Friday, June 30, 2017

Enjoying a Chemo Vacation!

Sorry for the delay posting-have been living life w many friends! Chemo vacation!! Docs gave me time off to fatten up! 

Weight climbing
Spirits also
Walking well

As we have been visiting with friends lately, I have thrown my diet to the four winds and have been living life to the fullest-eating whatever and even having a glass of wine now and then! I have to say I honestly don't feel quite as great with the unhealthy food – but the camaraderie makes up for it! I am blessed in that even with the radical diet change, I have only had one or two digestive repercussions – – so very thankful for that!

Why even the hairs of your head are all numbered..... Luke 12:7 is a verse I have pondered more lately. My hair continues to fall out at a great rate, but I am dancing with the light that God has made enough other hair that I don't look terrible! I am so thankful! 

I am very thankful for summer and a little bit more time with Todd! I hope y'all are having wonderful Sellars and I am deeply appreciative that you think of me and care to check how I am doing! What a blessing your friendship is!

Thanks for checking in!



Saturday, June 24, 2017

Continuing the Journey!



Feeling pretty good
Sleeping a lot
Eating anything that has calories in that sounds good
Weight a little low
Liver function Numbers are back to normal – praise God!

Thankful to be feeling pretty good. Getting to do lots of visiting all while trying to keep my side effects In check. They have been pretty tolerable-though I have to watch my clock and not let time lapse or the side effects of pain and diarrhea come roaring back. I m perfecting my "Nap-anywhere" ability-being able to lie down (or sit down) to and sleep like a rock for at least a half an hour-sometimes 1.5 hours! It all could be much worse!

Todd and I have played cards several times this week. I actually won a few times :-)

Grateful God is giving us this time of rest and relaxation!!

Matthew 11:28-30
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Thanks for checking in!

Friday, June 16, 2017

Continuing the journey

Blessed and thankful to say the pump is off and my needle is out -
got hydration yesterday 
am loading up on all the anti nausea, anti diarrhea medicine that they sent me home with  
food and drinks still tastes bad and eating is a chore
energy is low today - naps are awesome!
fighting a hacking cough and runny nose
thankful to be so much better than I was the first time around!  

Thanks for the prayers friends!  Very thankful to be this far...

A prayer I ran across that is so true for me!   

Dear God,
Be at the center of everything in my life 
because without you I am off balance 
and spinning out of control!  
In Jesus name, Amen!

Thanks for checkin' in!  Love ya'll!  




Monday, June 12, 2017

Flame or Fizzle

Weight low - 103 
    (Please pray I can do chemo tomorrow, Tues, the 13th)
Energy pretty good - up and down, but in longer stretches of time- 
    down right now
Hair falling out :(
Fighting gut discomfort probably from balancing constipation with diarrhea
Food continues to not taste very good-making eating a chore
Only doing a few alternative therapies, as I can
Feeling more decent than not - quite a change from the alternative route...
Grief comes and goes in waves
Walking but only about a mile every day :( gotta get it up higher!
Blessed by so may people's care and concern

So how am I really? 
I am doing really well sometimes- most of the time!  We have had company and I've had pretty good energy.  We ran around and did some stuff, but also came home and rested.  It is hard to realize when I am running out of energy and need to stop, because I feel so good when I am doing well. It is almost like a drug high when I am on, and you would never know I was fighting stage IV cancer - for which I am so thankful!   There is also the stubborn side of me that does not like it when Todd reminds me that my energy may possibly be fading soon....It is wonderful to have several days (like 5 or so) where I feel like myself - as opposed to having 1/2 a day or 1 day the way I did on the alternative therapies.  
The down side of the good energy - I mentioned that it was like a drug high - is that when I finally do crash, it is a several day, hard crash.  This entails long naps, being grumpy and uncomfortable and fighting grief.  All in all, it's worth the fun I had, but it is hard to deal with the crash.  

My hair is falling out at a greater rate than it did with the Folfox.  Then it thinned, but never really got very bad.  With Folfiri, I have lost about 1/2 my hair already.  This time, I have the shock of the sink full of hair - or the brush full of hair which did not really happen last time. 
I cannot tell If there are bald patches yet, but unless this really slows drastically, I may be twins with Todd - lol!  
Trying to decide if I should cut my hair short or just wait and see.  
My eyebrows are pretty much gone, and I figured out from Dr Google that my runny nose is because all the hair in my nose is gone - Isn't that special??? It makes allergy season an additional challenge! 4 brushfulls a day, plus all the hair on the floor and in my car and in my sink have made me sad.  After the last round of chemo, my hair came back 2 x as thick as it ever was.  It was prettier than it ever had been, so this is an added injury.  Additionally, they told me that my hair would just thin a little bit.....  The "comfort" they offer is that it will grow back when the chemo is finished --- but what if you are on it for life??? Makes me sad...

