Memorial Day Weekend

Appointment with Oasis of Hope will be rescheduled
Ultra sound confirms hernia
Weight holding

Phone appointment had to be rescheduled because the Doc was with other patients.  Have not heard about this yet --- maybe it is an answer???
The ultrasound showed that I do have a hernia -- .8 of a centimeter.  One would not think something so small would cause so much trouble! 
After wrestling with my hernia belt to try and get it to fit properly and not hurt worse, I have come to a somewhat peaceful coexistance with it -- tho it is an added aggravation (getting things to fit right and having to take it off every time I go to the bathroom - which is often given my water consumption!) This is a little thing, but like water wearing on a stone, the belt can be frustrating and the hernia is painful!  I have to remember that this is no big deal - so many have it much worse!  However, if it hits me when I am feeling discouraged or doubting that I am winning this fight, I really have to dig deep to not spiral down hill quickly.  That is usually when the devil hits hard- sowing seeds of discontent and self pity.  
Ps 61:2 helps -
    From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; 
        lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Thankful for:
-the successful close of another school year and  the energy to participate in the festivities
-access to all the vast array of supplements that help me feel good and fight this battle
-family, phones, skype and faceTime
-hernia belt helping and not hurting
-being able to walk further distances and feel strong
-doing yoga and meditating 4 days in a row (you have to celebrate the small things!)
-visits from friends that turn regular days into "vacation" for a few hours
-God's grace reminding me that my problems are light and momentary by comparison to others who have much greater problems
-Those who protect our country and fight for freedom!


Thanks for checkin in!  Have a blessed Memorial Day! 

Grumpy therapy!

Bracelets sent out -

-Let me know if you don't get yours soon
   (comment here or message me on
   facebook)
-Keeping on trying to build habits out of the protocols
-Lost the 2 pounds I bragged about - argh!
-Ultrasound tomorrow for hernia
-Exploratory conversation with Oasis of Hope in Mexico tomorrow

This picture is 1 month before my diagnosis... 
Can't tell I am stage IV can you? Get your scope! It beats the alternative!!

So - how am I really?  
Kinda grumpy - trying to fight it with thankfulness! 
Pain and getting used to a hernia belt that is not fashion-friendly make me crabby
so does continuing research about the most effective protocols for me
detoxing makes me weak - and other unmentionable side effects :(
fighting weight loss
tweaking shakes and recipes so I can eat them 
balancing "normal" life with my reality - realizing I can't do it all - 
It all makes me grumpy!
So there! Got it out - I've whined enough!  Thank you for listening!
           (Hopefully it helps you understand if you have someone dealing with illness....)

I am thankful for 
beautiful weather - cool and lovely
hummingbirds that beg when I need to fill the feeders
friends and family - their prayers, hugs, smiles and words of encouragement and help!
A friend helping me get the bracelets mailed (sorry for the delay!)
Fresh vegetables
Todd always being willing to help me decipher supplement purchases and talk through 
     anything and make me laugh
My friends' dogs that give me animal therapy -
The receptionists at my doctors' office that help me get answers to lots of questions
Travel plans to celebrate weddings, birthdays, Summer, friendships, family and life!
For God being "the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow"
That He always is waiting for me to run to him, after I have worn myself out trying to do it on my own strength. 
     "The world is too much with you my child.  Your mind leaps from problem to problem ...tangling your thoughts in anxious knots. (Yes it does!)  When you think like that, you leave Me out of your world-view and your mind becomes darkened. (I get lost in the darkness!!) Though I yearn to help, I will not violate your freedom.  I stand silently in the background of your mind, waiting for you to remember that I am with you. (Why do I forget this so quickly - in the blink of an eye, I go from peaceful to "darkened" and wandering on my own with such a heavy load, stubbing my toes and stumbling!) 
     When you turn from your problems to My Presence, your load is immediately lighter.,,,we carry your burdens together....." Jesus Calling, May 25
                    Lord help me to realize when I flit away from you!  Teach me to turn 
                    immediately and run to you.  Teach me to abide with you and not be drawn
                    away!



