend sent me a plaque that makes me laugh -- it says
"God give me Guts"
So the days that I especially need to just get through- that plaque reminds me to keep going - even when I have no energy on my own!
Thankful for the beautiful snow
for the sun
for the Son
for Paul clearing snow
for Todd's patient, hardworking help and care of me
for my birdie reminders of God's love
for my bible study
for my friends
God's rich blessings as you catch up from the week.
Facial swelling has abated (thank goodness!)
Still lacking in energy - but more today than yesterday - very thankful!
Walked yesterday - about 3 miles at the mall. Yay
Have trouble drinking enough because of the taste -
It has to be body temp or it paralyzes/cramps my tongue....
This eliminates so much!
Would you want to drink warm gatorade? fruit juice? yuck! whine, whine, whine....
Getting great joy from watching the birds. They are so tiny, and there are so many of them. It is great fun to watch them cue up for the many feeders (thanks to our son, Paul for filling them for me!)
They are a constant reminder to me that my heavenly father cares for them, and will also care for me (Matt 6:26)--moreover, as I think about that passage, "they neither sow nor reap" and he cares for them - so I guess he's ok with Christmas still being all over my house :) (rationalizing!)
I continue to receive lovely cards -- and re-read them when I need a boost -- yesterday's mail brought me a card from a St Louis friend. The message on the front struck me --
God will get you through -- not somehow, but Triumphantly!
He can do what our strength could never do...
He will do what our hearts could never imagine.
Eph 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us....to Him be glory....
As I sit here, marking time - ticking off minutes, this is such a comfort--particularly coupled with Romans 8:28 that God works all things together for GOOD to those who love him --
Am I glad to be sitting here fighting nausea and hacking away? No! But I trust God to bring a good result from this....and know that it is a part of his plan.
Another friend sent me a plaque that makes me laugh -- it says
"God give me Guts"
So the days that I especially need to just get through- that plaque reminds me to keep going - even when I have no energy on my own!
Thankful for the beautiful snow
for the sun
for the Son
for Paul clearing snow
for Todd's patient, hardworking help and care of me
for my birdie reminders of God's love
for my bible study
for my friends
God's rich blessings as you catch up from the week.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
keepin' on...no more ball and chain
Life is a fog today - same side effects, add only a bit of facial swelling and a yucky cough to enliven the day...
Disconnect went smoothly. Thankful for that.
Very thankful for the warm sunshine -
Can't get out to walk - my hands tingle and burn in the house - can't imagine what they would do outside! It's a balmy 11 degrees outside! May try to walk at the mall....that takes energy tho!
Spending my free time trying to focus my mind on praying for my long list... I usually end up asleep though - I guess that is healing, but it is frustrating also.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me....
If God is for us, who can be against us?
Blessings and thanks!
Disconnect went smoothly. Thankful for that.
Very thankful for the warm sunshine -
Can't get out to walk - my hands tingle and burn in the house - can't imagine what they would do outside! It's a balmy 11 degrees outside! May try to walk at the mall....that takes energy tho!
Spending my free time trying to focus my mind on praying for my long list... I usually end up asleep though - I guess that is healing, but it is frustrating also.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me....
If God is for us, who can be against us?
Blessings and thanks!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Made it to Bible Study!
This one is a bit worse that the past ones -- More tired - but felt ok to go to Bible Study, thanks to my chauffeur!
Side effects -
exhaustion - greenish tinge to my skin-upset stomach-metallic taste in my mouth-poor balance-hands tingly-cracking skin-cough-clumsiness- muscle aches (like when you have the flue)- lack of self discipline-my mind works much more slowly --how's that for a whine list?
Someone asked me today what it was like getting chemo - if I felt it going in.
Yes, when they start me on the IV's, it feels cold. The pre-meds I don't feel so much - the steroids and anti nausea meds. With the Chemo though my heart often starts to race. As I sit there, the energy that I go in with leaves, just as though the chemo pushes it out of my body. It is like my blood changes to lead. I feel very heavy and lethargic, and move quite slowly. The upset stomach comes several hours later, the tingly hands begin immediately. Over the course of 46 hours while I am on the pump, the downhill slide continues.
I am thankful:
that the cold sensitivity has not affected my feet (which the raynauds attacked in prior years)
that the snow was not so deep that Ann couldn't come get me
that y'all bless us with meals- this would be really miserable without your help!
that there was not more snow
that we are doing a Beth Moore study
that I have such a strong circle of support and prayers!
Over the weekend I had another person come up to me and introduce herself by saying that she read my blog faithfully. I didn't know her at all! She said that she was praying for me......
I am so humbled -- how many people are loving, caring and praying for us! I am blown away by the number of people who read this that don't know me personally! Most are from the church -- another testimony to the body of Christ at work! Thank you!
Matt 25:40 whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.....
Be blessed in whatever you do, and be a blessing!
