1/2 way done with round 8!

After starting the day feeling pretty good, I have slid down hill.  Head ache, body aches, tingly fingers, nauseated, groggy - not sleeping but not fully awake - cold then hot and back. 


Not feeling very eloquent 
Thankful for 
the lovely sun today
my dear friends who have been checking on me and helping me
my snuggley blankets and pillows
medicine to make the throw-uppy feelings go away
being this far
God's word that comes to me through the haze
you checking in  


I received this e-mail from a friend and liked the ideas in here.  Hope you also enjoy it.

A different approach to fasting to show love for the Lord

Fasts have a tendency to be oriented towards giving up things like food, drinks, snacks, movies, or television.  But there are other creative ways to fast. Here are a few suggestions you may want to consider.

 

1.  Fast from anger and hatred.

     Give your family an extra dose of love each day.

2.  Fast from judging others.

     Before making any judgments,  recall how Jesus overlooks our failures.

3. Fast from discouragement.

     Hold on to Jesus' promise that He has a perfect plan for your life.

4.  Fast from complaining.

     When you are about to complain, remember the moments that Jesus gave you that 

      brought joy into your life..

5. Fast from resentment and bitterness.

     Work on forgiving those who have hurt you.

6. Fast from spending too much money.

     Try to reduce your spending by 10% and give the savings to help the  poor.

7.  Spend extra time for personal prayers.

     Take the time to pray for everyone you know. There is no such thing as too 

     many prayers.

Things to consider trying to do during Lent that will make a difference in your life and make an impact on the lives of other people.  

  1. Random acts of kindness - pay for a stranger's drink, pay the next car's toll

      on a toll road, pay part of the bill for the person behind you in a line.

  2. Hold the door for someone entering exiting a store when you are there.

  3. Take the time to call, e-mail ,or text someone just to ask how they are.

  4. Send a note to a friend you have not been in touch with for a while.

  5. A simple smile or hello may change their attitude for the day 

      and they may even pass it on!

Wishing you a blessed Lent as you focus on the Lord.

   

Makin it through!

Hooked up to the pump
Hands stinging/tingly/achey already up to the 2nd knuckle.  Tired and feel like my legs and stomach have lead in them- feels like I ate a yard of cotton - bleh!  Feel so weary....


Will it ever get easy to walk into the clinic?  It is so hard to go in knowing how awful I'm going to feel coming out.  I thought it would get easier, but is just messes with my head.....


When things mess with my head I go to scripture because it is truth, the only thing that gets me through (that and my friends who are Jesus with skin on for me!)  


God, I know that I can do all things thru Christ because He strengthens me. Phil 4:13 You Lord are my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?  You are the stronghold of my life-- what shall I be afraid of?  Ps 27:1  You keep me in perfect peace when I fix my mind on you, because I trust You.  I will trust you forever, because you are the rock eternal.Is 26:3-4
You say not to be afraid because you have redeemed me, I am yours.
when I pass through the waters You tell me ,"I will be with you"
when I pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over me
when I walk through the fire, I will not be burned --The flames will not set me ablaze
for you are the Lord my God, the holy one of Israel........Is 43:1-3


You give me your peace ... not as the world gives...so I will not let my heart be troubled or dismayed....john 14:27 Because of all this I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you Lord make me dwell in safety.Ps 4:7-8  


God bless you - sweet dreams and thanks for checking on me - I appreciate all the prayers!

Blood is Good! Round 8 tomorrow afternoon!

My blood levels are good enough for chemo tomorrow, so I can stay on schedule!!  
Liver panel was elevated, but not bad enough to stop chemo -- they said they would watch it.


Thanks for praying -- I did not think that this would happen because I have been so  tired. 
My hands are still stinging at day 12, so the docs are discussing whether they should dial back the oxalyplatin to 50% or leave it at the 75% dose that they did last time or discontinue it completely.  
I get very tired from simple things like standing around chatting but I have been pushing myself to walk to  build up my blood - I guess it worked!  The moving is easier to tolerate than standing still - though I get winded easily.  Slowly and steadily I am getting weaker but I am fighting it!