To end on a fun note - 
people send me humor therapy, which I just love and it is great medicine!  Gotta share this one -

Thanks for checkin' in!  

Played and didn't pay as much!

Gained 2 pounds and holding for 5 days!! 
Feeling good makes remembering that life is not normal a challenge... 
Hernia is causing gut pain...

Been wrestling this week with pain in my gut - low left, where it was before.  I did not connect the pain in my gut with my hernia!  Two different docs had said about that, don't worry about it - just don't lift heavy things... (easier said than done on both counts!!)
I did not realize that hernias were painful so didn't tie the two together and was getting pretty anxious about the pain.  Fortunately, a friend told me that hernias can be quite painful, which put 2 and 2 together!   My primary care is ordering an ultrasound to see if we can see anything.  Unfortunately I have spent a week trying to figure this out and manage pain :( argh!

Several weeks ago the doctor had suggested some additional supplements based on my bloodwork last time. It has taken some time to figure out exactly what I'm supposed to take and how much.  Supplements often come in liquid or pill or capsule form and often include different forms of the element.  Many have asked what supplements I am on.  With the caveat that you should be under a doctor's care to add supplements to your diet, because it may be harmful to you, here goes:

Glutamine - for muscle growth -yes this can feed cancer cells, but we need to feed the 
   healthy cells.  Erratic dosages would be more likely to feed cancer cells than regular
   doses
CoQ10 for energy
Fulvic Acid for nutrient absorption, detox and to buffer my body's acidity
Melatonin - in a high dose to increase my Natural Killer cell (NK) count
Liposomal Vitamin C -powerful anti oxidant-(http://products.mercola.com/vitamin-c/) explains
   it well
Milk Thistle Extract - liver cleansing, anti angiogenisis(a tumor growing blood vessels) 
Curcumin w Black Pepper (3:1) against inflammation

A few other hints he gave me:
walk after a meal to lower your blood sugar
drink LOTS of water
don't drink alkali water or water with lemon with 
   your supplements because it can hinder the 
   nutrient absorption 
avoid carrageenan in your almond milk -  My 
   blood was "sticky" and it encourages thickness
actually count how many ounces you drink to be sure 
   you are getting what you need

So there is the medical side of the update --
How am I doing?  I am very thankful -- 
Though it was a busy weekend, it did not wipe me out as much as it had last weekend.  
A new phase of my rebuilding process is that I feel pretty good and so my brain thinks that I can do everything that I used to do/want to do.  That is not happening!  As my dear, sweet analyst put it - "you have added 4 hours - at least- to your day between cleansing, resting and cooking -- something has to go!"  Of course, I want to do it all - which leads to frustration and pity parties and tears. Trying to figure out the balance of the have-to s and the want-to s in life is part of revamping how I live, so I am not always feeling behind, unsuccessful, and defeated.  Tie into that, that I am not "born organized" but have to put thought into it - and there is quite a mountain to conquer! 

God is faithful, as always!  He knows when I need encouragement and has blessed me repeatedly!  
Someone has anonymously left me several sweet presents by my door that touch my heart -
A friend from the East coast, orchestrated a present delivery to me thru a friend -- 
I continue to receive cards which uplift me - some signed - some anonymous!  
Some of the Olu students wrote me notes - some funny- other's quite faith-filled.  
One of my docs signed his e-mail with Phil 4:13  
   You can do all things thru Christ who strengthens you.
And I remember that 
   My God will meet all your needs thru his glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:19)

He knows my need of encouragement -- how sweet and tender He is to provide that thru so many different people!  

Thankful for -
Energy and weight
Friends who are so caring
God, who supplies my every need (not want - but need!)
My doctors 
The challenge of learning to live a balanced life - it keeps me hanging on to Him!

Thanks for checkin' in!  

