Dear Friends --
Thank you all for your texts and notes, especially your prayers! They have blessed me very much!
Yesterday, I began tapering off the percosett and using only Ibuprofen and am able to manage the pain --yay! Even without the perc I still sleep a lot though -- glad so many of you told me I would be tired -- I'd really wonder otherwise!
The sutures look good - one is slightly aggravated - but thankful it is just one and not all 3!
Moving around, I am doing fine - just cautious--but did a little laundry and putzed around a bit --
with naps between everything :)
Blessed to make it to church Saturday evening! (mornings are pretty slow for me!)
I am very very thankful that this has been so smooth--largely due to your prayers - and of course God's grace!!
Ps 103:1-5
Praise the Lord oh my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord oh my soul;
and forget not all his benefits--
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagles...
Thankful he forgives my sins and rescues me from the pit - trusting him to heal me and renew me....
Blessings on your Mondays - Thanks for the encouragement!
Thanks for checkin' in!
Monday, November 5, 2012
Friday, November 2, 2012
I lost a day!
It's the 2nd already! Seems that I lost a day somewhere! I came home yesterday and am doing pretty well -- A shower was the highlite of today! (It's the little things!) The pain is managable - we alternate percosett and ibuprofen on an overlapping 6 hour rotation, which is working well. The docs pump gas into you to expand the abdominal cavity so they can see what they are doing, and that makes me bloaty and uncomfortable - and I am pretty tired (no big surprise there!)
However -
I am deeply thankful that
I don't have to wait for any pathology --
that this was "routine" --
that there was not scar tissue from last year to mess up the surgery --
I am also very thankful for all your prayers because I am able to manage the pain, to walk well, to drink a lot of water, to manage the indigestion -- my nurses and aids were nice -- we had lots of cards, e-mails and some nice visits.
I am especially thankful for Todd taking such good care of me (one of the nurses complimented him on how considerate and skilled he is! I am blessed!)
Thank you for your prayers --
and for checking in!
Blessings to you!
However -
I am deeply thankful that
I don't have to wait for any pathology --
that this was "routine" --
that there was not scar tissue from last year to mess up the surgery --
I am also very thankful for all your prayers because I am able to manage the pain, to walk well, to drink a lot of water, to manage the indigestion -- my nurses and aids were nice -- we had lots of cards, e-mails and some nice visits.
I am especially thankful for Todd taking such good care of me (one of the nurses complimented him on how considerate and skilled he is! I am blessed!)
Thank you for your prayers --
and for checking in!
Blessings to you!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Surgery Report From Today
This is Todd ... so you just get the facts (no feelings allowed :-))
Christine went in for a two hour surgery this morning ... and came out after 3 hours and 15 minutes. The doctor had a great report. No scaring from her previous surgery, ovaries and liver looked great. He said it took longer because it was "putzie" work. He had to make three incisions and she had more bleeding then He would have liked.
Originally they thought she would be discharged on Thursday morning, but the doc is thinking he might hold her until Friday.
She is in pain as expected ... on morphine until they start weening her off this afternoon. At 1:00pm she was allowed ice chips and now has been promoted to water.
God is good - and her spirits are great. Thanks so much for your prayers. I imagine she will be able to write tomorrow.
Christine went in for a two hour surgery this morning ... and came out after 3 hours and 15 minutes. The doctor had a great report. No scaring from her previous surgery, ovaries and liver looked great. He said it took longer because it was "putzie" work. He had to make three incisions and she had more bleeding then He would have liked.
Originally they thought she would be discharged on Thursday morning, but the doc is thinking he might hold her until Friday.
She is in pain as expected ... on morphine until they start weening her off this afternoon. At 1:00pm she was allowed ice chips and now has been promoted to water.
God is good - and her spirits are great. Thanks so much for your prayers. I imagine she will be able to write tomorrow.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Good Report!
My blood draw and quarterly check up with Dr. Frick (my oncologist) was good! I am very thankful that the numbers look good and he is pleased with them! Praise God!
Side effects come and go - mostly just the numbness in my fingers and toes - but it is now mostly just finger tips and the toes - well - it fluctuates between being fine, raynauds flaring up, and being numb from the ball of my foot forward. My fine motor coordination is slowly gertting a little better. The doc says this will all improve with time....
I am so thankful to be at this point and feeling pretty good!
Yesterday, as I went for my pre-op testing, I learned that you have to be typed and cross-matched at the facility where your surgery is going to be. Didn't know that before.
Even if the computers talk, you have to go to the actual facility.
So when I was done with Dr. Frick, I drove across town with my medical port accessed to be drawn at the surgery center - only to discover that they didn't know how to get my info into the computer, linked to me and my surgery -- and the lab that I was to go to to get drawn, didn't have a nurse to work with my port, (blood drawers, or phlebotomists, are not allowed to cap a port as it involved a heparin push, which can only be done by a nurse) so I had to go to infusion to get that done!
It was quite an exercise in frustration, and self restraint :)
I was reminded of the verse that says "he who hold his tongue is wise" and "pleasant words are like honey."
All the tests were good though - they can operate! :)
Being in infusion (where chemo is given) reminded me again how blessed I had been going through chemo, that I didn't get sicker or weaker. You are awesome prayer warriors! It made such a difference!
Today I am thankful for
foggy rain, and a raincoat
Tues morning bible study
Chance being sassy - making me laugh
challenges that keep me humble and growing
fear that keeps me depending on God
His peace that is unexplainable - but is here.
Blessings to each of you -- and thanks for checking in!
Side effects come and go - mostly just the numbness in my fingers and toes - but it is now mostly just finger tips and the toes - well - it fluctuates between being fine, raynauds flaring up, and being numb from the ball of my foot forward. My fine motor coordination is slowly gertting a little better. The doc says this will all improve with time....
I am so thankful to be at this point and feeling pretty good!
Yesterday, as I went for my pre-op testing, I learned that you have to be typed and cross-matched at the facility where your surgery is going to be. Didn't know that before.
Even if the computers talk, you have to go to the actual facility.
So when I was done with Dr. Frick, I drove across town with my medical port accessed to be drawn at the surgery center - only to discover that they didn't know how to get my info into the computer, linked to me and my surgery -- and the lab that I was to go to to get drawn, didn't have a nurse to work with my port, (blood drawers, or phlebotomists, are not allowed to cap a port as it involved a heparin push, which can only be done by a nurse) so I had to go to infusion to get that done!
It was quite an exercise in frustration, and self restraint :)
I was reminded of the verse that says "he who hold his tongue is wise" and "pleasant words are like honey."
All the tests were good though - they can operate! :)
Being in infusion (where chemo is given) reminded me again how blessed I had been going through chemo, that I didn't get sicker or weaker. You are awesome prayer warriors! It made such a difference!
Today I am thankful for
foggy rain, and a raincoat
Tues morning bible study
Chance being sassy - making me laugh
challenges that keep me humble and growing
fear that keeps me depending on God
His peace that is unexplainable - but is here.
Blessings to each of you -- and thanks for checking in!
Friday, October 19, 2012
Parts
I have a confession --
Oct 31, I am having a laprascopic hysterectomy---totally unrelated to cancer--
just parts that have overstayed their welcome (as a friend phrased it)
By not putting it out on the blog, I could pretend that it wasn't going to happen.
The result is that some of you have heard about this via the grapevine instead of from me
- for which I apologize.
I just didn't want to talk about it - which was silly because it didn't work!
I was in denial and dreading it! Hope y'all understand --
It'll be a year ago - almost to the day- that I had colon surgery (Oct 27th)
Side effects are dwindling - though the numbness continues--coming and going. The raynauds is acting up very early this year which is unusual, and I attribute it to the damage from the chemo.
I'd be lying if I said I was looking forward to this -- It is an exercise in mental discipline to keep focusing on God and on things to be thankful for.
I am deeply thankful that:
this is just a "parts" problem and not a cancer problem
it can be done laprascopically
I should be feeling better by Christmas
so many of you have asked how I am doing
we have such a rich history of God's provision--it gives strength and courage
Chance is still here
by comparison to other's problems, this is nothing
I got to enjoy so much despite the cancer
for the rich blessings of family and friends
God's gave us his word and promises
About 25 years ago, (I was a child bride) :) Todd wrote me a note to encourage me in my work -- I have kept it in my memory verse cards --
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Ps 27:1
Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might -- Eph 6:10
I also remember my grandparents wedding verse, 2 Cor 12:9
My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness
So while dread is the main feeling, along with overwhelmed by my to-do list, I am thankful to be this far and hopeful that there is an end in sight!
