Feeling ok for now
Thanks for all the love you sent my way!
It was a long day -
Ran errands this morning to get anti nausea sea bands and glutamine -
Blood draw at 1:15 -- through the port this time and not in the arm. It was a painful process to remove the steri strips to get to the port. Tape and I do not get along! Fortunately there was a numbing spray for when they "punched" the needle into the port -- it still hurt tho!
All my numbers were good - yay!
Spent some time with the Doc again - discussing his findings about the reynauds and oxcili whatever. We concluded to go for it since I am so young and it is in the lymph system.
Where I go for the infusion is as nice as it can be - a large, 9th floor room that encircles 1/4 of the building with views out over Milwaukee with lots and lots of recliners and "company" chairs.
A typical infusion begins w premeds - anti nausea and steroids -- that's about 15-20 min. Everything gets hung on an IV pole.
After the pre-meds, comes the leucovorin and oxciliplatin. They take about 2 hours.
Then I get a bolus infusion of the 5FU and get hooked up to the pump.
(Bolus means a boost - a large syringe fed into my line at full strength)
Then they bandage my port up (more tape - yuck!) and I can go home.
Today everything took longer b/c we had to figure out what the best tape to use was for me, and I
had a teaching lesson on my pump (very low cute factor! It is not very comfortable, always
pulling on my back -- it hangs vertically, beeps periodically and is pretty clunky --- sleeping will
be a trip)
Because you are not supposed to have chemo either on a totally empty stomach, or on a full stomach, I ate "lunch" at 11:15. By the time I got the anti-nausea meds from the pharmacy and got home, it was 6:30. That is a very long time for me to survive on a pack of animal crackers! (yes they have snacks there) Further -- nausea can be triggered by an empty stomach - so by the time I got home, I was feeling a little jittery (steroids amp you up --it feels like having a strong cup of coffee) and a little green! I was so thankful for the lovely dinner waiting for me! Thank you Judy!
I am going to sign off, because when I get anxious or upset, I clean. This means that this morning when I couldn't nap, I started to clean out the fridge......I have fridge parts all over the sink! lol
Things to be thankful for:
- yucky drugs that will "cure" me
- more drugs to combat the side effects of the yucky drugs!
-Todd's sense of humor-lightening up a hard thing
-my wonderful nurse today - Kristen, who was so kind and helpful
-YOU - my dear friends - who shower me with love in the forms of prayers, texts, e-mails,
presents and dinner left on my doorstep.
I have never felt so loved in all my life! Thank you!
Monday, November 14, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Living Life
Port is ok - achey, sore, but healthy
Chemo starts tomorrow - please pray for minimal side effects, especially the cold sensitivity because of my reynauds.
I am still sore from getting the port put in -- just not much skin to stretch over the sucker! I have deep bruising and my skin does not do well with all the tape --have had more trouble from the tape than from the surgery. The initial tape job after surgery had me very restricted - not quite able to straighten my head up. (where the catheter goes down to my heart is at the base of my neck and that bandage was put on while I was in lala land and my head was cocked to the right a bit) When we removed that tape, it took some skin with it and left irritated marks. Fortunately, my nurse for the chemo teaching changed the dressing, using a skin barrier and that gave me some comfort and more movement. Wide wing span movement is hard tho (putting sheets on the bed - folding towels) and I find that muscle exertion on my right side makes it throb a bit. I am trusting that will go a way soon.
Tomorrow starts chemo, and as I learned Friday, one of the drugs I will get (oxaliplatin) has, as a side effect, cold sensitivity.
Grabbing something out of the fridge or freezer will feel like being burnt
- drinking cold things will be very painful
- breathing in cold air will be painful.
Initially, this will be a feeling, with no nerve damage, however as the chemo continues, the possibility of nerve damage is out there.
To further complicate matters, I have reynauds. This disease shuts down the circulation to my hands and feet when my head and face get cold. I have had it happen in the past that because of the poor circulation, I would get sores on my toes, kinda like a diabetic. (This is prob more than you wanted to know, but it will explain my fear more fully) Because of the decreased circulation, the sores do not heal easily-like not for months. (It takes about 5-7 min to bandage toes every day, several times a day - and you can forget having any cute shoes!!!)
I have been able to improve this with the help of my wonderful chiropractor-BUT it is still a really scary thing to me to think that I will be even MORE sensitive to cold - in Winter in WI!
In addition,
chemo can cause permanent nerve damage--not feeling my feet, which would mean no driving and even less graceful walking! :)
My oncologist has done research, contacted others who have done research, discussed me at a conference (I AM just that unusual!), and still feels that because of my age, that this treatment plan is his best recommendation. My rheumatologist concurs.
