Wanna fight???

Feeling pretty decent over all-but very amped up, crabby - hence the title - 


Had pretty decent energy today, but not near yesterday.  Feel like I had way too much coffee - leaded!  Kinda shaky, edgy, crabby, grouchy--My poor family!  
Combine that with flashes of temper, and "filter failure" (all of which are side effects) and I am not very nice to be around.  
Be glad you get me on the screen and not in person!  
The nausea hangs around-tried today with no seabands, but am going back to them.
My hands have been bothering me a lot - today's the first day since chemo when I haven't used "hot hands" hand warmers -- and just to add to the fun, the skin on them is dry, cracky, peely, red.  Not a big deal, but I wash often in warm water to warm my hands up...
A headache hangs around for most of the day, contributing to the overall "yuck" feeling
Even though it was lovely today, I still haven't walked or exercised (Doc says to work out to encourage blood cells growth) so this is not a very good sign -- my self discipline seems to have left when the crabbiness started....rrrrrr ....wanna fight?  


Reading"Have a Little Faith"  and he has a funny quote in it
"The only difference between marital and martial is where you put the 'i'."
:)  Lets hope I can be marital and not martial!  I am sure Todd would appreciate that!  


Here's a window into the Moritz household -- We had an appointment today and we had to wait about 25 min. to get in.  Now many of you know that patience has never been my forte' and today I was absolutely loaded for bear! 
I was mad the guy was late - 
  I was mad somebody else cut ahead of us-
    I was mad the signing in process was fouled up-
      I was mad the receptionist was so "chatty"-
        I was mad it was sunny out and I had to be in there WAITING


My dear, sweet, patient husband sat on the far side of the table (out of swinging range) and just chuckled at my fuming.  I asked if he wanted to fight and he promptly replied "No!" with a sweet smile  (he's no fool!) but kept on chuckling - 
Him laughing at me made me laugh too - a little bit.  It helped to put things in perspective-helped me retrieve my filter :)  What a blessing he is!


So when I am grouchy, crabby and mean, I have to alter my mind set 
    if nothing else in pity on those around me!
How do I alter my mind set?  You got it~Give thanks!  
    Look for the 1/2 full glass instead of observing that it is 1/2 empty and dirty to boot!
What are you thankful for today?  
  You can set up an account and sign in and let me know -- I'd love to hear! e-mail's fine too
     
I am thankful for:
Todd                       sunshine         Gretchen's sweet spirit
growing                  friends             Paul being near by 
Chance                  sweaters         Karl encouraging me
kleenex                  forgiveness     cookies
Dr Frick                 
kids - youth- young people - however you want to say it
books to distract me 
encouraging cards to re read
that this will end
friends to "minister to"
that this is no worse than it is - 
prayer - that it changes me, that God hears and acts


The list is a little longer than sometimes cause my attitude was a lot snottier than sometimes!


Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.....Heb 12:2 
and Give Thanks Thess 5:16-18

It could be so much worse!

Feeling more like myself - Good Blood levels and Nurse Check up!

Very thankful to wake up feeling relatively normal and with marginal nausea!  Walked 2 miles and ran errands before my nurse check up -That wore me out! - but glad to feel "normal tired."  All my blood levels were good - yay!  


In the category of:    "Do not Whine - It could be worse"
We have a friend who lost his dear wife recently.  Over Christmas, his adult daughter thought she had a sinus infection.  Long story - short version -- she was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer which metastisized to her brain......they are trying to control the cancer in the brain....no symptoms, no warnings......Please pray for this man....


Friends - no matter how awful your day has been, 
                 how many obstacles you face, 
                 the dead ends that are before you - 
                         it could be so much worse..... 
Give thanks that you have your problems and not worse problems!
Give thanks for the blessings that God has given you -
Give thanks for the obstacles in your life that are strengthening and growing you 
   and if you are having a really rotten day/life and can't think straight 
Give thanks that Christ took the punishment  for your screw ups so that you can be in heaven 
   with Him when this life is finished!   


Make a point of thanking God.......
        It will shift your focus from your problems to your God.  
Focusing on God will 
        will give you His strength rather than your own........  


I love Phil 4:6-7 and the Message translation is great:
Don't fret or worry.  Instead of worrying, pray.  Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.  Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down.  It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.  


It could be so much worse!  Give thanks!

Rip Van Moritz

This chemo has been very different - I have slept a ton, energy is lacking but nausea is less!  


Yesterday seemed like one nap after another!  Today was more normal, though I was pooped at church - the standing and chatting before and after was more than I could do - fortunately I found chairs to plop down in.  People may have thought I was nuts - cause I don't really look sick - oh well - it keeps em guessing!  :)


I had several people say hi at church and that they were praying for me --and I didn't know even know them!  I had to ask their names.....It continues to amaze me the outpouring of love and support -- so many other people have so many worse problems than I do.....I am truly blessed!  


