Thankful!

Antibiotic bacterial die is as he said - cold/fluey symptoms -now just yucky cold
Energy up a little
Weight holding
Not enough energy to walk much - gotta get on that!
Pancreatic enzymes seem to be working pretty well - diarrhea is better than it has been
Began full strength low dose chemo - tolerating it pretty well - Thankful!!
Searching out organic and gluten free products is challenging - still get overwhelmed!
Continuing to have more animal protein in my diet - trying to still keep my vegetables at 75%
  of my diet - it's hard!
Still craving pizza

Have been pretty sick for a few days with the bacterial die off symptoms of a sinus/cold gross icky-ness.  That started to get better on Sunday and now is just a cold that keeps Todd up at night as I snore - poor man!  

Thankful to be tolerating the xeloda (low dose chemo) full strength - 
  hoping to add in the synergistic supplement tomorrow
  hoping that does not trigger the diarrhea again 

So thankful to have had the energy to make 3 performances of OLu's Beauty and the Beast!  It was great fun to take friends with small children and watch them enjoy the show!  The talent of the kids and the beautiful execution just amaze me!  This was great medicine for me!  

My nutritionist told me of a new sweetener called monk fruit drops -- if you are looking to cut your sugar intake, try them!  They are not cheap - but real food is not!  Also If you are trying to cut blood sugar, put cinnamon on anything you can -- it lowers blood sugar.  There is your fun fact for the day!  

Thankful for a Cubs win (whew!) I'm not supposed to be stressed - hahaha
Thankful for the little bit of drizzle we have had
Thankful for my contractor who installed my reverse osmosis system for me! 
Thankful for all I can eat - trying not to dwell on cookies and cheesecake :)
Thankful for Be Well Kitchen that delivers gluten free healthy food for me and 
   thankful for the friends that made that happen!  

As I become discontented, or think about complaining, I look around me at what other people are dealing with - and it shuts me up really quickly!  
-a brother with brain cancer
-a daughter with thyroid cancer
-students parents dying - teen years are hard to lose a parent...
-a toddler son diagnosed with autism
-a father struggling with losing his autonomy
-a baby in the NICU
-spiritual warfare against an influential young man
-widowed shut in in chronic pain - very alone
-a struggling marriage - 
-lack of a job for a young man with lots of talent and great work ethic
-a father in ICU with a brain tumor
-friends grieving the death of another friend my age...
-bipolar mother with chronic pain and a young daughter fighting cancerous cells that keep
   popping up



My grandfather used to say, "Alles steht fest in Gottes Hende"  -  
       Everything stands firmly in God's hands...
Yes it does, but that does not mean it is easy!    

Thankful for God's word that gives me strength - for scriptures that come back to me when I need them like Isaiah 40:30, 31

Continuing to pray for healing - 
Thankful for all the sweet notes and surprises! They lift my spirits so much!
Thankful for all those praying with me!
Thanks for checkin' in!  Y'all are a blessing!  

Answers at Last

Met with the Integrative Doc who said that my stool samples revealed the following:
-3 bacterial infections (Not 1, not 2, 3!  I'm special!)
-pancreatic dysfunction which contributes to the diarrhea
-gluten sensitivity
-yeast overgrowth (again)
-blood in the stool (probably as a result of the infections)
-low thyroid function
- compromised immune system (natural killer cells are way down, probably due to lack of 
  nutrients because pancreas is not processing food properly)
-low iron (may have mentioned this already)

As a result, I am now on: 
-antibiotics-2 10 day rounds, one after another, of 2 different ones against the infections
  He did say that I would feel yucky for a few days as the bacteria gets killed off!  It is so nice
  to know that ahead of time so that I will not wonder if I am sliding back into the abyss of 
  weakness or if the cancer is winning!!! This will happen with both antibiotics.  
-enzymes to bolster the poor output from my pancreas
-naturethroid for my thyroid
-probiotics and a good yeast
-iron supplements
Sunday I will start back with the xeloda (low dose chemo) for 2 weeks and try to get up to 
  full dose
He thought that my weight gain was probably internal edema caused by the infections since my waist is bloated and puffy - I can pinch an inch :)

In an effort to curb the diarrhea, he had me add in bananas, rice, applesauce and toast to my diet, but I am in a quandary because, bananas are loaded with sugar which feeds yeast (both good and bad) and cancer.  Rice is gluten free according to some - inflammatory according to others. Applesauce has the sugar factor and toast tho gluten free has the sugar factor.  My head spins with what I am supposed to eat - and I continue to crave pizza, which is not helpful!  