As I look back at the events of the past year,
how God has carefully worked details out, timed things to perfection, blessed me repeatedly ---
I believe that he lead me through the progression of doctors, diagnosis, surgeries, etc
and that this is the Doc God wants me with.
If I believe that, then I should probably go with his advice, eh?
I am preaching to the choir here - reminding myself and chasing off the fears...
When I am fearful - I need to be thankful.
One thing that I am thankful for, that has come from my cancer, is that people that had gone out of my life have found me again. Sometimes they share a story about how I impacted their lives. I cannot begin to tell you how humbling that is. There are events that I forgot about long ago that meant so much to people--and they are now in contact with me, praying for me, sharing their lives with me. Ro 8:28 - God can work all things together for good to those who love him. This is one huge blessing for me!
There are other blessings also - sweet things my husband says like, "going anywhere with you is fun - even chemo." or "I want to plant your daffodils for you because when you see them in the Spring, you will know you are almost done!" He encourages me by talking of the plans we have coming up - even if I won't be able to do all of them, it helps to think of them.
We are learning to live with cancer - not sit around waiting to be done with this chapter
More blessings - all the meals y'all are preparing! Thank you so very much! There is another star in your crowns in heaven! Matt 25:40 - whatever you do ....you do for me
Another blessing - when I went on Friday, the receptionist at the oncologist's office said to me
that miracles happen here every day - she is one of those people who kind of "shines" with God's love.
Another blessing - our neighbors are wonderful! Here's some of the things they have done for us: dog care - grocery shopping - leaf removal - garden clean up- daffodil planting - more leaf removal - order wood for the fireplace
Other friends have cooked and cleaned for us --
God is definitely growing me in this area - it is so hard to receive help!!! Thank you!
Or Friday night--I was blessed to be able to attend the Hales Corners Lutheran School Auction. There have been times that I wondered if people read this--- boy was I ever wrong! I was surprised and humbled by how many people said to me that
they read my blog faithfully
- they look for it daily
-- they have been my prayer partners
--- that I inspire them
---- that they love how transparent I am.
I am blown away again!
Thank you for taking the time from your busy lives to walk this journey with me.
I am honored -- thank you!
I am apprehensive of the chemo--of walking this valley, of the unknown.
BUT
being afraid does not change the fact that God is on the throne, that he loves me and that He has a plan.
It doesn't change the fact that I get my strength from him--from his word.
Not knowing what that plan is, I can beat my head against a wall - scream and wail, 'why me,' or I can submit to this path and pray that I live my life pointing the way to Him!
"To Live is Christ - to die is gain!"
This is not our home folks!
Question for you:
What is your favorite psyche up music?
Chemo starts tomorrow - please pray for minimal side effects, especially the cold sensitivity because of my reynauds.
I am still sore from getting the port put in -- just not much skin to stretch over the sucker! I have deep bruising and my skin does not do well with all the tape --have had more trouble from the tape than from the surgery. The initial tape job after surgery had me very restricted - not quite able to straighten my head up. (where the catheter goes down to my heart is at the base of my neck and that bandage was put on while I was in lala land and my head was cocked to the right a bit) When we removed that tape, it took some skin with it and left irritated marks. Fortunately, my nurse for the chemo teaching changed the dressing, using a skin barrier and that gave me some comfort and more movement. Wide wing span movement is hard tho (putting sheets on the bed - folding towels) and I find that muscle exertion on my right side makes it throb a bit. I am trusting that will go a way soon.
Tomorrow starts chemo, and as I learned Friday, one of the drugs I will get (oxaliplatin) has, as a side effect, cold sensitivity.
Grabbing something out of the fridge or freezer will feel like being burnt
- drinking cold things will be very painful
- breathing in cold air will be painful.
Initially, this will be a feeling, with no nerve damage, however as the chemo continues, the possibility of nerve damage is out there.
To further complicate matters, I have reynauds. This disease shuts down the circulation to my hands and feet when my head and face get cold. I have had it happen in the past that because of the poor circulation, I would get sores on my toes, kinda like a diabetic. (This is prob more than you wanted to know, but it will explain my fear more fully) Because of the decreased circulation, the sores do not heal easily-like not for months. (It takes about 5-7 min to bandage toes every day, several times a day - and you can forget having any cute shoes!!!)
I have been able to improve this with the help of my wonderful chiropractor-BUT it is still a really scary thing to me to think that I will be even MORE sensitive to cold - in Winter in WI!
In addition,
chemo can cause permanent nerve damage--not feeling my feet, which would mean no driving and even less graceful walking! :)
My oncologist has done research, contacted others who have done research, discussed me at a conference (I AM just that unusual!), and still feels that because of my age, that this treatment plan is his best recommendation. My rheumatologist concurs.