Side effects -
exhaustion - greenish tinge to my skin-upset stomach-metallic taste in my mouth-poor balance-hands tingly-cracking skin-cough-clumsiness- muscle aches (like when you have the flue)- lack of self discipline-my mind works much more slowly --how's that for a whine list?
Someone asked me today what it was like getting chemo - if I felt it going in.
Yes, when they start me on the IV's, it feels cold. The pre-meds I don't feel so much - the steroids and anti nausea meds. With the Chemo though my heart often starts to race. As I sit there, the energy that I go in with leaves, just as though the chemo pushes it out of my body. It is like my blood changes to lead. I feel very heavy and lethargic, and move quite slowly. The upset stomach comes several hours later, the tingly hands begin immediately. Over the course of 46 hours while I am on the pump, the downhill slide continues.
I am thankful:
that the cold sensitivity has not affected my feet (which the raynauds attacked in prior years)
that the snow was not so deep that Ann couldn't come get me
that y'all bless us with meals- this would be really miserable without your help!
that there was not more snow
that we are doing a Beth Moore study
that I have such a strong circle of support and prayers!
Over the weekend I had another person come up to me and introduce herself by saying that she read my blog faithfully. I didn't know her at all! She said that she was praying for me......
I am so humbled -- how many people are loving, caring and praying for us! I am blown away by the number of people who read this that don't know me personally! Most are from the church -- another testimony to the body of Christ at work! Thank you!
Matt 25:40 whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.....
Be blessed in whatever you do, and be a blessing!
Monday, January 16, 2012
Fun Weekend -- Now back to business - # 5 is underway
Very thankful for a fun weekend! Packed a lot of life into a short amount of time
I walked today for the first time with no hand warmers! Still cold sensitive, but once I start to sweat, my hands seem to be able to stay warm on their own! There's a plug for exercising! :)
Side effects diminished to minimal as of Sat - the most troublesome thing is the skin on my hands cracking.
We had a great family weekend. The Stanley Cup was at the Ozaukee Ice Center, where the Concordia Falcons were playing hockey. Our family and Todd's brother's family all went up to see it - pictures will follow shortly on facebook! We enjoyed the hockey game and had a blast with the kids. After the hockey game, we did a quick change and went to a banquet to celebrate our senior pastor's retirement - Pastor Roger Heintz will be sorely missed!
Today after church, Todd went to a beer brewing class :) and now we are brewing!
My goals for Sunday were to get the Christmas decs down, get the house clean and focus on some scripture to build my courage. So far, I have accomplished nothing except for a long nap!
Guess that's what I needed!
So--to calm the butterflies:
Gen 15:1
Do not be afraid Christine, I am your shield and your very great reward!!
Josh 1:9
Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go!
Matt 10:28
So do not be afraid of those who kill the body, but cannot kill the soul....
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives, so do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Ps 27:1
The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear. The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?
2 Cor 10:5
we take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ -
Luke 10:19
I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy -- nothing can harm you.
Zech 4:6
Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit says the Lord Almighty.
John 13:7
Jesus answered, "You do not know now what I am doing, but later you will understand."
Now I am sitting in an infusion chair - chemo number 5 of 12 underway...
It feels as though I am being pumped full of lead - my energy slips away....
It is replaced with heaviness and aches --
Blood counts were good - only one indicator was slightly low - so I am thankful for that!
Thank you for praying us through this - it helps so much!
I walked today for the first time with no hand warmers! Still cold sensitive, but once I start to sweat, my hands seem to be able to stay warm on their own! There's a plug for exercising! :)
Side effects diminished to minimal as of Sat - the most troublesome thing is the skin on my hands cracking.
We had a great family weekend. The Stanley Cup was at the Ozaukee Ice Center, where the Concordia Falcons were playing hockey. Our family and Todd's brother's family all went up to see it - pictures will follow shortly on facebook! We enjoyed the hockey game and had a blast with the kids. After the hockey game, we did a quick change and went to a banquet to celebrate our senior pastor's retirement - Pastor Roger Heintz will be sorely missed!
Today after church, Todd went to a beer brewing class :) and now we are brewing!
My goals for Sunday were to get the Christmas decs down, get the house clean and focus on some scripture to build my courage. So far, I have accomplished nothing except for a long nap!
Guess that's what I needed!
So--to calm the butterflies:
Gen 15:1
Do not be afraid Christine, I am your shield and your very great reward!!
Josh 1:9
Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go!
Matt 10:28
So do not be afraid of those who kill the body, but cannot kill the soul....
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives, so do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Ps 27:1
The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear. The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?
2 Cor 10:5
we take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ -
Luke 10:19
I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy -- nothing can harm you.
Zech 4:6
Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit says the Lord Almighty.
John 13:7
Jesus answered, "You do not know now what I am doing, but later you will understand."
Now I am sitting in an infusion chair - chemo number 5 of 12 underway...
It feels as though I am being pumped full of lead - my energy slips away....
It is replaced with heaviness and aches --
Blood counts were good - only one indicator was slightly low - so I am thankful for that!