In addition, I though that with being peaceful and thankful, there would not be the waves of grief. Wrong!  Yesterday, while playing in the dirt (yes, Todd helped again!  2 times in a year!!! very exciting!) several times, I burst into tears for no apparent reason.  The other night I woke myself up crying.  So weird, as this is not really normal for me...but then again, life is not really normal.  At times like these, I go back to my home base- scripture.  I recite as much as possible and then talk to God in between handkerchiefs.  This seems to quiet me a bit, but dealing with these waves of grief combined with deep tiredness is wearing.   I am so thankful that God is there to share the garden tears and the midnight wakefulness and tears... 

Ps 30:5 Your weeping may remain for the night, but joy comes in the morning!

Ps 31:7 I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul.  

I continue to be amazed by the kind words, care and love shown me by people that I had no idea knew what I was dealing with or cared about my struggle.   
Orange Lutheran has a thrift shop and I love to go take care of the books -- used to be all the books, but now just am doing children's books.  While I did all the books, I made friends with many of the regular shoppers.  Since I have not been working on that side, I have missed seeing many of them.  Today as I was checking out a box of books for our grand daughter, one of my regulars whom I just know as John, came around the corner and we had a nice conversation -- I told him why I was not in every day anymore and he was shocked.  Besides carrying my box of books out to the car for me, he asked if there was anything he and his wife could do to help me....It brings tears of humility and thankfulness.  Who am I that he would care and offer to help me?  I am amazed!  He barely knows me!  
When several of the students have come in to the thrift shop to work, they have commented on my chapel talk - again - I did not even know they knew who I was!  
Saturday evening, we were guests at a fundraising wine pairing.  One of the attending couples had bought our tickets so that we could be there!  How thoughtful and kind!  
Then, the hostess told me that they had gluten free entrees!  She certainly went the extra mile to make it easy for me to attend!  
Then as we were saying goodbye, one of the girls we were eating dinner with, that I thought did not know of my struggle, gave me a hug and told me how encouraged she was by my blog....and I had no idea she even knew!  

When I don't get it - I need to remember Is 55:8 
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord!
and 
Is 49:15-16 I will not forget you Christine!  
    See I have engraved you on the palms of my hands!
and
1 John 4:16  You can know and depend on the love I have for you!

When doubt and fear creep in, I need to praise and thank God for his goodness--

Praise be to the Lord, my Rock, 
    who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle.  
He is my loving God and my fortress, 
    my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield in who I take refuge...  Ps 144:1-2 

The Lord is my light and my salvation -
   whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life - 
of whom shall I be afraid? -- Ps 27:1

What then shall we say in response to these things?  
    If God is for us, who can be against us?    Ro 8:31 

Keep "my eyes fixed on you,  sovereign Lord"  Ps 141:8

Thanks for continuing to check in on us in this long journey!  You are a blessing to us! 







Thursday, June 8, 2017

A good week

Energy good
Weight good

Appetite good - thirst just fair
Needle out! Port healed well - but it is sensitive

I am thankful to say that this round has gone more easily than the last one!  Blessed this week with a friend's son visiting, causing fun distraction, music and great conversation!  
This round has not been perfect tho! I did pretty well up until last Thursday evening. Then I started to feel uncomfortable, nauseated but not unmanageably so. I also got much more tired than I had been. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were mostly about trying to keep eating and drinking even though things did not taste good.    Monday and Tuesday were bursts of energy interspersed with naps. This round, the drugs impact progressed to the point that the metallic taste in them comes through and just about everything does not taste good!
My sweet chef is ever so patient with my finicky pallet! At this point I'm trying to just eat anything that will go down and that tastes remotely good since I need the calories.  This has resulted in things like a baked potato, chicken soup, eggs, some pizza (go figure!)  and turkey sandwiches. Sometimes I just have to force myself to eat - which makes it more difficult...but this has kept my weight around 105-which I am extremely thankful for!  With this additional weight, I have more energy to walk or putter in the garden...a favorite thing to do!
Last week, I had my garden blessed 2 times! My friend and I used to swap plants and garden together often.  Since I spent much more time sleeping than she did--she blessed my garden for me!! Things got tidied, relocated, pruned, swept and in general freshened!  What a great gift!!
This followed hard on the heels of a first and amazing gift from Todd!  Over Memorial Day, he went with me to Home Depot and shopped with me(miraculous enough) but then also said that he wanted to plant some plants out where I rest on the outdoor couch!  We spent a lot of time picking out what would do well there and came home. That afternoon, he and I worked together in the garden!!!!'
He dug, amended, toted and watered as I planted and puttered-what an amazing gift!! In 35 years, we've never done this!! I was so excited!! He did say it would cost me several rounds if golf to even the score-but I was just so excited that he would garden with me at all!  What an amazing gift!!!

