Long Week! Friday and finally starting to come back to life

Getting a bit better-hands are still pins and needles - but nausea is getting better.

Highlight of yesterday - Paul came home :)

Yesterday spent much of the day in bed - this chemo stuff is hard work!!

The nausea kept me busy feeling sorry for myself.  

The pins/needles in my hands makes everything difficult from picking up a glass plate to cutting an apple to washing dishes to answering my phone.  It makes me clumsy too.

Highlight of today, I ran a few errands!  separated by long naps of course..... 

I still can't believe how much I sleep!  

Thankful for my family, for my pillow and for the nausea being lessened.....

Ps 116:1 I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.....

Thank God It's Friday!

1/4 of the way done with chemo!

Blessed to be disconnected from the pump.

very very tired - still struggling with numbness and tingling in my fingers

nausea is there, but controlled - tho it affects my eating/drinking - 

   I have to work to drink enough fluids to not dehydrate - 

   everything tastes terrible

so in my weary stupor, I try to fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him, endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God and consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men so that I do not become weary and lose heart  (Heb 12 :2-3)

Today I am thankful for:

the rain being rain and not snow 

   (Todd does not need to worry about clearing snow, working and taking care of me!)

a cozy blanket for my endless nap

drugs to help me feel better 

dinners that just "appear"

"hot hands" hand warmers to get feeling back into my fingers

being strong enough to walk with Todd

for his loving care of me

being 1/4 of the way done

friends who encourage me

God's blessings and thanks for your prayers for us!

Dr. Oz What poop color is "normal" - My story if you missed it before

http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/what-your-stool-telling-you
This article is very helpful in figuring out what is abnormal.   Any change to what has been normal for you should be watched carefully and discussed with your doctor. 

So many of you have asked questions, expressed concern about what is normal--Asked what symptoms I had - Thanks for having the courage to ask - I will talk about this with anyone -- so here it goes again - if you know the story - skip this part


My only symptoms were 3 days in July, the 1st, 2nd and 3rd which were the day of my dad's funeral and the two days thereafter, when we ate fresh blackberry pie.  I had blood in my stool, like a ribbon through the poop - if you have ever had an animal that ate a rubber band, or a baby sock and pooped it out you know what I mean.  There was no blood on the paper, no blood in the water - only a thin ribbon in the stool itself.  This happened 3 days and went away.  I attributed it to stress and fresh blackberries.  (I had been in IN since May 21st, and stayed there until August 16th, dissolving dad's estate) When I got back, I went to my primary care doc, she ordered an ultrasound and colonoscopy.  Immediately after I had the order for the tests, I began again having the ribbon of blood in the stool--this time for several days at a time, and then it would go away.  
During my pre-scope consultation, Dr. Carballo said that he thought this was probably all stress related and was nothing to worry about, but we would check it all out.  
Immediately after he finished the procedure, he told Todd (and me, but I was too out of it to understand!)that I had cancer, and gave him Dr. Klas's name.  He said that Dr. Klas would be calling me tomorrow.   
By God's great grace and strength, Todd took me home, made breakfast for me and tucked me in on the couch and went to work, knowing I had cancer, and that I didn't have a clue.  He was facilitating a conference that day -- I don't know how he did it except through God's strength!  
I cannot imagine how hard it was for him to wake me up (no, I hadn't moved!) and then sit me down and tell me I had cancer.   That must have been one of the hardest things he has ever had to do -- I get teary just thinking about it.  


That was 10/6.  Thanks to the wonderful people at the Vince Lombardi Clinic, I had a cat scan and tons of bloodwork and met with a host of doc's the 10th.  The surgeon was confident that this would be no biggie - they would get it out and that would be that.  The oncologist said it was nice to meet me and I wouldn't be seeing him again, but "here's my card if you ever do need me."  None of these docs thought this would be stage 3! but it was.  


My point is this -- none of these professionals thought I had it -- I am not the poster child for colon cancer! (Obesity is a huge indicator of colon cancer) and yet I have it - stage 3


Check the bowl!  Monitor your body!  You are your best health care advocate!  

Remembering and thankful - Better than last time

New nausea meds help!  Made it to Bible Study!  (thanks to my drivers!) weary though.


I am thankful to say that the nausea has held off until tonight, which is longer than last time.  It is starting to act up a bit now.  
The tingly, painful fingers have continued -- I took one of those "hot hands" hand warmers with me to bible study today and kept my mittens on most of the day and that has helped. Typing with mittens doesn't work tho! ;) Also I keep dropping things -my handwriting is illegible! 
I have been blessed with somewhat more energy today than I had last time.  Still took a long nap and haven't walked today tho.   Thankful that it is a bit easier so far compared to last time.


