Living Life

Port is ok - achey, sore, but healthy
Chemo starts tomorrow - please pray for minimal side effects, especially the cold sensitivity because of my reynauds.  

I am still sore from getting the port put in -- just not much skin to stretch over the sucker!  I have deep bruising and my skin does not do well with all the tape --have had more trouble from the tape than from the surgery.  The initial tape job after surgery had me very restricted - not quite able to straighten my head up. (where the catheter goes down to my heart is at the base of my neck and that bandage was put on while I was in lala land and my head was cocked to the right a bit) When we removed that tape, it took some skin with it and left irritated marks.  Fortunately, my nurse for the chemo teaching changed the dressing, using a skin barrier and that gave me some comfort and more movement.  Wide wing span movement is hard tho (putting sheets on the bed - folding towels) and I find that muscle exertion on my right side makes it throb a bit.  I am trusting that will go a way soon.  


Tomorrow starts chemo, and as I learned Friday, one of the drugs I will get (oxaliplatin) has, as a side effect, cold sensitivity.  
Grabbing something out of the fridge or freezer will feel like being burnt 
- drinking cold things will be very painful
- breathing in cold air will be painful. 
Initially, this will be a feeling, with no nerve damage, however as the chemo continues, the possibility of nerve damage is out there.  
To further complicate matters, I have reynauds.  This disease shuts down the circulation to my hands and feet when my head and face get cold.  I have had it happen in the past that because of the poor circulation, I would get sores on my toes, kinda like a diabetic.  (This is prob more than you wanted to know, but it will explain my fear more fully)  Because of the decreased circulation, the  sores do not heal easily-like not for months. (It takes about 5-7 min to bandage toes every day, several times a day - and you can forget having any cute shoes!!!)  
I have been able to improve this with the help of my wonderful chiropractor-BUT it is still a really scary thing to me to think that I will be even MORE sensitive to cold - in Winter in WI!  
In addition, 
chemo can cause permanent nerve damage--not feeling my feet, which would mean no driving and even less graceful walking!   :)  


My oncologist has done research, contacted others who have done research, discussed me at a conference (I AM just that unusual!), and still feels that because of my age, that this treatment plan is his best recommendation.  My rheumatologist concurs.   


As I look back at the events of the past year, 
  how God has carefully worked details out, timed things to perfection, blessed me repeatedly --- 
I believe that he lead me through the progression of doctors, diagnosis, surgeries, etc 
  and that this is the Doc God wants me with.  
If I believe that, then I should probably go with his advice, eh?  


I am preaching to the choir here - reminding myself and chasing off the fears...


When I am fearful - I need to be thankful.  
One thing that I am thankful for, that has come from my cancer, is that people that had gone out of my life have found me again. Sometimes they share a story about how I impacted their lives.  I cannot begin to tell you how humbling that is.  There are events that I forgot about long ago that meant so much to people--and they are now in contact with me, praying for me, sharing their lives with me. Ro 8:28 - God can work all things together for good to those who love him. This is one huge blessing for me!


There are other blessings also - sweet things my husband says like, "going anywhere with you is fun - even chemo."  or "I want to plant your daffodils for you because when you see them in the Spring, you will know you are almost done!"  He encourages me by talking of the plans we have coming up - even if I won't be able to do all of them, it helps to think of them.  
We are learning to live with cancer - not sit around waiting to be done with this chapter


More blessings - all the meals y'all are preparing!  Thank you so very much!  There is another star in your crowns in heaven! Matt 25:40 - whatever you do ....you do for me


Another blessing - when I went on Friday, the receptionist at the oncologist's office said to me 
that  miracles happen here every day - she is one of those people who kind of "shines" with God's love.  


Another blessing - our neighbors are wonderful!  Here's some of the things they have done for us:  dog care - grocery shopping - leaf removal - garden clean up- daffodil planting - more leaf removal - order wood for the fireplace 
Other friends have cooked and cleaned for us --
   God is definitely growing me in this area - it is so hard to receive help!!! Thank you!  


Or Friday night--I was blessed to be able to attend the Hales Corners Lutheran School Auction.  There have been times that I wondered if people read this--- boy was I ever wrong!  I was surprised and humbled by how many people said to me that 
they read my blog faithfully 
 - they look for it daily 
 -- they have been my prayer partners 
 --- that I inspire them 
 ---- that they love how transparent I am.   
I am blown away again!  
Thank you for taking the time from your busy lives to walk this journey with me.  
I am honored -- thank you!  


I am apprehensive of the chemo--of walking this valley, of the unknown.  
BUT 
being afraid does not change the fact that God is on the throne, that he loves me and that He has a plan. 
It doesn't change the fact that I get my strength from him--from his word.  
Not knowing what that plan is, I can beat my head against a wall - scream and wail, 'why me,' or I can submit to this path and pray that I live my life pointing the way to Him!  
"To Live is Christ - to die is gain!"  
This is not our home folks!  

Question for you:
What is your favorite psyche up music?