Had several firsts today.  Because my blood draw is today and my chemo is tomorrow, and they draw the blood for my tests through my port, check it and then do the infusion through the same line, today I came home with the needle and tubing still attached to my port so they don't have to re-stick me tomorrow.  It doubles the size of the bump and had to be taped down and the "tail" of the tubing feels funny - there's a valve on the end of that also.  Ah the adventure...
The other first is that my liver panel was elevated.  I am not entirely certain, but I think it means that the enzymes put out by the liver showed that it was not working normally.  
Just when you think you know what is going to happen, you get a surprise!  :)


As I walked today with Chance, I was thankful for lots of things:
Sun and a beautiful blue sky - even tho it was a balmy 35 degrees- it was beautiful!
Bursts of energy in between the tiredness
Daylight lasting longer
Feeling good enough to make church and bible study
Typing with less backspacing (chemo makes me clumsy - I make lots of mistakes!)
Being able to see the blessings that have come out of this cancer like:
   reconnecting with friends from long ago - (20-25 years ago!)
   encouraging other people who are struggling 
   getting to know my neighbors better- (they are great!)
   Todd being home more
   realizing that simple things should not be taken for granted- 
      like the taste of water or being able to eat or see clearly
   seeing how prayer carries me through-making it easier
   receiving the outpouring of support  - we stand amazed and thankful
   learning to take nothing for granted --to be more thankful for things that go right


Sometimes it is a struggle, but I am trying to be joyful, to pray continually and to give thanks in all circumstances 1 Thess 5: 16-18.  I remind myself what Jesus says in John, "Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?"John 11:40 and "You do not know now what I am doing, but later you will understand."John 13:7 


Thanks for checking in! 
Blessings to you !

Blessed ...to be a blessing

Oh my! Nupogen makes me full of energy-but with an edge to it-kinda like a large, leaded (translation=caffienated) starbucks...I can't sleep either! 
I get 4 hours a good night after a shot so I am pretty grumpy today!  

Got my third shot today - 

Side effects are pretty minimal right now 
- still have cold issues with my hands and face if it is windy out 
- still am emotionally sensitive [a friend gave me a funny sign -"The witch is in"  ;)]
but - water tastes good still - yay!

I was blessed to be able to attend Sam Bohachek's funeral yesterday.  It was amazing to have so many people grieving their loss, but mostly rejoicing over her life, her victory and supporting her family.  It was such testimony!  Great job  Pastor Dan!

Thankful for simple things:

A smile

Chance running with joy and walking happily (He is old and often arthritis makes him walk "old")

Seeing a wild hawk within ten feet
Snow!

Water tasting wonderful

Energy to feel like more like myself rather than just a pale shadow

Puffs plus lotion

Delicious dinners that friends make for us

People saying that something I wrote blessed them

  Gen 12:2 I have blessed you....and you will be a blessing....

It brings tears to my eyes when someone says "you said just what I needed to hear".

It is a reminder and confirmation that 

  I am blessed for being obedient to His pushing me to be public about our journey, and 

    I am being a blessing... 

Gen 12:2 is the verse that my Grandfather chose for me when I was born and it has become my life verse - part of my legacy to our boys.  

You see, when I was born, there was no gamaglobulin to counteract a difference in blood types.  My parents were A+ and O- which meant that my mother was allergic to me.  That I was "normal" was a total God sized miracle.... (no jokes!  I heard them all from my dad already!)  I had to have a complete transfusion when I was born and was baptized in the incubator because they thought I would not live... 

So when someone says that I blessed them, it is confirmation that I am doing what God wants me to do....and that I am living out my blessing.  

Every time someone says something like this to me it catches me off guard because to me, what I write is not a big deal.  It feels pretty ordinary to me -- I use a lot of other people's material and just try to share what works for my life.  The encouragement that I share is what I have received -- how I have learned to live through heartache, to endure, to focus and smile in the process.  Many times I am giving myself the pep talk and you just happen to be there :)

I am thankful that sharing how I live my life is encouraging to you... 

Praise be to God....who comforts us in all our troubles, 
so that 
we can comfort those in any trouble 
with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.......
2 Cor 1:3-5


Thanks for checkin' on me - Be a blessing!