Please forgive me for not posting this sooner -- I should have --
If any of you have experience with this, I'd love feedback -- the Doc says I'll be laid up 4-6 weeks! Colon surgery was relatively easy- though that was due to all your prayers, I know!
Just cannot believe 4-6 weeks! thoughts???
Thank you for your continued prayers and support -- they mean so much and make such a difference! God's rich blessings to you -- may you see him at work every day!
Oct 31, I am having a laprascopic hysterectomy---totally unrelated to cancer--
just parts that have overstayed their welcome (as a friend phrased it)
By not putting it out on the blog, I could pretend that it wasn't going to happen.
The result is that some of you have heard about this via the grapevine instead of from me
- for which I apologize.
I just didn't want to talk about it - which was silly because it didn't work!
I was in denial and dreading it! Hope y'all understand --
It'll be a year ago - almost to the day- that I had colon surgery (Oct 27th)
Side effects are dwindling - though the numbness continues--coming and going. The raynauds is acting up very early this year which is unusual, and I attribute it to the damage from the chemo.
I'd be lying if I said I was looking forward to this -- It is an exercise in mental discipline to keep focusing on God and on things to be thankful for.
I am deeply thankful that:
this is just a "parts" problem and not a cancer problem
it can be done laprascopically
I should be feeling better by Christmas
so many of you have asked how I am doing
we have such a rich history of God's provision--it gives strength and courage
Chance is still here
by comparison to other's problems, this is nothing
I got to enjoy so much despite the cancer
for the rich blessings of family and friends
God's gave us his word and promises
About 25 years ago, (I was a child bride) :) Todd wrote me a note to encourage me in my work -- I have kept it in my memory verse cards --
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Ps 27:1
Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might -- Eph 6:10
I also remember my grandparents wedding verse, 2 Cor 12:9
My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness
So while dread is the main feeling, along with overwhelmed by my to-do list, I am thankful to be this far and hopeful that there is an end in sight!
Please forgive me for not posting this sooner -- I should have --
If any of you have experience with this, I'd love feedback -- the Doc says I'll be laid up 4-6 weeks! Colon surgery was relatively easy- though that was due to all your prayers, I know!
Just cannot believe 4-6 weeks! thoughts???
Thank you for your continued prayers and support -- they mean so much and make such a difference! God's rich blessings to you -- may you see him at work every day!
Friday, October 5, 2012
Have you had your colonoscopy? 1 year ago....
A year ago today my life perspective changed-
I always said that God would sustain you through tough things. He had done that through a difficult 9 mos as my dad died. But I got a new opportunity to practice what I preached.
Could I give thanks in all circumstances?
Could I hang on to God when I was terrified - even if the answer was not good???
The colonoscopy left me too groggy to understand anything the doctor said, but Todd understood. He brought me home, tucked me in and went back to work, knowing that I had colon cancer. He had to lead a seminar that day...
Mid afternoon, he came home and woke me up, made a cup of coffee for me and we sat outside in the beautiful fall sunshine. I cannot imagine how hard it was to deliver that message....
When we began this adventure, I began blogging mostly as a communication tool, to let people know how we were doing and what was going on. Early on however, I began to share how I survive a storm like this and for me the only way is to hang on to God.
Ps 50:15 says, "call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you and you will honor me."
Time will tell whether I have been completely delivered, but I have been brought through this valley. There have been so very many times we have seen God's hand in all this that I cannot even begin to capture all of them - but I can point to a few very clear ones.
-Dad's house sold quickly, in a down economy
-My primary sent me to Dr. Carballo -- "the best"
-Doc C did not wait for pathology to confirm cancer, rather he saved us precious days cutting red tape and getting me in at the Vince Lombardi clinic in 5 days with all additional tests already run!
-The surgery date was originally at the end of Nov -- I pleaded with you to pray for this to be moved -- He heard you and it was moved up an entire month!
-When I went for the surgery for my medical port , it was delayed and panic set in--He sent me friends who texted me scripture and got me through the panic.
-God brought me through surgery smoothly, blowing our minds with the 600+ hits on my blog to check how I was. (this still makes me cry)
-He touched so many people's hearts to help and encourage us -
to send playlists - music - links to encourage us
to ease Todd's work load
to drive me to Bible Study
to bring us meals faithfully from November til March!
to clean house and do laundry
to check on me when Todd could not be here
to walk Chance when I couldn't
to walk with me so I got stronger
to send cards, e-mails, gifts and flowers
to pray for us - some who don't usually pray!
-He allowed me to encourage others
-He gave us gifts of time like
Christmas in Montana to celebrate Karl and Gretchen's engagement
Las Vegas with Todd for a conference
Time in Telluride to celebrate the end of chemo
Ten days in Montana with family to celebrate their wedding
-He gave me gifts of joy to brighten a long winter
Chance to keep me company, to wake me up, make me laugh
the birds activities
the change of seasons and each one's beauty
books to divert my mind
a warm fuzzy blanket to snuggle under
-He strengthened me to endure each chemo
there is so much packed into that line - He strengthened me to endure each chemo!
-He protected me so that I could attend public things like bible study, church and several funerals, and fly without getting sick. I never even had a cold.....while on chemo....
(when chemo compromises your immune system, it is not uncommon to wind up in the hospital because your body cannot fight off an infection)
That had to be God!!!
- and this is just a FEW of the things that we saw as being from Him!
(If you remember others - let me know! Some things are a little fuzzy to remember!)
I am crying as I write all this....
Who would have thought that something as awfull as cancer could yield so much good?
Now we have another chapter in our lives proving how God has blessed us, even when it didn't seem possible!
Prayer does change things
and
God can use all things for good for those who love him
and
One can learn and grow in difficulty especially when you cling to God
We will honor God, thanking Him for his provision
and
We have been blessed by all of you through this trial--
Thank you for your prayers and thanks for checking in!
ps
Side effects are dwindling - I still have numbness, but it comes and goes (how weird is that?)
and my fine motor skills are lacking.
My strength is not great - need to work out but hate going to the gym...
still am tired and my hair is a little fuzzy still, but I am thrilled to be this far....
Thanks for praying me here!
I always said that God would sustain you through tough things. He had done that through a difficult 9 mos as my dad died. But I got a new opportunity to practice what I preached.
Could I give thanks in all circumstances?
Could I hang on to God when I was terrified - even if the answer was not good???
The colonoscopy left me too groggy to understand anything the doctor said, but Todd understood. He brought me home, tucked me in and went back to work, knowing that I had colon cancer. He had to lead a seminar that day...
Mid afternoon, he came home and woke me up, made a cup of coffee for me and we sat outside in the beautiful fall sunshine. I cannot imagine how hard it was to deliver that message....
When we began this adventure, I began blogging mostly as a communication tool, to let people know how we were doing and what was going on. Early on however, I began to share how I survive a storm like this and for me the only way is to hang on to God.
Ps 50:15 says, "call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you and you will honor me."
Time will tell whether I have been completely delivered, but I have been brought through this valley. There have been so very many times we have seen God's hand in all this that I cannot even begin to capture all of them - but I can point to a few very clear ones.
-Dad's house sold quickly, in a down economy
-My primary sent me to Dr. Carballo -- "the best"
-Doc C did not wait for pathology to confirm cancer, rather he saved us precious days cutting red tape and getting me in at the Vince Lombardi clinic in 5 days with all additional tests already run!
-The surgery date was originally at the end of Nov -- I pleaded with you to pray for this to be moved -- He heard you and it was moved up an entire month!
-When I went for the surgery for my medical port , it was delayed and panic set in--He sent me friends who texted me scripture and got me through the panic.
-God brought me through surgery smoothly, blowing our minds with the 600+ hits on my blog to check how I was. (this still makes me cry)
-He touched so many people's hearts to help and encourage us -
to send playlists - music - links to encourage us
to ease Todd's work load
to drive me to Bible Study
to bring us meals faithfully from November til March!
to clean house and do laundry
to check on me when Todd could not be here
to walk Chance when I couldn't
to walk with me so I got stronger
to send cards, e-mails, gifts and flowers
to pray for us - some who don't usually pray!
-He allowed me to encourage others
-He gave us gifts of time like
Christmas in Montana to celebrate Karl and Gretchen's engagement
Las Vegas with Todd for a conference
Time in Telluride to celebrate the end of chemo
Ten days in Montana with family to celebrate their wedding
-He gave me gifts of joy to brighten a long winter
Chance to keep me company, to wake me up, make me laugh
the birds activities
the change of seasons and each one's beauty
books to divert my mind
a warm fuzzy blanket to snuggle under
-He strengthened me to endure each chemo
there is so much packed into that line - He strengthened me to endure each chemo!