Played and Paid

Played hard Sat - Rested hard Sunday and Monday
Energy seems good - weight holding
Hard to stay faithful to diet when I'm feeling good
Bracelets going out! Let me know if you want any!

Sat we left the house at noon and got home around 10.  We took people out for lunch, went to the Best of Broadway performance at OLu at 2, ran an errand, changed clothes and went to the Concordia Gala.  I made it through the Gala up to the show -- then I faded! 
I was so thrilled that I could do so much!  It was a huge victory for me!  Thank you God for the energy! 
Sunday I was very slow and Monday also - just tired!  I did have a few flashes of energy here and there, but they did not last really long.  That is why you have not heard from me -- it takes energy to write coherently :)

One thing that I noticed is that with increased energy, comes increased dissatisfaction with my diet!  When I felt terrible, eating raw, heavy veggie, no processed, was a means to the end of "feeling better"and "having more energy."  
Whining Alert! skip to next session if you don't want to hear whining!
Now that I have more energy, it is not quite so easy to not pout when Todd has pepperoni pizza and I have grilled chicken with mixed greens and balsamic dressing.  
This is a lesson in not comparing.  The chicken and greens are great - I like them and I had a fabulous red pepper humus.  When eaten while smelling fresh pepperoni pizza tho, it is easy to lose my contentment and my thankful heart!  Todd did ask if it was ok to order pizza with our friends -- what am I going to say - no?   
I certainly don't want them to feel awkward!  And the fact is that this is my new normal.  People all around me will eat things that I should not eat. Reminding myself of why I am eating this way (to detox, to strengthen my immune system and keep the cancer from establishing itself again)- is so important!  Self motivation is the key to my successful self discipline.  

Here's my motivation -- being healthy and fit to enjoy my family!!!

It dampens my whining quickly!  
Let everyone else eat whatever - I am empowering my little cells to be strong and fight against an early end to my life.  

That is motivating!!   

What is that compared to a lovely glass of wine [whine :)] a steak or a brownie?  
Nothing!  (well almost - haha!)



I leave you with God's reminder about contentment  - from 1 Tim 6:6
     .....but Godliness with contentment is great gain...

Oh that I may continue to seek God, to remember his many gifts to me like my family and to be thankful and contented and "do everything without complaining....so that I may be ....pure" (Phil 2:15)

So thankful for:
energy
friends who pray for me 
bracelets to mail out
clean water
fresh vegetables
a mind that remembers
gaining a pound
beautiful cool weather
skype and FaceTime
reading books to Aliyah

Thanks for checkin' in and for your prayers!  God bless!

Progress, Protocols and Challenges

Burning from the stent removal is gone!  Very thankful 'cause I have to drink a lot of water!!
Energy holding  - weight barely holding
Mailing bracelets  - thanks for all the requests!
Research is on-going - looking at water filtration 
    Whole house or kitchen only? Anyone have opinions!

I heard back regarding all the bloodwork.  It seems pretty good, but he made some suggestions which I am in the process of clarifying and will share next time. 

Continuing the process of conquering my protocols (oh my- so hard!)  and balancing that with living life.  Continuing with Cold Laser therapy - will probably do that 1 x mo once my candida is under control and all the eggs are hatched (blech!shiver!) Currently working on boosting adrenals and immune system and candida and parasite eradication.  If you want more info on parasites, beware tho, it is gross - http://educate-yourself.org/cn/detectandtreatparasites12aug12.shtml  It is disturbing...particularly the part about vaccines and autism -- have not researched that at all! (barely got thru the first part!)

Questions I've gotten:
I'd like to buy a bracelet -
Bracelets are not for sale- they are a gift in thanks for your on-going prayerful support!  Thank you!  Let me know if you would like one.  

Why can you not have coconut oil - I thought it was healthy.  
Coconut oil is off my list of "can haves" because I have too much plaque in my blood Hopefully, through all this detoxing, my liver will get healthier and be able to process this fat better.  The only fat/oil I am to use is olive oil, however for other people, coconut oil is great!