Nurse Check report-nupogen needed!

As I thought, my blood levels were low-I am blessed tho - they are giving me 3 nupogen shots to 
  strengthen me in hopes that I can receive chemo next Tuesday.  
My cold is managable - I attribute that to all of your prayers, because is just stopped
  progressing and is in that lingering stage--and that was before the shot!  
My hands and feet are still problematic...hands stinging and feet burning--if they could just
  reach a happy agreement and be warm it would all good!
My hair is thinning at a more rapid rate - sad but could be worse.


Was very blessed to be able to attend Ash Wed services and am going to Sam Bohachek's funeral today.  I know I am supposed to avoid crowds -- but I am not able to stay away.   
We do this work for kids to be able to grow in the knowledge of their Savior -- 
and a kid is with Jesus now...
I need to show support to this family - even tho they don't know who me -- 
I know the power of people showing support -
It is like nothing else - a portrait of heaven I believe....


Sam died of a probable seizure caused by a golf ball sized tumor in her brain.... Today's service is to celebrate her life -- we're to wear Packers or Milwaukee Lutheran gear, or purple! How great is that? Praying that the snow holds off for this service.....


Last night, as we sang "Turn your eyes upon Jesus" last night, I realized the truth of the words.  
    Turn your eyes upon Jesus Look full in His wonderful face,
    And the things of earth will grow strangely dim 
    In the light of His glory and grace.  


the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.....
As I keep my eyes fixed on Him, dwelling on what he has done for me, so many of the cares and worries of this world become manageable -- their huge, weighty importance fades...
When I keep my eyes fixed on Him, I become stronger through his strength.  
Where I look is what keeps running through my mind....
  Jesus or test results
  Jesus or "will I be different after chemo"
  Jesus or my bad hair day
  Jesus or "I want to go do that and can't - poor me!"
  Jesus or pain, discomfort, embarrassment
  Jesus or "I want what they have..."
  Jesus or _________________(you fill in the blank)
How do I keep Jesus as my focus?  Well, I struggle and fail often!
But I keep trying to drag my eyes back to him.  Usually I do this by wearing a large bracelet or rubberband or uncomfortable ring -- something that will bother me and make me fiddle with it. When I fiddle with it, it is a mental shake -- 
Focus girl!!!  What are you spending your time thinking about?  
                   What are you obsessing about?            
                       Can you really accomplishing anything by doing this?


Heb 12:2
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith......
who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.....


Because He loves me, He paid the price on the cross of all my many screwups so that I could be in heaven with Him...


I dare not be so ungrateful as to focus on anything else....It makes all things bearable......


A blessed Lent to y'all --
Focus!  :)

A cold- yuck!

argh!  I have a cold and it makes me crabby and even more tired!  :(
Hoping that this cold does not mess up my bloodwork....
Very thankful that water tastes good!  This is not always the case, but for yesterday and today it has tasted good!  


Blessed to make it to Bible Study today - thank you to my dear friends who pick me up and bring me home!...
Nurse check tomorrow - hoping it is good - 


Trying to be patient - 

With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and thousand years is like a day.  The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise as some understand slowness.....2 Peter 3:8-9


Feeling less than eloquent - 


I thank my God every time I remember you .... being confident of this - that He who began a good work in you, will carry it to completion on the day of Christ Jesus.  Phil 1:3,6


Thank you for walking this journey with me.  God's blessings!

Life is fragile.....

I have been tired, but the side effects are managable......
    feeling yucky, the hands tingle, and I am tired BUT
We did make it to the ballet-had a lovely day together-celebrated feeling good with dinner out....
Also made it to church and walked 1.5 miles today -- I am very thankful! 
For so long, we put things off --for various reasons(too little time - saving for something else-- too busy).....My diagnosis put things in a clearer perspective -- you never know what is going to happen tomorrow.....


Last night underscored this....
We got news that a beautiful student from Milwaukee Lutheran High school, a member of the dance team, Sam Bohachek, died in her sleep Friday evening....
she never woke up....
My heart breaks for her parents, her family, her friends, her school community, her teachers......