Thank you for praying us through this - it helps so much!
Friday, January 13, 2012
Prayer makes a difference....
A little more energy today (finally!) but still flame out pretty quickly.
Side effects the same - glad they are not worse!!!
So many of you have prayed for me since the beginning of this chapter and you probably remember the way God answered some of those prayers in pretty dramatic fashion --
the surgery date being moved a whole month after getting nowhere trying to change it-
how quickly I healed after surgery -
how great I felt over Christmas.......to name a few....
Well, I have another one.
Our oldest son Karl (just got engaged, lives in Missoula, MT) was laid off at Thanksgiving from his job as a laborer at an HVAC company. He has been searching for work since - turning in lots of applications - talking to lots of people - you know the drill.
When we spoke on Monday, he was very discouraged, and my mother's heart hurt for him. When I am hurting, I run to my friends - Monday afternoon I reached out asking them to pray for Karl. Over the next 48 hours things totally changed....
He had applied at the Hilton where he had worked in the catering division a year ago.
They called and said that they really like to hire people back and to stop in and fill out papers.
A friend of his is a former manager at the Buckle store. He told Karl to let him know when Karl
applied there, and he would call and put in a good word for him. He has had his 2nd interview.
One of the young life kids had mentioned to her dad that Karl was looking for work -- Her dad
runs the place that anyone in the area goes to if they are buying a boat or an RV. Her dad
called Karl and told him to come in and fill out an application.
A friend of a friend works at a Starbucks - she also invited Karl to fill out an application.
He also has leads at the YMCA.....
So - while he is not yet employed, it certainly looks so much more hopeful than it did!
This is not an advertisement to say - if you're out of work, pray more! Many are out of work and pray a LOT and don't get this kind of an answer
However -
when God does answer prayers in an visible way, I have to share that!!!
Ps 50:15 -- Call upon me in the day of trouble. I will deliver you, and you will honor me!
It's what I am called to do!
By the way, I know he and his circle had been praying - It's not that my prayer warriors are so influential or whatever -(though they are a pretty amazing group of people!)-
I think of it more like the parable of the persistent widow, in John 18, who got justice by continuous pestering! (v 1-8)
- we chimed in with the voices already pestering!
I leave you with the words from Daniel 9:23
As soon as you began to pray, a word went out, which I have come to tell you....
Never doubt that God hears your prayers -- even when you cannot see the answers, or you don't like the answers.....God does hear and he has a plan -
Jer 29:11 - for I know the plans I have for you -- plans to prosper you and not to harm you.....
Thank you for so faithfully lifting me and my family up to the Lord! It does make a difference!
Side effects the same - glad they are not worse!!!
So many of you have prayed for me since the beginning of this chapter and you probably remember the way God answered some of those prayers in pretty dramatic fashion --
the surgery date being moved a whole month after getting nowhere trying to change it-
how quickly I healed after surgery -
how great I felt over Christmas.......to name a few....
Well, I have another one.
Our oldest son Karl (just got engaged, lives in Missoula, MT) was laid off at Thanksgiving from his job as a laborer at an HVAC company. He has been searching for work since - turning in lots of applications - talking to lots of people - you know the drill.
When we spoke on Monday, he was very discouraged, and my mother's heart hurt for him. When I am hurting, I run to my friends - Monday afternoon I reached out asking them to pray for Karl. Over the next 48 hours things totally changed....
He had applied at the Hilton where he had worked in the catering division a year ago.
They called and said that they really like to hire people back and to stop in and fill out papers.
A friend of his is a former manager at the Buckle store. He told Karl to let him know when Karl
applied there, and he would call and put in a good word for him. He has had his 2nd interview.
One of the young life kids had mentioned to her dad that Karl was looking for work -- Her dad
runs the place that anyone in the area goes to if they are buying a boat or an RV. Her dad
called Karl and told him to come in and fill out an application.
A friend of a friend works at a Starbucks - she also invited Karl to fill out an application.
He also has leads at the YMCA.....
So - while he is not yet employed, it certainly looks so much more hopeful than it did!
This is not an advertisement to say - if you're out of work, pray more! Many are out of work and pray a LOT and don't get this kind of an answer
However -
when God does answer prayers in an visible way, I have to share that!!!
Ps 50:15 -- Call upon me in the day of trouble. I will deliver you, and you will honor me!
It's what I am called to do!
By the way, I know he and his circle had been praying - It's not that my prayer warriors are so influential or whatever -(though they are a pretty amazing group of people!)-
I think of it more like the parable of the persistent widow, in John 18, who got justice by continuous pestering! (v 1-8)
- we chimed in with the voices already pestering!
I leave you with the words from Daniel 9:23
As soon as you began to pray, a word went out, which I have come to tell you....
Never doubt that God hears your prayers -- even when you cannot see the answers, or you don't like the answers.....God does hear and he has a plan -
Jer 29:11 - for I know the plans I have for you -- plans to prosper you and not to harm you.....