Thankful to go to church - 
for y'all praying for me
that there were chairs when I needed them
for Pastor Roger Heintz


We sang "Blessed be Your Name" today at church - http://youtu.be/0cAvqByM1Fk
"Every blessing  you pour out - I'll turn back in praise
When the darkness closes in Lord - still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord - Blessed be His glorious name...
On the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name....
You give and take away--You give and take away.....
My heart will choose to say, Lord Blessed be your name"


It struck me that the health and strength that I was blessed with over Christmas is no more a blessing than my weakness and sleepiness now.  

But-- 
  can I be thankful for both?  
           You give health and strength and You take away health and strength...
My heart will choose to say, 
    Lord Blessed be your name.....

          Thankful for my weakness that reminds me how much I need him.....

Ephiphany! 1/3 of the way done!

Disconnected yesterday!  Yay! The down hill slide has begun-

Yesterday and today the energy slips away quickly.  I really have to force myself to function (things like getting dressed, or having a conversation) and am very tired at the end of the task.  I have no idea how someone would do this and work -- they are stronger than I am!  

Nausea hovers around the fringes - but thankfully is manageable --

As an example of how life goes here, I sat on the couch last night about dinner time, "reading" (i.e. staring at the pages).  Todd came home, and I remember saying hi to him, but didn't get up.  I tipped over on the couch, my head in my book, and pulled my feet up--2 hours later I woke up...He and Paul had made dinner, banging plates and using the microwave, had talked, done computer stuff, and cleaned up dinner.  I slept through all of it!  

That's how it is -- I do something, then I nap. Then I try and do something else and I doze off....  

I am thankful for the sunshine and moderate temps - forced myself to walk yesterday about 1 1/2 miles when I got home from the disconnect -- really tired after that tho.  Hoping to get out there again today...self discipline is hard!

Also thankful for dinner being delivered --

   I've made dinner for people, but never realized what a huge blessing it really is!

Thankful that I am 1/3 of the way done.

Today's devotion from Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young, has a line in it which caught my attention (before I drifted back to sleep)

"Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered.  Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon Me, to trust ME in the the  dark."

...which made me thing of  the song by Lincoln Brewster http://youtu.be/gYx4Cv9CPFE

(dont' know why this is not a link in the post - it is in the draft - sorry!)

"strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord...you are the everlasting God..."

"you're the defender of the weak -- you comfort those in need -- you lift us up on wings like eagles...."

May you run and not grow faint!

On a different and funny note, a friend sent this-it made me smile-thought you'd laugh also!  

"I did not know this...

When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.

When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.

When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.

When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.

Apparently, ice is really bad for you. 

Warn all your friends!!!!"

:)

Round 4 continued

Feeling decent-more energy and stronger cognitively than the last round--nausea holding off, but can feel it coming.   


Not much news today -- had more side effects surface like headache, sweating (which also means chilling afterwards) and clumsyness. The cold sensitivity is always a challenge - I live with my "hot hands" handwarmers and my mittens.   This time I am eating and it tastes ok, though I wouldn't eat if I had to fix it -- strong aversion to handling food (weird!)  I am still struggling with being overly sensitive, though perhaps not so much as last time--you'd have to ask Todd and Paul :)
I go through cycles of energy/clear thinking fading to a crash of no energy at all and just sitting and staring.  The problem comes if this fading happens in the middle of a project - and sometimes my brain stops working mid-project...Makes for a lot of re-dos which is annoying.  


Have been trying to catch up on long overdue e-mails and thank you notes and laundry.  Also getting the tree undecorated --no worries I have til Monday! 

Thankful for:
friends who willingly make us dinners and deliver them with smiles and hugs
sunshine
birds at my birdbath
God's word
naps (took a 3 hour one today!) 
walking 1.5 miles
appetite
e-mail/texting/phone/blog to stay connected
not having mush-brain
for you reading this and encouraging me and praying for us


So much for this round of energy!  The couch is calling!


 -- What are you thankful for today?
I Thess 5:16-18
Be joyful always (even in the middle of cancer treatments? yes!)
Pray continually (my brain's not working -- 
                             "I told you to hide my word in your heart so it would be there when you need it!)
Give thanks in all circumstances (yes even and especially the really hard ones)
for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus...


When we are thankful, grateful people our self centeredness evaporates and our attitude of gratitude spills over onto those around us -- We are much nicer to those we are around - and this is God's will for us......
We give thanks out of obedience and get blessed for that obedience!  God's economy!
Give thanks!

Chemo # 4

Everything went smoothly today.  My blood counts were good (strong response to the shot from last time).

I am so thankful that I had the gift of time away over Christmas with my family and friends.  That strengthened me for today.  Yesterday while driving, I soaked myself in scripture to build my courage and it worked!  I walked in today without the fear that sometimes accompanies my visits!  