I received this quote from Max Lucado's Fearless  in an e mail and thought it was wonderful - following the theme from yesterday of God going before me.

"But it is in storms that He does His finest work, for it is in storms that He has our keenest attention.  We cannot go where God is not.  Look over your shoulder; that's God following you.  Look into the storm;  that's Christ coming toward you. 

You will never face the future without God's help.  You have a travel companion.

When you place your faith in Christ, Christ places his Spirit before, behind, and within you.  Not a strange spirit, but the same Spirit:  the parakletos.  As Jesus sends you into new seasons, He sends His counselor to go with you.

 God never sends you out alone.  Heaven's message for you is clear:  when everything else changes, God's presence never does.  You journey in the company of the Holy Spirit." 

 "the Holy Sprit intercedes for us with groanings that can't even be uttered."  Romans 8:26

Several of my Bible Study buddies and I were talking about remembering the bad times that we go through and how important it is to remember the awful stuff of our lives.  

The first line of this quote nails it- 

In the storms He does his finest work-has our keenest attention.....


In the storms we cling the tightest to Him and we see His provision.  
If we don't work to remember those dark times, they will fade into our distant memory.  By consciously remembering those dark times, we remember also how he delivered us out of them -- how He lead us to quiet waters and restored our souls. 
 Do I really want to forget the valley of the shadow of death? 
 How he quieted my panic? 
 How he provided for me? 
 How he delivered me?  
 How my cup overflowed with blessings in the midst of trouble? 
    NO!
Every time I remember how often he has delivered me, it gives me comfort, hope and courage that he will do it again!  It motivates me to "dwell in the house of the Lord forever."  (from Ps 23) 


Remember and be thankful!

Number 3 under way

Blood counts were good - thx for praying!
They added an additional anti nausea medication in hopes of improving my quality of life.  
Hooked up to the pump now.


Dr. Frick was very pleased with my blood work and said I looked great and that the exercise was helping to build my blood up.  


I am struggling with hand cramps and the "pins and needles" effect in my fingers all the way back to the first knuckle - even the nails! - even though I am not touching anything cold.  Typing and texting are challenge due to lack of coordination also. 


The beginning of this was written when I got home, and still felt pretty good.  Three hours and a nap later, I am beginning the down hill slide.   
The nausea is at bay with the seabands and the IV meds, but 
my head aches, 
water and food taste awfull,  
even mildly cool food makes my tongue sting
I am not hungry 
I am beginning the body aches.  
      Enough whining!


And so I begin marking time - every hour down is one I don't have to do again!  
I am thankful 
that my friend brought dinner early today -- I ate when it still tasted good!  
to be this far 
for my nurses and Doc
for Todd always lightening things up
for your encouraging texts, fb posts and e-mails
for the pretty lights on the tree
for my sweet dog nuzzleing me to remind me that it is dinner time 
    (he has quite an amusing routine!)
that I am not yet greatly nauseated
for scripture courage  
    2 Cor 12:9 my grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.....


love to you and thank you for checking in !


ps a friend said that she would not be able to be as thankful as I am, were she in my shoes --
If the truth is told, my inclination is not remotely to be thankful, rather to elaborate in detail my whining list and 
   moan about how unfair this all is and 
      how I have missed so much of this year and
          on and on and on....
I have to make a conscious effort to look for the good - to be thankful for what is positive.  It makes it easier to bear the difficulty and makes me nicer to be around   :)  just ask Todd!
So don't think this is my natural instinct -- I have to work really hard at it 
      - taking every thought captive (2 Cor 10:5)
Pastor Hower used to say,
"God cares more about your character than your comfort"  
If this is a tool that God uses to conform my character to the character of His son,  I would be a fool to set myself up in opposition to him -- just think what other tactics He might use!  


I choose rather the words from 1Peter 5:6-7 which a friend texted to me this morning - 
"Humble yourselves then under God's mighty hand, that in due time he will lift you up.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."


And so I make a conscious effort.....

Social Butterfly

Blessed to be feeling more like myself - 
Chemo Number 3 of 12 tomorrow, assuming blood counts are good enough


I had energy enough to run some errands, attend a visitation, attend Paul's Christmas concert, serve at a funeral, go to church and attend a family gathering as well as do a bunch of domestic "have to s"!  woohoo!!!  Hoping to get some ornaments on the tree tonight and get ready for the week.  I treasure feeling "normal" and try not to think about how many hours til I start chemo again.  It is like a big black cloud coming my way--I have to remember that it could be so much worse!  