As I look back at the events of the past year,
how God has carefully worked details out, timed things to perfection, blessed me repeatedly ---
I believe that he lead me through the progression of doctors, diagnosis, surgeries, etc
and that this is the Doc God wants me with.
If I believe that, then I should probably go with his advice, eh?
I am preaching to the choir here - reminding myself and chasing off the fears...
When I am fearful - I need to be thankful.
One thing that I am thankful for, that has come from my cancer, is that people that had gone out of my life have found me again. Sometimes they share a story about how I impacted their lives. I cannot begin to tell you how humbling that is. There are events that I forgot about long ago that meant so much to people--and they are now in contact with me, praying for me, sharing their lives with me. Ro 8:28 - God can work all things together for good to those who love him. This is one huge blessing for me!
There are other blessings also - sweet things my husband says like, "going anywhere with you is fun - even chemo." or "I want to plant your daffodils for you because when you see them in the Spring, you will know you are almost done!" He encourages me by talking of the plans we have coming up - even if I won't be able to do all of them, it helps to think of them.
We are learning to live with cancer - not sit around waiting to be done with this chapter
More blessings - all the meals y'all are preparing! Thank you so very much! There is another star in your crowns in heaven! Matt 25:40 - whatever you do ....you do for me
Another blessing - when I went on Friday, the receptionist at the oncologist's office said to me
that miracles happen here every day - she is one of those people who kind of "shines" with God's love.
Another blessing - our neighbors are wonderful! Here's some of the things they have done for us: dog care - grocery shopping - leaf removal - garden clean up- daffodil planting - more leaf removal - order wood for the fireplace
Other friends have cooked and cleaned for us --
God is definitely growing me in this area - it is so hard to receive help!!! Thank you!
Or Friday night--I was blessed to be able to attend the Hales Corners Lutheran School Auction. There have been times that I wondered if people read this--- boy was I ever wrong! I was surprised and humbled by how many people said to me that
they read my blog faithfully
- they look for it daily
-- they have been my prayer partners
--- that I inspire them
---- that they love how transparent I am.
I am blown away again!
Thank you for taking the time from your busy lives to walk this journey with me.
I am honored -- thank you!
I am apprehensive of the chemo--of walking this valley, of the unknown.
BUT
being afraid does not change the fact that God is on the throne, that he loves me and that He has a plan.
It doesn't change the fact that I get my strength from him--from his word.
Not knowing what that plan is, I can beat my head against a wall - scream and wail, 'why me,' or I can submit to this path and pray that I live my life pointing the way to Him!
"To Live is Christ - to die is gain!"
This is not our home folks!
Question for you:
What is your favorite psyche up music?
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Doing Well and an Opportunity to Help
Mediport successfully placed
Help wanted
Despite a wait of over an hour beyond my scheduled procedure time, my mediport was placed with no major problems. I did get a little nervous when they were looking for the vein in my neck and couldn't find it.....fortunately after some searching, they located it - thankfully with an ultrasound machine and not a needle!
As I got ready for this "game" this morning, my weepy mood continued and I really struggled to pull it together. On the way to the hospital, Todd would start a verse and have me finish it -- then we sang a few praise songs (a joyful noise!) The last thing I felt like doing was walking into that hospital this morning, but as I got out of the car, I sucked it up and walked in. This was the first thing that I did alone through this whole ordeal -- when we talked, I decided that I could manage this with a ride from a friend and didn't need him to miss more work since I might really need him if I get the flue on top of chemo - God forbid!
The pre-surgical waiting "bay," where you hang out until the surgery room is available was truly a challenge for me this morning. The Doc asking me if this was a new diagnosis, brought the tears back.
I knew I should be reciting verses to keep myself courageous, and it was like my mind froze - actually melted is more like it - into a quivering mass of self pity and fear.
I was blessed by friends who sent me scripture text messages to hang on to and read over and over--
You see, when you have that silly little gown on,
and several blankets to keep you warm in the arctic temperatures,
and an oxygen monitor on one finger, a pressure cuff around one arm
and a poorly placed IV in the other arm,
it is painful and awkward to flip memory verse cards in an effort to keep fear away.
Thanks for the verses to keep me going strong! Once I started reading them, other verses came back to me and I was able to reign in the fear and think logically. I knew I should be thankful -- so I started looking around for things to be thankful for --
--extra time to dwell on scripture, breath and relax
--friends who loved me enough to send God's encouragement
--that I could get phone reception once in a while to get the encouragement
(it went from 3 bars for a min to nothing for 5 min--back and forth the whole time!)
