Feeling ok, still have a cold & low energy probably from sugar withdrawal/diet change.
Have dropped almost 10 pounds - trying to eat more
Got a call to place my port yesterday and it put me in a tail spin. Not ready for that!
Got a call from City of Hope from admitting, but still no second opinion appointment time.
Tomorrow (Friday) is our appointment with the integrative doctor -
So how am I feeling?
Overwhelmed.
Fearful.
Hopeful.
Overwhelmed with massive quantities of information, much of it contradictory.
Fearful about the future -
Hopeful for clarity tomorrow -
Really hopeful, but often doc appointment's pose questions with no answers.
I felt pretty strongly the need to quit with the research (trying to figure it out by myself) and just spend some time with God,(trust Him) so that's what I did this morning.
1 Sam 30:6(b)
But David found strength in the Lord his God (or "strengthened himself")
The best way for me to do that is to read/pray favorite verses.
Ro 8:6 The mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.
Ps 94:18-19 When I said, " my foot is slipping," your love, oh Lord supported me.
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
Lord you know that my anxiety is great, and I want my mind controlled by your spirit - please help me to catch the worry thoughts and make them subject to you, (2Cor 10:5) and listen to your words for comfort.
Is 7:9(b) If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.
Ps 37:8(b) Do not fret - it leads only to evil...
Col 3:2 Set your mind on things above, NOT on earthly things...
Ps 141:8 My eyes are fixed on you sovereign Lord...
John 11:40 Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the Glory of God?
I know that standing firm on your strength is critical to withstanding fear and that fretting distracts my focus. Keep my eyes fixed on You and Your promises so that I will see your glory.
Deut 1:30 The Lord your God who goes before you, will himself fight for you,
just as he did in Milwaukee,(Egypt) before your eyes.
Thanks for this reminder Lord -- you fought mightily for me in Milwaukee the last time-- You will fight for me again.... Show me what you want me to do for treatment.
Fear not for I have redeemed you,
I have summoned you by name,
you are mine.
When you pass through the waters
I will be with you
when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you
when you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned.
The flames will not set you ablaze
For I am the Lord your God
Is 43:1-3
Thankful for:
God's word and the strength that comes from Him
Energy to accomplish simple tasks like changing sheets or washing a floor
Gorgeous, cool weather
Hummingbirds "bossing" each other at the feeder
Lizards doing pushups in the sun
Walking 2.5 miles again without wheezing too badly
Friends, family and fun videos of our grand daughter
Continuous outpouring of love and prayers from all of you
Thanks for checking in~you are so important to this battle! Thank you!
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Monday, March 28, 2016
Happy Dance!
Brain MRI came back "looking good!" Blood draw for genetic testing done!
Energy starting to come back!
Call upon me in the day of trouble --
I will deliver you and you will honor me.
Ps 50:15
I am so very, thankful for God's blessing
of this clean MRI report! Lots of happy dancing!
This is so encouraging!!!
My energy is returning slowly and I am thankful to feel more like myself - though this stupid cold hangs on. This is such a gift, since I have not felt like myself for several weeks! How quickly we take feeling good for granted!!
Hopefully having more energy means that I will be able to give my inner warrior those motivational speeches more effectively!!! Please pray for a positive mindset for me -- being overwhelmed throws me into the negative "shut-down, do nothing" mode.
As we start to shift my diet to organic, no gluten, dairy, sugar and smaller portions of meat, I am quite overwhelmed. (meal planning was never my favorite anyway!) Todd has been such a blessing because he has taken on orchestrating this and helping me "be good" and stick with this --which is very hard. Without his help in this, I would probably just give up and do nothing. (see above - lol)
Thankful for:
God's mercy
good test results
rain
chef Todd
laughter
your prayers, messages and cards encouraging me!
(I re-read them and they bless me again and again!)
Sunday, March 27, 2016
Feeling a bit better-
Cold/cough is persistent
Continuing research - it's complex!
Trying to get strong again-
Lines from a favorite hymm were more poignant this year...
I know that my Redeemer lives.
What comfort this sweet sentence gives!.....
He lives and grants me daily breath.
He lives, and I shall conquer death.
He lives my mansion to prepare.
He lives to bring me safely there....
Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives:
"I know that my Redeemer lives!"
Could not help but wonder
how many Easters before I am "safely there"
(Not trying to be dramatic- just honest..)
Over the last few days I have realized that I really have to summon my inner warrior and give her some motivational speeches. It is so easy to wallow in self pity and fear-and especially when you don't feel good for a extended period of time. The devil messes with my head and suddenly I am wondering whether it is really a cold or if I'm so tired because the cancer's growing again. My inner whimp becomes strong so quickly!
Praying I can strengthen my warrior in God to fight this off!
A lovely sign of God's love for me he knows I love to garden and that I have not been very successful (gardening here, with a drought, is a whole different deal!) This bougainvillea was a housewarming gift 3 years ago. I have almost killed it several times. This is the first blooms since I received it - to celebrate Easter!! I took it as God saying, "See, I can make your semi-dead plant bloom -- trust me! I'll take care of you!"