It is amazing how quickly this begins to work though.  

In 2 hours my coloring went from healthy, slightly tan/pink to pale yellowish with dark circles under my eyes!  I had never noticed that happen before!

By the time I left, the pins/needles had started in my hands (I brought the "hot hands" along!)

Now, 4 hours after getting the bolus or loading dose of 5FU, I feel the energy draining from me.  It is surreal to feel  and observe the change --  

   it is like a balloon slowly deflating or 

    sinking into quicksand or

     having your blood turn to lead

Other fun symptoms include:

  heart racing 

  hair thinning (growing fine, but lots comes out!) 

  skin on my hands cracking open(like it might do in Winter, but the texture has become deeply

    lined/crosshatched and brittle) 

  tastebuds corrupted -- everything liquid tastes metallic

    (have to drink flavored things - water tastes like skanky well water)

  jittery/amped up/emotionally fragile (pray for my fam please! this is awful)

and that is the list so far for today--(oh joy!)

I am thankful: 

that I felt good over Christmas

that we got so many pictures and cards while we were gone! My fridge is filling up!

  (in case you missed it - if you are praying for us, please send us your picture - we post it on

   the fridge as a tangible reminder of your love and care.  Send one if you haven't!)

that the nausea has not hit yet

that Paul is living at home for Winterim (even if it makes 2cars a challenge!)

that my feet have been unaffected by the Raynauds or the oxaliplatin

that Chance continues to be such good company

that it is not colder or snowier!

that I have friends that bring us food and repeatedly offer help  

     We are indeed blessed!

Many people have written me while I was not blogging, saying that they enjoy my writing and are encouraged and uplifted by it.  I am truly humbled by this and recognize God's working through this -- He is the only one who can bring good out of any situation (Ro 8:28)  even when we cannot see it.  He can work through anyone who will submit their life and situation to him. (James 4:7)

I encourage you to look at your life situations and see what can be submitted to God --then give it to him and watch to see what he does!  

John 11:40 - Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God? 

Blessings to all of you!~

PS

Here's a funny story about being jittery - Insight into the Moritz coping skills arsenal!

Back at the end of June last year, I was staying in Valparaiso while my father was in hospice care, preparing to go home to heaven.  I had been there almost 2 mos.  Our son Karl came home for a short visit and they came down to visit my dad and encourage me.  Time with Karl? Stay with Dad? A dear friend checked in on dad so I could have time away, but to say that I was stretched is an understatement.   It seemed that tears were perpetually threatening to spill over.  As Todd was kind and helpful and loving, I told him "please don't be too nice to me -- I'll cry!"   At lunch, we were talking about something (don't even remember what) but I took it hard and the tears sprang up again.  Todd chuckled and said to Karl something like "uh oh -- now we can't talk to her either!" which made me laugh!  Later, they both were watching me (probably watching for the tears!  They appeared again! 

Todd coined the phrase, 

"Don't be nice to her; Don't talk to her and Don't look at her!"  

How ridiculous!  That silly little phrase has helped me laugh instead of cry so very many times -- 

so there you go - a window into our world!  Hope it makes you laugh!

 

  

Wear out rather than Rust out! A great beginning to 2012!

I am so thankful that I have felt great since the 22 of Dec until now!
    
After our trip to Montana, we left the next morning to drive to  North Carolina to visit Todd's parents and our friends, the Hahns and the Wightons.   No naps for me! I Felt strong and relatively healthy. The weather was absolutely beautiful -- 60's and Sunny--which was so fun!  We stayed and played as long as possible -- This has included:
lots of R & R
watching old movies
several multi mile walks (Chance did great!)
  loved the hills and walking in the woods!
great food and great conversations
lots of extra sleep
taking pictures 
laughing
playing with a sweet puppy
a motorcycle ride  
fireworks to celebrate the new year
a big bonfire
a morning fire
games
safety driving home-
   saw many, many spin outs due to slick conditions 
   passed 2 multi car pile ups- one outside of Cincinnati had upwards of 30 cars!
   drove through several "white outs" of snow and blowing snow
   navigated icy pavement with no problems
       very very thankful for Todd being such a great driver!  
Through all of this -- Feeling great!   Woo hoo!!!  


Wear out rather than rust out!  (Live life instead of watching life go by!)


2012 is going to be a great year!  Last year was a really hard year and yet there were so many examples of God's provision through out the whole year.  Heb 13:8 says He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.  
   He will take care of me, no matter what comes -- 


It has has been a great beginning to this year -- and I have much more to look forward to!  Wedding bells!  :)  


Thanks God, for the wonderful time!  I appreciate the encouragement and the reminder of what it feels like to be healthy!  It makes Chemo number 4 tomorrow easier to face--and I know you will help me with that as you have every other one.....


Blessings to each of you and thank you for the prayers!