--blankets from the warmer!
--that all I have is colon cancer and not something worse
(at hospitals, there are always people there who look so much worse off than I am....)
--for painkillers
--for people who answer the call button
Between the scripture and searching out things to be thankful for,
my sense of peace came back -- not that the tears left,
but the peace came back and with it some humor popped out also --
-- I was able to joke with the techs in the OR --
To go from weepy and pitiful to calm and cheerful is a miracle!
This was God's special gift of grace to me--your prayers answered! Thank you for praying!
On another note- God is really growing me.
It is so hard for me to ask for help, or to accept help -- I am usually the one doing the helping!
However, I don't know how I will do with the chemo....so
Some of you have offered to help us with meals--Thank you! To make it easy, we have set up a calendar
To access Christine Moritz's personal CareCalendar site,
visit http://www.carecalendar.org/
the following information in the appropriate spaces:
CALENDAR ID : 93366
SECURITY CODE : 5514
We really appreciate it!
Help wanted
Despite a wait of over an hour beyond my scheduled procedure time, my mediport was placed with no major problems. I did get a little nervous when they were looking for the vein in my neck and couldn't find it.....fortunately after some searching, they located it - thankfully with an ultrasound machine and not a needle!
As I got ready for this "game" this morning, my weepy mood continued and I really struggled to pull it together. On the way to the hospital, Todd would start a verse and have me finish it -- then we sang a few praise songs (a joyful noise!) The last thing I felt like doing was walking into that hospital this morning, but as I got out of the car, I sucked it up and walked in. This was the first thing that I did alone through this whole ordeal -- when we talked, I decided that I could manage this with a ride from a friend and didn't need him to miss more work since I might really need him if I get the flue on top of chemo - God forbid!
The pre-surgical waiting "bay," where you hang out until the surgery room is available was truly a challenge for me this morning. The Doc asking me if this was a new diagnosis, brought the tears back.
I knew I should be reciting verses to keep myself courageous, and it was like my mind froze - actually melted is more like it - into a quivering mass of self pity and fear.
I was blessed by friends who sent me scripture text messages to hang on to and read over and over--
You see, when you have that silly little gown on,
and several blankets to keep you warm in the arctic temperatures,
and an oxygen monitor on one finger, a pressure cuff around one arm
and a poorly placed IV in the other arm,
it is painful and awkward to flip memory verse cards in an effort to keep fear away.
Thanks for the verses to keep me going strong! Once I started reading them, other verses came back to me and I was able to reign in the fear and think logically. I knew I should be thankful -- so I started looking around for things to be thankful for --
--extra time to dwell on scripture, breath and relax
--friends who loved me enough to send God's encouragement
--that I could get phone reception once in a while to get the encouragement
(it went from 3 bars for a min to nothing for 5 min--back and forth the whole time!)
--blankets from the warmer!
--that all I have is colon cancer and not something worse
(at hospitals, there are always people there who look so much worse off than I am....)
--for painkillers
--for people who answer the call button
Between the scripture and searching out things to be thankful for,
my sense of peace came back -- not that the tears left,
but the peace came back and with it some humor popped out also --
-- I was able to joke with the techs in the OR --
To go from weepy and pitiful to calm and cheerful is a miracle!
This was God's special gift of grace to me--your prayers answered! Thank you for praying!
On another note- God is really growing me.
It is so hard for me to ask for help, or to accept help -- I am usually the one doing the helping!
However, I don't know how I will do with the chemo....so
Some of you have offered to help us with meals--Thank you! To make it easy, we have set up a calendar
To access Christine Moritz's personal CareCalendar site,
visit http://www.carecalendar.org/
the following information in the appropriate spaces:
CALENDAR ID : 93366
SECURITY CODE : 5514
We really appreciate it!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Git 'r done...
Tomorrow - Nov 10th - at 9 my mediport gets placed
Chemo starts Mon at 1:30
And I thought life was blurry before.....it just got blurrier...
just dreading this chapter of our life......It is difficult to be positive and optimistic as I read the side effects....I am sad.
Desperate, sad times call for desperate, reassuring measures -- and a lot of kleenex.
Is 41:10
So do not fear for I am with you
Do not be dismayed, for I am your God
I will strengthen you and help you; (even with side effects of chemo)
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand
Ps 23:4 Even tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me...
Ps 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be (not even chemo's side effects!)
Some of these y'all sent me -- keep 'em comin'! It helps so much! This is scary, yucky stuff and I am exhausted--they strengthen me.