-He protected me so that I could attend public things like bible study, church and several funerals, and fly without getting sick. I never even had a cold.....while on chemo....
(when chemo compromises your immune system, it is not uncommon to wind up in the hospital because your body cannot fight off an infection)
That had to be God!!!
- and this is just a FEW of the things that we saw as being from Him!
(If you remember others - let me know! Some things are a little fuzzy to remember!)
I am crying as I write all this....
Who would have thought that something as awfull as cancer could yield so much good?
Now we have another chapter in our lives proving how God has blessed us, even when it didn't seem possible!
Prayer does change things
and
God can use all things for good for those who love him
and
One can learn and grow in difficulty especially when you cling to God
We will honor God, thanking Him for his provision
and
We have been blessed by all of you through this trial--
Thank you for your prayers and thanks for checking in!
ps
Side effects are dwindling - I still have numbness, but it comes and goes (how weird is that?)
and my fine motor skills are lacking.
My strength is not great - need to work out but hate going to the gym...
still am tired and my hair is a little fuzzy still, but I am thrilled to be this far....
Thanks for praying me here!
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
It's been awhile...
I last posted at the end of June-sorry for the long time lapse. It has been busy!
Some side effects are continuing to hold on - numbness in fingers and toes - from the last knuckle to the tip on my fingers and from the ball of my foot to the end, so it is still the same. Sun sensitivity continues to be annoying - I bathe in sunscreen and still have dark skin discoloration!
Other stuff is tapering off - my hair is growing back - there are small flecks of grey in some of the strands, but it seems to be pretty much like it was!
My eyebrows are slowly coming back - very slowly....
The chemicals had shown up in my finger and toenails. It turned them cloudy, yellowish and thick. I only have a little bit of the discoloration left on my thumbnails - all the rest has been cut off :)
My energy has been really good - getting better! I'm able to do things without getting as tired as quickly, tho I do have times when it hits quickly with a headache.
I am so very thankful to see all these positive things happening!
We did not take the call to California. After much prayer and many conversations, it became clear we were to stay. One of the reasons I didn't write was that it was a very difficult time for me--just too much to share. I am very thankful to be staying close to family.....
Other happenings at the Moritzes -
my 3 mo bloodwork last week, including cancer and liver panels were very good
tumor markers dropped since the last blood work! :)
I got new contact lenses! (Your eyes change while on chemo)
Paul turned 22 and Karl turned 24
Karl was promoted to Manager at Red Robin so is full time now - praise God!
We rode 675 miles on a motorcycle in 4 days (yes I have a great chiropractor!)
We hosted a Mexican Fiesta with Dave and Angie Hensley
We spent ten wonderful days in Montana for Karl's wedding - After the wedding, we rented
a house up near Glacier with Todd's brother and family. Gretchen's family was in the
same neighborhood, so we got to connect with them as well. Karl and Gretchen spent a
day with us up there too, which was a special treat!
Fourth of July saw us off to North Carolina to see Todd's parents, who were unable to
attend the wedding. It was a very quick trip - but great to see them!
Todd was elected to be the President of our congregation. [Some men fish, others collect stamps or bowl -- Todd's hobby is church work :)]
And here we are - in the "pre-school" time of year.
Here's some of the things I have observed....
It is very easy to lose good habits and start bad ones.
Good habits which suffered and bad habits that appeared over the Summer:
Being thankful complaining, being critical, edgy and crabby
Devotion time
Eating and sleeping well Eating too much sugar/carbs
Exercising enough
Keeping a neat house chaos (can't have anyone over syndrome - from Flylady.net)
"Busyness" but not accomplishing things
God has a funny way of prodding you back to where you should be....
I had said I would lead Bible Study so we could continue to meet over the Summer. A friend lead it for the first half so I was "off the hook." Now however I am leading a study on Intimacy with the Almighty by Charles Swindoll.
You cannot teach what you do not know!
It has kicked my butt to get me back to where I need to be!
So, in the spirit of regaining lost ground - I am very thankful for:
Summer - the green, the flowers and birds
being outside a lot
walking outside
friends - family and time to be together
fresh fruits and vegetables
Chance - and our great neighbors who take care of him when we are gone
Karl and Gretchen's marriage being grounded in God
Paul coming home in 15 days
getting stronger
our nephew's and niece
medicine
God opening his hand and blessing me with my heart's desire....(ps 145:16)
I hope this has been a good Summer for you so far and that you truly enjoy the last few weeks.
Be joyful always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances - (1 Thess 5:16-18)
Not necessarily for all circumstances but in any situation, look for things to be thankful for.
It helps you to get through.
As always, thanks for checkin' in!
Some side effects are continuing to hold on - numbness in fingers and toes - from the last knuckle to the tip on my fingers and from the ball of my foot to the end, so it is still the same. Sun sensitivity continues to be annoying - I bathe in sunscreen and still have dark skin discoloration!
Other stuff is tapering off - my hair is growing back - there are small flecks of grey in some of the strands, but it seems to be pretty much like it was!
My eyebrows are slowly coming back - very slowly....
The chemicals had shown up in my finger and toenails. It turned them cloudy, yellowish and thick. I only have a little bit of the discoloration left on my thumbnails - all the rest has been cut off :)
My energy has been really good - getting better! I'm able to do things without getting as tired as quickly, tho I do have times when it hits quickly with a headache.
I am so very thankful to see all these positive things happening!
We did not take the call to California. After much prayer and many conversations, it became clear we were to stay. One of the reasons I didn't write was that it was a very difficult time for me--just too much to share. I am very thankful to be staying close to family.....
Other happenings at the Moritzes -
my 3 mo bloodwork last week, including cancer and liver panels were very good
tumor markers dropped since the last blood work! :)
I got new contact lenses! (Your eyes change while on chemo)
Paul turned 22 and Karl turned 24
Karl was promoted to Manager at Red Robin so is full time now - praise God!
We rode 675 miles on a motorcycle in 4 days (yes I have a great chiropractor!)
We hosted a Mexican Fiesta with Dave and Angie Hensley
We spent ten wonderful days in Montana for Karl's wedding - After the wedding, we rented
a house up near Glacier with Todd's brother and family. Gretchen's family was in the
same neighborhood, so we got to connect with them as well. Karl and Gretchen spent a
day with us up there too, which was a special treat!
Fourth of July saw us off to North Carolina to see Todd's parents, who were unable to
attend the wedding. It was a very quick trip - but great to see them!
Todd was elected to be the President of our congregation. [Some men fish, others collect stamps or bowl -- Todd's hobby is church work :)]
And here we are - in the "pre-school" time of year.
Here's some of the things I have observed....
It is very easy to lose good habits and start bad ones.
Good habits which suffered and bad habits that appeared over the Summer:
Being thankful complaining, being critical, edgy and crabby
Devotion time
Eating and sleeping well Eating too much sugar/carbs
Exercising enough
Keeping a neat house chaos (can't have anyone over syndrome - from Flylady.net)
"Busyness" but not accomplishing things
God has a funny way of prodding you back to where you should be....
I had said I would lead Bible Study so we could continue to meet over the Summer. A friend lead it for the first half so I was "off the hook." Now however I am leading a study on Intimacy with the Almighty by Charles Swindoll.
You cannot teach what you do not know!
It has kicked my butt to get me back to where I need to be!
So, in the spirit of regaining lost ground - I am very thankful for:
Summer - the green, the flowers and birds
being outside a lot
walking outside
friends - family and time to be together
fresh fruits and vegetables
Chance - and our great neighbors who take care of him when we are gone
Karl and Gretchen's marriage being grounded in God
Paul coming home in 15 days
getting stronger
our nephew's and niece
medicine
God opening his hand and blessing me with my heart's desire....(ps 145:16)
I hope this has been a good Summer for you so far and that you truly enjoy the last few weeks.
Be joyful always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances - (1 Thess 5:16-18)
Not necessarily for all circumstances but in any situation, look for things to be thankful for.
It helps you to get through.
As always, thanks for checkin' in!
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Just what I needed
Side effects are the same - perhaps a little better, but it is hard to tell much difference
Yesterday, was kind of a long day between it being the anniversary of my dad's death, and this call. This was the devotion for June 27th. It was just what I needed. It carried me through the day - taken from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.
"Rest with Me a while. You have journeyed up a steep rugged path in recent days. The way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you. Instead, focus your attention on Me, your constant Companion. Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey.