Btw - some of you have asked, no my hair isn't falling out.  I just like the hat!  :)
They tell me it won't fall out -- we'll see! 


As I think about going in tomorrow, I am not really afraid.  I just dread it. 

There's things I have to do to get ready-- things like: 
  make sure all the laundry is done  - 
  clean the house - the dog fur really piles up
  make sure to prepare for any special events during the week including the weekend
  check to see that any needed medication is available -
  bake bread to get me through the nausea (Todd is a great bread baker!)
  catch up on my thank you notes so I don't get farther behind
  put music on my ipod touch
  soak in God's promises to give me courage


Things that cause me to be thankful - even if they sometimes bring tears - 
singing Christmas carols and favorite hymns  -- miss my mom -- 
honoring a Godly woman as her life is celebrated by generations-a role model to be emulated!
texting with my kids about Christmas plans-wondering how much i'll be able to do
unpacking the creche and putting it up --makes me miss my dad
getting Christmas cards from friends - hearing the news
realizing how little time I really have to get ready for Christmas and our trip West
seeing extended family and realizing how much time has passed since the last time
eating food and really tasting how good it is


I got another lovely card this morning with several wonderful quotes about courage

"Do not be afraid of tomorrow, for God is already there!"  


The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still.....and know that I am God! 
(Ex 14:14, Ps 46:10)


That gives me courage!  


Thank you for checking in--for praying me down this road!  




  

Reach Out!

Today I finally have more energy!  Very thankful for that!
Still wear out pretty easily.  


Yesterday I was hoping to have more energy, but really couldn't do much.  Today however, I had enough energy to run the vacuum, mop the floor, walk a couple miles and go to lunch with friends from St. Louis!  I am thankful to feel a bit more like my old self - though everything seems to take me longer-I am not moving at my normal pace.  


Tonight I would ask for prayers of comfort for the Martin Luther High School Community as they mourn the loss of Debi Roca, the long time cafeteria manager, who died suddenly last night.  She was a wonderful energetic person, who had a great rapport with the kids.  My heart goes out to her husband....


This time of year can be so hard for people, especially if they have suffered a loss of any kind.  Everyone seems happy and busy, but if you are the broken hearted one, it is easy to feel left out and alone.  The truth is, not everyone is happy - tho they probably are busy.  Staying busy helps keep the pain away.  


Y'all have been fabulous praying for us, caring for us and many of you are far away.  
Please look around you wherever you are.  
Look for the people who are alone or lonely, 
whether by transfer, unemployment, deployment, divorce or death.
It can be awkward and uncomfortable to reach out, to include them in our conversations, meals or holiday celebrations - but that is what God tells us to do.  
  "whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me" (Matt 25:40)


Empathize with how they are feeling - or 
--and this is so important
if you are the one feeling sad and alone, 
remember 
there is always someone else who is feeling just as wounded and lost as you are.  
Reach out to them - 
  smile, (this is so easy and can make such a difference!)
    say hi,
      invite them for coffee or a meal.  
When you force yourself to think about the other person,
to reach out to them--you will feel better and so will they.  
It's that unexplainable, "It is more blessed to give than to receive"  thing.  Acts 20:35 


I know, I know - 
  "I can't reach out to someone I don't know!" "What if they think I am crazy?" 
  "What if they ignore me? or laugh at me?"  "What will my friends/family think?"
   "I can't!"
How do you know you can't reach out to someone?  Have you tried before?  
   Take pity on them, swallow your pride, smile and say hi! 
   Try again! What have you got to lose?
   Think of them as being Jesus, wondering if you will ignore the loneliness.
If they think you are crazy, do you really value their opinion that much? 
    Look around the world - don't you think it could use more nice, crazy people?
If they ignore you, 
    just smile and move on.  Be content knowing you tried.
If they laugh at you, 
    laugh with them - and invite them to share the chuckle over a cup of coffee! 
    Laughter is good medicine!
What will your friends and family think?  
    Well they probably already know about you, so they won't be that surprised! :)
    They will secretly be impressed at your courage, also!  


Anywhere you are, no matter how far down you are, there is always someone worse off.  
Find them, 
   be kind and 
      make a difference.  
It gets easier every time you do it and 
    the rewards are unbelievable!