If you want more info on a mediport - google it - Wikipedia has a pretty clear explanation -- mine will terminate in the superior vena cava. The purpose is to reduce the amount of "sticks" and cut the risk of infection. Thanks to all of you for the feedback about having one -- it was very reassuring!
Thanks for the calls and encouragement - for the prayers especially. I'm honored you take the time to read this and pray for us.
Chemo starts Mon at 1:30
And I thought life was blurry before.....it just got blurrier...
just dreading this chapter of our life......It is difficult to be positive and optimistic as I read the side effects....I am sad.
Desperate, sad times call for desperate, reassuring measures -- and a lot of kleenex.
Is 41:10
So do not fear for I am with you
Do not be dismayed, for I am your God
I will strengthen you and help you; (even with side effects of chemo)
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand
1 Chronicles 28:20
"Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work ......is finished...."
"Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work ......is finished...."
2 Corinthians 4:7-11
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed;
perplexed, but not in despair;
persecuted, but not abandoned;
struck down, but not destroyed.
We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. (may it be so!)
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed;
perplexed, but not in despair;
persecuted, but not abandoned;
struck down, but not destroyed.
We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. (may it be so!)
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
(self discipline is currently a hiding under the covers - or is that fear and timidity?!)
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
(self discipline is currently a hiding under the covers - or is that fear and timidity?!)
Ps 23:4 Even tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me...
Ps 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be (not even chemo's side effects!)
Some of these y'all sent me -- keep 'em comin'! It helps so much! This is scary, yucky stuff and I am exhausted--they strengthen me.
If you want more info on a mediport - google it - Wikipedia has a pretty clear explanation -- mine will terminate in the superior vena cava. The purpose is to reduce the amount of "sticks" and cut the risk of infection. Thanks to all of you for the feedback about having one -- it was very reassuring!
Thanks for the calls and encouragement - for the prayers especially. I'm honored you take the time to read this and pray for us.
It's a Blur
On Monday, my surgeon declared me fit and able to be released from his care.
I have been researching alternative therapies, but will probably move forward with chemo swiftly to get it over with.
The surgeon was very pleased with my progress, my incision is closed - about 1/2 of it w no scab even! totally closed! When they looked at me, they said, " Well we are about 3 weeks post surgery now right?" uh - no, it's been 11 days! They just looked and me and at the screen and kinda flipped their eyebrows up in surprise. (Your prayers, answered!)
My liver enzymes, which were elevated on Friday are back to normal.
I have been off heavy pain killers since Sat and only taking occasional OTC pain relief since then. I am able to do much of what I need to do - just have to be careful about twisting movements. Driving again is a great relief and I am walking at a better pace! That has to be God! How else could it happen to be on that little pain medication 9 days after surgery! Again, this has to be the result of your prayers! Thank you for them!
The whole concept of chemotherapy does not make sense to me - to poison the whole body, to kill the bad cells ----
Some of you know that I gravitate toward non-traditional medicine - so I have been researching alternative therapies. Any research is time consuming, and to be truthful, because of the emotions involved, it has been difficult to unravel fact from fiction! It is very hard not to feel like a time bomb - wondering if/where the cancer cells are going to make a new home. I have an appointment with a naturopathic doc today.
It has been an emotional time, going through some of the grieving process - trying to figure out what to do - absorbing lots of information - weighing options. It is enough to make me nutsy! That's why you haven't heard from me. Not much to say -- just taking it all in, talking to people, crying and trying to process it all.
We thank you for all the e-mails sharing experiences with chemo, and with medi ports -- I am blown away by the kindness of my friends talking to their friends, and their friends taking time to share their experiences with me. You have answered so many questions for me. Thank you!
"but how are you doing?"
It has been harder the last few days -- it still is a shock to me to hear my name on the prayer list at church -- other than my funny bandage, I don't feel "sick"
(tired, yes -- sick, no!)
I feel out of control and not as peaceful -- however, it is my own darn fault because I haven't been spending as much time with God as I need to for calmness. Yesterday at Bible study, a friend said "you cannot build a shelter in a storm." We need to equip ourselves and strengthen ourselves before life's troubles smack us around. Then, in the midst of the struggles, we have to be faithful in keeping our priorities in order, with God first --
not alternative therapy research,
not long neglected domestic duties,
not worrying about it,
not the "busyness" of life,
not thank you notes, phone calls and e-mails --
but spending time in His presence, reading his word, remembering how he has guided,
provided and guarded me before, and being comforted by Him.
I have had so many people send me scriptures and encouragement - Thank you so much. They help me keep my eyes God.
Karl sent me this verse this morning --
2 Cor 4:16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
I love it -
Last week Karl mentioned this song to me, and several others have also -- I confess - it made me so sad that we have to deal with this, but made me full of thankfulness for my awesome husband.