I designed time to be a protection for you. You couldn't bear to see all your life at once. Though I am unlimited by time, it is in the present moment that I meet you. Refresh yourself in My company, breathing deep draughts of My Presence. The highest level of trust is to enjoy Me moment by moment. I am with you, watching over you wherever you go."
I felt as though God were speaking to me personally--the rugged path-the uncertain future-- and the instruction to focus on Him! I love the "time as a protection - you couldn't bear to see all your life at once" - some days I can't bear to see a whole day at a time!!!
"Enjoy me moment by moment."
Enjoy -- When I was growing up, that was not a word that was stressed a lot. It evokes thoughts of resting, savoring, treasuring.....
Productivity, being ladylike (no chuckles here!) and doing your best (which means re-doing multiple times to get it right) -- that was stressed. We did enjoy Sunday afternoon "caffee" and good conversation - or sitting on the porch...but I wish that we had "enjoyed" each other's company more.
It makes me want to be very careful to not set people aside to get tasks done. Tasks are always there -- people are not. It is so important to enjoy them.
I digress --
Enjoy God -- I found myself "talking" to him a lot during the day--pleading for a friend's health --rejoicing over another friend's great test results -- laughing "with" Him about a bossy baby bird - or complaining "to Him about this call -- and He gently reminded me what a blessing it is to have the opportunity to consider another position in this economy. I found myself being more joyful throughout the day, because I was Enjoying God.
Speaking of enjoying --
in my discussions with Him, I felt that He was prodding me to give up something I enjoy as I go through this decision making process. We discussed chocolate and wine - and wine seemed to be the thing that He wanted me to give up enjoying for now--as though it might be a distraction during this time. So, I am giving up wine---go figure! That is like giving up coffee for some people! It is worth it to hear clearly from Him about this call!
Ecc 11:8a However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all.....
Praying that her devotion touched you and that you can Enjoy God every day!
Thanks for checking in!
ps - if you have any pearls of wisdom about this call, or life in CA vs life in the Midwest, please feel free to share them.....
Yesterday, was kind of a long day between it being the anniversary of my dad's death, and this call. This was the devotion for June 27th. It was just what I needed. It carried me through the day - taken from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.
"Rest with Me a while. You have journeyed up a steep rugged path in recent days. The way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you. Instead, focus your attention on Me, your constant Companion. Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey.
I designed time to be a protection for you. You couldn't bear to see all your life at once. Though I am unlimited by time, it is in the present moment that I meet you. Refresh yourself in My company, breathing deep draughts of My Presence. The highest level of trust is to enjoy Me moment by moment. I am with you, watching over you wherever you go."
I felt as though God were speaking to me personally--the rugged path-the uncertain future-- and the instruction to focus on Him! I love the "time as a protection - you couldn't bear to see all your life at once" - some days I can't bear to see a whole day at a time!!!
"Enjoy me moment by moment."
Enjoy -- When I was growing up, that was not a word that was stressed a lot. It evokes thoughts of resting, savoring, treasuring.....
Productivity, being ladylike (no chuckles here!) and doing your best (which means re-doing multiple times to get it right) -- that was stressed. We did enjoy Sunday afternoon "caffee" and good conversation - or sitting on the porch...but I wish that we had "enjoyed" each other's company more.
It makes me want to be very careful to not set people aside to get tasks done. Tasks are always there -- people are not. It is so important to enjoy them.
I digress --
Enjoy God -- I found myself "talking" to him a lot during the day--pleading for a friend's health --rejoicing over another friend's great test results -- laughing "with" Him about a bossy baby bird - or complaining "to Him about this call -- and He gently reminded me what a blessing it is to have the opportunity to consider another position in this economy. I found myself being more joyful throughout the day, because I was Enjoying God.
Speaking of enjoying --
in my discussions with Him, I felt that He was prodding me to give up something I enjoy as I go through this decision making process. We discussed chocolate and wine - and wine seemed to be the thing that He wanted me to give up enjoying for now--as though it might be a distraction during this time. So, I am giving up wine---go figure! That is like giving up coffee for some people! It is worth it to hear clearly from Him about this call!
Ecc 11:8a However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all.....
Praying that her devotion touched you and that you can Enjoy God every day!
Thanks for checking in!
ps - if you have any pearls of wisdom about this call, or life in CA vs life in the Midwest, please feel free to share them.....
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Another fork in the road.....
Side effects are the same as they have been -I think they are very, very gradually getting better, but progress is slow.
"Normal" life was sounding too good to be true!
When everything is going along fine - you better hang on, cause you don't know what is coming around the corner!
(We are both healthy - not to worry!!!)
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps - Prov 16:9
Todd has received a divine call from Orange Lutheran High School in Orange, California to serve as their CEO. What that means is that we now have 2 calls - one to serve here in Milwaukee and one to go serve there. We have been very prayerful throughout this process, but now we can ask for your prayers.
But let me tell you the tale---
At the end of March, within ten days, 3 ministries contacted Todd about possibly joining their ministries. We thought that was really kind of bizarre. We were not looking for a change!! In fact, we love the schools and the people here --(Winter, not so much--but it wasn't that horrible!) :) When we moved here, many people welcomed us and made us feel a part of the community. The support that we received through my dad's illness and death was amazing. It paled in comparison though, to the outpouring of loving, prayerful aid you gave us through my cancer. I cannot think of all the cards, prayers, gifts, e-mails, calls, meals, visits and rides without becoming emotional. We have never experienced an outpouring like that......it was truly stunning. It never crossed our minds that we would be any place besides here.....
But 3 ministries in 10 days made us scratch our heads a bit.
If I share all the details you would be here for days! Suffice it to say, several things led us to explore these options. It rapidly became apparent that 2 of the 3 were not a good fit. The 3rd one was Orange Lutheran and we were led to allow Todd's name to be on the list (a long list - it was an international search!) We prayed that God would be very clear whether this was something He wanted us to be a part of, and if not to please close the door. We also questioned the sanity of the timing - and concluded, that if this was what He wanted, He would figure it all out and it would be clear.
The long list narrowed to 2 and here we are--
back to that prayerful reliance on God -- right where we are supposed to stay-but don't always --
trusting Him to make our path clear.
When we are praying, we are seeking God's will for our ministry.
We are asking where our talents will make the biggest impact for the kingdom and
we are also asking if a leadership change would be a blessing to the association here --
could someone else more effectively take the schools to the next level?
God answers us through the bible, prayer, circumstances and friends -- You!
We very much would appreciate your prayers and any insights you may have about His will for us. This process is very difficult and overwhelming.
Ps 119:105 - Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path
Thank you so much for praying for us -- your prayers changed our world for the last 8 months --blessing us richly--and I firmly believe that your prayers will again make a difference for the kingdom!
Thanks for checkin' in! Blessings!
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Side effects are the same - fingers, toes, hair, balance, moody, tired etc....
June 21 - one month til the wedding! 30 days, but who is counting???
Karl turned 24 yesterday! Can I really be that old? Today I feel like it!
Have had a lot going on - company for dinner or for overnight - events to attend - projects to chip away at--and have had enough energy to do some of it. Yay! The events always get top energy allocation. They are more fun than the projects! :) The projects are always right where I left them!
There has been lots to think about -- thinking what I was doing a year ago -- Father's day was hard -- wedding details to figure out --the kid's birthdays are always milestones -- missing my mom-- oh lots of things....
I am kinda down today--not sure why -- and I realize I have gotten away from my habit of being thankful. You all held me accountable! I would do my blog and remember to be thankful as I was writing - and as I have been away from it, my habit went with it! It is amazing how quickly you can lose a good habit, and how fast you can build a bad habit-like complaining or worrying! So, today I am thankful for
cooler weather
friends e-mailing to see if I am ok
baby finches growing feathers
baby wrens singing
our neighbors
my chiropractor to fix the kinks in my back (from wearing high heels, not the garden!)
devotional books to focus my drifting mind
naps
technology to help me stay in touch
Bible verses to "keep me in line" like
Neh 8:10 The joy of the Lord is my strength.
Ps 5:11 Let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread you protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.
Ps 30:11 You turned my wailing into dancing....and clothed me with joy
Ps 94:18, 19 When my foot was slipping, your love, oh Lord supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
Thanks for checking in!
June 21 - one month til the wedding! 30 days, but who is counting???
Karl turned 24 yesterday! Can I really be that old? Today I feel like it!
