It's a Blur

On Monday, my surgeon declared me fit and able to be released from his care.  
I have been researching alternative therapies, but will probably move forward with chemo swiftly to get it over with. 


The surgeon was very pleased with my progress, my incision is closed - about 1/2 of it w no scab even! totally closed!  When they looked at me, they said, " Well we are about 3 weeks post surgery now right?"  uh - no, it's been 11 days!  They just looked and me and at the screen and kinda flipped their eyebrows up in surprise.  (Your prayers, answered!)
My liver enzymes, which were elevated on Friday are back to normal.
I have been off heavy pain killers since Sat and only taking occasional OTC pain relief  since then. I am able to do much of what I need to do - just have to be careful about twisting movements. Driving again is a great relief and I am walking at a better pace!  That has to be God!  How else could it happen to be on that little pain medication 9 days after surgery!  Again, this has to be the result of your prayers!  Thank you for them!


The whole concept of chemotherapy does not make sense to me - to poison the whole body, to kill the bad cells ---- 
Some of you know that I gravitate toward non-traditional medicine - so I have been researching alternative therapies.  Any research is time consuming, and to be truthful, because of the emotions involved, it has been difficult to unravel fact from fiction!   It is very hard not to feel like a time bomb - wondering if/where the cancer cells are going to make a new home.  I have an appointment with a naturopathic doc today.   
It has been an emotional time, going through some of the grieving process - trying to figure out what to do - absorbing lots of information - weighing options.  It is enough to make me nutsy!  That's why you haven't heard from me.  Not much to say -- just taking it all in, talking to people, crying and trying to process it all.


We thank you for all the e-mails sharing experiences with chemo, and with medi ports -- I am blown away by the kindness of my friends talking to their friends, and their friends taking time to share their experiences with me.  You have answered so many questions for me.  Thank you!  


"but how are you doing?"
It has been harder the last few days -- it still is a shock to me to hear my name on the prayer list at church -- other than my funny bandage, I don't feel "sick" 
(tired, yes -- sick, no!)
I feel out of control and not as peaceful -- however,  it is my own darn fault because I haven't been spending as much time with God as I need to for calmness.  Yesterday at Bible study, a friend said "you cannot build a shelter in a storm."  We need to equip ourselves and strengthen ourselves before  life's troubles smack us around.  Then, in the midst of the struggles, we have to be faithful in keeping our priorities in order, with God first -- 
  not alternative therapy research, 
  not long neglected domestic duties,
  not worrying about it, 
  not the "busyness" of life, 
  not thank you notes, phone calls and e-mails --  
      but spending time in His presence, reading his word, remembering how he has guided, 
      provided and guarded me before, and being comforted by Him.  
I have had so many people send me scriptures and encouragement - Thank you so much.  They help me keep my eyes God.   


Karl sent me this verse this morning -- 
2 Cor 4:16 Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
I love it - 


Last week Karl mentioned this song to me, and several others have also -- I confess - it made me so sad that we have to deal with this, but made me full of thankfulness for my awesome husband.  
     Yesterday, poor man - He kept hugging me, handing me kleenex and finally handed me my 
      keys, a cup of coffee, and lunch and said, " You need to go to Bible Study -- that is where
      you need to be!"  and he was so right....


I'm gonna love you through....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iyU4S7yHFo

Thank you seems so repetitive, so inadequate -- my heart overflows with thankfulness for each of you who take the time to read this, to pray for me, for my family.  Thank you!  Your prayers are making all the difference!  May you be blessed, as you have blessed us!