Thankful for Christ's ultimate sacrifice, his victory over the grave and his great love for us!
Thanks for checkin' in!
Thursday, March 24, 2016
Flu and Emotions
Woke up this morning sick again -headache, body aches,exhausted yuck!
Woke up this morning sick again -headache, body aches,exhausted yuck!
MRI went smoothly-very loud tho!
Have an appointment at the integrative therapy clinic next Fri morning.
Oncologist has requested a blood draw for "genetics" prior to scheduling the port-not sure what this means.
Not hungry (those of you that know me well, know that's really weird!)
So how am I really?
Feeling more whimp ish than warrior like!
Waking up sick again is disheartening. Trying to determine if it is a flu headache or a migraine is difficult. It is hard to think when your head is pounding.
Looking at the last month's calendar and all the headaches I have had and how crumby I have felt is a little scary. As I laid in the MRI machine and listened to it jackhammer away, it was impossible not to wonder whether I have cancer in my head. Add to that this mysterious blood test the doctor is ordering. I really had to say a lot of memory verses to keep from freaking out in that little tube. Thank you so much for praying for me! Despite the roller coaster of emotions and freaking out, i did have peace during the test - It had to be the prayers!
Regarding The integrative medicine clinic, it is run by M.D.'s who are trained in not only western medicine but also alternative therapies. I am hopeful that they will have suggestions for improving my odds of winning this battle. They come highly recommended.
I am trying hard to eat well – Avoid gluten dairy sugar and begin switching over to organic. That all by itself is overwhelming for me--still eating our homemade bread tho! I hope I start feeling better so I get hungry.
Thankful for:
Headache medicine
Beautiful weather
Scripture to say to stay calm
Friends to call when I need a ride
An awesome husband who cooks well!
A beautiful patio to sleep on when I feel yucky.
Birds to keep me company
Cards from friends to encourage me
Dusk -my fav time of day ---
The prayers of friends
The lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man will have many troubles, but the lord delivers him from them all.
Ps 34:18-19
Call upon me in the day of trouble. I will deliver you and you will honor me.
Psalm 50:15
I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I’m blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy’s gonna be my strength
Struck down but not destroyed
I’m blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy’s gonna be my strength
Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning!
His joy comes with the morning!
I'm trading my sorrows ...my shame
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord! -Trading my Sorrows
Thanks for checkin in! Have a blessed Good Friday!
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
Thankful for "normal"
Got the call to schedule my port placement --
I So do NOT want to do that!!
True confessions - I did not return the call....There's time enough for that tomorrow...
Kind of emotional today --
Was very thankful to feel good enough to go to the thrift shop and work in the books for a
while -- It felt so normal!
After all my talk about alternative therapies, a friend treated me to my first "juice!"
- It felt so normal!
Talked with a friend for an hour while I straightened the house and did laundry - that also,
felt wonderfully normal.
One thing she reminded me of is from Ps 139 that even tho I have no idea how long I will live, God has them all numbered - He knows the number of my days and no statistics table reflects that!
I had asked on Facebook about referrals for holistic - naturopathic docs or referrals. I had several responses and interestingly, one that got 3 recommendations from 3 completely separate people. It's so cool when God points clearly.
Woke up way before the roosters this morning! When that happens, the only thing I do is spend time with God -- so here are some treasures of wisdom I got from Streams in the Desert:
When God delays, this is when he prepares us and matures our strength. Then when the time is right, we will be equal to our task.
When we are in a dark place, we should be careful to focus on learning all the lessons there, rather than focusing on getting out of there.
and from Mal 3:3 He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver. Like a true goldsmith, God stops the fire the moment He sees His image in the glowing metal....
Trying to be patient, to grow strong, to learn lessons and to reflect his image ---but it is hard and scary....
Thankful for
Energy
Beautiful weather
Friends
Phones
Dr. Google - even if its confusing
Scripture
Prayers
Todd and his positive energy
The prayers of so many
Thanks for checkin' in!
I So do NOT want to do that!!
True confessions - I did not return the call....There's time enough for that tomorrow...
Kind of emotional today --
Was very thankful to feel good enough to go to the thrift shop and work in the books for a
while -- It felt so normal!
After all my talk about alternative therapies, a friend treated me to my first "juice!"
- It felt so normal!
Talked with a friend for an hour while I straightened the house and did laundry - that also,
felt wonderfully normal.
One thing she reminded me of is from Ps 139 that even tho I have no idea how long I will live, God has them all numbered - He knows the number of my days and no statistics table reflects that!
I had asked on Facebook about referrals for holistic - naturopathic docs or referrals. I had several responses and interestingly, one that got 3 recommendations from 3 completely separate people. It's so cool when God points clearly.
Woke up way before the roosters this morning! When that happens, the only thing I do is spend time with God -- so here are some treasures of wisdom I got from Streams in the Desert:
When God delays, this is when he prepares us and matures our strength. Then when the time is right, we will be equal to our task.