Have had a lot going on - company for dinner or for overnight - events to attend - projects to chip away at--and have had enough energy to do some of it. Yay! The events always get top energy allocation. They are more fun than the projects! :) The projects are always right where I left them!
There has been lots to think about -- thinking what I was doing a year ago -- Father's day was hard -- wedding details to figure out --the kid's birthdays are always milestones -- missing my mom-- oh lots of things....
I am kinda down today--not sure why -- and I realize I have gotten away from my habit of being thankful. You all held me accountable! I would do my blog and remember to be thankful as I was writing - and as I have been away from it, my habit went with it! It is amazing how quickly you can lose a good habit, and how fast you can build a bad habit-like complaining or worrying! So, today I am thankful for
cooler weather
friends e-mailing to see if I am ok
baby finches growing feathers
baby wrens singing
our neighbors
my chiropractor to fix the kinks in my back (from wearing high heels, not the garden!)
devotional books to focus my drifting mind
naps
technology to help me stay in touch
Bible verses to "keep me in line" like
Neh 8:10 The joy of the Lord is my strength.
Ps 5:11 Let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread you protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.
Ps 30:11 You turned my wailing into dancing....and clothed me with joy
Ps 94:18, 19 When my foot was slipping, your love, oh Lord supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
Thanks for checking in!
Monday, June 18, 2012
Distracted!
It is pretty bad when you write and then forget to publish! Here is the post from last week!
Side effects are still holding on -
My hair keeps falling out, which is frustrating--and the texture of it is kinda fine and fuzzy - not like normal healthy hair. My fingers and toes are still tingly, though less of my fingers is affected - from about half way between the first and second knuckle to the tip. (used to be the whole finger) My find motor skills are still not very good - things like necklace clasps and typing are hard. I broke 3 bracelets and cannot wait to restring them !!
I think my eyesight is a bit better, but I don't go to the eye doc for another 2 weeks. Hoping by then that they will be back to normal--whatever that is.
My energy is very up and down. Those of you who know me well, know that I push pretty hard. That works sometimes, except that sometimes I can push hard for a long time and then crash - and other times, I push hard and crash right away. Weird!
My digestion is pretty normal - I eat pretty much anything again- craving sweets which is not good! I am not exercising in proportion to my eating tho-and I am seeing a difference :( Guess I need the doc to be on me about it!!
oh ya - my eyebrows are starting to grow back!
Emotionally, I am in an odd place --feeling better, but not all the way back. It seems surreal that I have had cancer and am healing from that. It's like a bad dream.
I am well enough to seem normal. (no rude comments here!)
I am well enough to be bugged by all the un-done things.
I am well enough to start projects, but seem to crash before I get them done.
I am also well enough to want to "play" instead of working.
When I do this, a vicious cycle starts of guilt and being overwhelmed, which isn't healthy, but is how I've been forever!
You have and will send e-mails telling me to not worry about it - to just let it go - to ask for help etc.
Intellectually, I know all that. It doesn't make the "overwhelmed" feeling go away tho.
Part of this emotional state is, I think, related to not focusing as much on God. When you are feeling so lousy you that you cannot think, and all you can do is read scripture verses and listen to praise music, you really focus on God. It's the only way to get through a day.
Now, my brain is occupied instead, with all the things that have to get done -- I have a to do list for the house, for the yard, for computer things, people to call, thank you notes to write -- you get the drift!
When I am not working on a list, the old training kicks in that I SHOULD be working on something - should be accomplishing something worthwhile. Then when I ignore that and play, the GUILT hits forcefully. It is a sick, vicious cycle because I will never be done with the to dos!
It is so hard to allow myself to rest. Yesterday for the first time this year, I sat out in my garden. I have a friend who does this every day! I had to fight the urge to pick a few weeds and deadhead my climbing rose! I never sit in my garden. I water and weed and putter, yes - sit and enjoy it? why I should be DOING something!
To combat this, I got a new devo called 40 Days with Jesus, by Sarah Young. It is similar to Jesus calling, but written with the purpose of renewal. And of course, to combat anything - be thankful!!!
I am thankful for
silly weather that is 60 one day and 85 the next
baby finches in my clematis vine
Chance enjoying his walks tho he cannot go 3 miles in the heat
going to the 73rd class reunion of the class of 1938-some of the first people we met here- and each one so sweet!
bible study running through the Summer
rabbits that eat my flowers -(God says be thankful in adversity - I am trying, but not terribly successful with this one!)
baby robins
a pretty garden to sit in
Lake Country Girls Soccer going to State
a talented God daughter who will make cake pops for me even with very short notice!!
dear friends and family
Today I am dwelling on Ps 130:5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.
and
Ps 46:10 Be still and know that I am God.....
Here "be still" means to cease striving, to let go, to let your hands down....
I'll let you know how that works for me :)
Thanks for checking in!
Side effects are still holding on -
My hair keeps falling out, which is frustrating--and the texture of it is kinda fine and fuzzy - not like normal healthy hair. My fingers and toes are still tingly, though less of my fingers is affected - from about half way between the first and second knuckle to the tip. (used to be the whole finger) My find motor skills are still not very good - things like necklace clasps and typing are hard. I broke 3 bracelets and cannot wait to restring them !!
I think my eyesight is a bit better, but I don't go to the eye doc for another 2 weeks. Hoping by then that they will be back to normal--whatever that is.
My energy is very up and down. Those of you who know me well, know that I push pretty hard. That works sometimes, except that sometimes I can push hard for a long time and then crash - and other times, I push hard and crash right away. Weird!
My digestion is pretty normal - I eat pretty much anything again- craving sweets which is not good! I am not exercising in proportion to my eating tho-and I am seeing a difference :( Guess I need the doc to be on me about it!!
oh ya - my eyebrows are starting to grow back!
Emotionally, I am in an odd place --feeling better, but not all the way back. It seems surreal that I have had cancer and am healing from that. It's like a bad dream.
I am well enough to seem normal. (no rude comments here!)
I am well enough to be bugged by all the un-done things.
I am well enough to start projects, but seem to crash before I get them done.
I am also well enough to want to "play" instead of working.
When I do this, a vicious cycle starts of guilt and being overwhelmed, which isn't healthy, but is how I've been forever!
You have and will send e-mails telling me to not worry about it - to just let it go - to ask for help etc.
Intellectually, I know all that. It doesn't make the "overwhelmed" feeling go away tho.
Part of this emotional state is, I think, related to not focusing as much on God. When you are feeling so lousy you that you cannot think, and all you can do is read scripture verses and listen to praise music, you really focus on God. It's the only way to get through a day.
Now, my brain is occupied instead, with all the things that have to get done -- I have a to do list for the house, for the yard, for computer things, people to call, thank you notes to write -- you get the drift!
When I am not working on a list, the old training kicks in that I SHOULD be working on something - should be accomplishing something worthwhile. Then when I ignore that and play, the GUILT hits forcefully. It is a sick, vicious cycle because I will never be done with the to dos!
It is so hard to allow myself to rest. Yesterday for the first time this year, I sat out in my garden. I have a friend who does this every day! I had to fight the urge to pick a few weeds and deadhead my climbing rose! I never sit in my garden. I water and weed and putter, yes - sit and enjoy it? why I should be DOING something!
To combat this, I got a new devo called 40 Days with Jesus, by Sarah Young. It is similar to Jesus calling, but written with the purpose of renewal. And of course, to combat anything - be thankful!!!
I am thankful for
silly weather that is 60 one day and 85 the next
baby finches in my clematis vine
Chance enjoying his walks tho he cannot go 3 miles in the heat
going to the 73rd class reunion of the class of 1938-some of the first people we met here- and each one so sweet!
bible study running through the Summer
rabbits that eat my flowers -(God says be thankful in adversity - I am trying, but not terribly successful with this one!)
baby robins
a pretty garden to sit in
Lake Country Girls Soccer going to State
a talented God daughter who will make cake pops for me even with very short notice!!
dear friends and family
and
Ps 46:10 Be still and know that I am God.....
Here "be still" means to cease striving, to let go, to let your hands down....
I'll let you know how that works for me :)
Thanks for checking in!
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Back again – sorry it has been this long between times -- I got distracted :)
Had my first port flush today - woo hoo! They also drew blood to check and see how my liver enzymes were and everything is back within the normal range. I am blessed and very very thankful!
It was a weird feeling to walk back into the infusion lab! I thought again how different I look compared with the other patients. It has to be God and all the prayers discussing my healing with Him! Thank you!
It was a weird feeling to walk back into the infusion lab! I thought again how different I look compared with the other patients. It has to be God and all the prayers discussing my healing with Him! Thank you!