How do you offer comfort to breaking hearts?  God's words are all I can offer....


Is 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
  neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord


Is 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
  do not be dismayed, for I am your God
I will strengthen you and help you;
  I will uphold you with your righteous right hand.


2 Cor 1:3-4 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 

  the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 

  who comforts us in all our troubles 

  so that we can comfort those in any trouble 

  with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you....

John 11:25 Jesus said to her," I am the resurrection and the life.  He who believes in me will live even though he dies..."

Thanking God that Sam is dancing with Jesus!  Praying comfort for her friends and family.....

Thank you for checking in - remember to be thankful!  You never know what tomorrow holds....

Disconnected - 7 down 5 to go

Side effects more prevalent this time - otherwise ok - enduring this time


Hands a bit worse than normal - exhausted!  facial swelling - mouth sores - nausea pretty much the same- Yuck!


Here's a chuckle for you - when I turn in for the night, I have to lotion my hands and feet to prevent the hand/foot syndrome getting worse.  I cannot wear gloves because separating my fingers makes them too cold so they tingle. I wear little shorty socks on my hands and my feet.  When I sleep normally, I sleep with a pillow between my knees because of my back.  When I have the pump on, I have to add a pillow to my stomach, to hold the pump up so it doesn't pull on my back.  
Because of the socks on my hands, grabbing things like pillows is a struggle.  so when I go to turn over, it is quite an adventure- sock mitten off, turn over, move stomach pillow, argue with the pump about where it is going to lie, adjust the blankets over my feet depending on if they are in the cold or hot stage of the hand/foot syndrome... put sock glove back on....All in all, not very conducive to going back to sleep!  
Add to this that while on that pump, I have to get up every several hours to use the bathroom....
I used to take sleeping well for granted....not any more!!
Maybe this is why I am always so groggy on disconnect day!  




Today truly has been a day lost in haze -- I am up, but not really awake.  I lie down and sleep like a rock (except when turning over)  What is amazing to me is that in the middle of all this haze, God will bring people to my mind that I know he wants me to pray for...and I do.  It surprises me every time because they are not people that would normally be crossing my mind.


As I doze, I think of Psalm 4:8
In peace I will both lie down and sleep for you, Lord, alone
make me dwell in safety and confident trust. 


Confident trust -- I am trusting for a cure!  7 down 5 to go!
Thank you for your prayers and support -- I am humbled at how many of you continue to reach out to encourage me and pray for me!  
Blessings to you!

The strength rose as I waited on the Lord!

Blood Counts good enough for chemo # 7!  

My Doc dialed back the dosage of some of the drugs because of my side effects last time- 

It is almost 7 o'clock and this chemo is yet again a bit different - probably because of the blood boosting shots and me working out a bit more.  Side effects:

tingling in hands, back to  second knuckle, which makes me clumsy typing and texting -

  I have to run my fork under hot water so it gets warm and I can grab it. 

flue-like body aches - my hips especially ache - larger muscles also

tiredness (napping is a regular event)

headache

everything tastes "off" -everything has to be tepid - no hot, no cold.

my coloring is kinda yellowish 

my eyes don't focus very well - things are a little blurry

some nausea - earlier than usual - the sea bands** keeping it controlled!

  **If you are not familiar with sea bands, they are elastic bands that you wear around both wrists. They have an accupressure button that presses on the insides of your wrists and helps to control nausea.  Walgreens has them for 12 bucks. Perhaps this can be a blessing to someone else.  I live in them for about 8-10 days after chemo.  I do need the compazine anti nausea drug, but I think this puts off when I have to start it, and lets me get off it earlier.

emotions very sensitive - I get teary easily 

my hands cramp up and

I walk kinda funny - very carefully, like I am drunk :)

  

So how am I doing?  

I went in Monday thinking I was going to have chemo and was shocked not to get it.  I walked in this morning thinking I was not going to get chemo and had to really fight mixed feelings that I was getting it -- on the one hand I was thankful not to put it off--but on the other hand, it was 40 and beautifully sunny and I had already planned what I was going to do between now and Monday!  and it was a lot of fun stuff mixed in with the "have to"s.  