When we are in a dark place, we should be careful to focus on learning all the lessons there, rather than focusing on getting out of there.
and from Mal 3:3 He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver. Like a true goldsmith, God stops the fire the moment He sees His image in the glowing metal....
Trying to be patient, to grow strong, to learn lessons and to reflect his image ---but it is hard and scary....
Thankful for
Energy
Beautiful weather
Friends
Phones
Dr. Google - even if its confusing
Scripture
Prayers
Todd and his positive energy
The prayers of so many
Thanks for checkin' in!
Monday, March 21, 2016
Received my Insurance referral for a second opinion at City of Hope-Not sure when yet.
Doc is sending me for a brain MRI on Thursday
Migraines have subsided, thank God!
Details--
City of Hope, according to their website, seems to do more clinical trials but does not say much about alternative approaches. We ll see what they are really like. I'm guessing it will be 1-2 weeks before I know.
Because my migraines are a new thing, they are sending me for a scan.
My migraines have finally settled down, though I feel like one is kinda hanging out in the background waiting to rise up! I'm trying to be really good and avoid all the triggers which many cases are things I love – like chocolate and wine :-) a little nervous about the scan tho...
Our kids left Wednesday and Todd was going to a conference in Las Vegas on Thursday. After weighing the options, I decided to go with him-(hmmm friends or cancer therapy research - not a very tough decision at all!)
Many of our friends there knew of my cancer being back and were surprised and happy to see me--(I had not registered) When it was last held in Vegas, I was on chemo--so it was rather poignant. It was great to catch up--two of them, separately, told me I was a warrior, which really surprised me. I've been called a prayer warrior, but never thought of myself as a warrior -- lately, some days I feel much more whimp-ish. Each told me that stats were just numbers and that I would beat the stats. It was so uplifting to be encouraged that way...particularly because every minute that I was not involved with the conference, I was doing research on chemo's effectiveness and on alternative therapies--which was/is quite an emotional roller coaster!!
Several friends asked me how they could pray for me --- I asked for wisdom regarding alternative therapies and, of course, healing...
Doc is sending me for a brain MRI on Thursday
Migraines have subsided, thank God!
Details--
City of Hope, according to their website, seems to do more clinical trials but does not say much about alternative approaches. We ll see what they are really like. I'm guessing it will be 1-2 weeks before I know.
Because my migraines are a new thing, they are sending me for a scan.
My migraines have finally settled down, though I feel like one is kinda hanging out in the background waiting to rise up! I'm trying to be really good and avoid all the triggers which many cases are things I love – like chocolate and wine :-) a little nervous about the scan tho...
Our kids left Wednesday and Todd was going to a conference in Las Vegas on Thursday. After weighing the options, I decided to go with him-(hmmm friends or cancer therapy research - not a very tough decision at all!)
Many of our friends there knew of my cancer being back and were surprised and happy to see me--(I had not registered) When it was last held in Vegas, I was on chemo--so it was rather poignant. It was great to catch up--two of them, separately, told me I was a warrior, which really surprised me. I've been called a prayer warrior, but never thought of myself as a warrior -- lately, some days I feel much more whimp-ish. Each told me that stats were just numbers and that I would beat the stats. It was so uplifting to be encouraged that way...particularly because every minute that I was not involved with the conference, I was doing research on chemo's effectiveness and on alternative therapies--which was/is quite an emotional roller coaster!!
Several friends asked me how they could pray for me --- I asked for wisdom regarding alternative therapies and, of course, healing...
A quick comment on alternative therapy- some people are pretty surprised that I would consider anything other than "what works."
The stats do not, in fact, show that chemo "works." Depending which stats you look at, it is 2.5-12% chance
of survival for 5 years....some starting that 5 years, 4 yrs ago, some starting it a month ago... Thus the research....Praying for God to make clear what I am to do
The stats do not, in fact, show that chemo "works." Depending which stats you look at, it is 2.5-12% chance
of survival for 5 years....some starting that 5 years, 4 yrs ago, some starting it a month ago... Thus the research....Praying for God to make clear what I am to do
“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” Hosea 4:6
Thankful for:
Migraine medicine that works
Stats that make me appreciate life
Reconnecting with friends from St
Louis, Milwaukee and Las Vegas
Feeling good enough to go and enjoy
being there
Food tasting good
Leaders working to raise up the next generation of leaders
The leaders that paved the way for us
Internet for research
Referrals from friends about possible therapies or doctors
All the many people who are praying for me - every week we learn of others who are praying for us -- it is so humbling!
Stats that make me appreciate life
Reconnecting with friends from St
Louis, Milwaukee and Las Vegas
Feeling good enough to go and enjoy
being there
Food tasting good
Leaders working to raise up the next generation of leaders
The leaders that paved the way for us
Internet for research
Referrals from friends about possible therapies or doctors
All the many people who are praying for me - every week we learn of others who are praying for us -- it is so humbling!
Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me...
Friday, March 18, 2016
Stats
Fighting migraines
I almost failed stats in college-the prof passed me out of pity or self preservation (I took up a lot of his time getting extra help!) Now as I wade thru statistics they still make me crazy-but they are suddenly more important that just numbers in a table.