Thank you for so faithfully lifting me and my family up to the Lord! It does make a difference!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Hanging in there...
Doing ok - not bouncing back like I usually have by this point but doing ok.
Side effects are still the same -
amped up- jittery but glad to be this far
some nausea, but I can eat -
headache, but not horrible
hands tingly-cracking - but hot hands and lots of lotion and bandaids help
emotions all over - but working on controlling my mouth (where did that filter go???)
energy doesn't last long - but reading more and resting
This is all rather discouraging because by this point in the cycle, I am normally feeling pretty sassy and getting lots done--which I am not!
God must be growing me--I have been really grouchy and having to work hard to focus on him and not whine. I am making a concerted effort to be truthful about how I feel, to not sugar coat it - but not carry on and on about it.
With that in mind, I am thankful for:
a Godly wife-to-be for Karl
the pretty snow
that I don't have to commute in it
checking off a few things on the to do list
3 pairs of cardinals coming to the feeder
Paul being home to deal with the snow - to take that off Todd's plate
conquering mount washmore
getting my kitchen clean (it's the little things in life!)
feeling good enough to walk 2 plus miles
my big puffy coat that makes me look like Nanook of the North but lets me walk comfortably
the cool camera that Karl and Gretchen and Todd gave me
This video is something our older son posted on facebook and I love it!
thought you might enjoy it also.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY&sns=fb
Side effects are still the same -
amped up- jittery but glad to be this far
some nausea, but I can eat -
headache, but not horrible
hands tingly-cracking - but hot hands and lots of lotion and bandaids help
emotions all over - but working on controlling my mouth (where did that filter go???)
energy doesn't last long - but reading more and resting
This is all rather discouraging because by this point in the cycle, I am normally feeling pretty sassy and getting lots done--which I am not!
God must be growing me--I have been really grouchy and having to work hard to focus on him and not whine. I am making a concerted effort to be truthful about how I feel, to not sugar coat it - but not carry on and on about it.
With that in mind, I am thankful for:
a Godly wife-to-be for Karl
the pretty snow
that I don't have to commute in it
checking off a few things on the to do list
3 pairs of cardinals coming to the feeder
Paul being home to deal with the snow - to take that off Todd's plate
conquering mount washmore
getting my kitchen clean (it's the little things in life!)
feeling good enough to walk 2 plus miles
my big puffy coat that makes me look like Nanook of the North but lets me walk comfortably
the cool camera that Karl and Gretchen and Todd gave me
This video is something our older son posted on facebook and I love it!
thought you might enjoy it also.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY&sns=fb
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Wanna fight???
Feeling pretty decent over all-but very amped up, crabby - hence the title -
Had pretty decent energy today, but not near yesterday. Feel like I had way too much coffee - leaded! Kinda shaky, edgy, crabby, grouchy--My poor family!
Combine that with flashes of temper, and "filter failure" (all of which are side effects) and I am not very nice to be around.
Be glad you get me on the screen and not in person!
The nausea hangs around-tried today with no seabands, but am going back to them.
My hands have been bothering me a lot - today's the first day since chemo when I haven't used "hot hands" hand warmers -- and just to add to the fun, the skin on them is dry, cracky, peely, red. Not a big deal, but I wash often in warm water to warm my hands up...
A headache hangs around for most of the day, contributing to the overall "yuck" feeling
Even though it was lovely today, I still haven't walked or exercised (Doc says to work out to encourage blood cells growth) so this is not a very good sign -- my self discipline seems to have left when the crabbiness started....rrrrrr ....wanna fight?
Reading"Have a Little Faith" and he has a funny quote in it
"The only difference between marital and martial is where you put the 'i'."
:) Lets hope I can be marital and not martial! I am sure Todd would appreciate that!
Here's a window into the Moritz household -- We had an appointment today and we had to wait about 25 min. to get in. Now many of you know that patience has never been my forte' and today I was absolutely loaded for bear!
I was mad the guy was late -
I was mad somebody else cut ahead of us-
I was mad the signing in process was fouled up-
I was mad the receptionist was so "chatty"-
I was mad it was sunny out and I had to be in there WAITING
My dear, sweet, patient husband sat on the far side of the table (out of swinging range) and just chuckled at my fuming. I asked if he wanted to fight and he promptly replied "No!" with a sweet smile (he's no fool!) but kept on chuckling -
Him laughing at me made me laugh too - a little bit. It helped to put things in perspective-helped me retrieve my filter :) What a blessing he is!
So when I am grouchy, crabby and mean, I have to alter my mind set
if nothing else in pity on those around me!
How do I alter my mind set? You got it~Give thanks!
Look for the 1/2 full glass instead of observing that it is 1/2 empty and dirty to boot!
What are you thankful for today?