This is certainly an emotional roller coaster!  

 

Very thankful to be staying close to on schedule instead of a whole week behind

Also thankful that they cut the doses of some of the medicines.

Thankful for dinner coming

Thankful for my neighbors who care for Chance, and check in on me several times a day

Thankful for my sweet bible study sisters who drive so far to give me the gift of participating in that study and "girl time"

Thankful for the encouraging e-mails, cards, and phone calls 

Thankful for energy enough to do a few trips up and down the stairs (I feel so much better!)

Thankful and privileged to pray as I lie in my twilight haze of sleep/wake

Thankful also for multiple, deep-sleeping, hopefully healing, naps in that haze...

Thankful that even tho I do not understand why, God has me where I am supposed to be -- 

  could I take the good things from Him and say thank you and fight the "bad" things?  

  do I not believe that He can bring good from anything? 

  do I not believe in his sovereignty?

     The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away - 

     Blessed be the name of the Lord - Job 1:21

             And in case you think I am a freak, no this isn't easy to believe.  It is a trust lesson that He has taught me over years of me journaling events, going back and seeing how he worked things out -- These years were hell to go through,but when I looked back and saw how God

     solved the unsolvable - 

     moved the unmovable--

     taught the unteachable and 

     changed hearts, 

then I began to understand...

Then I could see how he used those hellish years to grow me, 

     and take care of other things as well 

     and bring good from the mess...  

Praying that I learn and grow stronger through this journey.....

Thanks for checking in - Watch for God working in your circumstances....

  

"Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord...."

Chemo postponed perhaps til Wed - but I feel pretty good!


My blood work was not good enough for me to get chemo today as the infection fighters are very, very low and the other counts are low also.  I got a shot today of nupogen and will get another tomorrow.  (This is the same shot they gave me before I flew to MT at Christmas.) The hope is that this will give me the boost that I need to be well enough to have chemo on Wed.  
The only other thing that I can do to help this is to exercise...tho he was not excited about me going to a club because of all the germs -- He liked the mall idea better - so I walked earlier and am going back again to walk some more...tough to get motivated!

What is so strange to me about all this is that I feel good!  I have energy, am eating well and have been walking about 2 1/2 miles daily the second week (chemo week even climbing the stairs is work!)  I do get tired pretty quickly though....


So in the category of whining--
there are so many extremely frail and ill patients who get chemo....why not me?
this shift meant that I had to change all the care arrangements that were set up because of Todd's traveling...and
I won't be feeling very great for going to the ballet this weekend :(  I love the ballet and am sad that I'll be really weary and have to wear a dumb little mask, if I feel good enough to go.....


How am I doing?  I'm better now, but I was shocked and I cried -- 
you psyche yourself up for something like this -- to have it declined when I feel good was like having ice water dumped over me.  The possibility of is messing up so many of our plans was really hard for me...but (Ps 33:11) The plans of the Lord stand forever...  


Enough whining -- I am very thankful 
that even if my blood is poor, I feel decent
that there is a shot that can help me
that I have helpful friends that I have to call
that Todd's less stressed because I'll be on chemo a shorter time while he is gone
that the goal of this is treatment is a cure
that we have tickets to the ballet to look forward to
that I have a mall close by to walk in


Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord.... praying that this is the case...


Attitude adjustment time - boy do I need it!
God's guided this from the very beginning -- 
I don't get what he's doing now, but later I'll get it (John 13:7)
His plan is to prosper me and not to harm me (Jer 29:11)-- 
I have work to do for him (Eph 2:10) --
He is my healer(Deut32:39) -- 
He is always with me(Matt 28:20)--
He will strengthen me(Is 41:10)--
He'll work this out and good will come from it (Ro 8:28)
I believe, so I will see His glory (John 11:40)
He has blessed me to be a blessing (Gen 12:2)
And I remember his promise from James 1:12 
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him...


Thanks for checking in and for praying for us!  
God's blessings to each of you!








   

Chemo #7 Tomorrow -

Hopefully my bloodwork will be good enough to get chemo - as of last Monday it was bad enough that they would not have given it to me if it had been a chemo date.  
I have been strong enough to walk and be a domestic diva :) though I truly tire quickly.