Yesterday, poor man - He kept hugging me, handing me kleenex and finally handed me my
keys, a cup of coffee, and lunch and said, " You need to go to Bible Study -- that is where
you need to be!" and he was so right....
I'm gonna love you through....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iyU4S7yHFo
Thank you seems so repetitive, so inadequate -- my heart overflows with thankfulness for each of you who take the time to read this, to pray for me, for my family. Thank you! Your prayers are making all the difference! May you be blessed, as you have blessed us!
I have been researching alternative therapies, but will probably move forward with chemo swiftly to get it over with.
The surgeon was very pleased with my progress, my incision is closed - about 1/2 of it w no scab even! totally closed! When they looked at me, they said, " Well we are about 3 weeks post surgery now right?" uh - no, it's been 11 days! They just looked and me and at the screen and kinda flipped their eyebrows up in surprise. (Your prayers, answered!)
My liver enzymes, which were elevated on Friday are back to normal.
I have been off heavy pain killers since Sat and only taking occasional OTC pain relief since then. I am able to do much of what I need to do - just have to be careful about twisting movements. Driving again is a great relief and I am walking at a better pace! That has to be God! How else could it happen to be on that little pain medication 9 days after surgery! Again, this has to be the result of your prayers! Thank you for them!
The whole concept of chemotherapy does not make sense to me - to poison the whole body, to kill the bad cells ----
Some of you know that I gravitate toward non-traditional medicine - so I have been researching alternative therapies. Any research is time consuming, and to be truthful, because of the emotions involved, it has been difficult to unravel fact from fiction! It is very hard not to feel like a time bomb - wondering if/where the cancer cells are going to make a new home. I have an appointment with a naturopathic doc today.
It has been an emotional time, going through some of the grieving process - trying to figure out what to do - absorbing lots of information - weighing options. It is enough to make me nutsy! That's why you haven't heard from me. Not much to say -- just taking it all in, talking to people, crying and trying to process it all.
We thank you for all the e-mails sharing experiences with chemo, and with medi ports -- I am blown away by the kindness of my friends talking to their friends, and their friends taking time to share their experiences with me. You have answered so many questions for me. Thank you!
"but how are you doing?"
It has been harder the last few days -- it still is a shock to me to hear my name on the prayer list at church -- other than my funny bandage, I don't feel "sick"
(tired, yes -- sick, no!)
I feel out of control and not as peaceful -- however, it is my own darn fault because I haven't been spending as much time with God as I need to for calmness. Yesterday at Bible study, a friend said "you cannot build a shelter in a storm." We need to equip ourselves and strengthen ourselves before life's troubles smack us around. Then, in the midst of the struggles, we have to be faithful in keeping our priorities in order, with God first --
not alternative therapy research,
not long neglected domestic duties,
not worrying about it,
not the "busyness" of life,
not thank you notes, phone calls and e-mails --
but spending time in His presence, reading his word, remembering how he has guided,
provided and guarded me before, and being comforted by Him.
I have had so many people send me scriptures and encouragement - Thank you so much. They help me keep my eyes God.
Karl sent me this verse this morning --
2 Cor 4:16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
I love it -
Last week Karl mentioned this song to me, and several others have also -- I confess - it made me so sad that we have to deal with this, but made me full of thankfulness for my awesome husband.
Yesterday, poor man - He kept hugging me, handing me kleenex and finally handed me my
keys, a cup of coffee, and lunch and said, " You need to go to Bible Study -- that is where
you need to be!" and he was so right....
I'm gonna love you through....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iyU4S7yHFo
Thank you seems so repetitive, so inadequate -- my heart overflows with thankfulness for each of you who take the time to read this, to pray for me, for my family. Thank you! Your prayers are making all the difference! May you be blessed, as you have blessed us!
Friday, November 4, 2011
Pathology Revised - Oncologist's recommendation
Final Pathology - 6 lymph nodes out of 29 involved (rather than 1) :( still stage 3
Oncologist's recommendtion: chemo (Folfox) every 2 weeks for 6 mos
by infusion in the office, then by a portable pump for 46 hours
side effects - nausea, diarrhea, perhaps hair loss, feeling cold, mouth sores
For some reason, hearing that 6 nodes were involved rather than just 1 hit me harder than I would have thought. I kind of got "stuck" there.
This tells us that the cancer "spread" more than initially thought. It also increases the possibility that these nasty little cancer cells wound up elsewhere as well. At this point they would be pin dots, not able to be picked up by a CAT scan. The most likely place that they would go would be the liver. It makes the need for systemic treatment more urgent.
