2 steps forward, 2 steps back -

Thankful it is not 3 steps back! 
Having some pain issues again - not sure why- probably from feeling the stent
Waiting for bloodwork again (watchful waiting)
Diarrhea continues to be challenging...I think its better and then, surprise!  
Walking very slowly and gently - made 1.5 miles on flat terrain
Riding the rollercoaster -progress, pain, discouragement -progress, pain, discouragment 

I feel good enough to think that I can do things.  Sometimes doing things ends me up in pain---other times, I do just fine! 
Recognizing the pain is hard, because it first manifests itself as an upset gut-which could just be an upset gut.  Because I am trying to keep my medication to a minimum due to the load on my liver and kidneys to process everything, I go through some waiting, analyzing time - Is it cramping? 
Did I move wrong and irritate the stent?  
Is the diarrhea is gonna strike again? 
Did I eat something that is upsetting my stomach?      or (a very annoying one) 
Am I feeling the movement as my gut processes?
This is a running conversation throughout the day, because it's always uncomfortable.    Trying to catch the discomfort before it turns to pain is an art form that I have not mastered!  
The diarrhea requires the same kind of analysis as the pain!  
Is it bad enough to take an imodium?
Can I get away without it? 
Can I run an errand without having to find a bathroom?       ARGH!!!

Days usually are good - pretty much, I can keep things in check.  Evenings tho I have not gotten a handle on.  Pain increases, diarrhea increases and sometimes the medicine does not really touch it and night time becomes, as my sweetheart says, " a series of short naps."  
All very wearing....Then the discouragement starts and I must fight that off - which takes effort!  

The only reason I share all this is that you may have someone in your circle of influence that has a chronic condition.  Perhaps this will cause more empathy and understanding as to why they are often worn out or distracted and it will be easier to be kind to them if they act annoying!  When your kids are impatient with someone, or think someone is weird -- share with them that perhaps that person is not weird, maybe they are sick -- Teach them that sick people do not always look sick and to not judge the book by its cover!   

Thankful: 
-that I can walk
-orioles ridiculously trying to drink out of the tiny hummingbird feeders
-baby robins hanging out in my fountain
-cool mornings and air conditioning
-weight steady, tho low
-internet to find information
-that God's got this
-that I have a chance to try and change how my microbiome- 
-for notes of love and encouragement that beat the discouragement back-
-for God putting people in my path to encourage me -
   like when I was traveling home, sad to be leaving, anxious about my procedure etc.  There
was an unexpected charge for my bag, which was enough to cause tears.  So as I was walking to the security checkpoint I was really talking to myself not to cry and blinking back

tears.  As I step through the body scanner, the young man said to me, "You look very familiar.  You're Paul's mom!"  God blessed me with the sweet, familiar face of one of his roommates from at least 4 years ago!  My bag needed to be inspected, but not by him - and as I talked with the inspector - joking about transporting my protein powder, I told him that I knew Sean and asked if I could go take a selfie with him.  He was so kind -- he went and took Sean's place so he could come see me!  A familiar face when I needed some distraction.  

Have a blessed weekend!  Be thankful for each day! 
Thanks for checkin' in!

Slow Progress and Sleep Aids

Pain less - No pain killers during the day since Sat-
Energy seems pretty good, tho I do tire easier than I would like
Added back 2 protocols -  Modified Citrus Pectin Shakes and Milk Thistle drops
Diarrhea continues to be an issue.....argh!  
Stool specimens show no parasites and no infection (Thank you God!)
Blood showed that my natural killer cells, that attack cancer cells, dropped :( 
   Not surprising said the doc -- my body is focused on this kidney 's inflammation and so is 
   not making as many NK cells.  
Had another blood draw and urinalysis today. 

In the last week, I have had 3 or 4 conversations with people about them being unable to sleep and the havoc that sleepless wreaks on your life -- everything  from grogginess, missing appointments, crabbiness with family, to stress and nightmares.  In addition, sleep is vital to health.  It is when your body heals itself.  If you are short on sleep, your body is running on fumes - but you may know that already from experience :)
Since my integrative docs mandated that I sleep 7.5 - 8 hours a night and usual was 5.5-6.5, I have learned a lot about sleeping.  Getting up multiple times a night has forced me to use as many avenues as I can to get to sleep and stay asleep.  So here goes:
-Avoid exercise right before bed - movement keeps you awake
-Avoid caffein after lunch 
-Have your cocktail with dinner, not in the evening.  The sugar in the alcohol hits your 
      system 6 hours later and wakes you up.  
-Tidy your bedroom.  It is very difficult to relax when you have piles of stuff everywhere.  Think of how a hotel room feels - spare, yes but also rather zen like! Your bedroom should be a haven - a sanctuary.  Remove clutter and make room for peace so you can relax!  
-Dim your phone at night - iPhones have a timer that lets you set it from the bright blue white of day time to the less stimulating yellow white at night.
-Avoid screens (TV, tablet or phone)in the evening
     The light stimulates the optic nerve, telling your body that it is day time and stay awake.
     Watching TV because you cannot sleep is the worst!  The light and sound keeps your 
        body from falling into deep sleep.  
-Watching the sun set helps your body comprehend that it is sleep time.  This is also 
      recommended for overseas travelers combatting jet lag.  
-Using a guided meditation helps to relax you.  I use the Insight Timer- ap - there are 
     several Yoga Nidra meditations that are helpful.  
-White noise helps with relaxation also-particularly if you find one that reminds you of a 
     relaxing vacation.  I use the Relax Melodies ap - the river and night sounds remind me of 
     camping.  
-Use a tiny flashlight at night if you need light rather than turning on the bathroom light. Light
     stimulates the optic nerve telling you it is time to rise and shine.  
-Make the room as dark as possible.  If you must use a nightlight, put something in front of it
     so that it does not shine directly into the room.  Again - that optic nerve....
-Cover your eyes when it begins to be daylight to help stay asleep.  An eyeshade works or if
     you don't have one - just use a sock (clean preferably!)
-Lavender Essential Oil applied to the bottoms of your feet, the nape of your neck, and your
      wrists helps relax you.  
-Calms Forte by Hylands is a homeopathic sleep aid that my integrative docs told me to use.  
     Chewing 1 or 2 before bed helps me fall asleep.   Should I waken during the middle of 
     the night, I just chew another one and fall back asleep!  This works like a charm!  I have
     noticed that if I have to get up by 6:30, taking one after 3:30-4 is not helpful as it makes 
     me a bit groggy.  Because it is homeopathic, this will not hurt you.  It is sold at Sprouts or 
     perhaps Walgreens.  It is available on-line also-8.50 for 100 tablets.  
-MyoCalm PM by Metagenics is an herbal supplement that I get at my chiropractor.  It is 
     designed to help with muscle relaxation but it works wonderfully to bring on sleep! 
-Coffea Cruda by Boiron is another homeopathic medicine that helps overcome 
     sleeplessness from an over active mind.  Take 5 tiny white dots and melt them under 
     your tongue 3 times a day,  It is also very helpful.  They are available at Sprouts or on-
     line. 
Note:  I use either Calms Forte or Myocalm PM or Coffea Cruda -not together!  

I hope that this is helpful - You need your sleep!  Try these and let me know if they help!  

I am so thankful for 
air-conditioning
lab tests that tell me how my body is doing 
another chance to get my life in balance
Skype, FaceTime and videos
the silly orioles that try and drink from the hummer feeders
robins hanging around enjoying the birdbath
supplements to strengthen my system
clean water
all of you for checking in and caring about us!    Thank you!!

Cautiously Optimistic

Energy is better than it has been!
No pain medicine during the day today!
Diarrhea is less today!  
Best of all - Todd comes home tonight!  

Trying so hard not to get too excited, but perhaps I have turned the corner??  It has been 8 days since my stent placement and until yesterday, I really did not see much difference between the days - lots of time in the bathroom and on the couch!  Yesterday, I felt good enough to go to lunch with a friend (found an organic restaurant near me!  True Seasons Organic Kitchen - great food!)  It sounds silly, but it was so exciting to go to a restaurant and order without having to study the menu before going to find something that is in my diet!  It is the little things!  

Today I had good energy.  Made sure to sit and rest a lot and try to not wear myself out....which i am not good at!  

When I came back to have my stent placed, we were in the middle of a 1 month trip that was to have included a vacation to Boston and then while Todd was in class, I was going to meet my cousins on Long Island for some R&R.  I encouraged Todd to go anyway and  tho he was not happy about me having this done without him, he agreed.  We are both learning to trust more!  :)  One of my friends took very good care of me in a loving, "gently bossy" way-which many of you know that I need!! :)  Very thankful! 

A friend sent me this devotion and I thought it was so powerful.  My mother used to refer to "Watchful Waiting."  

Our Daily Bread -- Marking Time July 19, 2016

Read: Psalm 25:1-15 Bible in a Year: Psalms 23-25; Acts 21:18-40 Let no one who waits on You be ashamed. —Psalm 25:3 nkjv The military command, “Mark Time, March” means to march in place without moving forward. It is an active pause in forward motion while remaining mentally prepared and expectantly waiting the next command. In everyday language, the term marking time has come to mean “motion without progress, not getting anywhere, not doing anything important while you wait.” It conveys a feeling of idle, meaningless waiting. In contrast, the word wait in the Bible often means “to look eagerly for, to hope, and to expect.” The psalmist, when facing great difficulties, wrote: “O my God, I trust in You; let me not be ashamed; let not my enemies triumph over me. Indeed, let no one who waits on You be ashamed” (Ps. 25:2-3 nkjv). We often have no choice about the things we must wait for—a medical diagnosis, a job interview result, the return of a loved one—but we can decide how we wait. Rather than giving in to fear or apathy, we can continue to “march in place,” actively seeking God’s strength and direction each day. “Show me Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; on You I wait all the day” (vv. 4-5 nkjv). —David McCasland Lord, give me grace to embrace the pauses in my life, and to be prepared to follow Your next command. Waiting on God is active trust in Him.

May we all learn to be thankful for our times of watchful waiting.  May we strengthen our faith and each other in the Lord during those times!  

Thank you for waiting with me and praying that this kidney heals so I can get on with fighting my battle!  Thank you for the cards, messages, calls, and  sweet, thoughtful gifts and food.  Y'all are so loving and caring!  Thanks for checkin' in!

Mending slowly...

Status Quo - not much better, not much worse!  Its a slow process!  I'm not good at sitting and healing! Guess I am supposed to learn patience!

Sometimes it is really hard to keep a positive attitude about all this!  
First I tried to figure out what was causing the diarrhea and eliminated 1/2 my supplements to try and find an answer--while we were traveling and I was trying to have fun! --to no avail!  
Now, The questions continue.  Is the pain from the stent placement  or from my kidney not functioning, or from the hernia, or from the hernia brace, or could it even be cramping from the imodium working (or not working)?? 
Hard to know and discouraging to try and figure out!  For me, I am going on 1 full month of diarrhea.  This is physically exhausting (losing so many electrolytes--coconut water is my best friend!) but it is also emotionally exhausting because sometimes it wakes me up multiple times a night!  
Sitting in the dark, miserable, cold, exhausted, smelling foul and cramping viciously makes me doubt.  
It makes me doubt that any of the protocols are effective.
  after all, one of them is sleep 8 hours and I keep getting up --- 
  and we eliminated so many supplements because of the diarrhea and gas.... 
It makes me doubt that I have gotten any better than I was 6 months ago 
   when the tumor was causing such pain.  
It makes me doubt that I will conquer this disease.
It makes me doubt that I am healing my body. 
It makes me doubt my decision to not do chemo.
It makes me doubt my decision to go alternative/integrative. 
It makes me doubt that life will ever be normal again.   
It makes me doubt that God is aware of my issues and that that he cares about them.
  He has so many other things to think about, right?
It makes me doubt that His plan is best and that He will bring good from this.... 