Well, the side effects are
the same--the numbness is annoying. At night, after I have been in bed about ½
hour, my feet really tingle and are uncomfortable. It also seems as though my digestive system is more
sensitive than it used to be also, which I don’t really appreciate!
This past week I went
back to St. Louis
The wedding was lovely! The groom, we have known for twenty
years. He and the best man were close
friends with our boys. The bride was one
of the high school girls in my area bible study group about 8 or so years
ago. They have been high school
sweethearts and have lived their faith in their courting (long distance for most of it!) and now in their
wedding. What a blessing to get to be
there and celebrate with them!
I was struck by several things:
-everything is cheaper in St. Louis
-the
number of people who came up to me saying, "I have been praying for
you!"
tho I didn't realize it, St.
John
-how
many people said I had been an encouragement to them!
When I started this, I never dreamed how many
people would be affected by this blog…..
-both the bride, the groom and their parents (all separately) said how thrilled they were
that I was there! talk about feeling special!
-friends are so precious
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Cor 13:4-8 was the text for the wedding.
We think of this passage in conjunction with romantic love, yet I am reminded of how much love I have received from all of you through this. You have blessed us immeasurably! We will not forget it!
Thanks for checkin in - I will try to make it more than 1 time a week!
-friends are so precious
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Cor 13:4-8 was the text for the wedding.
We think of this passage in conjunction with romantic love, yet I am reminded of how much love I have received from all of you through this. You have blessed us immeasurably! We will not forget it!
Thanks for checkin in - I will try to make it more than 1 time a week!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Re Entry - So much for early this week!
Side effects are limited to numb fingers and toes, bad balance, clumsiness, aches and tiredness -- I am very thankful it is not worse. My feet have numbness over the whole foot now and my balance is really off! Typing and fine motor things are not the easiest! My energy seems good, but often I will hit a wall and have to rest or sleep. The doc says that it will take 6 mos to 2 years to be back to normal. Neh 8:10 - the joy of the Lord is my strength!
You know how it is when you come back from vacation...everything that you didn't do still needs to be done! This week I have been a bit overwhelmed....
The problem is that it has been gorgeous weather, and I have all these domestic things that I am supposed to be doing! I still get tired, so if I do the fun things, the "have-to's" don't happen! Self discipline - where are you???
I was really sad to come home and find out that the finch nest in front had been robbed and the parents are gone :( It was really hot while we were gone, and some of my plants really took a beating :( and the house is empty with Paul gone -- we had a whole 24 hours with him, which just is not enough! and my house is a mess! whine, whine, whine!
However, in 2 months Karl will be getting married :) which is a very happy thought! and Chance still has peppy days -- in between long naps! and my garden is starting to bloom
and the baby robins playing in the birdbath make me smile.
Have you ever tried to discern God's will? It is difficult sometimes--quite a process in fact. God speaks to us through the Bible, prayer, circumstances and the church. (Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby.)
When you are seeking God's will, you need to spend more time in the Bible and in prayer-which for some of us, with short attention spans, can be quite a challenge! In an effort to be more disciplined, I have been reading in the new testament - but I get derailed quite often! Dirt therapy provides much time for prayer, but again - I get distracted...Can it be that the devil doesn't want me to discern God's will??? Oh yeah!
Circumstances are those things that happen around you - a random comment by a man at Menards--a verse that comes back to you -- something your child says -- They all can be indicators! Writing them down in chronological order has helped me to see them more clearly -- of course that means that I have to be disciplined about writing them down! If I don't tho, I find that I forget some of the things and the pattern is not as clear.
The church refers to your Godly friends. Talk through the issues with them. See what their comments are - write them down so you don't forget. Ask for their prayers and wisdom. Sometimes they say back to you what you just said, and you have a revelation.
Sometimes after they have prayed about it, they will call you and share some wisdom.
Jer 33:3 says, " call to me and I will answer you, and tell you great and unsearchable things that you do not know!"
We are supposed to ask -- but in this world that is full of words, music, electronic devices and to do lists -- it is hard to quiet your heart to hear what He says.
We are to "be still and know that I am God" from Ps 46:10 --
but oh that is so hard! Yet it is the only way to discern his will.....
Thank you for checking in --
I will probably blog over the weekend and then early next week, but I will be heading back to St. Louis for a wedding -- one of my area bible study girls is getting married! :) It is hard to blog while I travel, because there is so much to do - and I don't want to type just to type -- There needs to be a worthwhile message for you!
Blessings to you all! and thank you!
You know how it is when you come back from vacation...everything that you didn't do still needs to be done! This week I have been a bit overwhelmed....
The problem is that it has been gorgeous weather, and I have all these domestic things that I am supposed to be doing! I still get tired, so if I do the fun things, the "have-to's" don't happen! Self discipline - where are you???
I was really sad to come home and find out that the finch nest in front had been robbed and the parents are gone :( It was really hot while we were gone, and some of my plants really took a beating :( and the house is empty with Paul gone -- we had a whole 24 hours with him, which just is not enough! and my house is a mess! whine, whine, whine!
However, in 2 months Karl will be getting married :) which is a very happy thought! and Chance still has peppy days -- in between long naps! and my garden is starting to bloom
and the baby robins playing in the birdbath make me smile.
Have you ever tried to discern God's will? It is difficult sometimes--quite a process in fact. God speaks to us through the Bible, prayer, circumstances and the church. (Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby.)
When you are seeking God's will, you need to spend more time in the Bible and in prayer-which for some of us, with short attention spans, can be quite a challenge! In an effort to be more disciplined, I have been reading in the new testament - but I get derailed quite often! Dirt therapy provides much time for prayer, but again - I get distracted...Can it be that the devil doesn't want me to discern God's will??? Oh yeah!
Circumstances are those things that happen around you - a random comment by a man at Menards--a verse that comes back to you -- something your child says -- They all can be indicators! Writing them down in chronological order has helped me to see them more clearly -- of course that means that I have to be disciplined about writing them down! If I don't tho, I find that I forget some of the things and the pattern is not as clear.
The church refers to your Godly friends. Talk through the issues with them. See what their comments are - write them down so you don't forget. Ask for their prayers and wisdom. Sometimes they say back to you what you just said, and you have a revelation.
Sometimes after they have prayed about it, they will call you and share some wisdom.
Jer 33:3 says, " call to me and I will answer you, and tell you great and unsearchable things that you do not know!"
We are supposed to ask -- but in this world that is full of words, music, electronic devices and to do lists -- it is hard to quiet your heart to hear what He says.
We are to "be still and know that I am God" from Ps 46:10 --
but oh that is so hard! Yet it is the only way to discern his will.....
Thank you for checking in --
I will probably blog over the weekend and then early next week, but I will be heading back to St. Louis for a wedding -- one of my area bible study girls is getting married! :) It is hard to blog while I travel, because there is so much to do - and I don't want to type just to type -- There needs to be a worthwhile message for you!
Blessings to you all! and thank you!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Vacation!!!
Side effects continue - same old - fingers, toes, some nausea, some tired, hair falling out, nails breaking -- but --
I am getting to deal with them in Telluride instead of Franklin!
2 weeks ago yesterday I was disconnected for the last time --
Todd and I celebrated by doing a 5 mile hike to Bear Creek Falls - a beautiful "easy" climb which served to highlight how far I have to go to get in shape again!
This time away has been a great blessing --
Todd and I have gotten to spend good time together--great conversations!
I've gotten to do "steam therapy" to purify my system from the chemo.
My soul has been rejuvenated by the beauty of these mountains.
It has been fun to not have a schedule or an agenda - like going down a road just to find
out where it goes or having chocolate for "lunch" or walking the golf course just to check
it out (you didn't know I was so devoted to golf did you??? - more like devoted to Todd!)
Other surprising things -
I continue to process my dad's death - this upcoming weekend will be one year that I went to Valpo, not to really come home til after his death, and the sale of his house, 3 months later.
The place we are staying is gorgeous and has a German theme -- The architecture reminds me of my dad's tudor house - but on a much grander scale! In our unit, there is a photo on the wall of a mountain that my dad climbed - overlooking a town where he and my mom danced on their honeymoon....
The silverware is made by the company that made my grandmother's and my mother's silverware....
The pictures in the hall remind me very much of things that I saw when spending time with my grandparents....