I am blessed to have an oncologist with a sense of humor, who genuinely cares about me. He said flatly that he hadn't thought to see me again after our meeting on 10/10 at the Vince Lombardi Clinic. He encouraged us to have chemo since I am a teenager, can be cured. (told you he had a sense of humor! )
Also, he has Todd's hairline, and when talking about side effects, said he couldn't make any guarantees about hair loss with chemo, since he hasn't had much luck with growing his own - said with a wry chuckle.
I ponder that word cured......are you ever cured? really? He says yes - that he has patients who have been clean for 18-20 years, but still come back to see him to say hi. He said it was nice to see people doing well.
My mom used to say that when you have cancer, every with little hitch in your giddyup, you wonder if the cancer is back --
If it preys on your mind like that -- are you truly cured, even if the cancer isn't active?
Or is that one of those thoughts that you have to take captive and make it obedient to Christ?
When we talked about chemo, I did ask about alternative therapies, and he smiled and said that if he had cancer, he would try anything....just please not to take it on the infusion days because of the possible drug interactions.
In order to move forward with chemo:
I need to decide to do it and let him know so insurance can bless it
Dr. Klas, my surgeon, needs to give me a clean bill of health (hopefully Mon)
my incision is healing well-I am moving better-I am tapering pain meds-even since yesterday!
I need to have a medi-port installed - a port under the skin, into which the medication can be
infused. The only other option is a pic-line - which would remain an open avenue for germs
because it is external to the body. The mediport is installed underneath the skin, thereby not
being an open avenue for germs, because the skin closes over the port.
I am not very excited about either of these, but the port seems better than the pic line (a pic
is basically a large guage IV inserted on the under side of an arm. This is an avenue
whereby germs can travel into my body --
At this point, I am leaning toward having this, but it is very difficult to decide to do something that will be physically difficult and unpleasant - especially for 6 mos.
(The goal of chemo, said rather roughly, is to take you to the point of death, and then let your body rebuild)
The up-side, as our older son said is that I would be finished by Summer - hopefully.
If anyone has personal experience with this kind of chemo, I would love to hear about it.
How am I doing?
Numb - teary - feeling like I am being sucked into a whirlpool - kinda scared
I will choose to be thankful for:
Dr Jacob Frick, Dr James Klas, Dr Fernando Carballo
Todd, who faithfully is able to set aside his feelings, and analyze all the information - and hug me
when the feelings can't be kept aside - who makes me laugh and sees the hope and prays
YOU - who care enough to come read this and pray for us.
Sunshine
Pretty leaves
God, who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow (Heb 13:8) and who has a plan for my life
(Jer 29:11) and work for me to do (Eph 2:10)
My parents and grandparents, who demonstrated what it means to depend on God when
nothing else is certain and especially my mom, who taught me to love God's word.
Thanks for reading this --
Oncologist's recommendtion: chemo (Folfox) every 2 weeks for 6 mos
by infusion in the office, then by a portable pump for 46 hours
side effects - nausea, diarrhea, perhaps hair loss, feeling cold, mouth sores
For some reason, hearing that 6 nodes were involved rather than just 1 hit me harder than I would have thought. I kind of got "stuck" there.
This tells us that the cancer "spread" more than initially thought. It also increases the possibility that these nasty little cancer cells wound up elsewhere as well. At this point they would be pin dots, not able to be picked up by a CAT scan. The most likely place that they would go would be the liver. It makes the need for systemic treatment more urgent.
I am blessed to have an oncologist with a sense of humor, who genuinely cares about me. He said flatly that he hadn't thought to see me again after our meeting on 10/10 at the Vince Lombardi Clinic. He encouraged us to have chemo since I am a teenager, can be cured. (told you he had a sense of humor! )
Also, he has Todd's hairline, and when talking about side effects, said he couldn't make any guarantees about hair loss with chemo, since he hasn't had much luck with growing his own - said with a wry chuckle.
I ponder that word cured......are you ever cured? really? He says yes - that he has patients who have been clean for 18-20 years, but still come back to see him to say hi. He said it was nice to see people doing well.
My mom used to say that when you have cancer, every with little hitch in your giddyup, you wonder if the cancer is back --
If it preys on your mind like that -- are you truly cured, even if the cancer isn't active?
Or is that one of those thoughts that you have to take captive and make it obedient to Christ?
When we talked about chemo, I did ask about alternative therapies, and he smiled and said that if he had cancer, he would try anything....just please not to take it on the infusion days because of the possible drug interactions.
In order to move forward with chemo:
I need to decide to do it and let him know so insurance can bless it
Dr. Klas, my surgeon, needs to give me a clean bill of health (hopefully Mon)
my incision is healing well-I am moving better-I am tapering pain meds-even since yesterday!