You can set up an account and sign in and let me know -- I'd love to hear! e-mail's fine too
I am thankful for:
Todd sunshine Gretchen's sweet spirit
growing friends Paul being near by
Chance sweaters Karl encouraging me
kleenex forgiveness cookies
Dr Frick
kids - youth- young people - however you want to say it
books to distract me
encouraging cards to re read
that this will end
friends to "minister to"
that this is no worse than it is -
prayer - that it changes me, that God hears and acts
The list is a little longer than sometimes cause my attitude was a lot snottier than sometimes!
Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.....Heb 12:2
and Give Thanks Thess 5:16-18
Had pretty decent energy today, but not near yesterday. Feel like I had way too much coffee - leaded! Kinda shaky, edgy, crabby, grouchy--My poor family!
Combine that with flashes of temper, and "filter failure" (all of which are side effects) and I am not very nice to be around.
Be glad you get me on the screen and not in person!
The nausea hangs around-tried today with no seabands, but am going back to them.
My hands have been bothering me a lot - today's the first day since chemo when I haven't used "hot hands" hand warmers -- and just to add to the fun, the skin on them is dry, cracky, peely, red. Not a big deal, but I wash often in warm water to warm my hands up...
A headache hangs around for most of the day, contributing to the overall "yuck" feeling
Even though it was lovely today, I still haven't walked or exercised (Doc says to work out to encourage blood cells growth) so this is not a very good sign -- my self discipline seems to have left when the crabbiness started....rrrrrr ....wanna fight?
Reading"Have a Little Faith" and he has a funny quote in it
"The only difference between marital and martial is where you put the 'i'."
:) Lets hope I can be marital and not martial! I am sure Todd would appreciate that!
Here's a window into the Moritz household -- We had an appointment today and we had to wait about 25 min. to get in. Now many of you know that patience has never been my forte' and today I was absolutely loaded for bear!
I was mad the guy was late -
I was mad somebody else cut ahead of us-
I was mad the signing in process was fouled up-
I was mad the receptionist was so "chatty"-
I was mad it was sunny out and I had to be in there WAITING
My dear, sweet, patient husband sat on the far side of the table (out of swinging range) and just chuckled at my fuming. I asked if he wanted to fight and he promptly replied "No!" with a sweet smile (he's no fool!) but kept on chuckling -
Him laughing at me made me laugh too - a little bit. It helped to put things in perspective-helped me retrieve my filter :) What a blessing he is!
So when I am grouchy, crabby and mean, I have to alter my mind set
if nothing else in pity on those around me!
How do I alter my mind set? You got it~Give thanks!
Look for the 1/2 full glass instead of observing that it is 1/2 empty and dirty to boot!
What are you thankful for today?
You can set up an account and sign in and let me know -- I'd love to hear! e-mail's fine too
I am thankful for:
Todd sunshine Gretchen's sweet spirit
growing friends Paul being near by
Chance sweaters Karl encouraging me
kleenex forgiveness cookies
Dr Frick
kids - youth- young people - however you want to say it
books to distract me
encouraging cards to re read
that this will end
friends to "minister to"
that this is no worse than it is -
prayer - that it changes me, that God hears and acts
The list is a little longer than sometimes cause my attitude was a lot snottier than sometimes!
Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.....Heb 12:2
and Give Thanks Thess 5:16-18
Monday, January 9, 2012
It could be so much worse!
Feeling more like myself - Good Blood levels and Nurse Check up!
Very thankful to wake up feeling relatively normal and with marginal nausea! Walked 2 miles and ran errands before my nurse check up -That wore me out! - but glad to feel "normal tired." All my blood levels were good - yay!
In the category of: "Do not Whine - It could be worse"
We have a friend who lost his dear wife recently. Over Christmas, his adult daughter thought she had a sinus infection. Long story - short version -- she was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer which metastisized to her brain......they are trying to control the cancer in the brain....no symptoms, no warnings......Please pray for this man....
Friends - no matter how awful your day has been,
how many obstacles you face,
the dead ends that are before you -
it could be so much worse.....
Give thanks that you have your problems and not worse problems!
Give thanks for the blessings that God has given you -
Give thanks for the obstacles in your life that are strengthening and growing you
and if you are having a really rotten day/life and can't think straight
Give thanks that Christ took the punishment for your screw ups so that you can be in heaven
with Him when this life is finished!
Make a point of thanking God.......
It will shift your focus from your problems to your God.
Focusing on God will
will give you His strength rather than your own........
I love Phil 4:6-7 and the Message translation is great:
Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
It could be so much worse! Give thanks!
Very thankful to wake up feeling relatively normal and with marginal nausea! Walked 2 miles and ran errands before my nurse check up -That wore me out! - but glad to feel "normal tired." All my blood levels were good - yay!
In the category of: "Do not Whine - It could be worse"
We have a friend who lost his dear wife recently. Over Christmas, his adult daughter thought she had a sinus infection. Long story - short version -- she was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer which metastisized to her brain......they are trying to control the cancer in the brain....no symptoms, no warnings......Please pray for this man....