So though this has been a real celebration, there have been some valuable times of being away and "feeling" all those things that I just ignore by keeping busy - which is not the healthy way to do it -- it's just how I have always done it :)
The chemo is also something that I have to work through -- when you are in it - you don't really process it - you just move on to the next thing on the timeline. Now, finally it starts to sink in that I had cancer, I went through chemo and now I should be "cured." When we hike, I get so frustrated that my heart is ready to pop out of my chest and my breath comes in gulps and my legs feel like jello. Todd reminds me again that all those nasty medications are still running around in my system making me tired and everything else. It is easy to forget.....
Don't get me wrong -- we are having a wonderful time! It is beautiful - the weather has been wonderful -- we mostly have the place to ourselves (this is the time of year the locals close up shop and go on vacation or that they do their between season spruce up -- paint, powerwash, plant and prepare) the wildflowers are blooming...oh this has been such a gift!!!
God has woven in the threads of sadness and tiredness, but they highlight the fun, the joy and beauty surrounding us! He knows what we need!
We are so blessed and thankful for the gift of this trip --
Phil 4:19
and my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus
1 Thes 5:16-18
Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus
Thanks for checkin' in --
I won't be posting much for the next few days because we fly home tomorrow and get up early Sat morning to drive Paul to Henning MN for his Summer job -- We drive back on Sunday--I'll be back early next week! Blessings to ya'll!
I am getting to deal with them in Telluride instead of Franklin!
2 weeks ago yesterday I was disconnected for the last time --
Todd and I celebrated by doing a 5 mile hike to Bear Creek Falls - a beautiful "easy" climb which served to highlight how far I have to go to get in shape again!
This time away has been a great blessing --
Todd and I have gotten to spend good time together--great conversations!
I've gotten to do "steam therapy" to purify my system from the chemo.
My soul has been rejuvenated by the beauty of these mountains.
It has been fun to not have a schedule or an agenda - like going down a road just to find
out where it goes or having chocolate for "lunch" or walking the golf course just to check
it out (you didn't know I was so devoted to golf did you??? - more like devoted to Todd!)
Other surprising things -
I continue to process my dad's death - this upcoming weekend will be one year that I went to Valpo, not to really come home til after his death, and the sale of his house, 3 months later.
The place we are staying is gorgeous and has a German theme -- The architecture reminds me of my dad's tudor house - but on a much grander scale! In our unit, there is a photo on the wall of a mountain that my dad climbed - overlooking a town where he and my mom danced on their honeymoon....
The silverware is made by the company that made my grandmother's and my mother's silverware....
The pictures in the hall remind me very much of things that I saw when spending time with my grandparents....
So though this has been a real celebration, there have been some valuable times of being away and "feeling" all those things that I just ignore by keeping busy - which is not the healthy way to do it -- it's just how I have always done it :)
The chemo is also something that I have to work through -- when you are in it - you don't really process it - you just move on to the next thing on the timeline. Now, finally it starts to sink in that I had cancer, I went through chemo and now I should be "cured." When we hike, I get so frustrated that my heart is ready to pop out of my chest and my breath comes in gulps and my legs feel like jello. Todd reminds me again that all those nasty medications are still running around in my system making me tired and everything else. It is easy to forget.....
Don't get me wrong -- we are having a wonderful time! It is beautiful - the weather has been wonderful -- we mostly have the place to ourselves (this is the time of year the locals close up shop and go on vacation or that they do their between season spruce up -- paint, powerwash, plant and prepare) the wildflowers are blooming...oh this has been such a gift!!!
God has woven in the threads of sadness and tiredness, but they highlight the fun, the joy and beauty surrounding us! He knows what we need!
We are so blessed and thankful for the gift of this trip --
Phil 4:19
and my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus
1 Thes 5:16-18
Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus
Thanks for checkin' in --
I won't be posting much for the next few days because we fly home tomorrow and get up early Sat morning to drive Paul to Henning MN for his Summer job -- We drive back on Sunday--I'll be back early next week! Blessings to ya'll!
Friday, May 11, 2012
Dirt Therapy for Frustration
Side effects are the same - I have not gotten any mouth sores though which is a first in a very long time! Hands-feet-balance-clumsy - all about the same. Sensitivity to the sun is more of a problem now than it was when I was not outside much -- I have to be careful about burning. Thankful they are not worse.
Have you ever worked really hard to accomplish something? You work, sacrifice, seek God's counsel and are proud of how far God got you -- and then people misjudge you-- they call you names....
Question your motives...
Attack your character....
Have you ever had that happen? Can you relate to the knife in the heart feeling? Have you felt really alone?
When hurt deeply, my M.O. is to retire to the garden, where I exhaust myself amending clay to make soil, splitting and moving plants--and talk to God with just the plants and birds as an audience-- It's hard to get over the hurt -- especially if it's intentionally and publicly inflicted - kinda like the pharisees did to Jesus!
Ecc 1:9 does say, "there is nothing new under the sun!"
We should not be surprised by this kind of behavior!
Remembering everything that Christ went through and endured, makes it seem that my deal is much, much smaller -- much less painful.
Tho it still hurts
- it still makes me mad
- I still want to get even............(You didn't know you were getting a confession did you?)
Somehow at the end of a day like this, not only am I stiff and sore, but I have a deep peace, an appreciation for nature, for God's provision and my situation seems more bearable.
My temper is sweetened watching a pair of chickadees build a nest together - and I think of Matt 6:26...the birds neither sow nor reap, but God feeds them - "are you not much more valuable than they?" Some days I think not! Especially when my attitude is in the toilet, but God in his great grace chose to save me and always loves me......I am blessed!
Makes me think of Mandisa's Stronger --
He knows this is gonna make you stronger...
I am thankful for
baby robins and their parents
a momma finch guarding her nest when I get too close
the chickadee family
beautiful blossoms
sunshine
sunscreen so I can be outside
phones
safe travel
God's presence to cheer me up
Thanks for checkin' in! Have a great weekend!
Have you ever worked really hard to accomplish something? You work, sacrifice, seek God's counsel and are proud of how far God got you -- and then people misjudge you-- they call you names....
Question your motives...
Attack your character....
Have you ever had that happen? Can you relate to the knife in the heart feeling? Have you felt really alone?
When hurt deeply, my M.O. is to retire to the garden, where I exhaust myself amending clay to make soil, splitting and moving plants--and talk to God with just the plants and birds as an audience-- It's hard to get over the hurt -- especially if it's intentionally and publicly inflicted - kinda like the pharisees did to Jesus!
Ecc 1:9 does say, "there is nothing new under the sun!"
We should not be surprised by this kind of behavior!
Remembering everything that Christ went through and endured, makes it seem that my deal is much, much smaller -- much less painful.
Tho it still hurts
- it still makes me mad
- I still want to get even............(You didn't know you were getting a confession did you?)
Somehow at the end of a day like this, not only am I stiff and sore, but I have a deep peace, an appreciation for nature, for God's provision and my situation seems more bearable.
My temper is sweetened watching a pair of chickadees build a nest together - and I think of Matt 6:26...the birds neither sow nor reap, but God feeds them - "are you not much more valuable than they?" Some days I think not! Especially when my attitude is in the toilet, but God in his great grace chose to save me and always loves me......I am blessed!
Makes me think of Mandisa's Stronger --
He knows this is gonna make you stronger...
I am thankful for
baby robins and their parents
a momma finch guarding her nest when I get too close
the chickadee family
beautiful blossoms
sunshine
sunscreen so I can be outside
phones
safe travel
God's presence to cheer me up
Thanks for checkin' in! Have a great weekend!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
motivation - where are you???
Side effects the same - not much better- not much worse - the clumsiness and numb fingers are such a pain - everything that is fine motor is difficult. My mood has been pretty cranky since last night, which is not fun - just ask Todd! walked 3 1/2 miles today! yay!
Today has been overcast, some rain and colder than I was hoping for. My mood and motivation to accomplish anything matches the day! Yuck! It is so hard to remember that I am still dealing with these toxins when I feel I should be acting "normal" - whatever that is!
I really loved "Jesus Calling" today. It starts "Don't be so hard on yourself. (It always throws me when I get a message that is perfectly timed!!) I can bring good even out of your mistakes.....look to Me...anticipating that My infinite creativity can weave both good choices and bad into a lovely design......Thinking that you should live an error-free life is symptomatic of pride. (wow!) Your failures can be a source of blessing, humbling you and giving you empathy.....failure highlites your dependence on Me! I am able to bring beauty out of the morass of your mistakes......" (what a great descriptive noun - a morass! sounds like a boggy swamp of quicksand - which is exactly what some bad decisions are like!)
