Rollercoaster

Feeling good - better than I have in a long time! 
Pet scan Monday, 2/1 5:00 PST - prayers please!
Tues 2/2 at 8:30, I meet with the new urologist about removing/biopsying the lymph nodes and at 10:30 with my oncologist to get results of the PET scan.

So, how am I really?
Riding an emotional rollercoaster!!
Friday I felt good enough to volunteer at the Olu thrift shop for 5 hours and go to a Basketball game, then a hockey game!!!  Very surprisingly,  I was not "beyond exhausted" on Saturday and could enjoy theater tickets we had won! (This is unusual for the last month or two!) 
Most surprising tho is that I have not had any Advil or Tylenol since Fri night and no antacid since Sat!  We even walked 3.75 miles this morning also which I haven't done in weeks!  
It is so hard not to get excited, but It's been over a month that I've taken Advil every night to control the discomfort and be able to sleep!  Could this be because so many people are praying for me?? Some may say it is coincidence -- I say it is God - Jehovah Rapha - our healer!

In the midst of feeling better tho, there have been some hard conversations and tears --about life, quality of life, and a bucket list...It is surreal....


And as I slide downhill toward  panic and 
despair, God will give me a gift
- like hearing a robin -  something I loved in 
the midwest, that I rarely get to see here ...

Or someone does something to encourage me...

A friend went back and read some posts from last time and brought me daffodils since I talked about planting them--- Their fragrance brings joy to my heart!  

The outpouring of love that I get from y'all -- notes, e-mails, texts, prayers and scripture --is amazing and very humbling!  Thank you seems so inadequate because of how much your  words mean----- but thank you!!  

I have much to be thankful for: 
The love of family and friends to make the scary "what if's" bearable
Energy and feeling good - 
Rain!
Protection through the windstorm 
     (our chimney cap blew off and did not hurt anyone- it's 1.5' x 2' and heavy! A friend 
         saw it happen and called us!) 
     (our patio umbrella (closed and tied) and it's concrete stand blew over and missed our 
          stained glass window by 6 inches!!!)
Getting to Skype with our kids - 
Being able to remember scripture verses when I cannot sleep or am anxious
     (when I went through chemo last time, quite a few brain cells got zapped and I was 
         unable to remember verses as well as I had, so this is a great comfort and victory)
Hearing from so many of you-
That we will have some answers in a few days-

Several people have sent me scripture - and they are ones that I have loved and clung to in the past!  

The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still  - Ex 14:14
       (be still and know that I am God) Ps 46:10

He who dwells in the shelter of the Lord 
   will rest in the shadow of the Almighty    
I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, 
   my God in whom I trust.   Ps 91:1,2 

Thanks for your prayers and for checking in!  

February 2 is a big day!

God is great at cutting red tape!  

I am scheduled for a consultation with the urologist that can do a robotic biopsy or surgery at 8:30 on 2/2!!  

2/1 will be my PET Scan and 2/2 at 10:15 I will get results from that test... 

Details....

The referral needs to get from insurance to the new doc by Tuesday --

It is shocking to me to get a call this quickly!  She had said she would call me by the end of the week!  

When I called this morning to schedule with the new doc, they were scheduling in May(yikes)   and God took care of that, so I am confident about the referral!

     Deut 1:30  The Lord your God who goes before you, 

                         will himself fight for you just as he did!

So how am I?

Overwhelmed by the out pouring of love - 

     so often when people find out, they are in tears...so kind!

Exhausted

Numb--still cannot believe I am doing this again - 

Queasy and sore but thankful that we found it - 

Unbelievably thankful! for:

-God opening doors that seemed jammed shut

-no blood in my urine 

-people who care about us 

-hearing from people I haven't heard from in a long time 

-technology that keeps us connected

-confident that God's got this

Thanks for checking in!

https://youtu.be/PnWKehsOXu8

 

Doctor Update ...

For those of you new to my blog, generally I do two sections-
The first being the facts if you are in a hurry and the second developing the facts and more "so how are you really?" 

My appointment with the urologist was not what I was expecting.  The growth is adjacent to or encapsulating my ureter and a main artery and underneath intestines.  This precludes a simple biopsy - there is no direct shot from the outside in. She said that if it were her, she would have it robotically done, which is better because the cameras can see better than the human eye could.   Surgery to completely remove the lymph nodes is not recommended because of the growth of scar tissue, which would further press on the ureter and because depending on what the biopsy shows, they would probably be shrunk by chemo or radiation.   In addition, I should have a stint placed to relieve the swelling of the kidney.  It would be wise to do these at the same time.  Unfortunately, this urologist does not do robotic surgery....
So, she is going to try and get me in to a urologist who does this - and hopefully she will have some news on a new appointment by the end of the week. 

This means that my meeting w the oncologist next Tuesday will only have the results of the PET scan -- which is a lot, but will not tell me what kind of cancer it is, if it does show up as cancerous.  Today she threw around terms like tumor, growth and lymphoma-- all a little unnerving!  