Friends - no matter how awful your day has been,
how many obstacles you face,
the dead ends that are before you -
it could be so much worse.....
Give thanks that you have your problems and not worse problems!
Give thanks for the blessings that God has given you -
Give thanks for the obstacles in your life that are strengthening and growing you
and if you are having a really rotten day/life and can't think straight
Give thanks that Christ took the punishment for your screw ups so that you can be in heaven
with Him when this life is finished!
Make a point of thanking God.......
It will shift your focus from your problems to your God.
Focusing on God will
will give you His strength rather than your own........
I love Phil 4:6-7 and the Message translation is great:
Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
It could be so much worse! Give thanks!
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Rip Van Moritz
This chemo has been very different - I have slept a ton, energy is lacking but nausea is less!
Yesterday seemed like one nap after another! Today was more normal, though I was pooped at church - the standing and chatting before and after was more than I could do - fortunately I found chairs to plop down in. People may have thought I was nuts - cause I don't really look sick - oh well - it keeps em guessing! :)
I had several people say hi at church and that they were praying for me --and I didn't know even know them! I had to ask their names.....It continues to amaze me the outpouring of love and support -- so many other people have so many worse problems than I do.....I am truly blessed!
Thankful to go to church -
for y'all praying for me
that there were chairs when I needed them
for Pastor Roger Heintz
We sang "Blessed be Your Name" today at church - http://youtu.be/0cAvqByM1Fk
"Every blessing you pour out - I'll turn back in praise
When the darkness closes in Lord - still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord - Blessed be His glorious name...
On the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name....
You give and take away--You give and take away.....
My heart will choose to say, Lord Blessed be your name"
It struck me that the health and strength that I was blessed with over Christmas is no more a blessing than my weakness and sleepiness now.
But--
can I be thankful for both?
You give health and strength and You take away health and strength...
My heart will choose to say,
Lord Blessed be your name.....
Thankful for my weakness that reminds me how much I need him.....
Yesterday seemed like one nap after another! Today was more normal, though I was pooped at church - the standing and chatting before and after was more than I could do - fortunately I found chairs to plop down in. People may have thought I was nuts - cause I don't really look sick - oh well - it keeps em guessing! :)
I had several people say hi at church and that they were praying for me --and I didn't know even know them! I had to ask their names.....It continues to amaze me the outpouring of love and support -- so many other people have so many worse problems than I do.....I am truly blessed!
Thankful to go to church -
for y'all praying for me
that there were chairs when I needed them
for Pastor Roger Heintz
We sang "Blessed be Your Name" today at church - http://youtu.be/0cAvqByM1Fk
"Every blessing you pour out - I'll turn back in praise
When the darkness closes in Lord - still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord - Blessed be His glorious name...
On the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name....
You give and take away--You give and take away.....
My heart will choose to say, Lord Blessed be your name"
It struck me that the health and strength that I was blessed with over Christmas is no more a blessing than my weakness and sleepiness now.
But--
can I be thankful for both?
You give health and strength and You take away health and strength...
My heart will choose to say,
Lord Blessed be your name.....
Thankful for my weakness that reminds me how much I need him.....
Friday, January 6, 2012
Ephiphany! 1/3 of the way done!
Disconnected yesterday! Yay! The down hill slide has begun-
Yesterday and today the energy slips away quickly. I really have to force myself to function (things like getting dressed, or having a conversation) and am very tired at the end of the task. I have no idea how someone would do this and work -- they are stronger than I am!
Nausea hovers around the fringes - but thankfully is manageable --
As an example of how life goes here, I sat on the couch last night about dinner time, "reading" (i.e. staring at the pages). Todd came home, and I remember saying hi to him, but didn't get up. I tipped over on the couch, my head in my book, and pulled my feet up--2 hours later I woke up...He and Paul had made dinner, banging plates and using the microwave, had talked, done computer stuff, and cleaned up dinner. I slept through all of it!
That's how it is -- I do something, then I nap. Then I try and do something else and I doze off....
I am thankful for the sunshine and moderate temps - forced myself to walk yesterday about 1 1/2 miles when I got home from the disconnect -- really tired after that tho. Hoping to get out there again today...self discipline is hard!
Also thankful for dinner being delivered --
I've made dinner for people, but never realized what a huge blessing it really is!
Thankful that I am 1/3 of the way done.
Today's devotion from Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young, has a line in it which caught my attention (before I drifted back to sleep)
"Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered. Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon Me, to trust ME in the the dark."
...which made me thing of the song by Lincoln Brewster http://youtu.be/gYx4Cv9CPFE
(dont' know why this is not a link in the post - it is in the draft - sorry!)
"strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord...you are the everlasting God..."
"you're the defender of the weak -- you comfort those in need -- you lift us up on wings like eagles...."
May you run and not grow faint!
On a different and funny note, a friend sent this-it made me smile-thought you'd laugh also!
"I did not know this...
When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Warn all your friends!!!!"
