Help wanted
Despite a wait of over an hour beyond my scheduled procedure time, my mediport was placed with no major problems. I did get a little nervous when they were looking for the vein in my neck and couldn't find it.....fortunately after some searching, they located it - thankfully with an ultrasound machine and not a needle!
As I got ready for this "game" this morning, my weepy mood continued and I really struggled to pull it together. On the way to the hospital, Todd would start a verse and have me finish it -- then we sang a few praise songs (a joyful noise!) The last thing I felt like doing was walking into that hospital this morning, but as I got out of the car, I sucked it up and walked in. This was the first thing that I did alone through this whole ordeal -- when we talked, I decided that I could manage this with a ride from a friend and didn't need him to miss more work since I might really need him if I get the flue on top of chemo - God forbid!
The pre-surgical waiting "bay," where you hang out until the surgery room is available was truly a challenge for me this morning. The Doc asking me if this was a new diagnosis, brought the tears back.
I knew I should be reciting verses to keep myself courageous, and it was like my mind froze - actually melted is more like it - into a quivering mass of self pity and fear.
I was blessed by friends who sent me scripture text messages to hang on to and read over and over--
You see, when you have that silly little gown on,
and several blankets to keep you warm in the arctic temperatures,
and an oxygen monitor on one finger, a pressure cuff around one arm
and a poorly placed IV in the other arm,
it is painful and awkward to flip memory verse cards in an effort to keep fear away.
Thanks for the verses to keep me going strong! Once I started reading them, other verses came back to me and I was able to reign in the fear and think logically. I knew I should be thankful -- so I started looking around for things to be thankful for --
--extra time to dwell on scripture, breath and relax
--friends who loved me enough to send God's encouragement
--that I could get phone reception once in a while to get the encouragement
(it went from 3 bars for a min to nothing for 5 min--back and forth the whole time!)
--blankets from the warmer!
--that all I have is colon cancer and not something worse
(at hospitals, there are always people there who look so much worse off than I am....)
--for painkillers
--for people who answer the call button
Between the scripture and searching out things to be thankful for,
my sense of peace came back -- not that the tears left,
but the peace came back and with it some humor popped out also --
-- I was able to joke with the techs in the OR --
To go from weepy and pitiful to calm and cheerful is a miracle!
This was God's special gift of grace to me--your prayers answered! Thank you for praying!
On another note- God is really growing me.
It is so hard for me to ask for help, or to accept help -- I am usually the one doing the helping!
However, I don't know how I will do with the chemo....so
Some of you have offered to help us with meals--Thank you! To make it easy, we have set up a calendar
To access Christine Moritz's personal CareCalendar site,
visit http://www.carecalendar.org/
the following information in the appropriate spaces:
CALENDAR ID : 93366
SECURITY CODE : 5514
We really appreciate it!
No comments:
Post a Comment