There is the mainstream, medical side -- ya gotta do chemo NOW for the rest of your life and you might make it 2.5 years (25-35% are alive after 5 years-"but you will do better than that")
There is the "alternative therapy" side that says chemo poisons you, causes secondary cancers, and destroys your immune system.
I have read about asparagus, apricot pits, frankincense, turmeric as well as detoxing, footpaths, enemas and all kinds of things. Trying to figure out what to do is so challenging and overwhelming!
In addition, I have developed migraines. Never had them before and they are awful! I have not yet learned to discern a regular headache from a migraine as the headache starts up is --I have learned tho that I have to catch it early or I'll be throwing up very soon!
Lately I have felt that my blog is been flat. I realize that there is a lot about me and not much about God and his provision... So here are some of his "stats" in no particular order-- ways he has sustained me/us:
Had this not been painful, we would never have know my cancer was back.
The kids planned to visit before I started to have problems.
My surgery date avoided my first migraine (I would have ripped stitches vomiting)
I was recovered enough to enjoy their visit.
My first urologist could not help me but convinced my second urologist to accept me.
My second urologist was intrigued by my case because it was so difficult and he accomplished a complete excision.
My oncologist went out of her way to get me in to the urologist and in for a second opinion(outside of her normal responsibility)
My chiropractor asked questions to diagnose a migraine. (I thought it was flu)
Todd was able to get around my primary care's phone lines that were out and convinced her i needed more than over the counter help.
Friends sending me references for alternative therapies and websites.
Comments from people like-
"There is no statistic for Christine Moritz"
"Stats are just numbers-people beat stats all the time."
"You are too healthy to be gone in 2-5 years-that's for really sick people"
Random messages from people like -
"we are praying for you " or
"I was at Grace Menominee Falls in the 2nd grade and they prayed for you by name" or
"I have a big prayer chain and i put you on it" or
"My boys pray for you every night" or
"I put you on our prayer chain at church" or
" all of Thrivent Northwest is praying for mom this morning"
Is this fun? No!
Is God still on the throne? Yes!
Is He still good? Yes!
Does he rain down showers of blessings in the midst of the storm?
Yes!!!
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away--
Blessed be the name of the Lord!
Thanks for checkin' in! You are dear to me!
Fighting migraines
I almost failed stats in college-the prof passed me out of pity or self preservation (I took up a lot of his time getting extra help!) Now as I wade thru statistics they still make me crazy-but they are suddenly more important that just numbers in a table.
There is the mainstream, medical side -- ya gotta do chemo NOW for the rest of your life and you might make it 2.5 years (25-35% are alive after 5 years-"but you will do better than that")
There is the "alternative therapy" side that says chemo poisons you, causes secondary cancers, and destroys your immune system.
I have read about asparagus, apricot pits, frankincense, turmeric as well as detoxing, footpaths, enemas and all kinds of things. Trying to figure out what to do is so challenging and overwhelming!
In addition, I have developed migraines. Never had them before and they are awful! I have not yet learned to discern a regular headache from a migraine as the headache starts up is --I have learned tho that I have to catch it early or I'll be throwing up very soon!
Lately I have felt that my blog is been flat. I realize that there is a lot about me and not much about God and his provision... So here are some of his "stats" in no particular order-- ways he has sustained me/us:
Had this not been painful, we would never have know my cancer was back.
The kids planned to visit before I started to have problems.
My surgery date avoided my first migraine (I would have ripped stitches vomiting)
I was recovered enough to enjoy their visit.
My first urologist could not help me but convinced my second urologist to accept me.
My second urologist was intrigued by my case because it was so difficult and he accomplished a complete excision.
My oncologist went out of her way to get me in to the urologist and in for a second opinion(outside of her normal responsibility)
My chiropractor asked questions to diagnose a migraine. (I thought it was flu)
Todd was able to get around my primary care's phone lines that were out and convinced her i needed more than over the counter help.
Friends sending me references for alternative therapies and websites.
Comments from people like-
"There is no statistic for Christine Moritz"
"Stats are just numbers-people beat stats all the time."
"You are too healthy to be gone in 2-5 years-that's for really sick people"
Random messages from people like -
"we are praying for you " or
"I was at Grace Menominee Falls in the 2nd grade and they prayed for you by name" or
"I have a big prayer chain and i put you on it" or
"My boys pray for you every night" or
"I put you on our prayer chain at church" or
" all of Thrivent Northwest is praying for mom this morning"
Is this fun? No!
Is God still on the throne? Yes!
Is He still good? Yes!
Does he rain down showers of blessings in the midst of the storm?
Yes!!!
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away--
Blessed be the name of the Lord!
Thanks for checkin' in! You are dear to me!
Monday, March 14, 2016
Blessed by family time --
Staples are out and tummy is healing
Do not need Advil/Tylenol combination round the clock anymore.
Family time is wonderful medicine~!
Waiting to hear from City of Hope for a second opinion -
So how am I?