This passage is amazing! I love how reassuring it is -especially because I am very good at re-hashing the past and regretting things. It points out how silly it is to think I won't make mistakes -- and how those mistakes cause empathy -- which will be a blessing when I express it to someone else! I just love it when God brings good out of the morass of my mistakes!!
He is amazing!
Today I am thankful for
an oriole and an indigo bunting at my feeders (I hope they stick around)
warblers singing
cleaning out a closet
leftovers so I don't have to cook
my snuggly blanket
puffs plus lotion
a friend's good biopsy report
the prayers of a child
rain to water the earth
sun after rain
Is 46:4 I will sustain you and rescue you
Ps 91:1-2He who dwells in the shelter of the most high will rest in the shadow of the almighty
I will say of the Lord, he is my refuge and my fortress, My God in whom I trust
Jer 32:27 I am the Lord, the God of all mankind - is anything too hard for me?
Thanks for checkin' in!
Today has been overcast, some rain and colder than I was hoping for. My mood and motivation to accomplish anything matches the day! Yuck! It is so hard to remember that I am still dealing with these toxins when I feel I should be acting "normal" - whatever that is!
I really loved "Jesus Calling" today. It starts "Don't be so hard on yourself. (It always throws me when I get a message that is perfectly timed!!) I can bring good even out of your mistakes.....look to Me...anticipating that My infinite creativity can weave both good choices and bad into a lovely design......Thinking that you should live an error-free life is symptomatic of pride. (wow!) Your failures can be a source of blessing, humbling you and giving you empathy.....failure highlites your dependence on Me! I am able to bring beauty out of the morass of your mistakes......" (what a great descriptive noun - a morass! sounds like a boggy swamp of quicksand - which is exactly what some bad decisions are like!)
This passage is amazing! I love how reassuring it is -especially because I am very good at re-hashing the past and regretting things. It points out how silly it is to think I won't make mistakes -- and how those mistakes cause empathy -- which will be a blessing when I express it to someone else! I just love it when God brings good out of the morass of my mistakes!!
He is amazing!
Today I am thankful for
an oriole and an indigo bunting at my feeders (I hope they stick around)
warblers singing
cleaning out a closet
leftovers so I don't have to cook
my snuggly blanket
puffs plus lotion
a friend's good biopsy report
the prayers of a child
rain to water the earth
sun after rain
Is 46:4 I will sustain you and rescue you
Ps 91:1-2He who dwells in the shelter of the most high will rest in the shadow of the almighty
I will say of the Lord, he is my refuge and my fortress, My God in whom I trust
Jer 32:27 I am the Lord, the God of all mankind - is anything too hard for me?
Thanks for checkin' in!
Monday, May 7, 2012
"Getting Better slowly" and "Dealing with Fear"
Last nurse check today! no blood draws til next month (shouldn't be for 3 mos, but liver enzymes up again) Side effects- some better, like indigestion is less frequent - but fingers/toes still really numb, haven't felt one finger in 5 days now and can't wear sandals because toes are so cold/numb. Lack of coordination seems a bit better (no jokes here!)
I am amazed how God continues to bring good from this -- Have had several conversations with people about fear -- They had situations going on and contacted me asking for scriptures -- I am honored that they asked and also to be able to share God's strength! So here are some "go to" scriptures for coping with fear, in case they are of help to anyone else:
Jer 29:11 I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord -
Plans to prosper you and not to harm you --
Plans to give you a hope and a future.
Is 43:1-3 Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have summoned you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you and
When you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you and
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned --
The flames will not set you ablaze, for I am the Lord your God....
Ps 34:18-19
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
A righteous man has many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.
Ps 46, 121, 91and 23 - the whole thing - favorite excerpts
Ps 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.
Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way......
Ps 121:1 I Lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth....
Ps 91:1-2 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty
I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress
my God in whom I trust
Ps 23:4 even tho I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil, for you are with me.
Phil 4:13 I can do all things thru Him who strengthens me
Phil 4:19 My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus
Phil 1:6 He who began a good work in you will carry it to completion until the day of Christ
Jesus
Ps 50:15 Call upon me in the day of trouble
I will deliver you and you will honor me!
Rom 8:28 God works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
There is an assortment of encouragement. When you are facing fearful situations, hang on to these verses - either put them on your favorite, always-with-you electronic device or go the old school way and write 'em down - or both. I found a small composition book (2 x 3) that fits in the back pocket of my jeans. I wrote many of these in there and took it with me prior to surgeries or scary appointments.
By the way, if you are trying to encourage someone else - texting scripture to them is powerful. Looking at your phone is socially acceptable, whereas reading your bible in public may be more conspicuous than comforting!
Send me your favorite "courage" verses-I can always use more!
Thanks for checkin' in!
Blessings to you!
I am amazed how God continues to bring good from this -- Have had several conversations with people about fear -- They had situations going on and contacted me asking for scriptures -- I am honored that they asked and also to be able to share God's strength! So here are some "go to" scriptures for coping with fear, in case they are of help to anyone else:
Jer 29:11 I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord -
Plans to prosper you and not to harm you --
Plans to give you a hope and a future.
Is 43:1-3 Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have summoned you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you and
When you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you and
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned --
The flames will not set you ablaze, for I am the Lord your God....
Ps 34:18-19
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
A righteous man has many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.
Ps 46, 121, 91and 23 - the whole thing - favorite excerpts
Ps 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.
Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way......
Ps 121:1 I Lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth....
Ps 91:1-2 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty
I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress
my God in whom I trust
Ps 23:4 even tho I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil, for you are with me.
Phil 4:13 I can do all things thru Him who strengthens me
Phil 4:19 My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus
Phil 1:6 He who began a good work in you will carry it to completion until the day of Christ
Jesus
Ps 50:15 Call upon me in the day of trouble
I will deliver you and you will honor me!
Rom 8:28 God works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
There is an assortment of encouragement. When you are facing fearful situations, hang on to these verses - either put them on your favorite, always-with-you electronic device or go the old school way and write 'em down - or both. I found a small composition book (2 x 3) that fits in the back pocket of my jeans. I wrote many of these in there and took it with me prior to surgeries or scary appointments.
By the way, if you are trying to encourage someone else - texting scripture to them is powerful. Looking at your phone is socially acceptable, whereas reading your bible in public may be more conspicuous than comforting!
Send me your favorite "courage" verses-I can always use more!
Thanks for checkin' in!
Blessings to you!
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Hangin' in there
Side effects continue -- hands and feet are more numb than they have been--really bugs me - the joints in my hands are kinda sore also - balance is poor - my moods are more up and down - hair keeps falling out -- nausea comes and goes without much warning - morning clumsiness until my muscles "wake up" - some trouble sleeping - headaches - runny/bloody nose combination
I am very thankful to be this far and so very glad I don't have to go through any more chemo -- The side effects are bothersome--today as I walked up to communion, my balance was really off. Was thankful not to be too obvious! In the morning when I walk Chance, it takes about 3/4 mile for me to be able to walk without having to concentrate on it.
However - it could be so much worse! I should not complain! I haven't posted for a variety of reasons - tired and cranky probably are at the top of the list, but truly it's more the "up and down" moodiness- it's like a buzz, then a crash - and I don't write well when crashed, and it happens faster than it did. I just have to figure this out better to "get back in the groove" My fingers also are pretty numb and that makes typing a pain in the butt - whine whine whine --
no really good excuses - but there they are! Sorry to be cranky!
I need a serious attitude adjustment - Very thankful for
rain
watching plants grow
worship
God's promises
encouraging others
that I am done w chemo
a finch nest in my clematis vine -
friends like you
2 Cor 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness
(This was my grandparent's wedding verse)
I am very thankful to be this far and so very glad I don't have to go through any more chemo -- The side effects are bothersome--today as I walked up to communion, my balance was really off. Was thankful not to be too obvious! In the morning when I walk Chance, it takes about 3/4 mile for me to be able to walk without having to concentrate on it.
However - it could be so much worse! I should not complain! I haven't posted for a variety of reasons - tired and cranky probably are at the top of the list, but truly it's more the "up and down" moodiness- it's like a buzz, then a crash - and I don't write well when crashed, and it happens faster than it did. I just have to figure this out better to "get back in the groove" My fingers also are pretty numb and that makes typing a pain in the butt - whine whine whine --
no really good excuses - but there they are! Sorry to be cranky!
I need a serious attitude adjustment - Very thankful for
rain
watching plants grow
worship
God's promises
encouraging others
that I am done w chemo
a finch nest in my clematis vine -
friends like you
2 Cor 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness
(This was my grandparent's wedding verse)
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