It is all a bit daunting.  Thankfully, the integrative doc did not think that this would have a big impact on my cancer prognosis.  We "just" have to get my body to process the food properly so that I get the nutrients I need to get better- easier said than done!  My time off of my strict "no gluten, no dairy, no sugar, organic" diet was a very nice vacation- now it is back to reality- but it is a reality with more protein at least!

What is so interesting to me is that we met with my oncologist the day before (we did not have the stool sample results yet) but she said my iron was fine (we asked specifically about that) and she never mentioned my thyroid or my immune system-very different ways of looking at things.  
On another note, she will require me to finish 3 rounds of xeloda before ordering a scan.  Oasis of Hope just wanted 2 rounds completed - though I did the last one at 1/2 strength.
This will put off the timing of my scan from end of November to probably mid December or so. 

Sidelight - you may wonder how I got results so fast if Quest lost my samples -- Well, Quest decided to play post office and mail my samples to Diagnos Techs - another lab.  They did this without calling my doctor or me and evidently without noting it in the file since 3 different people were unable to give the same answer.  Wondering how they can do that with hippa - 
and it cost me a ton out of pocket to get the results!  I am trying to find out how to contact Quest- as a patient, they don't answer when I call, tho my docs can get through!  The saga continues! And I am supposed to not be under stress  - HA! LOL

Lots of info here -- I am thankful to know this and now have to dig deep for the self control to not cheat and to genuinely chose the foods that will help me live life healthy.  

So thankful for: 

Light at the end of the tunnel
My integrative doc - who prays with me and 
  looks at trends and all the results
Office staff at all my doc's offices 
  that help me get answers
Cubs win :)
Soaking rain, thunder and lightening -
  Yippee!!
Technology that lets me pray with and 
  encourage my peeps across the continent
  and "talk" with family and friends
Scripture that is always there to go to - 
   that has answers.
You hanging' with us and cheering us on 
Your prayers lifting and strengthening us
  and finding lost stool samples- lol!
The sweet cards and notes encouraging us!  
   What a blessing!

Gen 12:2 "I will bless you and you will be a blessing!"

Thanks for checkin' in! Y'all bless us!!

  

Blessed and Thankful

So sorry for the long long hiatus!  That tells you how awful I had felt!  

Then you didn't hear from me because I/we were gone on vacation and I was living life!

However, now I feel the best I have in a long time! Thanks for all the many prayers and 

  notes of encouragement!

Was strong enough to make it to NC for a family reunion and visit with great friends--

     great medicine!

Shift in diet (added BRAT) and increased animal protein has put a few pounds on me - YAY!

Hernia surgeon says he can/will do the surgery whenever I want it --  

    but at what cost to my energy/system/healing?

Quest Diagnostics lost my poop test -- argh - back to square 1 for diarrhea answers

Began iron supplements due to low iron - They did not lose my bloodwork!!

Diarrhea is better - trying to figure out what foods may be triggers -- 

    like food was not enough of a challenge before!

Still need to take naps and rest - 

Still flame out quickly- but getting to be a bit longer between times

Saddened to hear of the death of one of the patients that was at Oasis with us....

   Life is fleeting!

That's the highlights -- 

This is short and sweet because I am pooped!  Jet Lag! 

but wanted to thank y'all so much for all the prayers and encouragement. I firmly believe that I was able to make this trip and feel so much better because of all your prayers!  It was such a blessing to be with the boys and our little grand daughter --especially for her to meet her great-grandma!!-- to watch Todd play with her --to be with dear friends that we have years of memories with! Profoundly thankful!

I fought the thoughts of "when will I see them again?" and "will I be able to do this again?" as well as

"will this change in diet jeopardize what I have done already?" and

"was this wise to do?" 

