Another miracle!

God granted me another miracle today -- my oncologist agreed to extend the xeloda because the PET scan results said "mild progression."  As long as my bloodwork is ok, she will do this for me, with the stipulation that in 2 months, she wants another PET scan.  

This is completely opposite what she had said and what her assistant said in EVERY conversation we have had about it.  When they both walked in the room (usually it is just the oncologist) I thought it was going to be a show down.   God truly did a work because I did not have to argue or say anything - she just agreed - as long as there is no progression!

After Bible study this morning, and two Doc appointments, I am exhausted so this is brief.  I'll write more tomorrow - but my integrative Doc did point out that some of my tumor markers are up - Not Good!  However we came up with a plan to boost my immune system, my natural killer cells and try to short cut the growth of the tumors.  

Ps 50:15 says, 
     "call upon me in the day of trouble;
      I will deliver you and you will honor me!"

Rejoice with me at this complete turn around that my onco did!  After 2 meetings and numerous phone conversations, the reversal can only come from our great and powerful God!  There is no other explanation -- I am so thankful!  Thank you to all of you who have been praying for this situation!  
You made a difference, banging on the gates of heaven in my name!  Ya'll are precious to me!

Thanks for checkin' in!

Big appointments tomorrow

Got radiologist report - not helpful
Bloodwork is fair - not great, not horrible - waiting to see what integrative doc says
Foot is healing - cold laser doc working on it to speed that up
Weight is holding steady - thankfully not climbing with my enforced inactivity
Spirits are fair -
Oncologist appointment tomorrow at 10:15 a.m. PST - 
Integrative Dr appointment tomorrow at 3 to discuss how to continue the fight against this
   beast.

Finally got the report from the radiologist - 6 days after receiving it!  It was a pathetic, one line addendum that did not address the brightness of the uptake, nor the lack of ascites.  With typical Western focus, his one line indicated progression of the cancer- that's it. Perhaps he was in a hurry?

So, I have an oncologist appointment on Tuesday at 10:15.  Clearly, God will have to intervene is there is any hope of my onco prescribing the low dose chemo....I'm praying that He does intervene in my behalf.  If she does prescribe it, it will be my personal miracle (among many).

My sprained foot is doing a bit better - I can put weight on it and walk a bit around the house.  It is hard to be cautious and not "forget" and walk on it.  Still not driving though... 

It has been a bit difficult to keep my emotions level and my spirits up.   Part of that is that in all my contact with the onco office, I hear the litany of, "there's progression of the cancer - you need to change the chemo and go on folfiri" which just underscores my uphill fight.

If you have been with me for awhile, you know what I do when in the dumps -- give thanks.  It is tough each time - but here goes - I am thankful for:
Todd - his ceaseless good humor,  knowing when I really need  encouragement/distraction
Hummingbirds back at my feeders
A flock of robins and cedar waxwings at my birdbath 
Gluten free pizza (I am easy to amuse - now if I could just get it organic!)
A beautiful bouquet of flowers to cheer me up
Getting over the bug I had
My doctors that do think outside the box of chemo
God's word that gives me strength and hope
Hearing the 1st graders all praying the Lord's Prayer at church yesterday - 
   children's voices raised in prayer is amazing!
Return of our sunny Southern California weather

God is my refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.....Ps 46:1

Thankful for God's army -
https://youtu.be/qOkImV2cJDg 

Thanks for your prayers, encouragement and support - and especially 
thanks for checkin' in! 

Three steps back...

Chemo can make you uncoordinated and even low dose chemo makes me struggle with balance and dropping things.  Yesterday, I fell and sprained my right foot :(  Urgent care says it is a sprain and to stay off it for 2 weeks (no driving - oh no!) I am on crutches and honestly find them to be pretty tough --

Be joyful always - 
  Pray continually - 
    Give thanks in all circumstances 
    for that is God's will for you in Christ Jesus - 1 Thess 5:16-18

Trying to be thankful in this circumstance - so here is what I came up with:
Top of the list has to be thankful for Todd - 
  He rolled out of bed this morning to figure out where to take me and what requirements 
  had to be met for insurance....
  He made me breakfast and delivered it while I was on the phone w my primary care doc
  He drove me everywhere today and each time got out and opened the big umbrella to try
  and keep my dry in the monsoon - spotted me to the door and ran to park the car.  
    It was impossible to stay dry but he gave it a chivalrous first class effort!
  He made sure I had dinner before changing clothes and going to the football banquet.  
  He cooked so I would have food for the first few days of the week --
     I am blessed!  
On to other things to be thankful for ---
That we live high and dry even with all the rain!
Glad it is a sprain, not a break (hopefully they don't call tomorrow and say it is a break)
I sleep on my left side, so my right foot is on top so elevating it is not a big deal
I have been wanting to gain back some muscle mass - crutches surely work out my arms!  
  (as long as I don't fall because of them!)
Thankful that when I fell, my elbow did not break and that I did not hit my head!
Glad I still have the little rolling cart from my dad that i can sit on and scoot around - 
  easier than crutches!
Thankful for a one story home!
Thankful for some friends who will drive for my appointments and visit so I don't go stir crazy
Grateful that despite all the excitement with my foot, we were able to go to "Peter and the 
  Star Catcher" at Olu - what a great performance! Fantastic diversion
Trying to be thankful for more time to rest - I nap a lot! Hopefully it will help healing!
It is a gift that I do not need a lot of pain killers - as long as I keep weight off it - lol!
   (less for my system to have to process)
Thankful for the sweet nurse this morning who went above and beyond helping me - 
Thankful for the kind friend who held me up walking into Olu as the tile was very slippery, 
  the crutches slipped and I almost bit the dust!  She even held the bathroom door for me 
  and came back to help me get out of the bathroom!  What a huge blessing!  
     Is there someone you can bless in this way?  It seems small, but is such a gift!!!
Praying for the x ray tech who was unhelpful in every way, and seemingly very uncaring --
   wondering what drove her to this profession if she was not going to be helpful...
Thankful, as always, for you!  
As always, I feel so much better after listing my "thankfuls"

Thanks for checkin' in!  

Baby Steps - Yay!

The oncologist received the images and took them to radiology around noon today!  Thank God!
Found some good info on a supplement that I have been taking since May-it inspires hope  
Feeling crumby - 5th day now
My husband is amazing - such a sweetheart!

On a lighthearted note, we have gotten lots of rain recently (great for napping)

So how am I doing?
Well - the oncologist's assistant, whom I deal with the most, told me to call her Wed to see if there was a report already.  Upon asking if she thought it would really take that long, she said, "call me Monday morning and we'll see if there is an addendum to your report."  Funny how in a hurry they are to get me on folfiri, but not to get my other scan read....
In the back of my head is the distinct possibility that I may need to find an oncologist that will take our insurance and also work with me on an integrative approach -- can you say "needle in a haystack?"
In addition (on the topic of stress) my integrative doc moved locations, so now instead of 15 min away, he is 45 min away on highways :( Replacing him would be just as difficult - don't need this stress!

Not feeling good at all.  Achy, fluey, exhausted (2 hour naps+going to bed at 9!) Trying to do all the wise things - going to chiropractor, going to cold laser therapist, continuing to walk*  (plod is more appropriate) drink lots of water and electrolytes and rest a lot. Not what I had planned for this week :( (wanna come to a pity party - lol?)

The psychological impact of having felt so great last week to being back to this droopy, exhausted, teary, achy place where tying my shoes is a chore, is really hard.  It's hard to be disappointed-to be planning to do various activities with Todd and realize that I can't even keep up with the house, (hate being at that point again!) let alone be strong enough to go sit on bleachers at basketball games!  
The disappointment is so powerful-- 
I had thought I was finally past the point of wondering when the other shoe was going to fall....HA! The shoe fell again with a vengeance and it is trying to trip me up!!

Interestingly enough, my devotions this week have dwelt on God's timing, his provision and how he breaks people to make them more compassionate and to be able to use them.  Trying to take this all to heart and fight the fear monster that rear's it's ugly head!

I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world....John 16:33 

On a more positive note, http://ahccresearch.com/pdf/Breast%20Cancer%20Wellness.pdf here is a link about one of the supplements that I have been taking since May and that Oasis of Hope also uses.  It is called AHCC - my particular brand is Immunokinoko, by QOL labs.  It has some great stats in there - I won't bore you with them - but not only does it mitigate some of the side effects of chemotherapy, it also boosts your immune system and your natural killer cells.  The title is "Japan's leading Alternative Cancer Therapy "AHCC" Gains acceptance in the U.S....helping to induce remission"  
This is just one example of a supplement that would benefit so many, if the oncologists knew how to use it....

In the category of how cool is my husband?  He tried a new recipe for me - Breakfast cookies!  Gluten, dairy and sugar free!  They are delicious!  The recipe uses several types of flours and sweeteners to get the lowest possible glycymic index - lots of work but so delicious!  

This helps combat my frustration with trying to find things that are gluten free AND organic (virtually impossible!)

Please pray that we are able to convince the oncologist to prescribe the xeloda - low dose chemo
and
that I feel better....

Thank you so much for listening and for your loving prayers!  They make all the difference!
Thanks for checkin' in!