So very thankful that the kids could both come in and we could have everyone under one roof for a brief time. It was great to try and process some of this stuff together with them.
Not a fun activity - but helpful and a blessing.
Praying for wisdom--
Do I do chemo alone?
Do I do alternate therapy?
Can I do both without hurting myself?
Trying to process everything is torture - my brain feels like oatmeal!
I will post more tomorrow-- off to enjoy the family!
Thanks seems like such a weak a word for what I really feel--
Your messages are treasures and I appreciate them very much!
Thanks for checking in!
I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies
is always by my side
Do not need Advil/Tylenol combination round the clock anymore.
Family time is wonderful medicine~!
Waiting to hear from City of Hope for a second opinion -
So how am I?
So very thankful that the kids could both come in and we could have everyone under one roof for a brief time. It was great to try and process some of this stuff together with them.
Not a fun activity - but helpful and a blessing.
Praying for wisdom--
Do I do chemo alone?
Do I do alternate therapy?
Can I do both without hurting myself?
Trying to process everything is torture - my brain feels like oatmeal!
I will post more tomorrow-- off to enjoy the family!
Thanks seems like such a weak a word for what I really feel--
Your messages are treasures and I appreciate them very much!
Thanks for checking in!
I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies
is always by my side
And nothing formed against me shall stand
You hold the whole world in your hands
I'm holding on to your promises
You hold the whole world in your hands
I'm holding on to your promises
You are faithful
You are faithful
Chris Tomlin -
You are faithful
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
Processing slowly
Staples came out fine - Dr is pleased with surgery
Pathology report - Stage IV colon cancer
Course of treatment - Chemo starting in probably 2 weeks, running indefinitely....
Port placement probably next week - not sure yet
This is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life.....
Not much more to say right now......
"I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind --
The God of Angel armies is always by my side...."
Thanks for checking in -
Pathology report - Stage IV colon cancer
Course of treatment - Chemo starting in probably 2 weeks, running indefinitely....
Port placement probably next week - not sure yet
This is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life.....
Not much more to say right now......
"I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind --
The God of Angel armies is always by my side...."
Thanks for checking in -
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Trying to prepare.
Pain Medicine has balanced pretty well, for this 24 hours anyway!
Trying to prepare mentally for tomorrow:
10:30 oncologist,
1:30 urologist,
3:15 haircut (you don't need to pray about the haircut - LOL!)
So how am I really??
Blessed to be released to use Ibuprofen in conjunction with acetominophen! Made all the difference!! Have been pain free for the last 24 hours -- Hallelujah!! So thankful.
Very emotional --
Even though I know that the frozen section revealed cancer, until my oncologist tells me what I have, there is this ridiculously stubborn, blind streak that keeps telling me that God can do anything and it could be nothing.....
(at least I acknowledge that it is ridiculous, stubborn and blind!)
I still have a few moments each day where I forget about reality - and then it crashes down on my and tears are very nearby. It's hard not to anticipate the worst.
When asked how I was doing today, my rather flippant response was,
"Ridin the rollercoaster --- Calm and trusting then shakin' and pukin'! "
Yup - that's pretty accurate!
Trying to focus on blessings like a card from a friend from quite a few years ago, thanking me for sharing some scripture verses written on 3x5 cards. She told me how she had carried them with her for several years and ended up sharing them with another friend who needed them.
I have no memory of doing that! It was just something I did, because she was my friend. She heard of my recent struggles and she blessed me with a list of verses to strengthen me.
That is the only way for me to prepare for tomorrow--soak in God...
Here are a few of the ones she sent -- Pray that they bless you!
Matt 28:20 I am with you always, to the very end of the age.....
Is 41:10 Fear not for I am with you,
Be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you in my righteous right hand.
Matt 11:28 Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.
John 16:33 I have said these things to you so that in me, you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble, but take heart - I have overcome the world!
Thanks for checkin' in! I appreciate all the kind words and prayers and the beautiful cards --They encourage me so much!
Trying to prepare mentally for tomorrow:
10:30 oncologist,
1:30 urologist,
3:15 haircut (you don't need to pray about the haircut - LOL!)
So how am I really??
Blessed to be released to use Ibuprofen in conjunction with acetominophen! Made all the difference!! Have been pain free for the last 24 hours -- Hallelujah!! So thankful.
Very emotional --
Even though I know that the frozen section revealed cancer, until my oncologist tells me what I have, there is this ridiculously stubborn, blind streak that keeps telling me that God can do anything and it could be nothing.....
(at least I acknowledge that it is ridiculous, stubborn and blind!)
I still have a few moments each day where I forget about reality - and then it crashes down on my and tears are very nearby. It's hard not to anticipate the worst.
When asked how I was doing today, my rather flippant response was,
"Ridin the rollercoaster --- Calm and trusting then shakin' and pukin'! "
Yup - that's pretty accurate!
Trying to focus on blessings like a card from a friend from quite a few years ago, thanking me for sharing some scripture verses written on 3x5 cards. She told me how she had carried them with her for several years and ended up sharing them with another friend who needed them.