:)
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Round 4 continued
Feeling decent-more energy and stronger cognitively than the last round--nausea holding off, but can feel it coming.
Not much news today -- had more side effects surface like headache, sweating (which also means chilling afterwards) and clumsyness. The cold sensitivity is always a challenge - I live with my "hot hands" handwarmers and my mittens. This time I am eating and it tastes ok, though I wouldn't eat if I had to fix it -- strong aversion to handling food (weird!) I am still struggling with being overly sensitive, though perhaps not so much as last time--you'd have to ask Todd and Paul :)
I go through cycles of energy/clear thinking fading to a crash of no energy at all and just sitting and staring. The problem comes if this fading happens in the middle of a project - and sometimes my brain stops working mid-project...Makes for a lot of re-dos which is annoying.
Have been trying to catch up on long overdue e-mails and thank you notes and laundry. Also getting the tree undecorated --no worries I have til Monday!
Thankful for:
friends who willingly make us dinners and deliver them with smiles and hugs
sunshine
birds at my birdbath
God's word
naps (took a 3 hour one today!)
walking 1.5 miles
appetite
e-mail/texting/phone/blog to stay connected
not having mush-brain
for you reading this and encouraging me and praying for us
So much for this round of energy! The couch is calling!
-- What are you thankful for today?
I Thess 5:16-18
Be joyful always (even in the middle of cancer treatments? yes!)
Pray continually (my brain's not working --
"I told you to hide my word in your heart so it would be there when you need it!)
Give thanks in all circumstances (yes even and especially the really hard ones)
for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus...
When we are thankful, grateful people our self centeredness evaporates and our attitude of gratitude spills over onto those around us -- We are much nicer to those we are around - and this is God's will for us......
We give thanks out of obedience and get blessed for that obedience! God's economy!
Give thanks!
Not much news today -- had more side effects surface like headache, sweating (which also means chilling afterwards) and clumsyness. The cold sensitivity is always a challenge - I live with my "hot hands" handwarmers and my mittens. This time I am eating and it tastes ok, though I wouldn't eat if I had to fix it -- strong aversion to handling food (weird!) I am still struggling with being overly sensitive, though perhaps not so much as last time--you'd have to ask Todd and Paul :)
I go through cycles of energy/clear thinking fading to a crash of no energy at all and just sitting and staring. The problem comes if this fading happens in the middle of a project - and sometimes my brain stops working mid-project...Makes for a lot of re-dos which is annoying.
Have been trying to catch up on long overdue e-mails and thank you notes and laundry. Also getting the tree undecorated --no worries I have til Monday!
Thankful for:
friends who willingly make us dinners and deliver them with smiles and hugs
sunshine
birds at my birdbath
God's word
naps (took a 3 hour one today!)
walking 1.5 miles
appetite
e-mail/texting/phone/blog to stay connected
not having mush-brain
for you reading this and encouraging me and praying for us
So much for this round of energy! The couch is calling!
-- What are you thankful for today?
I Thess 5:16-18
Be joyful always (even in the middle of cancer treatments? yes!)
Pray continually (my brain's not working --
"I told you to hide my word in your heart so it would be there when you need it!)
Give thanks in all circumstances (yes even and especially the really hard ones)
for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus...
When we are thankful, grateful people our self centeredness evaporates and our attitude of gratitude spills over onto those around us -- We are much nicer to those we are around - and this is God's will for us......
We give thanks out of obedience and get blessed for that obedience! God's economy!
Give thanks!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Chemo # 4
Everything went smoothly today. My blood counts were good (strong response to the shot from last time).
I am so thankful that I had the gift of time away over Christmas with my family and friends. That strengthened me for today. Yesterday while driving, I soaked myself in scripture to build my courage and it worked! I walked in today without the fear that sometimes accompanies my visits!
It is amazing how quickly this begins to work though.
In 2 hours my coloring went from healthy, slightly tan/pink to pale yellowish with dark circles under my eyes! I had never noticed that happen before!
By the time I left, the pins/needles had started in my hands (I brought the "hot hands" along!)
Now, 4 hours after getting the bolus or loading dose of 5FU, I feel the energy draining from me. It is surreal to feel and observe the change --
it is like a balloon slowly deflating or
sinking into quicksand or
having your blood turn to lead
Other fun symptoms include:
heart racing
hair thinning (growing fine, but lots comes out!)
skin on my hands cracking open(like it might do in Winter, but the texture has become deeply
lined/crosshatched and brittle)
tastebuds corrupted -- everything liquid tastes metallic
(have to drink flavored things - water tastes like skanky well water)
jittery/amped up/emotionally fragile (pray for my fam please! this is awful)
and that is the list so far for today--(oh joy!)
I am thankful:
that I felt good over Christmas
that we got so many pictures and cards while we were gone! My fridge is filling up!
