Wired!!!

"On steroids"  now has new meaning for me!!!

I am very thankful that I am shakey, amped up and ready to be busy  (all with exhaustion just beneath the surface) rather than fighting nausea, dragging myself from couch to bed!!!  Thank you Lord!  It is a special gift! James 1:17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights.....


I did make it to Bible study today -- Yay! 


Another high point today was the UPS delivery that brought me a very cool gift from a dear friend  She had bracelets made for me and she wears one to remember to pray - Team Christine- with Phil 4:13 on it!  I can do everything through him who gives me strength  I am so humbled and honored!  wow ---


The energy allowed me to clean our house today in anticipation to our sons coming home!! Tomorrow they get here!  Karl is coming from Montana and bringing his Gretchen with him! Paul is coming home from Concordia WI!  Lyle and his sweet, busy family is coming too!  Cannot wait for the joyful fun of a house full!   


Don't worry--Todd is a great cook and totally domestically capable. The boys are great cooks too, so I am not doing much in the way of cooking! 
I will still take a nap if/when I need it--tho some days I haven't needed one  :)

Sorry this is short - the domestic diva thing has kept me really busy!  


You all have blessed me so much by your thoughtful words and comments on my blog -- I know of at least 2 people who have followed my ramblings even when they are on vacation!  Your love and concern carry me!   Thank you for praying for us!  You make it bearable!  

Nurse Check report

I am doing well---Blood levels are good.

My mid-cycle check up is called a nurse check....I meet with one of the oncology nurses that admininster the chemo.  They draw blood work and check all my levels.  They ask me about side effects - how bad they are and what is happening.  

Today was my first blood draw through the port -- it is so weird -- the needle is about 1 1/4 inches long and it gets put straight into the port - at right angles to your body - not how they usually draw, parallel to your vein - and it makes a kind of funny "punch" sound - kind of like when you use a 3 hole punch --- It's really a weird feeling.  

Blood levels were where they are anticipated to be - no surprises.  

Side effects seem to tie back to the steroids that they give in conjunction with the chemo.  They help your body to deal with the chemo, as I understand it.  Not getting the steroids is not an option, so I have to figure out how to get around the muscle twitches and the not sleeping.   They suggest taking benedryl or tylenol pm --- which I am not excited about because it is just more chemicals!!! Yuck!

Was active today - but by now am really feeling the effects!  Tired just comes creeping up as I sit here and type.....

How am I doing? 

I am so thankful to be able to do some things -- not just sit.  I am learning to be thankful for any time that I feel good- which I should be aware and thankful for anyway!  We just don't tend to think to be thankful for simply being able to live our normal life without feeling awful.  

A friend send me a quote from James MacDonald's site - Walk in the Word 

we don’t have to go through the Christian life alone. The Lord places friends around us, sometimes unexpected friends, who pray for us—who lift up our name before “the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).

Some people have commented to me that they couldn't be as public as I am being, if they were in my shoes.....When we got this diagnosis, we decided to be public about it for several reasons: 

--to encourage people to go get their screenings

--to ask people to pray

--to point to God, the source of our blessings and also the source of strength in the trials.  

       

I am so thankful for all of you that have taken up our cause, and lifted us before the throne of grace!  

God's Blessings!

Feeling Good - Thank God!

Have felt good this weekend!  A Gift from God! 


I haven't blogged because I have felt good enough to be a domestic diva which was sorely needed!  
I don't feel  "normal" - Kinda jittery. amped up and crabby (prayers for Todd please ) 
 :)
but normal compared to last week- 
This week is just a "nurse check" - no chemo 
YAY!  
Kids come home
Yay!
Thanks for checking -- I appreciate all of your prayers and encouragment and am thankful for you!!  


If you need encouragement - 
this song is amazing -- Singing it has lifted my spirits repeatedly!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9Ya7ryNob4

A Blessed Birthday!

Had a wonderful day today - felt almost normal and very, very loved!  

Today has been a really amazing day - full of surprises----the first of which was waking up to no nausea!!!  At first I didn't believe it and moved really slowly, and ate carefully.  Breakfast in bed! The nausea stayed gone though!  What a gift!  God rocked it today! 

When I walked, I did get tired quickly this morning, but tonight, I was able to go at a normal pace and a good distance :)  Another gift!  

I was blessed to have so many, many people remember me - 

 my boys -

   my ladies bible study  - 

    my small group  - 

     my St. Louis friends -

      and so many others very kindly remembered me and encouraged me.  

Thank you so very much for celebrating my day with me.  I can truly say that I have never had a birthday like this one!  

Psalm 103:2 

Praise the Lord oh my soul and forget not all his benefits.....

As I have walked this current path, some of what has given me courage has been the remembering of what all the Lord has done in my life.  

Today is another event for me to remember in God's list of gifts to me.  

Thank you for being a part of that and for showering me with so much love!  

God's blessings to each of you!  

Riding the waves

I go back and forth between feeling pretty good and feeling just yucky!


Sometimes I feel almost normal, with my brain working and with just a tinge of nausea.  
However,
sometimes I feel like a favorite puppy toy, that has been dragged all over by an enthusiastic mongrel, used for tug o' war, shaken vigorously and then "buried" and slept on!  


The time lapse between the two seems to be a15 min slide down hill to a nap- and comes on without much warning, and a fair bit of nausea.  


Ginger has become my new best friend!  1/4 tsp of ginger in a cup of hot water seems to help the nausea a bit.  A dear friend brought me ginger gum last night at 9:15 to try and keep it at bay!  I am blessed by my friends!  