I have no memory of doing that! It was just something I did, because she was my friend. She heard of my recent struggles and she blessed me with a list of verses to strengthen me.
That is the only way for me to prepare for tomorrow--soak in God...
Here are a few of the ones she sent -- Pray that they bless you!
Matt 28:20 I am with you always, to the very end of the age.....
Is 41:10 Fear not for I am with you, Be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you in my righteous right hand.
Matt 11:28 Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.
John 16:33 I have said these things to you so that in me, you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble, but take heart - I have overcome the world!
Thanks for checkin' in! I appreciate all the kind words and prayers and the beautiful cards --They encourage me so much!
Sunday, March 6, 2016
New respect for pain management!
Managing medication, pain, and recuperation instructions is an intricate balance!
Rejoiced a little too early on Friday!
This weekend has been a difficult blur --balancing moving like the doc said with allowing my body to heal, figuring out what this silly stent feels like and weaving in the ever challenging medicine dosing! Throw in some insomnia, a few strong doses of reality and you have quite a volatile patient! Pray for Todd! Lol!
Friday night I slept little if at all. I was ok during the day on Saturday and last night slept by setting alarms and not letting any pain meds lapse. This morning, I was blessed that I forgot to set a medicine alarm and was able to go a large portion of the day today with no medicine at all! That was Great!
Why the rush to get off pain meds you ask? They place a big strain on my organs and I need to get strong again! I gotta get on with life ;) This has taken up entirely too much time already!
Today was a domestic day, doing normal things in a slightly more awkward way due to a swollen tummy and some discomfort. It was nice to enjoy a beautiful day and accomplish a few things on the list. Todd has been such a blessing to me - hashing through details and applying his amazing analytical skills to whatever I ask - whether it is medicine dosage, what is for dinner or how hard to push myself. He is pampering me wonderfully, watching girly movies with me and cooking up a storm :) I am blessed!
So - Things to be thankful for -
Healing - and the Healer
My wonderful husband
Rain
A beautiful day
live streaming church https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNOASxb1AhX1if0bC9OGDQw
hearing from a friend from my grade school days
technology - and Todd 's help to make it work - lol
We were blessed to receive this link from a friend - I pray it blesses you as it did us!
https://youtu.be/lmxNhI4YHaI
The LORD is my my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life -- of whom shall I be afraid? Ps 27:1
He carries us! Thanks for walking this road with us! Thanks for checkin' in!
Have a blessed Monday!
Rejoiced a little too early on Friday!
This weekend has been a difficult blur --balancing moving like the doc said with allowing my body to heal, figuring out what this silly stent feels like and weaving in the ever challenging medicine dosing! Throw in some insomnia, a few strong doses of reality and you have quite a volatile patient! Pray for Todd! Lol!
Friday night I slept little if at all. I was ok during the day on Saturday and last night slept by setting alarms and not letting any pain meds lapse. This morning, I was blessed that I forgot to set a medicine alarm and was able to go a large portion of the day today with no medicine at all! That was Great!
Why the rush to get off pain meds you ask? They place a big strain on my organs and I need to get strong again! I gotta get on with life ;) This has taken up entirely too much time already!
Today was a domestic day, doing normal things in a slightly more awkward way due to a swollen tummy and some discomfort. It was nice to enjoy a beautiful day and accomplish a few things on the list. Todd has been such a blessing to me - hashing through details and applying his amazing analytical skills to whatever I ask - whether it is medicine dosage, what is for dinner or how hard to push myself. He is pampering me wonderfully, watching girly movies with me and cooking up a storm :) I am blessed!
So - Things to be thankful for -
Healing - and the Healer
My wonderful husband
Rain
A beautiful day
live streaming church https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNOASxb1AhX1if0bC9OGDQw
hearing from a friend from my grade school days
technology - and Todd 's help to make it work - lol
We were blessed to receive this link from a friend - I pray it blesses you as it did us!
https://youtu.be/lmxNhI4YHaI
The LORD is my my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life -- of whom shall I be afraid? Ps 27:1
He carries us! Thanks for walking this road with us! Thanks for checkin' in!
Have a blessed Monday!
Friday, March 4, 2016
Recuperating!
Trying to taper off the heavy duty drugs and not do too much
It is unbelievable to me how fast I have recovered from this surgery -- I totally attribute it to the prayers that have been lifted by all of you! The way I feel today, compared to how I felt Wednesday evening is so very much better--it has to be God! Thanks for talking with Him about me!
The kidney stent continues to be a bugger. It's placement has relieved some of the pain, but a side effect is that I always feel like I have to go to the bathroom.
As of this afternoon, I am beginning to substitute OTC meds for the turbo painkillers and am doing ok - thankfully-- at least for this 2 hour time segment :) We'll see how the day progresses.
I have my follow up appointment with the urologist and also with my oncologist on Wednesday the 9th. Pathology should be back by then so we should know more...The results of this pathology will likely confirm what the frozen section said, namely that it is cancerous. Although - God has been known to do miracles -- and I told him I would tell as many people as possible if he gave me a miracle!!