The middle of the night is a favorite time for the enemy to attack!  When you are short on sleep, long on pain, medication and frustration, it is difficult to marshal your wits, let alone any logical defenses!  

As He so often does, God provided an answer for me.  Some may say this is pure coincidence -- I do not believe in coincidences!  I do believe it was His answer for me, 
   a discouraged child of His!  

Because of my pain medication, both OTC and prescription, imodium and two prescriptions that I came home with after the procedure, I began keeping a log on my phone as to times and doses so I always have it with me and can check it anytime.  In the dark, I would record all this information.  In boredom, I went through my other notes deleting the irrelevant ones and I stumbled upon a note that I had created during bible study a year or so ago.  We were trying to memorize scripture verses each week and I had begun putting them in on my phone so I could practice them while waiting anywhere.  (It is much more socially acceptable to read your phone than to read your Bible while waiting to check out at the store - lol)
After our class was finished, I had added more verses depending on the topics that were making me fret (worry and fear - no surprise there!)  so suddenly I had a defense against the "doubts attacks."  Reading the verses not only comforted me, it provided light (literally) in a dark place and helped me focus and not fret!   What a difference that file has made - multiple times a night!    I know - I had my bible on my phone all the time.  Did I think to open it? Nope!  
At just the right time, when I needed them most, I stumbled across my digital memory verse cards...I had no clue when we started that list how it would strengthen me later!  "The time to build a shelter is before the storm!"  
    
So thankful that God provides for me!   I love seeing all the details he works out!  
Thankful that after over a month of no feeders, the hummingbirds were back within hours!
Thankful that not content with just providing for me, God also gives me lovely gifts to make
  me smile!  
One thing I have missed here in CA a lot is robins.  I love how they play and 
  chatter and how beautiful they are.   Since I have been home, at least 4 robins have been 
  playing in my fountain and chasing each other every day!  One of my neighbors, a native
  and an avid bird watcher, said she had not seen any before!   What a joy to sit and watch 
  them bathe and preen and remember that if God cares for them, surely He cares for me 
  also!  
In the lovely gifts category - 
Some kind person blessed me with a beautiful orchid by my door!! 
Another made me killer organic chicken soup!
And
When our grand daughter was given a kitchen set by a friend, she picked up the phone and said "Hi Omi!"  It melted my heart when her sweet mom told me that!!

So in view of all these blessings - I am great!  A little sore and crabby - but blessed and thankful!  Watch how He showers you with blessings in the same way!

God wants us walking thru life holding on to Him, not off cruising on our own....I just need to learn to hang on tighter to Him!  

So thankful for you!  Thanks for checkin' in!

Recovering

Home after a great trip and thankful stent could be placed!
Pain continues- still on my stronger drugs

Thanks for all the well wishes!  
The doctor said there was no problem placing the stent - for which I am so very very thankful! Other options to relieve that kidney were not great!  
The last time I had a stent placed, there was also surgery, so I did not really know what to expect this time around.   
I am doing ok - not great  - not terrible. I have been very, very tired - tho some of that may have been from traveling.  This is a resting and regrouping season.  As many of you know I don't sit well, so it is an indicator that I am pretty content just sitting.....

Some have asked why the pain relief is not immediate.  Here is the best word picture I could come up with.  If you have a lake that has water flow into and out of it, and it becomes

damned up, silt settles, and reeds begin to grow in the stagnant water. The longer the lake remains damned up, the more silt and reeds accumulate.  The path the water flows becomes less clear.  Removing the damn does not immediately cause the lake to flow and empty properly.  The silt and reeds slow things down.  The water flowing through the lake again has to wash away the silt and remove the weeds.  I think that is kind of how it is with my kidney.  It's going to take awhile for it to remember how to function properly.  I do not know how long it will take.....