And my friends are pretty astute also!  All of you knew exactly what I was referring to and I got all kinds of e-mails with solutions to constipation!  Thank you very much!  (I was trying to be tactful yesterday!)  I am just hoping that I don't have the boomerang effect tonight! lol!


Things I am thankful for: (in no particular order)
Great Harvest Co Wheat bread - yum
My phone that delivers your encouragement
Todd
Drugs that will buy me time with my family
feeling good enough to be able walk
ginger
sunshine
Friends who share love, wisdom, encouragement like this:
"It's OK to be tired and "not doing anything" because you are doing something; you're allowing the chemo cocktail to do what it has to do and you are resting in the Lord as you wait."  


and this:
The Lord bless you and keep you, 
The Lord make his face to shine upon you
The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.  (Numbers 6:24-26)
"Even though life is yuck right now for you, the Lord has not turned his face away or turned his back on you..  His face shines on you, his face is toward you.  It’s when we understand that we know his grace and his peace.  He will keep you in his perfect peace."

Thankful for God's peace - trying to get comfortable with my lot in life right now
Blessings to each of you and thanks for all the outpouring of love and encouragement!  

Untethered!

The Chemo pump was disconnected this afternoon - 
Shower tonight - Nothing like a hot shower and a sharp razor!!!
I feel ok-thank God!


Getting the pump off was the easiest thing I have done there yet!  The hardest part was - you guessed it- getting the tape off!  Fortunately, all my skin stayed put!  It just looks pretty battered.   


The nausea feels like I must perpetually reach for a bucket.  Sometimes it gets the added dimension of the body aches, but today, I haven't had those, just headaches.  The sea bands were helping, though as I am typing, not so much!!!  Another little twist to this fun game I am playing is that the chemo has shut down my digestive system!  They say "Eat when you feel nauseated," and "drink lots of water"--- so you can just imagine.... 


Even though I fight waves of nausea, I am blessed to have some "good" times in between.  I am never quite sure how long they will last, so I have to keep my "projects" to bite size  proportions in case I have to quit.  After I got home, I was able to walk Chance, brush him and vacuum up the fur AND take a shower!!  Doesn't sound like much, but that was huge! (It did take me 3 1/2 hours to do it though!) This morning I just sat at the kitchen table -- didn't read, didn't write, didn't talk on the phone -- just sat.....Does that tell you how crumby I felt ????  Was going to get a hair cut, but just couldn't summon up the strength or even the interest to go. 


I struggle with being afraid of what is coming next - in terms of side effects.  A friend sent me   
Ps 56:3 When I am afraid, I will trust in you.  
Trusting is a decision - it is so hard to take all the scenarios that might happen and dump them at the foot of the cross, and leave them there.  I keep picking them back up again, and worrying about them all over again!  
John 16:33 tells me I will have trouble in this world -- but take heart, says Jesus, I have overcome the world!  
But how about my nausea?  and what about it getting worse?  and the body aches and head aches?  and pooping problems?  and being exhausted?  and being grumpy to my sweet husband?  


One of my cousins sent me some scripture that she had turned into prayers --

Ps 37:22-23

Do not abandon me, Lord. My God, do not go away from me! Hurry to help me, Lord, My Savior.

Ps 5:2-3

Let my words reach your ears, Lord. Listen to my groaning and hear the cry of my prayer, O my King, my God.

I have to discipline my mind to trust and not worry -- 

Ps 37:8  Fret not - it leads only to evil!  

Easier said than done!

Thankful!

Feeling decent!  


I am very thankful to say that I don't feel terrible --  Supposedly the beginning is "easy" so if I felt horrible now, I would be more apprehensive.  There are times when I feel flue-y - the aches and tired - run down. but they come and go.  I felt good enough to go to Bible study this morning, for which I was very thankful!  
When picking a time to do chemo, I had a choice of Mon, Tues or Wed.  They said that I would feel the best the first 24 hours after receiving the chemo, because of the steroids and the anti nausea that comes in the IV.  For this reason, I elected to start Monday, so I would be feeling my best for seeing my friends at Bible Study.  
It is so important to discipline yourself to do the things that are good for you (like getting together with friends) even when you don't feel like it. (like when you feel yucky)
The cancer team grilled my about my "support network" and they were thrilled--evidently y'all mean that I have a much better chance of surviving well  :)    
Speaking of being disciplined, I was very thankful to enjoy a long walk this afternoon in the beautiful sunshine -- relishing what will probably be our last lovely day for this year.  
This helped to chase the aches away for a little bit and the sun always lifts my spirits!  Too bad it is gone by 4:45!   :/


How am I doing?  
If I am totally honest - it is very hard to be a "busy" person, and feel too crumby to get anything done, but not crumby enough to be really sick. 
(Don't get me wrong, I am really glad not to be really sick!)  
My brain is still busy and tells me I should be doing things --and I get spurts where I do get stuff done, but then I will just sit and look at my pile of stuff to do for a long time....The yo yo effect is tough to manage.
I am trying to do this gracefully and "with man this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible"  Matt 19:26 But it is hard.  
I am trying to remember to think on such things - whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable Phil 4:8 and keep my eyes focused on my God -- Heb 12:2-4
Maybe that is what I am supposed to learn out of all of this.....focus.....


In closing - here is a song that a friend shared
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hy8y6dDzYcE&feature=search-tile
   As I carry this cross, you'll carry me.....


Thanks to all of you!  I appreciate your care!