(in case you missed it - if you are praying for us, please send us your picture - we post it on
the fridge as a tangible reminder of your love and care. Send one if you haven't!)
that the nausea has not hit yet
that Paul is living at home for Winterim (even if it makes 2cars a challenge!)
that my feet have been unaffected by the Raynauds or the oxaliplatin
that Chance continues to be such good company
that it is not colder or snowier!
that I have friends that bring us food and repeatedly offer help
We are indeed blessed!
Many people have written me while I was not blogging, saying that they enjoy my writing and are encouraged and uplifted by it. I am truly humbled by this and recognize God's working through this -- He is the only one who can bring good out of any situation (Ro 8:28) even when we cannot see it. He can work through anyone who will submit their life and situation to him. (James 4:7)
I encourage you to look at your life situations and see what can be submitted to God --then give it to him and watch to see what he does!
John 11:40 - Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?
Blessings to all of you!~
PS
Here's a funny story about being jittery - Insight into the Moritz coping skills arsenal!
Back at the end of June last year, I was staying in Valparaiso while my father was in hospice care, preparing to go home to heaven. I had been there almost 2 mos. Our son Karl came home for a short visit and they came down to visit my dad and encourage me. Time with Karl? Stay with Dad? A dear friend checked in on dad so I could have time away, but to say that I was stretched is an understatement. It seemed that tears were perpetually threatening to spill over. As Todd was kind and helpful and loving, I told him "please don't be too nice to me -- I'll cry!" At lunch, we were talking about something (don't even remember what) but I took it hard and the tears sprang up again. Todd chuckled and said to Karl something like "uh oh -- now we can't talk to her either!" which made me laugh! Later, they both were watching me (probably watching for the tears! They appeared again!
Todd coined the phrase,
"Don't be nice to her; Don't talk to her and Don't look at her!"
How ridiculous! That silly little phrase has helped me laugh instead of cry so very many times --
so there you go - a window into our world! Hope it makes you laugh!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Wear out rather than Rust out! A great beginning to 2012!
I am so thankful that I have felt great since the 22 of Dec until now!
After our trip to Montana, we left the next morning to drive to North Carolina to visit Todd's parents and our friends, the Hahns and the Wightons. No naps for me! I Felt strong and relatively healthy. The weather was absolutely beautiful -- 60's and Sunny--which was so fun! We stayed and played as long as possible -- This has included:
lots of R & R
watching old movies
several multi mile walks (Chance did great!)
loved the hills and walking in the woods!
great food and great conversations
lots of extra sleep
taking pictures
laughing
playing with a sweet puppy
a motorcycle ride
fireworks to celebrate the new year
a big bonfire
a morning fire
games
safety driving home-
saw many, many spin outs due to slick conditions
passed 2 multi car pile ups- one outside of Cincinnati had upwards of 30 cars!
drove through several "white outs" of snow and blowing snow
navigated icy pavement with no problems
very very thankful for Todd being such a great driver!
Through all of this -- Feeling great! Woo hoo!!!
Wear out rather than rust out! (Live life instead of watching life go by!)
2012 is going to be a great year! Last year was a really hard year and yet there were so many examples of God's provision through out the whole year. Heb 13:8 says He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
He will take care of me, no matter what comes --
It has has been a great beginning to this year -- and I have much more to look forward to! Wedding bells! :)
Thanks God, for the wonderful time! I appreciate the encouragement and the reminder of what it feels like to be healthy! It makes Chemo number 4 tomorrow easier to face--and I know you will help me with that as you have every other one.....
Blessings to each of you and thank you for the prayers!
After our trip to Montana, we left the next morning to drive to North Carolina to visit Todd's parents and our friends, the Hahns and the Wightons. No naps for me! I Felt strong and relatively healthy. The weather was absolutely beautiful -- 60's and Sunny--which was so fun! We stayed and played as long as possible -- This has included:
lots of R & R
watching old movies
several multi mile walks (Chance did great!)
loved the hills and walking in the woods!
great food and great conversations
lots of extra sleep
taking pictures
laughing
playing with a sweet puppy
a motorcycle ride
fireworks to celebrate the new year
a big bonfire
a morning fire
games
safety driving home-
saw many, many spin outs due to slick conditions
passed 2 multi car pile ups- one outside of Cincinnati had upwards of 30 cars!
drove through several "white outs" of snow and blowing snow
navigated icy pavement with no problems
very very thankful for Todd being such a great driver!
Through all of this -- Feeling great! Woo hoo!!!
Wear out rather than rust out! (Live life instead of watching life go by!)
2012 is going to be a great year! Last year was a really hard year and yet there were so many examples of God's provision through out the whole year. Heb 13:8 says He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
He will take care of me, no matter what comes --
It has has been a great beginning to this year -- and I have much more to look forward to! Wedding bells! :)
Thanks God, for the wonderful time! I appreciate the encouragement and the reminder of what it feels like to be healthy! It makes Chemo number 4 tomorrow easier to face--and I know you will help me with that as you have every other one.....
Blessings to each of you and thank you for the prayers!
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