Why would you do whole house filtration? Garden water filtration?
As you shower, the hot water releases chlorine gas that is harmful, according to some.  
http://www.atsdr.cdc.gov/toxfaqs/tf.asp?id=200&tid=36 is a link to a page that says it is not a problem, but it does not address showers.
Garden filtration seems like a waste, however, if you are serious about gardening and growing your own food, putting chlorinated water into your amended soil certainly does not help and probably kills off the healthy organisms in the earth.  No proof of this - just logic - 
Thoughts? We are currently using a Brita filter -   

In the spirit of helping others, I will answer these, tho it is not easy to put myself out there!  If I can help even one person regain their health, it is worth it!  This is such an easy way to detox.  Skip to "Thankful for " if it is more than you want to know.

How long does it take you to do your enema cleanse each morning?
2-3 hours, and it leaves me weak.  Part of that time is preparing (you can't use hot or cold water or coffee!) and cleaning up (you can't leave a mess!)
(skip if you are squeamish)   
It depends on cramping.  I do a cleansing water enema first so that the coffee retention enema has the best chance of detoxing the liver.  The cleansing can cause cramping and take a while to work through. To be effective, I need to retain the coffee 9--15 minutes.  Most times I can get to 8-9 minutes, sometimes my body simply dumps (I didn't even try for that pun!) 
http://constipationguru.com/how-to-give-yourself-an-enema/ is a pretty good link about administering an enema if you are really curious.  

   ====Praying that somehow, this brings him Glory ====

Can you see parasites in your stool?
yup (blech - shiver -shiver- blech - yuck!)

Do you use a colema board? 
No - for me that is too much cleaning up, storage and it's awkward. But whatever works to get the job done for someone! 

How long do you have to do this?
I am 2/3 of the way through the Desbio detox drops and will at least continue until I finish those to remove as many toxins as possible so that my liver can focus more on the plaque so I can eat cheese! (I am very food motivated!!!)   

Oh boy - we'll see if I have the courage to publish all that!  

One of the things that has affected my life so much is that doing all this cleansing means that I am not out of the house until just before noon each day - by the time I shower and get ready.  That has totally messed up my volunteering - my errands - my exercise -
Why not do it later in the day, you ask? 
There is the least food inside in the morning, and I am busy eating during the day to get as many calories as I can! I do not want to loose any calories by flushing them!
Why not get up earlier? 
I am supposed to try and sleep 8 hours!  I've never really slept 8 hours so this is a stretch!

Today I am thankful for:
fresh eggs
organic spicy salsa 
how amazingly God designed our bodies - that they fight to heal after abuse and attack
the challenge of meditating (I struggle to sit/lie still and not giggle at the directions in guided 
     meditations) 
the challenge of paring down to essentials not only in what I do, but here at home- to not 
    waste energy maintaining what I do not really love- to create time for other things.  
the challenge of ordering my life schedule
      While I don't like these challenges, they keep me hanging on to God is total desperation! 
the white egret in our neighborhood
sound sleep
friends
prayers
God's promises and 
that he listens when we cry out to him...

          God is my Rock, my Fortress, my Deliverer;
          My God is my Rock in whom I take refuge, my Shield.....
          my Stronghold  
                      Ps 18:2
Thanks for checkin' in! 

Check that off!

Stent is out - 
Follow up ultrasound in about 3 weeks 

Very thankful to be this far --
Seems like forever ago that I was trying to get used to having a stent -- Time Flies!
While it was not a fun procedure, it was not the worst I've had to undergo-- several sharp pains and it was done.  

