Untethered!

The Chemo pump was disconnected this afternoon - 
Shower tonight - Nothing like a hot shower and a sharp razor!!!
I feel ok-thank God!


Getting the pump off was the easiest thing I have done there yet!  The hardest part was - you guessed it- getting the tape off!  Fortunately, all my skin stayed put!  It just looks pretty battered.   


The nausea feels like I must perpetually reach for a bucket.  Sometimes it gets the added dimension of the body aches, but today, I haven't had those, just headaches.  The sea bands were helping, though as I am typing, not so much!!!  Another little twist to this fun game I am playing is that the chemo has shut down my digestive system!  They say "Eat when you feel nauseated," and "drink lots of water"--- so you can just imagine.... 


Even though I fight waves of nausea, I am blessed to have some "good" times in between.  I am never quite sure how long they will last, so I have to keep my "projects" to bite size  proportions in case I have to quit.  After I got home, I was able to walk Chance, brush him and vacuum up the fur AND take a shower!!  Doesn't sound like much, but that was huge! (It did take me 3 1/2 hours to do it though!) This morning I just sat at the kitchen table -- didn't read, didn't write, didn't talk on the phone -- just sat.....Does that tell you how crumby I felt ????  Was going to get a hair cut, but just couldn't summon up the strength or even the interest to go. 


I struggle with being afraid of what is coming next - in terms of side effects.  A friend sent me   
Ps 56:3 When I am afraid, I will trust in you.  
Trusting is a decision - it is so hard to take all the scenarios that might happen and dump them at the foot of the cross, and leave them there.  I keep picking them back up again, and worrying about them all over again!  
John 16:33 tells me I will have trouble in this world -- but take heart, says Jesus, I have overcome the world!  
But how about my nausea?  and what about it getting worse?  and the body aches and head aches?  and pooping problems?  and being exhausted?  and being grumpy to my sweet husband?  


One of my cousins sent me some scripture that she had turned into prayers --

Ps 37:22-23

Do not abandon me, Lord. My God, do not go away from me! Hurry to help me, Lord, My Savior.

Ps 5:2-3

Let my words reach your ears, Lord. Listen to my groaning and hear the cry of my prayer, O my King, my God.

I have to discipline my mind to trust and not worry -- 

Ps 37:8  Fret not - it leads only to evil!  

Easier said than done!