Today is a typical day before chemo - lotsa nerves!  
I woke early and spent some time with God before the moon set....
Read many treasured scriptures that comforted me and gave me peace and strength --


I am cutting this short because Todd has to leave tomorrow on a business trip so I am going to enjoy his company while I can.  Many of you have offered help and to come check in on me --Thank you-thank you so much!  I appreciate it very much - and Todd especially does --- he feels terrible the way this fell -- but what are you going to do?  He has been with me for so much!  


Thank you for your prayers on our behalf --


Is 41:10  
So do not fear, for I am with you
  do not be dismayed, for I am your God
I will strengthen you and help you,
  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand


Is 40:31
but those who hope in the Lord 
  will renew their strength
They will soar on wings like eagles,
  they will run and not grow weary,
  they will walk and not be faint.

You choose - Bitter or Better

Doing well!  Troubled by side effects
   not sleeping (moon or chemo do you think?)
   mouth sores - very painful :(
   hands and feet are swelling at times, burning hot at times and cracky peely
   chemo makes my sinuses work overtime, so my nose is cracked and painful also - 
       makes sleeping hard !
   energy flags pretty quickly
Very thankful to have energy despite the new side effects!


I was blessed on Tues to be able to attend Bible study and still have enough energy to attend Midge's funeral...It was stunning to me to see in her writing, in her Daniel workbook "Death is the last foe Jesus conquers"  (not sure I quoted that exactly right) She wrote that last Tues and began her journey home Wed.  
The lesson for that week was on Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego in the firey furnace.  Beth Moore talked extensively about the fire --- When we have fires in our lives, 
   We can be delivered from the fire -- in which case our faith is built.
   We can be delivered through the fire - in which case our faith is refined.
   We can be delivered by the fire into Jesus loving arms - in which case, our faith is perfected.  
This was the lesson that we studied last Tuesday -- the last lesson Midge studied...and now her faith is perfected!


God's timing is stunning......it is perfect - even if we don't understand...
Ps 75:2 I choose the appointed time
Mark 13:33 Be alert, on guard!  You do not know when that time will come...
  God is seldom late, but He is never early...


When things go wrong, you have a choice how to react.  
You can waste time and energy being mad at God and getting bitter - or you can give the whole mess to God and ask Him to bring good out of it.  
This is a very difficult thing to do.  It is not easy to have your entire life turned upside down!  I'd be lyin' if I said there were not tears shed and a bit of panic!  When you have buried both parents because of cancer, and you find out you have cancer -- you have to work really hard to not just scream at God!  
  "It's not fair - we just got dad's house sold-we are supposed to be empty nesters-able to travel on a whim and enjoy "freedom"-we've been separated from May-August -- we were planning to get some late season camping in - to do a getaway to recover from our separation --to celebrate Your goodness in everything that happened with my dad's situation--I am young- I have things I want to do--even some things for You--but I have plans! - it is not fair - I don't want to die - I don't want to endure chemo-to be sick- I don't want to deal with this - I just want my life to be the way it was - I am sick of seeing doctors, surgeons and sick of hospitals and clinics after last year w my poor dad....aaarrrrrrgggghhhhh I am so mad - don't you care? don't you love me?????


To these cries, I feel my loving heavenly Father pointing out all the ways in which He has blessed  us over the many years together (30 in April!)  
-adopting a 16 yr old when we were 26 (fools rush in where angels fear to tread!)
  (this is a whole fantastic story full of God's intervention!)
-Todd's success professionally
-Our houses selling rapidly when we needed them to
-Our call to St Louis
-Healthy children
-Our faith growth
-His guidance and protection of us through marriage struggles
-a great church/school home that made faith real/practical/relevant
-our children's faith, which is truly their own!  
-God calling Todd out of the secular world (our family all thought we were nuts! fanatics)
-Our kids protection from the devil's work 
-His perfect timing calling us here
    Paul declared for Concordia Mequon in Nov.
    LHSAGM came into the picture in Dec - interviews and a call
    time for a family vacation/decision to answer the call
-His intervention time and time again with the Lutheran High School Assoc
-getting to see Karl more than we thought(he lives in MT and flights are grossly overpriced)
-jobs for our kids in a down economy
-Many many God moments throughout my dad's illness and death (to many to list here)
-The very few symptoms that pushed me to not dawdle getting to the doc(see the 10/9 post)
-The speed with which I was seen at the Vince Lombardi clinic
-The huge amount of people who cared and prayed for us (still do!)
-The surgery date being moved a whole month (thank you for praying)
-The speed with which I healed
-Karl becoming engaged to a Godly woman of great strength and character
-The mild Winter (for the stinging hands)
-That my feet (which the reynauds affected greatly in the past) are unaffected!
-The meals and rides that just keep on coming.
           I know I am missing some,but that's a long list