So how am I doing?  Not so great....
Numb, emotionally drained and exhausted
Wondering if it is cancer, what kind and will I need chemo or radiation, when will I get in to
    see the new doc -- etc. all working together powerfully to erode peace and calm...

I have many things to be thankful for however: 
This doc was kind-- going out of her way to explain and advocate for me
She signed off on me walking!! yay! (I had been restricted prior to this)
My Tuesday morning sisters in the faith prayed over me this morning so lovingly
So many text messages, notes and comments from y'all that I have not even been able to 
     read them all - Thank you!
For every doc that I've gone to that I did not already know, a friend has offered a 
     recommendation - makes walking in easier!
Technology that keeps me closely connected with family and friends.
Beautiful weather to cheer me up
God's grace that carries me even when tired and head-achy and gut-achey
His strength to hold it together when I feel like crying or screaming.
Todd going to the appointments with me.
Beautiful songs that people have sent me --

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIZitK6_IMQ
  
Thank you for checking in -- Y'all are a blessing to us!

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in (your) weakness.  2 Cor 12:9  

Stunned....

Four years ago, you were instrumental in our lives, praying for me and encouraging us.  You were vital piece in getting through my battle with colon cancer.  Because you wove me into your life, I immediately thought of you, my prayer warriors, as things began to unfold here.  Here then, is the newest chapter in our ongoing saga....

Once you have cancer, you think any ache or pain might be it's return.  Then the conversation in your head starts:  
"No, it cannot be!  Statistically, I should be all good!  I am past 2 years, labeled NED (No Evidence of Disease) and my scopes and blood work are perfect!"  
"But your blood work was always perfect - and you were stage 3!"........and on and on....

Reality however, pulls you back....
In Mid December, I began having some pain in my abdomen on the lower left side - about where my scar is, or where my ovaries are.  I can best describe it as when you have sand in your shoe when you are walking, and you do not realize it is sore until you have a blister -- so it was!  I noticed it a couple of times when falling asleep and wrote it off to a bug of some sort from traveling or maybe the beginning of the flue.  Because it was the first Christmas that our kids were coming to CA and because there were no other symptoms, I decided that I wanted to  ignore it and enjoy Christmas ---- would deal with it, if it was still around, after they left.  
During their visit however, it started waking me up at night.  I was so annoyed!  After making an appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Tran, our family enjoyed the rest of our time together.  
 
By my appointment on 1/7, I was having nausea that would come and go, though not a lot, and was tired.  In retrospect, I had been tired a lot in December, but wrote it off to the Christmas prep frenzy.  My blood work from 12/31 was exactly the same as from my routine check- up at the beginning of December, but to be cautious, she ordered more bloodwork and a CAT scan for the 14th to get to the root of the pain. My follow up was to be 1/28.  1/15 her office called and moved my appointment up 9 days to the 19th.  Logic told me that your oncologist does not move an appointment up 9 days just to assure you all is well.....It is hard to accept answers that we do not want.  There is a chain of enlarged lymph nodes that are pressing on/wrapped around (not possible to tell on a CAT scan which) on my lower ureter.  It is obstructing the blood/urine flow, causing swelling in my left kidney, hence the pain.  She is sending me to a urologist to have them removed and biopsied, and perhaps place a stint.  She is also sending me for a PET scan to see if there is any other cancer in my body.   Because of where this is (close proximity to the original site) she said that there is a possibility that it is not cancerous, but not a probability.....

Tomorrow, 1/26, I see the urologist at 3:00 p.m  and 2/1 I have the PET scan at 4:30.  2/2 I see my oncologist again to find out results. 
 If you were with me before, you are looking for the "thankful" list - If you are a new friend, I always included things I was thankful for and shared how God had worked.  I am thankful for:
-the pain -- had this not been painful, it would have continued to grow un-detected!      (remember, I've always had perfect bloodwork! even the first time around!)
-Olu - that Todd is well employed, with great insurance!
      - for the incredible people that he works with who have poured out love and prayers!
-Dr Tran - my highly recommended oncologist who advocates vigorously for me
-That she moved my appt w the urologist up over a month from the original date
-Seeing what strong men of faith Karl and Paul are as they respond to this
-For Gretchen's sending me distraction - videos of our granddaughter :)
-You - that you take time out of your busy life to think of me and pray for me.  
-The gift of scripture-
     Deut 20:4 for the Lord your God is he who goes with you 
          to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory!
     2 Thess 3:16 Now may the Lord of Peace himself give you peace
          at all times, in every way. 
          The Lord be with you all. 

Thank you for walking this road with me again! Praying that we are all thanking God and doing happy dances in 8 days for his miracles of healing!   
Yet if that is not the answer, God is still on the throne, He still has a plan and He will carry us through this just as he did before....