Trying hard to rest and not do too much, but do enough to heal properly....Its a tough balance - and one that I am not great at--but I am thankful to be feeling so much better!
So thankful for all of the sweet notes I have received -- re-reading them makes my day!
Below is a beautiful rendition of Amazing Grace -- Hope you enjoy it!
https://youtu.be/X6Mtpk4jeVA
Thanks for checkin in! Have a blessed weekend, with much to be thankful for!
It is unbelievable to me how fast I have recovered from this surgery -- I totally attribute it to the prayers that have been lifted by all of you! The way I feel today, compared to how I felt Wednesday evening is so very much better--it has to be God! Thanks for talking with Him about me!
The kidney stent continues to be a bugger. It's placement has relieved some of the pain, but a side effect is that I always feel like I have to go to the bathroom. As of this afternoon, I am beginning to substitute OTC meds for the turbo painkillers and am doing ok - thankfully-- at least for this 2 hour time segment :) We'll see how the day progresses.
I have my follow up appointment with the urologist and also with my oncologist on Wednesday the 9th. Pathology should be back by then so we should know more...The results of this pathology will likely confirm what the frozen section said, namely that it is cancerous. Although - God has been known to do miracles -- and I told him I would tell as many people as possible if he gave me a miracle!!
Trying hard to rest and not do too much, but do enough to heal properly....Its a tough balance - and one that I am not great at--but I am thankful to be feeling so much better!
So thankful for all of the sweet notes I have received -- re-reading them makes my day!
Below is a beautiful rendition of Amazing Grace -- Hope you enjoy it!
https://youtu.be/X6Mtpk4jeVA
Thanks for checkin in! Have a blessed weekend, with much to be thankful for!
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Home!
Released late yesterday to come home
Pain continues to be a challenge, but making some progress
Doing ok - just tired - and don't let the pain meds lapse!
trying to get used to a stent...
You can infer that for me to come home, obviously all systems are functioning!
(Todd had way too much fun with my blog!)
Very thankful to be out of the hospital-they take such thorough care of you--you never rest!
My nurses were, in most cases, great and made a huge difference. So thankful in particular for Sun Hee(no clue about spelling - I had no glasses on!) She figured out that my catheter was not draining because I put my knees up because of my sore back --- therefore everything was pooling in my kidneys and being very very uncomfortable! She got to the root of the problem, did not just address the symptom!
My tummy continues to gurgle unbelievably! So loud and somewhat nauseated - but hanging in there!
My goals today are to take several long naps (something not possible in the hospital)
to talk to my family
continue balancing the pain medicine
make progress on walking
make 2 follow up appointments - one with the surgeon and one with the oncologist.....
Had so hoped the one with the oncologist would not be necessary but that was not to be!
and if I am super energetic (which I am not yet) - take a shower!
It's the little things in life!!
Thank you to all of you who have e-mailed, mailed, texted, face booked and called and sent flowers and gifts! We are honestly amazed at the volume of love you have sent our way. Thank you!!! It is quite humbling!
Many have asked to come see us, bring us meals and visit. At this point, I am truly worn out and not very hungry! I really just need to rest quietly and be thankful for good medicine! Please understand we are not trying to be rude -- it is an exhausting process! Todd is our front line - accepting so much love and getting a lot of info out. Please understand- there are only so many pieces of the pie at this point! Hopefully we never sound rude - but if we do - please write it off to exhaustion!
Thanks for all the love and thanks for checkin' in!
The Lord bless you and keep you.....Numbers 6:24-26
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
Pain, pain go away - come back again ... NEVER!
Brief Update from Todd:
Christine has had a LOT of pain. They doubled her medication during the night and this morning are moving to different drugs. We are considering an afternoon discharge ... but likely will stay another night.
Details for those interested:
In her previous surgeries, I have never seen her in this much pain. We get the pain under control, but it comes roaring back with very limited warning.
We saw the Doc today and rehashed the details. He confirmed that the tumor was around the ureter. He was able to cut most of the mass out ... but he knows there are other cells floating around. Although he is careful to say he isn't an oncologist, he spoke of Chemo as a sure thing. He wasn't real concerned about the ureter - just yet. If she did not have the tumor, he would have done a procedure to try to correct some of the "irregularities" that he saw. But at this point he recommended getting the cancer under control and then reconsidering any correction to the ureter. "She will need her kidney and ureter performing to help her system recover from Chemo"
They have removed the surgery drain and the catheter. Three trips to the rest room in just two hours. Christine has been drinking a lot, which is good. She had a few solid bites of food as well. The goal today is to get the pain under control, do some walking and (wait for it Karl and Paul) ... fart.
I will update you again when we get released.
And finally some "feelers"
So how am I? Hard to watch her in pain, yet trusting in God.
Christine has had a LOT of pain. They doubled her medication during the night and this morning are moving to different drugs. We are considering an afternoon discharge ... but likely will stay another night.
Details for those interested:
In her previous surgeries, I have never seen her in this much pain. We get the pain under control, but it comes roaring back with very limited warning.