When I look at that--at all God has provided for me - for our family
   How he has not just given us the bare necessities - 
     but how He ices the cake and serves it with champagne and roses...
How can I possibly continue with my ranting???


Ro 8:32 He who did not spare his son, but gave him up for us all, how will he not also, along with him, give us all things?
Ps 145:16 You open your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing


Because I used to be very bitter, and it is ugly -my only choice is to give this to God, and pray that he will use it to His Glory.  
He was pretty clear with me that I was not to be shy about sharing all this with you 
(I still can't believe some of the things I say--but I get continued feedback that it is helpful)
I believe that He has a plan (Jer 29:11), that He has work for me to do (Eph 2:10), and that He works all things to good for me because I love Him(Ro 8:28).....
Since this is the road that I am on, 
I am thankful that I am not alone (Is 43:1-3) (Ps 23) and 
I chose to be better, 
  because I have done bitter, and it is miserable .... 
Praying that He gets the glory.....

Prayer is powerful and effective.....

Still feeling good today - just a bit tired- think my cold is trying to re-establish itself!    


You may remember that last week my Tues morning bible study lost a dear lady who had been coming for ten years or so, Midge.  I didn't know her very well --we were good acquaintances.  This morning, I was humbled yet again.  Midge's niece Susan, who is also a member of our Tues morning study, sent out an e-mail saying that when they took Midge's clothes out of the hospital bag, she had been wearing my bracelet.......
This affected me very powerfully -- 
an acquaintance - who hardly knew me, was wearing my bracelet when she began her final journey to heaven.....she cared enough to talk to God about me...
maybe it's chemo, maybe it's hormones--but I haven't stopped crying...


Early on in this journey, I remember saying repeatedly that I was blown away by how many people were praying for me--people who in most cases did not know me....
Midge brings that back home -- 
people that I don't know - that have no reason to give a flip about me -- are praying for me...
and those prayers are getting me through the rugged weeks - like last week...and the week before...and the week before.....


We are all a part of the body of Christ.  When one member suffers, we all suffer -- 
and we pray for each other 
  and lift each other up 
    and carry each other when we ourselves cannot carry on


When I was in Indiana, sitting vigil with my father from May 2o thru June 27, that was some of the most grueling time I have ever endured.  Yet because of the prayers of fellow believers, I was able to cope --
- to face his death 
- to face our parting 
- to endure his pain and suffering
- to be gone from my best friend - Todd
- to be gone from my network of friends
AND those prayers enabled my husband to continue to work, commute to Indiana, miss me but still function -- and we survived the stress
      We were carried on the prayers of the faithful.  


We are all part of the body of Christ.  When someone pops into your head, 
    pray for them.  
The more you do this, the more people God will bring to your mind -- it is really very cool!  
If you add to that, letting them know you prayed for them, you will find out that sometimes they were in a really dark place, and your prayers made a difference --
  - prayed for a friend from high school for about 2 weeks - found out 3 mos later when I finally made contact with him that he had been in the hospital after a really bad motorcycle accident - that's when God kept bringing him to mind
  - prayed for one of the kids that used to come to youth group - found out she had just moved and was settling in to a different part of the country - new job etc. 
......I could go on and on with examples...try it and let me know your stories!