Thanks for all the prayers!  They make the world of difference!  
Friday morning, prior to the procedure, I could not sleep and was in that twilight where you aren't awake and you aren't asleep and your mind races...I kept trying to drag it back to reciting memory verses or something constructive and thankfully, God kept bringing verses to my mind - in between fretting :) It was so comforting.  This underscored the saying - "The time to build a shelter is before the storm."  Our conversation went something like this --
Even tho you say, "Fear not for I am wit you, be not dismayed," I still hurt, my back, my gut and kidney -- and I'm still afraid!  Needles - cold surgical room - diarrhea attack during surgery - I know - "pride"...
I'm thankful you know what I am going thru - (Heb 4:15) and I am so thankful that you can do more than I can ask or imagine (Eph 3:20) cause I can imagine a lot! 
Thank you for going before me, preparing a way with good doctors and nurses, and hemming me in behind (Ps 139:5-6) with caring friends to help.  
Help me to trust you that you will give me good things in my life (Matt7:9 - 11 If you know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father in heaven give those who ask)
Help me to remember that your way for me is perfect even when I cannot see that perfection- that you are Truth and that you are a shield  for all who take refuge in you (Ps 18:30) and that you cover me with your feathers - I can hide under your wings when I am scared and that your faithfulness (not my own strength) will be my shield.(Ps 91:4)  
You tell me to call on you when I am in trouble and that you will deliver me and I will be able to honor you then Ps (50:15) Well I am calling!  Looking forward to honoring you!  
You tell me that you will fight for me, and that I only need to be still (on the operating table) from Ex 14:14 and know that you are God (ps 46:10)

So thankful for all my prayer warriors praying me thru this--sometimes one is just too weak to pray for yourself.  That is when others carry you to God.  Thank you for doing this for us!  

Surgery Complete

This is Todd ...

Christine had successful surgery this afternoon to place a stint in her ureter.  The doctor did not have much trouble getting it in.  Thank you for your prayers!  Please pray that the kidney regains function and her pain subsides.

Thank you prayer warriors!

Don't worry - she will be back on the blog soon with more details.  You just get the abbreviated version from me :-).

I am especially thankful for our dear friend Kathleen who took Christine to the surgery and is caring for her afterwords.  What a blessing from the Lord!

Tales from the Traveling Front

Pain is still steadily increasing

Schedule is still full for stent placement - still scheduled for 15th

Blessed by God's provision!

Tales from traveling while ill -- 

As some of you may have figured out, I was traveling over the 4th of July in Milwaukee and Iowa.  The theme that was recurrent through the trip was that God provides and takes care of me-no matter how crabby or frightened I feel.  

Here are a couple stories -- hope they encourage your faith and trust.

God gives you what you need, not necessarily what you want....When I visit our son in Iowa, I love to do projects with/for him.  Since he works for a Christian camp, there are always lots of opportunities to do this!  About the time I got to Iowa, my pain really began climbing more sharply.  Managing my intake of acetaminophin became an issue - that's how much tylenol and advil I was taking....My diarrhea got more intense also.  Yuck....

Yet God provided.  

I called my urologist to get stronger pain medicine.  The office told me that while they were sorry for my pain, they could not fax a script like that across state lines.  After much conversation, we concluded the best thing to do would be to go to an urgent care, hope that we could convince them to call my urologist and then hope that he would be available to take the call and confirm my diagnosis and then that they would give me a script for stronger pain medicine....ya right!  

As we were talking this over with friends, he said - "why don't you go see Dr T?",who is a good friend of his.  Now as it happens, I had seen Dr T when we first moved to Milwaukee.  At 8:30 at night, he picks up his phone and calls him on his cell phone!  Both of us were cringing, saying not to bother him and that we would try in the morning....long story, short sense - he saw me the next day - on his lunch hour!  He gave up his lunch hour to see me because his friend asked him to....As our friend said - we are brother's in Christ - we help each other!  Dr T was a great blessing and so was our friend that connected us!  Because of those two friends, I was able to get stronger pain medication and enjoy the end of my trip!  