It is an on-going battle....  

I continue to trust God even when I am scared, when doubts creep in and when the devil attacks -- but it is hard.  

Just saying the words - "I trust you" over and over helps - even when I don't feel it - it really does help!  

This song helps me also - tho I am not there yet - I keep singing it praying the feeling comes with repetition - 

https://youtu.be/f8TkUMJtK5k

   I am no longer a slave to fear.  I am a child of God.....

Thankful to have had no pain of any kind (continuous hernia belt seems to be working)

Thankful to have walked most days - about 2 3/4 miles - sometimes more

Thankful for safe, smooth travel for our whole family

Thankful for our OLu family-

Thankful to have made it to OLu's Beauty and the Beast production and dinner!  Big Day!

Thankful for all of you....

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for lifting me up for healing and strength -- It was such a gift to be able to make this trip -- Thank you seems so inadequate -- but I know no other way to say it!  Thank you for blessing us!  

Rough Week - Thanks for carrying us!

Thankful for prayers in response to FB and last post - energy is better -appetite too!
Was very weak - electrolyte imbalance 
Stopped all supplements for a week - will only take low dose chemo 1/2 dose starting Sun 
    and work up to full strength 
Urologist says renal function virtually gone 
Discontinued the pain patch due to emotional fallout
Haven't taken hardly any pain meds since Tues
Hernia pain has hit super hard 4 times now - talking to surgeon next Tues

Learned that diarrhea causes electrolyte imbalances and even taking the electrolyte drink was not enough -- I sank into a lethargic fog.  During this time is when I had some really tough emotional times that included screaming and weeping - lots of fear.  Was not sure if I would ever have strength again.  I reached out to a few people asking for prayer in this battle. I am so thankful to say that between their prayers and scripture, they carried me thru the darkest hours. I was reminded that I need to trust God, even when I have no clue what is going on and believe that He loves me, is for me, goes before me and comes behind me.  "Just" trust....easier said than done!  For me, it involved a lot of saying "I trust you" even when I did not feel it - and the feeling came...
That evening, my sweetheart reminded me to drink coconut water to balance my electrolytes - which is what turned the corner.  By now (Friday evening) the homeopathic diarrhea medication from my nutritionist is working well.  For the inquiring minds, I find it works better than the leading OTC anti diarrheal med.  It is called BHI and the sugar free electrolyte mixture is called Jigsaw.  

Consensus of Doctors is that I am to discontinue supplements completely for 2.5 weeks in an effort to control the diarrhea and gain some weight and strength back.  I need to be strong enough to fight this battle - now I am just fighting to keep calories - not what the main focus should be.  Praying that everything we did in Mexico is enough to keep this beast from growing!

Thanks for praying for my energy and my appetite and nausea- God heard and I am hungry and able to eat!

Do not like the news from the urologist, but when asked what he would do for his wife, he replied that I had such little kidney function, that it would not be worth the stress on my body to re-stent and then have to maintain it by changing it every 3 mos.  As I sat in his office, weary, I felt that these were wise words....

Tues I discontinued the Fentanyl patch because of the emotional effects - making me cry all the time and have no self discipline to do anything at all.  It was awful - I had no pain, but was not Christine either! It is completely out of my system since noon today and I have only taken 1 pain killer each evening - and tonight will try none.  Very thankful there is no pain- thinking it is because the kidney is virtually dead.  

Things to be thankful for --
If you did not read my last blog post, please do so.  My husband is the best.  I could NOT 
  fight this fight without him.  He keeps me anchored and focused on God when I am lost in 
  a maelstrom of emotion- He helps me prepare for each Doc mtg and deal with 
  bills/papers/ingredients and whatever is overwhelming me at the time!  
Thankful for his birthday today, the amazing support for him, and a CUBS win!!! 
Medicine to help when feeling awful...
Clean water
Jesus Calling and other devotionals to speak truth to me
Oasis of Hope Doctor who goes through all my numerous e-mail questions, listening
    carefully and taking my individual history into account
Getting in with a hernia surgeon in 1 week for a consult - miracle!!
Great neighbors to chat with or walk with when I feel good enough
Books like "loving God with all your mind" to grow me and guide me how to fight
Friends who help me with whatever - sharing tears, errands, walking, cleaning, food  ideas
  Each one such a blessing! 
Scripture which God calls to my mind to comfort me
All of you who beat heaven's gates on my behalf! Thank you for waging war!  Thank you!   

Prayer Requests
that I can get strong enough to travel to see my family in a few days
that this downhill weight/health slide stop -please God!!!
blessings on Todd's new year!

This song carried me through many dark hours - may it bless you!
https://youtu.be/n_aVFVveJNs
"I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in you!"

Thanks for your prayers and for checkin' in!  

Complicated

Continuing to push - weakly during the past week, but a little stronger now

Trying to build consensus between doctors

It's getting old...

Tumors Shrinking maybe? or pain patch working better  

Trip to look forward to-praying I get stronger to play with my family
Went back to cold laser therapy to work on my blood

Thankful for Todd who never fails.

You know the old saying - too many cooks in the kitchen spoil the broth?

My diarrhea had returned with a vengeance last week and I had the joy of bringing consensus between my integrative doc, my oncologist and Oasis of Hope....It's challenging to say the least!  They all say to do different things.  I have to sift out what to do in between running for the bathroom.  I must be tired because usually this doesn't seem like such a big deal....

One big praise that I am cautiously optimistic about is that I was unable to lie on my left side at all when I went to Oasis of Hope.  After doing the protocols and the frankincense I am able to lie on my left side for several hours with no pain!  That is huge!  I am praying that it is because the tumors have shrunk -- Please Lord let it be!

Another big praise is that we are having a family reunion in mid October which is so nice to look forward to.  Today I have no clue how I could get on a plane - let alone several planes in one day - but God will grant me the grace I need the day I need it - not before.  

Went back to cold laser therapy to try and get my blood unsticky.  I am so thankful for this practitioner because he uses the lasers in a different fashion than most people use them.  He figures out frequencies that work on all kinds of things and help with energy, mood, adrenals, healing - all kinds of things that sound kinda "out there" because they are not common.  Praying that his work will help me to get better

While walking (slogging along is more the correct term) we ran into a friend who  had not known about my blog and had gone recently to check out how I was doing and had been really depressed /sad-- I get that -  sorry the news is not great--I try to frame things positively, but my fear peaks through as my weakness rises -- and other than yay for God providing daily for my, it's not very pretty.  

I am especially thankful for Todd who works hard at work, giving his best and yet comes home to my various moods and situations and never fails to rise to the occasion - whatever that may be, doing  it with humor and joy and a silly style all his own that lifts any gloom that may be hanging around.  He really works hard to live as Jesus would ask us to - (no he is not perfect - but he sure is pretty awesome!!!)
if it's dirty, he cleans it - 
if it needs cooking, he makes it - 
if we need it from the store, he gets it - 
if we need to order it online, he takes care of it -
if I'm crabby, he is silly and makes me laugh - 
if I'm crying he hands tissues and comforts me and then makes me laugh - 
if it needs to be decided, he helps me analyze it, pray about it and we decide - 
if some new symptom pops up, he try to make light of it for me while still watching it

if I am too tired to think straight, he gently guides me to wise choices-

if I am fearful, he reads scripture, while never showing his fear
if I hurt, he prays....

     I am blessed - so blessed and thank God every day for Todd - 
His birthday is this weekend - looking forward to celebrating a bit!

Thankfulness keeps everything managable for me particularly when there is so much that is not going well.  I am thankful for the small glimpses of joy/blessing that I do see --like:

friends who go read my blog and pray for me
petting my friend's dog 

my sweet husband 
friends who come to visit and make me laugh and distract me

funny videos that make me laugh (love it when you send em!)

cooler temps to make staying in bed more comfortable
medicine to curb the icky symptoms
his word to whisper to myself when pain or fear rise starkly

Prayer requests please:
that my appetite/thirst return as well as some energy  
that my mind be protected from fear 
that Todd have strength to continue all that he does
that I can resume the protocols that I had to stop because of diarrhea -- those that kill cancer cells

Thanks for checkin in