*For those of you who were not with me for the first round of this beast, my oncologist recommended that I walk 3 miles every day because this would signal my marrow to produce the good cells that were needed to fight the cancer.  Sitting on the couch did not stress the body and thereby did not cause the new cells to be created.  My dear husband faithfully walked me around many blocks the days I was dizzy or weak from the chemo.  (This was Nov - May in Wisconsin - that is saying a lot - Brrrrr!) When I felt good enough, I walked at the mall ---according to the onco, the gym was a major no-no b/c there were too many germs and only one entrance to exchange air.  The mall was much healthier.  Every time I walked, as soon as I broke a sweat, I began to feel much much better!  It is so hard to drag myself off the couch or out of bed - so thankful for Todd's encouragement!  

More delays...

The oncologist still has not received the records from San Diego!  Argh --
Still waiting to get them and have them read by the radiologist before I can get in --
Had more tests run - fairly routine - 12 vials of blood and a urine sample!  Yippee!
   Thankful for them and good veins!!
Started taking what I had left of the xeloda on Tuesday -- it's kicking my butt -
   tired, achey, fluey

Thankful:
that I can trust in God's timing --that he has this under his control.  I'd be a wreck otherwise!
for Todd and his unending energy and good humor
for rain - it is a blessing for us - tho i know others struggle with flooding
for energy when I have it
scripture to combat fear
for all the prayers and encouragement that y'all give to me!
warm tea and fuzzy blankets to snuggle under
God's continuing provision for us as we walk this road

https://youtu.be/XxkNj5hcy5E

Thanks for checking in - Y'all are a blessing!  

Delayed!

Oncologist apt scheduled for tomorrow afternoon is delayed until they can get the records from San Diego and have them read by their radiologist.  Praying that when their radiologist reads it, the results will convince her to order the xeloda for me in an ongoing way.  As of now, they are adamantly refusing to do so...

Pardon the brevity -- Todd set up a surprise weekend for me and we went up the coast and made several stops and had some adventures -- it was great fun and totally wore me out!  So nice to be worn out from fun! 

Thanks for checking in  - so appreciate you and your prayers!  

Thankful for a wonderful Christmas break with family!

Feeling great - really!
Weight is holding steady
Gaining some strength back --walking 3.7 miles several times a week (first mile is all uphill!) - huffing and puffing, but doing it!  
Still get tired and need a nap - that's not so great, but I tell myself it is healing!
Finished last round of xeloda-hands and feet are healing up a bit but still clumsy and cracked

So how am I really? We were so blessed to have Paul make it here for Christmas eve services and then after Christmas, Karl and family arrived along with Paul's sweetheart, Catie for a week!  It was a full, happy, busy household!  The house is very, very, very quiet after they all left!  Several long naps were definitely in order!  There was great food (thank you Todd!) much laughter, many games, silliness, excursions, walks, park visits, good conversations as well as help with decorating and streamlining several different closets!  (Todd posted some pictures)
It is hard to put into words the thankfulness, joy and blessing I felt to be able to participate in the fun -- to have energy to play and be a part of things.  
It was impossible not to remember how sick and weak I was and to give thanks over and over for God's blessings of healing and strength, as shown in the PET results!  I truly feel like a miracle!  

Thank you for the "calling upon me" y'all have done on my behalf!  It seems the best way to honor God is to let you know what He has done ---how great I feel and to let you know that your prayers made a difference!  



Fear continues to try and work on me --Continuing to wrestle with the "waiting for the other shoe to fall" feeling.  I vividly remember feeling really good in May last year - feeling like I had a great plan in place and was gonna fight this thing hard and win against it.... and then the down hill slide started....

When this happens, I remember a quote from an older lady who had some pretty sever health challenges -- "Fear knocked. Faith answered. No one was there!"  
It is a daily challenge! 

On the medical front, I have an appointment next week with my oncologist.  She wants me to do full blown chemo.  This still does not feel like the direction I am supposed to go sooooooo -
prayers please that we are able to convince her to leave me on the low dose chemo as Oasis of Hope recommended. 
(If she orders it, insurance pays for it - otherwise we have to pay for it - to the tune of $1584 for 2 weeks worth of medicine [that's what insurance pays - our bill may be more :(  !!!] Yikes!Getting it from Oasis of Hope is another option, but again, out of pocket vs thru insurance.)
I am anticipating that she will not like this at all and will fight us on it.  Praying God paves the way - His will be done....

Closing with deep thankfulness and praise from Ps 103...
Bless the Lord oh my soul - All that is within me, praise his holy name.
Bless the Lord oh my soul and forget not all his benefits --
  who forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases
  who redeems my life from the pit and crowns me with love and compassion
  who satisfies my desires with good things so my youth is renewed like the eagle's...

Thanks for checkin' in!  We are so thankful for you!!!

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