Icing on the cake? I was still in his system from 7 ys ago and there was scripture on the walls in his office!!! So comforting! I was blessed!

What I needed was rest - the doctors had said that and I knew that and had figured that rural Iowa  would be a perfect place for me to do that.  Evidently, what I had in mind was not "restful" enough though.  The pain and the diarrhea certainly sapped all my energy from me!  Rest is about all I did!!!  

As many of you know, I love gardening and I love birds.  

It was about as perfect as it can get for me-- to be forced to sit in this gorgeous green, rolling setting with mature trees and every shade of green you can think of was such a blessing--a blessing I would never have opted for because I would have been busy with projects!  God knew I needed "nature therapy!"  

After we had been in California about a year and we traveled back to the midwest, I realized how much I missed the green.  California is beautiful and I love living there, but the green is different.  It is more in the dusty blue tones (maybe because we don't have real rain to wash the desert dust off - lol) In the Midwest it is more yellow green- so bright and vibrant.  There are many colors of green--darker almost black greens and the bright limy greens of new growth and they mix in sunlight and shadow.  Everywhere you look there are multitudes of shades rippling in the breezes, changing as you watch and as the daylight changes.  It is so healing to my soul to pick weeds (no, I did not do this much) out of rich black dirt, under a canopy of greens while listening to birds twittering all around me!   

The variety of birds that I saw brought me great joy -- red bellied woodpeckers, cardinals, robins (oh how I miss robins!) goldfinches, rose breasted grosbeaks, house finches and also hummingbirds!  If I was too close to their feeder, they would do flybys to see if I was safe. Then they would land on the far side of the feeder and peer around it at me to see if I moved.  I didn't!  A sharpshinned hawk scared them all off for a while.  As dusk grew deeper, the bats came out and we listened to the owls -- in between bottler rockets and roman candles!  

We got to see the life giving power of the rain that I used to take for granted -- Moving to SoCal, you can realize easily what rain really does for plants because it rains so infrequently.  Then it does - oh my gosh - they really respond!  Being back where it rains regularly and being sensitive to the effect - I could see how blossoms popped the day after rain (and yes, the weeds shot up also - lol)  Seeing the lightening also was so fun --I loved it!

Enough on the beauty -- I could go on a long time! 

On the theme of God providing - I am not good at sitting (I know this comes as a great shock to many of you - not!) and yet I am supposed to rest....We were blessed by an invitation from some friends to join them at their lake home in central Wisconsin.  They totally pampered us --a room with a view - fabulous food, boat rides and faith filled conversations.  We really relaxed and enjoyed the company and nature.  It was fabulous! We teased them about wanted to book their B&B again!  It was so restful.  

I am so thankful that God provides! More tales to come - it was  busy trip!

Thanks for checkin in -- You are a blessing to us!

A thankful heart is needed!

Kidney pain has increased which means more painkillers

Scheduled for 7/15 stent placement but looking for an earlier cancellation

Still afflicted with diarrhea and an upset stomach and gut

Struggling with attitude about diet-removing items to decipher diarrhea and rebelling                  #screwcancer #livelife

I'm discouraged and tired of pain and diarrhea and schedules. In general, I am crabby! 

Thankful for the 4th of July and all the fond memories that we have of time with Todd's Dad and Mom over this holiday!

Thankful for a friend who can drop everything and clear her schedule to take care of me for my procedure since Todd has to be away!

Thankful for Todd's unending patience with me when I get cranky and rebellious --as he helps me analyze what in my diet has changed-- what to take out - what to add back in...

     I am truly blessed!  

Thankful for the amazing number of people that are keeping track of my adventures and praying for me!

Thankful for brown rice and chicken (sometimes one is thankful out of obedience!)

Thankful for 2 ply toilet paper! 

Thankful for advil, tylenol, immodium and gas-x.  

Thankful for this country and those who serve and protect her!

Thankful for God's patience when I whine!!

Thankful for you checkin' in! 

Have a safe and blessed 4th of July!