You never know what God's gonna do--it's our job to 
"love each other as I have loved you" John 15:12


Life is so fragile....handle with prayer
We are here - and then we are gone....
We need to make a difference for the kingdom while we are here....



So, who ya prayin for?  (besides me! thank you!) 
Pray it, friend!  Others are prayin for you!

Happy Sunday! Riding the roller coaster

I feel the best I have felt in a long time!  
still a little nauseated, but I have energy!  Yippee!
the cold still is here, but it is managable!  
Blood work was not very good, but I hope this is an indication that I am on the upswing!  


Spent yesterday conquering Mount Washmore and cleaning the house.  What a great feeling it is to see something that needs doing, and being able to get up, take care of it - and sit back down without feeling dizzy, throw-upy or exhausted!  I was never so thankful to wash my kitchen counter in my life!  It's truly the little things in life that you have to be thankful for!!  
Getting out of my jammies for the first time in several days is another big praise!  


Was blessed to have a dear friend from St Louis come visit last night, and I even had enough energy to enjoy that!  Thank you God for the energy.  


Ps 118:24 sings in my heart - 
This is the day the Lord has made - let us rejoice and be glad in it!  


I am so thankful to look forward to a day with more enthusiasm than many have been of late!!
Thank you God!  :) happy dance!  very, very thankful --

Kinda crabby-with a wake up call!

Nausea, numbness and tingling hang on.  Typing still is an adventure


The main chemo drug i am on is 5FU.  It can cause a side effect called hand-foot syndrome.  This involves your hands (in my case) and feet becoming red and swollen, the skin cracking and becoming peely.  The solution for this is to put on lots of lotion and keep you hands and feet cool because anything warm enhances the problem.  
The secondary drug, oxalyplatin, that I am on has the cold sensitivity as a side effect.  This causes numbness and tingling in my fingers up to my second knuckle (yes - it goes farther each round).  It also causes clumsiness (dropping items b/c you can't feel them) and difficulty in typing and picking up utensils.  The solution for this problem is to keep your hands warm - to run them under warm water whenever the stinging happens, and to use the "hot hands" hot packs when outside.  
Yesterday, the nurse said I was to not use the hot packs at all and to walk a very fine line between warm and cold......which makes absolutely no sense because even picking up a plate  causes the numbness and tingling....
I am thoroughly frustrated and grumpy about all this....
Add to this that they said to keep taking the benedryl to reduce my facial swelling, even though it did not reduce the swelling.....fortunately, the swelling went down on it's own.    
I am tired of all of this and just want to feel like myself again.....rrrrrrr!  However, God always puts things in perspective.  


My Tues a.m. bible study had a shock yesterday.  One of the sweet ladies who attends, Midge, went to dinner Wed. night with her husband.  She collapsed during dinner and was rushed to the hospital.  Thursday around noon, she went home to be with her saviour.....
My problems are very, very small in the face of this loss.  
Please remember her husband and her niece (who also attends our bible study) as their worlds has been turned upside down. 


My friends---never leave each other in anger.  You do not know what is around the corner.  Having to live with your last words to someone being in anger would be such a curse.  Always part with a sweet word.  You never know...


Thankful today for
Todd, Paul, Karl and Gretchen and our extended family - 
you - my dear friends
God's word that holds out hope no matter what the situation
dinner delivered and drivers to help us


God is our refuge and strength - an ever present help in trouble...
Therefore, we will not fear, tho the earth give way, and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.....Ps 46....


God Bless your Friday!

Disconnect today - very tired

Woke up to swollen lips and throat - thankful to have benedryl to take
Got disconnected from my ball and chain - Yay!
Have to go back tomorrow because of the swelling-They want to check me again, this time at St. Lukes
They told me to take my anti-nausea with the benedryl.  Both make me sleep!   
My hands continue to be a problem - stinging and clumsy


Todd came home to take fix food for me and walk me around the block.  
  Poor man has a cold now :(  like he needs anything else!
Slept much of the day today -a deeper sleep. Before I would be in a twilight zone, where I could direct my mind and I prayed a fair bit.  Today was more like a black hole - just deep sleep.
Drugs.....
Feel yucky  -just marking time....Thanks for marking time with us!


Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer.