Trying to keep my mind focused and fight fear
Thankful for my chef and my cheering section (you!)
I knew coming home would be a big shift from Oasis of Hope and thought I prepared myself well. Ha! It's been harder than I anticipated. There, everyone you spend time with is in the same (ish) situation (cancer patient) with the same mindset (alternative therapy) or they are there to support you in your battle. There is strength that comes from spending time together - from praying for those who are failing - from worshiping together and from comparing notes on how a treatment went - how many naps you took and sharing tips together.
Home is wonderful -- nothing like your own pillow and your own potty to make life good!
(It's the little things!)
However, there is not the community at each meal that I grew accustomed to --
oh yeah and you have to fix your own food! Thank God Todd is helping me in this fight! I'm not sure what I would do! I really miss the gathering of people with the same intention/attitude toward this...
Combine this with my goofy schedule of napping a lot, it makes planning events- outtings- getting together challenging.
Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment and chose to drive myself. I got up, ate, walked almost 1.75 miles, got ready, drove there, waited, had the appointment, checked in with Todd, drove home, ate and napped after my strenuous morning! That little bit totally wore me out! Crazy!
Today, I had an appointment with an HVAC repairman (thank you God it was for a $3.00 fuse and not a $3000 A/C unit!) He left by 9. After some domestic puttering, I gave in to the siren call of my pillow on the patio and slept for over an hour - which did not prevent me from sleeping 1/2 hour this afternoon as well!
This is so weird for me-- I am used to getting up and pressing hard until well into the evening. I remember writing back in the Spring that I felt strongly that God was wanting to teach me a better, more balanced way of living. This must be part of the plan! Struggling with being content that this is what I am supposed to do. Submitting to his plan sometimes is easier than others - sleeping is not that rough -- it is combatting the voices in my head that tell me to work, work, work no matter what!
Very thankful that I can take the time to rest. Not sure how anyone who is doing this alternative route can manage all the details, rest and work! So very thankful for all the scrimping and thrifting, saving and debt avoidance that we did over our lifetime to be able to invest it in this treatment which is giving me the best chance of long life.
Lots of thankfulness in this blog! While at Oasis of Hope, I made a cross of notes what each had multiple things on it for which I was thankful. It helped to fight the fear. I need to do that again here at home. There have been several things that really got my fear going again -- news that several friends are not doing well -- one whose death is imminent - the pain continuing - meeting with doctors who don't understand why I am doing this - wondering how long I m gonna be so tired...
To combat that, I remind myself of all the awesome protocols I have done -- here are a few pictures that cheered me up and reminded me to trust God.
A small miracle, but I dozed off and slept during hyperthermia and Todd snapped this. It shows a bit more of the set up with the tent and my beautiful icy helmet to maintain proper body temperature. Profoundly thankful for all of you carrying me/us through this. Currently, I'm reading the Healing Power of a Christian Mind and it refers to a study in which a Dr did a study on the power of prayer in which the patients did not know if they were prayed for or not. In fact the patients did not even know the pray-ers! (R.B Byrd, "positive therapeutic effects of intercessory prayer a coronary care unit population," Southern Medical Journal, 1988:81:826-829) So in case you needed positive proof that you are making a difference for me -- there is some!
I leave you with some verses from Ps 34
This calmed my jitters as I waited for my urology appointment yesterday!
We are thankful for you! Blessings to y'all! Thanks for checkin' in!
Hi Christine, I am home too and it has been quite an adjustment. still trying to get a routine going. Really missing the prepared meals at Oasis and the company of the others. I am also feeling tired and hoping that it is the vaccines working. praying for you and all the others there with us at Oasis of Hope.
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing and sharing pictures from your treatment at Oasis.
Linda Cervantez
Hi Christine, you don't know me, I am Traci Wise' mom. I commented once on your blog while you were at the clinic. I am glad you are home, and I understand the adjustment. My husband was in a cancer clinic in Germany 3 years ago, I think the only difference is we stayed in the German community and were taken by taxi to the clinic everyday and we had to prepare our own meals. If ever we need to repeat this protocol I think we'll go to Oasis of Hope. We are still battling his cancer and I believe it is the lifestyle changes we have made that have kept him healthy this long. He still gets tired and naps everyday, although it could be because he has no thyroid gland. We continue on 3 month blood tests, seeing Dr. Connealy, our integrative medicine doctor as well as our conventional doctor the endocrinologist, who thinks we are wasting our time with Dr. Connealy. We also have friends that are dying of cancer, some who are open to integrative and some who refuse it. Really I just want to encourage you to keep doing what you are doing. It's been a long journey of learning, 12 years now, and wow, amazed how far alternative medicine has come. If you ever want to share stories with someone who's been down your road, please tell Traci, she can give you my number. Prayers for continued healing and strength.
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