Now we wait.  
He has ordered an ultrasound (instead of and x-ray- to reduce my exposure) in a few weeks to check how my kidney is doing.  He described it like blowing up a balloon really big.  It does not necessarily go back down to its original shape.  Hopefully he will be able to discern enough with the ultrasound to have a baseline to compare against.  He said it is not as clear an image as an x-ray, so we will see.  Waiting is hard - but it is part of the game.  Thanks for waiting with me - 

A sidelight, I had a small bump on my abs for a long time (before my surgery in 2011) about the size of a quarter and perhaps 1/8 of an inch high.  The doc in Milwaukee said that he saw nothing - and my doc here saw nothing, but today I asked about it again, because it is bigger and has moved slightly -- he poked around on it and thought perhaps it was a hernia...very very small, but an annoyance non-the-less! Checking with a different doc!

Thanks for requesting bracelets!  I am honored that y'all would pray for me!
They will go out in the next day or two!  Trying to figure out how to package them! 

I am thankful that today is done (almost) 
for a variety in food
for my ninja
for almond butter 
for beautiful weather
for all my various doctors who are looking over my case
for Christ who strengthens me when I am weak and fearful

Thanks for checkin in!

Time Flies!

Energy holding well
Weight holding
Stent out Monday - prayers please!

It is surreal to me that my mom has been gone 15 years, that my sons are grown and gone and that I have a grandchild....It feels like just a few years ago I was a young bride! And I don't feel very grown up!  but other times I feel old and withered....My mother used to say that it was strange to her that she was wearing my grandmother's cross, and that someday I would wear it...I am so thankful for my mom -- she taught me my faith, instilled in me love of scripture, history and caring for others.  

On another note -- 
A dear friend gave me some of these last time around and she has blessed me again!  
Though far away, she prayed me thru, as 
many of you are now doing!  If you would like a bracelet please Facebook me with your address or leave me a comment how to contact you, or ask either of us -- we carry them with us! I cannot put into words how much it means to us to have you pray for me --
It is the game changer!  

This time around is very different than last time - I  have no dramatic chemo updates for you.  It is a quiet everyday battle.  It is tedious and boring and takes the most self discipline I have ever exerted! It does not make very interesting reading, so I am fully aware that you are also exerting self discipline to check in on me and keep me in your prayers and be faithful.  Thank you!  I would love to send you a bracelet - just let me know if you want one (she sent many more than shown here!)  

Prayer request please - 
As the stent is removed, there is a possibility that I will have a return of the pain in a few days. This could happen because the ureter was crushed by the tumor and it could collapse again when the stent is removed.  Please pray that my ureter is in healed from being crushed and that removing the stent allows it to go back to functioning properly.  

Today I am thankful for:
Todd's, grandma's and aunts, who filled the faith gaps in his life
    (is there anyone you can pray for to strengthen their faith?)
for his mom who told him he was fantastic (he is!)
for my mom, who taught me how to walk the walk
for my grandmothers who provided unconditional love 
for Mrs. Glynn - my best friend's mom growing up- who tho her table was always full of her 
  own children, always made room for me and treated me like her own
    (Is there anyone you know who needs a place to belong? Can you include them?)
for Eve, who raised a Godly woman to be my daughter-in-love
for our daughter in love, who is a wonder mom to our little grand daughter
for Karl and Paul, the next generation of prayer warriors
for this long line of loving, Godly pray-ers - may I live up to that!

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children....Deut 6:6

Good appointment!

Appointment went well-doc is pleased!
Stent comes out Monday around noonEnergy/weight holding

Doc reviewed all my supplements in view of my bloodwork that was drawn a month ago (the really big draw with all the specific tests). She increased my dhea to a second dose at noon, because that was low, and added K-force for my vitamin D level which is within normal, but at the really low end of normal. She also added Livaplex 3 x a day to boost my liver.   I need to be sure to drink 64 oz of water each day because my blood was "clumpy" - the cells were clumped together and not floating around freely - this was another time that seeing them on the screen was very motivating.  To see how my cells struggle when they don't have enough water was an eye opener. 
 
