Pass the Kleenex...

Have done research on immunotherapy - that is not an option for me
Thinking that the local therapies are not the greatest option - but still praying 
Diarrhea is held at bay as long as I keep taking the medication
Still struggling with gut and back aches.
Seeking wisdom regarding next steps - 
Grieving...

Immunotherapy is not something I feel comfortable with pursuing.  For colon cancer, they are clinical trials.  For me, that feels like playing Russian Roulette, not knowing if you get the placebo or the drug.  I prefer to gamble with things that have been around awhile.  Another  component is the length of time it would take me to get into a trial.  I need to move pretty quickly according to my doctors. 

Some days go pretty well. Some days are more social, other days are quiet, introspective days.  Sometimes its a regular domestic  day.  Sometimes it's a day of enjoying life and thanksgiving - other days I cry.  
Today is a day of grieving....I am sad... very sad....

Trying to avoid regret - sometimes successfully - other times not.  
You cannot be where I am and not spend some time thinking about 

 - how many more days like this do I have? have I been thankful and savored it enough?
 - the next steps -- what does He want me to do to finish my race well
 - what was I put here to do? -- did I accomplish that to His satisfaction?
 - the things I still need-to/want-to say/do 
 - people I'd love to get to know better but probably won't have the time
 - making amends for things I've done wrong
 - how long to I have left here on earth?
 - what priorities do I have in the time left?

Put that next to the need to stay positive and strong - 
 - I can beat this beast
 - my body is healing (even when it does not feel like it is!)

Bathe it in tears and add an achy gut and it can be a really difficult day.  

Days like today, I strengthen myself in the Lord my God -- from Samuel 30:6

So here is what that looks like for me.  Not much original material here -- He is a much better author than I could ever be!

I know the plans I have for you says the Lord - plans to prosper you and not to harm you--to give you a hope and a future -- Jer 29:11

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart Jer 29:13

Surely God is my salvation I will trust and not be afraid.  Is 12:2

For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love and self control. 2 Tim 1:7

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make straight your paths.   Prov 3:5-6

Phil 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus

Praying to 
discern what is best so that I may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ Jesus 
Phil 1:10

I will continue to rejoice for I know that through your prayers and the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance - Phil 1:18b-19

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the Gospel...Phil 1:27 
   Lord - please let it be so.

Thanks to all of you who have sent me comments about Oasis of Hope, my doctors, my treatment etc.  I realize that all of this comes from deep love and concern for me - just please share gently...I am fragile right now...

Thankful for all of you who are Jesus with skin on for us!  
Thankful for God's word that sustains us when we feel hopeless.  
Thanks for checkin' in!