I need to have a medi-port installed - a port under the skin, into which the medication can be
infused. The only other option is a pic-line - which would remain an open avenue for germs
because it is external to the body. The mediport is installed underneath the skin, thereby not
being an open avenue for germs, because the skin closes over the port.
I am not very excited about either of these, but the port seems better than the pic line (a pic
is basically a large guage IV inserted on the under side of an arm. This is an avenue
whereby germs can travel into my body --
At this point, I am leaning toward having this, but it is very difficult to decide to do something that will be physically difficult and unpleasant - especially for 6 mos.
(The goal of chemo, said rather roughly, is to take you to the point of death, and then let your body rebuild)
The up-side, as our older son said is that I would be finished by Summer - hopefully.
If anyone has personal experience with this kind of chemo, I would love to hear about it.
How am I doing?
Numb - teary - feeling like I am being sucked into a whirlpool - kinda scared
I will choose to be thankful for:
Dr Jacob Frick, Dr James Klas, Dr Fernando Carballo
Todd, who faithfully is able to set aside his feelings, and analyze all the information - and hug me
when the feelings can't be kept aside - who makes me laugh and sees the hope and prays
YOU - who care enough to come read this and pray for us.
Sunshine
Pretty leaves
God, who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow (Heb 13:8) and who has a plan for my life
(Jer 29:11) and work for me to do (Eph 2:10)
My parents and grandparents, who demonstrated what it means to depend on God when
nothing else is certain and especially my mom, who taught me to love God's word.
Thanks for reading this --
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Oncologist Apt tomorrow and One week post surgery!
I am healing up well, thanks to your prayers
Tomorrow morning we meet with the oncologist and hear his recommendations for treatment.
I am still:
on pain meds and can't drive
moving slowly, but getting faster
eating bland food, but starting to spice it up a bit
tiring quickly, but getting stronger........................ I am thankful
thankful for friends who:
give me rides to bible study,
bring me cookies,
take me grocery shopping,
come visit me,
stack firewood for me,
take me to the chiropractor,
cook meals for me,
share info about alternative therapies,
pray for us!
It is hard:
to hear Todd say, "Christine has stage 3 cancer." (brings tears)
to be dependent
to ask for help
to receive help...but I am learning
How am I doing? I am doing pretty well.
If I average all my moods, on average, I am peaceful, contented and thankful.
(Do not think that I am falsely optimistic here - I do have bouts of tears and fears!)
My sense of humor, which has been dormant for many years has surfaced again.
(this is a miracle, because there really isn't lots to laugh about, and laughing hurts!! a lot!!!) :)
I treasure the scriptures which continually give me courage and love to hear from you some of
your favorites. (my e-mail address is now at the top of the blog page, to make this easier)
When I start having a pity party, I look at my prayer list -- so many have it so much worse than I
do -- I pray for them and that sets me back on course.
All the good things that you read about here, I believe are directly the result of all of your prayers, holding me up, reminding me of what God has already done for me, keeping me peaceful.
Thank you so much for checking on us and all your help! God's Blessings
"To live is Christ - to die is gain" Phil 1:21
Tomorrow morning we meet with the oncologist and hear his recommendations for treatment.
I am still:
on pain meds and can't drive
moving slowly, but getting faster
eating bland food, but starting to spice it up a bit
tiring quickly, but getting stronger........................ I am thankful
thankful for friends who:
give me rides to bible study,
bring me cookies,
take me grocery shopping,
come visit me,
stack firewood for me,
take me to the chiropractor,
cook meals for me,
share info about alternative therapies,
pray for us!
to hear Todd say, "Christine has stage 3 cancer." (brings tears)
to be dependent
to ask for help
to receive help...but I am learning
How am I doing? I am doing pretty well.
If I average all my moods, on average, I am peaceful, contented and thankful.
(Do not think that I am falsely optimistic here - I do have bouts of tears and fears!)
My sense of humor, which has been dormant for many years has surfaced again.
(this is a miracle, because there really isn't lots to laugh about, and laughing hurts!! a lot!!!) :)
I treasure the scriptures which continually give me courage and love to hear from you some of
your favorites. (my e-mail address is now at the top of the blog page, to make this easier)
When I start having a pity party, I look at my prayer list -- so many have it so much worse than I
do -- I pray for them and that sets me back on course.
All the good things that you read about here, I believe are directly the result of all of your prayers, holding me up, reminding me of what God has already done for me, keeping me peaceful.
Thank you so much for checking on us and all your help! God's Blessings
"To live is Christ - to die is gain" Phil 1:21
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