We saw the Doc today and rehashed the details. He confirmed that the tumor was around the ureter. He was able to cut most of the mass out ... but he knows there are other cells floating around. Although he is careful to say he isn't an oncologist, he spoke of Chemo as a sure thing. He wasn't real concerned about the ureter - just yet. If she did not have the tumor, he would have done a procedure to try to correct some of the "irregularities" that he saw. But at this point he recommended getting the cancer under control and then reconsidering any correction to the ureter. "She will need her kidney and ureter performing to help her system recover from Chemo"
They have removed the surgery drain and the catheter. Three trips to the rest room in just two hours. Christine has been drinking a lot, which is good. She had a few solid bites of food as well. The goal today is to get the pain under control, do some walking and (wait for it Karl and Paul) ... fart.
I will update you again when we get released.
And finally some "feelers"
So how am I? Hard to watch her in pain, yet trusting in God.
And we know that for those who love God all things work
together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
A week ago I was asked to talk to a ministry that was considering closing. After a few conversations it was clear that leadership didn't want to do ministry any longer. It just broke my heart to see people give up so easily. They had lost focus on the kids and the community. Taking the easy route was more convenient than fighting like crazy to save a school. Where will our future leaders come from is we don't do it?
So what does this have to do with Christine? She is a mighty warrior that has worked tirelessly on the mission God has set before her. She has made a HUGE impact on so many people (well over 2,000 page views on her blog the last 24 hours!). It hurts my heart to see her on the sidelines. She needs to be back in the game. Satan isn't happy with how effective Christine is and I am sure he delights in seeing her sick.
Please pray for my dear wife and a speedy recovery! Thanks for checking in.
Todd
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
Post Surgery Update
From Todd ... adding to the prior post:
Christine was in surgery 4 hours ... longer than anticipated. Recovery then also took longer about 2 hours. When she finally got into a room, she was in a lot of pain. She was given a strong IV pain medication, but no relief. She then was given an oral medication 45 minutes later, but that too had a limited impact. Another pain med was given to her after that - and finally she is getting some rest. It has been about 2 1/2 hours of quite a bit of pain.
Because her bladder and other internal organs were moved around, she has a great sensation of having to go to the bathroom. Fortunately her body is putting out lots of fluids. Her blood pressure is better - but still high at 150/90. We were at 175/110 for a couple of hours.
So hopefully we are now at the resting stage. As I type she hasn't moved in five minutes ... a record for today.
THANK YOU all so much for your prayers. The prayers of a powerful person is powerful and effective!
I will update again tomorrow afternoon.
Trusting in Him.
Todd
Christine was in surgery 4 hours ... longer than anticipated. Recovery then also took longer about 2 hours. When she finally got into a room, she was in a lot of pain. She was given a strong IV pain medication, but no relief. She then was given an oral medication 45 minutes later, but that too had a limited impact. Another pain med was given to her after that - and finally she is getting some rest. It has been about 2 1/2 hours of quite a bit of pain.
Because her bladder and other internal organs were moved around, she has a great sensation of having to go to the bathroom. Fortunately her body is putting out lots of fluids. Her blood pressure is better - but still high at 150/90. We were at 175/110 for a couple of hours.
So hopefully we are now at the resting stage. As I type she hasn't moved in five minutes ... a record for today.
THANK YOU all so much for your prayers. The prayers of a powerful person is powerful and effective!
I will update again tomorrow afternoon.
Trusting in Him.
Todd
Just coming out of surgery now
Christine is just finishing up. in OR for another 20 minutes and then into recovery for about one hour. I just talked to the Doc. Lots of details ... but there is about a 2 inch tumor and the “frozen” section they did indicates colon cancer. He wouldn’t say 100% until they get pathology ... but he is almost certain. The ureter is also damaged. He is not sure what that means long term, but he got the stint in so that should relieve the kidney pressure for now. Once they determine for sure it is cancer, then the objective will be to shrink / eliminate the tumor (Chemo)- and then figure out what to do about the ureter. I will updated later this afternoon. Thanks for the prayers!
----
The doc was thankful she is thin and in such great shape. It was easy to find everything. He did have to move the bladder, so she likely will have some pain. The anesthesiologist is putting in a pain block which will hopefully help. She will definitely be in the hospital overnight ... maybe released tomorrow.
----
So how am I (so many of you ask :-). I can stay in a "box" pretty well. As my step dad trained me "big boys don't cry". That isn't necessarily a good thing ... but as we get the details, I try to deal with it as positively as possible. God is in control. It is hard to think of the suffering C will have to go through - and frankly I can't bear the thought of not living life with her ... but I digress. big boys don't cry.
And yet it is so hard to watch her be in pain. It was hard to talk to the doctor - to remember all the details and not get emotional. We are blessed by the doctor ... he at first refused to take Christine, but his colleagues convinced him. He is a good man and great surgeon.
Thanks for checking in - and praying!
This scripture is getting me through right now. Romans 8
18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that[h] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.
22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
More Than Conquerors
31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k]neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
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