My anti oxidant count was fabulous! I gained 20,000 from 47,000-66,000! They teased me that was the greatest increased they had ever seen- even got a star! The candida that had been so prevalent last time I was in, was virtually gone! I guess removing sugar and doing cold laser therapy worked!  We will need to continue cold laser therapy to kill the candida eggs that hatch--that just sounds so gross – (shiver)blech! It gives me the creeps so badly that thinking of that when I want a cookie really helps cut the craving down!  

 
I did have a lot of plaque in my blood, so she emphasized no vegetable oils - only those from nuts/seeds or olive or avocado oil - and still no cheese :(   
(Todd's been teasing me about how much cheese I ate - based on how much was left to use up!)

We covered a lot about my diet - I can use organic stevia and organic agave nectar (a tiny bit)
No coconut oil  or milk or dairy of any kind - but I can do whey based protein (organic of course!)
Tofu and venison are fine.  Canned tuna 2 x month only.  
I asked about almond butter because that has been my go to staple -- it does not cause plaque and it does not have to be organic!  woohoo!
Because we do eat out a fair bit, we discussed that, and she said that I could eat non-organic 3 x month - but still healthy choices.  (was hoping for wine or a gin and tonic - darn!)

To further detox, she suggested infra red sauna therapy......have to look into that.

Often, when I have an appointment, I really pin my hopes on the results -- that I will see a big change or get good news.  Even tho I fight doing this - it happens.  My mantra this whole journey has been "your will, Lord!"  It is so sweet of Him to provide tangible encouragement for me through my results.  These doctors are just wonderful and I am so thankful for them -and for that encouragement to keep doing all these things to live healthy and keep the cancer at bay.  God so clearly brought me to them through a friend -- It is amazing to see how he works in tiny details that end up being life changing -- 

Think back over your week -- Think about some of the details that God has woven together -- He is good - even when we do not understand.  Notice the seemingly insignificant things that He does and thank Him (anything from a close parking spot when you are running late --- to "coincidentally" remembering something that would have been a real problem to forget)  If you keep a paper calendar, maybe write one thing down to be thankful for each day - just 2 words to remind yourself and give Him the glory.  It may be that in 3 months when you are glancing back at your calendar, looking for something, that you realize an insignificant detail really was life changing!  

I am thankful for
God's care of our live's details
Todd's support of all these protocols/supplements
energy to walk regularly
a beautiful white egret that let me walk about 10 feet from him  
unexpected rain (what a blessing!)

Thanks for checkin in!  Y'all are a blessing!  

On another note - Please let me know if you like your vegtable steamer or a slicing mandolin.     Thx! You are the best!!!

Appointment with the nutritionist --

Have an appointment with the nutritionist tomorrow at 11
Blessed to have Paul here for a few days - miss him already!

Continuing with research  - (kinda random)
on pots and pans with non stick surfaces.  Cannot find anything hugely conclusive that makes me stop using the non-stick that I have.  
on microwaving food.  There does not appear to be any substantiated reason to avoid microwaving food.  Cooking food in water seems to be more detrimental to the food structure than the micro.  
Chia seeds benefit from being soaked prior to being added to a shake.  

On another note -- 
You are influential no matter how insignificant you feel...
A friend of my kids, from 20 years ago contacted me to let me know that I had blessed her when she was a very young woman.  I remembered that these were pretty ordinary events -- just taking time with her, some hugs, some cards and some listening...Yet she remember those hugs and the time.  She said that my blog was encouraging her to be aware of all her blessings and that she was more aware of God intervening in her life now...
Thankful for this silver lining!  It makes this struggle worthwhile!  

Take time.  Write the note.  Listen.  
Be Jesus with skin on even when you don't feel like it.  
It may be a kingdom appointment!      
"You may be the only bible someone reads"

A new commandment I give you - Love one another as I have loved you - John 13:34

Thankful for
Facebook -to hear from friends from awhile ago
    and to let you know how I am doing :)
Beautiful weather
Paul being here
almonds and almond butter - my go-to portable snack when I am running late
clean water
protein shakes

Thanks for checkin in!