This week my energy seems to be back a bit for which I am so very thankful!  It comes in bursts, and sometimes fizzles out very fast – other times it is just a slow down hill slide.   It is not uncommon tho for me to fall asleep really quickly no matter where I am - which can be kinda awkward.  (I just fell asleep sitting here proofreading!)
Also, not so great, is that my hair is coming out a lot.  They had told me I would not lose my hair, it would just thin – but it is hard not to be shocked by the large, multiple handsfull each time I comb or brush my hair.
My fingers are getting a bit numb and clumsier.   The tips are numb which makes necklace clasps and earring backs rough.  I also drop things more easily which means more clean up – ugh. 
Probably the hardest thing is the food and water.   I need to eat more than usual and drink steadily, but things taste metallic and icky so neither one is easy.  Liquid is the hardest because it tastes the worst – I did discover chocolate coconut water which tastes like good chocolate pudding.  That has been a great blessing.  Taking the “Naked” juices and using 1/3 of a glass with water to the brim has helped me to get more liquid in...
Thankful to have the needle, all the access tubes and especially the tape(!) removed from my port - it hurt to hug -- and as you can see, there is not much padding to ease the pain of it getting bumped!  The tape was a constant irritation - I even would scratch while asleep!  yuck! Thank you God it is gone for a few days!  
All in all, I really cannot complain – so many have so much greater challenges to deal with than these small issues!  It's all part of the game, just not much fun—and I like to win the game! 


The sense of peace and joy that I have had, continues – and that has to be a special blessing from God because there is no other logical reason for it.   This has been such a season of trusting God for everything.  2 Cor 12:9  keeps coming to me – My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.   Often, I feel so weak – defeated, discouraged and helpless.  Yet His power carries me on each day – giving me the words to encourage others, the strength to keep living life even in the mundane – and to find joy in it!  

Deut 31:8 says the Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you, Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.   It is so hard for me to grasp that God himself – himself – goes ahead of me into every situation and will be with me no matter what.  The God of the universe that keeps the world revolving on its axis, changes the seasons, makes unique snowflakes, rainbows and knits babies together and hears and answers ALL our prayers – all at the same time – that God – the busy one –the great God -- that he notices and cares about my situations and goes into each one ahead of me….. wow… that is a brain bender for me!!!  I am so thankful that He loves and cares about us enough to answer our prayers, to do miracles, to provide healing and righteousness and love. 

I am so thankful for the many gifts of friendship among all the other gifts.  Each of you, as you lift us up, provide a healing balm for our souls and the strength to carry on - even when we face the tough questions with tears...
Thank you for loving us - for caring - for praying...We are honored by it and you strengthen us!  

Thanks for checkin' in!


Thursday, June 1, 2017

Second chemo is complete!


My bloodwork indicated that my liver was working more normally-praises!
Got disconnected from my pump today and did receive hydration due to low blood pressure.  After the hydration, they removed the needle from my port-going on the assumption that I will not need more hydration.  Hopefully, this is the case, since I do have some swelling around my ankles!


Getting the needle out means that the huge dressing that covered my port since it was put in several weeks ago is finally off! I just have a small bandaid and some steri strips left! What a relief to have that itchy, bulky, sticky dressing removed! Very, very thankful that my skin did not tear as they removed it as I have had some issues with delicate skin in the past!


The doc left the order for hydration to be at my discretion-which means they feel confident that I am doing well.
They did give me a shot today to help boost my white blood cell production, for which I am thankful.
Thus far, have felt good with pretty good energy and am so thankful! I do take lots of naps tho-I can sleep almost anywhere!  The next 72 hours will be telling as to the "tweaks" being good enough to sleep a real difference, but the indicators so far seem positive!


Blessed to have a friend visiting, taking good care of me!

For the many that have offered help, thank you-- We are ok for now with our guests helping us out with rides and meals -and not being really sure what tastes good to me...
We will reach out as need arises-just don't know what to ask for right now.  Thank you so much for your love and concern!

The past week or so, my spirit has been very peaceful and thankful-rejoicing in the things I have been able to do--and being fairly contented-- this is my special miracle from God and I am so thankful!

Psalm 100
“Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.  Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people,
the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.”

Thanks for checkin' in! Y'all are a huge blessing to us! I believe your prayers are why I have felt so good!
Thank you!!