Lots can happen in 9 days!

Since I last blogged:

We had holy week-

Todd executed a huge surprise for our 35th anniversary (more to come)

Easter happened! He is Risen!

We were gone for 5 days! ( I thought it was going to be 1 night!)

Laetril vacation for 5 days (trying to feel better)

Off most supplements for 5 days - trying to control gastric distress and pain :(

Now -
Back to reality - blood draw, IV infusion yesterday, cold laser therapy yesterday

Back on supplements yesterday

Start xeloda yesterday

Recovering from being gone for 5 days 

I have bragged about Todd before, but the level of detail he went to working with the boys to make this surprise happen for me is unbelievable!  I had not a clue what was happening!  He told me we would be gone Fri morning to Sat night and to expect colder temperatures and walking.  I dutifully packed,  but thought it odd he wanted me to put my tennis shoes in my suitcase because I thought it was a road trip - and usually we just throw them in the trunk for easy access.  Then he called Uber!

We ended up on a plane for Phoenix!  (I'm cutting out details because we'll be here forever!)  As we exited the skytrain in Phoenix- across the hall were our kids!!!! There was for me this time/space warp that I have struggled with since my first round of chemo -- where am I? what city are we in? wait a minute! why are they here? where are we? where is here? what day is it? Oh my GOSH!! 

They had great fun laughing at me and such - you can imagine!  I was too distracted with our granddaughter to really care about details - except to ask if we had to say goodbye to them the next day - to which Todd said no.  I did not ask more questions, thinking Phoenix was our final destination, and they kept the surprise going!  

We ate lunch at a Christine friendly restaurant - Todd does research to find places like this for me <3 (also grocery stores that have my food!)

and we piled back into the car.  By the way, I felt icky and our granddaughter has a STRONG aversion to her car seat and some roads were a little too curvy for those with motion sickness in the car.....It was a memorable trip including a vociferous, piercing 2 1/2

year old's request to be released from her prison of a car seat, a barf bag and a roadside change of clothes!  The things memories are made of - lol.   

Our destination was a large, lovely home in the mountains outside of Flagstaff.  Over dinner, they let me in on the God story....

This home was an auction item that had been donated to OLu.  We had bid on it for awhile,  but had backed out.  Well---some dear friends won the home, and presented Todd with the certificate as a gift!!! (still can't think about it without crying!)  What a huge, loving gift!  

I believe the owners of the home, finding out it was a surprise for me, gave us an extra day as well!!  How kind and generous of them both!  

Back home now, it is hard to believe it all happened this way!  

Most things in my journey are a mix of happy and sad blessings.  One of the things that was really hard was to realize how low my stamina has sunk and how much my life revolves around pain management.  I took a lot more pain killers than usual, but as Todd says - "I'd rather wear out than rust out!"  Unfortunately, they worked marginally.  There were several times where I was so exhausted that I just cried - as much from exhaustion as from discomfort.  It was borne in upon me that our granddaughter and I have lots in common.  We both needed naps - regular meals, designed to suit our palate's whim at the moment - exercise, but not too much- got frustrated when things didn't go the way we thought they should go - and cried when life got to be too much.  

There was one bittersweet window when we were in the car driving during nap time and I was resting (too uncomfortable to sleep) and my face must have reflected that discomfort because one of our sons was very upset to see how uncomfortable I was -- We cried together and I reminded him that no matter how miserable I felt - It was still Easter, God was still on the throne and His plan was still the best.... I got extra hugs and he helped me count down the time on the trip and encouraged me, holding my hand and just being a loving presence. 

Sometimes, it is most helpful just to have someone sit with you in your misery and hold your hand and share kleenexes - kinda like Job... Tho not my most favorite memory, it is a tender, loving memory for which I am thankful.  

Several very sweet windows which we replayed several times were "hiding" in the closets at the house with our grand daughter and letting her fertile imagination have full reign! She also bids fair to be a great tour director because we "visited" the beach, the aquarium, the children's museum, the zoo, the library and swam! It is surely a demonstration of God's goodness to allow me to enjoy this sweet play time!  

Its used to be that scenery reminded me so much of how awesome our God is.  Visiting Grand Canyon certainly speaks to that.  Yet having my family around one table (well one of us didn't sit much - lol) but we were all together and the knowledge that they had worked so hard to pull this off for me was such a gift of love-- Made me think of the verse....If you, though you are evil,  know how to give good gifts to your children,  how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! (Matt 7:11)  I am so blessed - despite my difficulties!  Looking at their faces - I am so humbled and thankful!  How can you look at the wonder in a child's eyes and doubt the existence of God???

I am so thankful to all who contributed to this grand scheme- especially my sweet husband who orchestrated it! and am desperately praying that the tumors shrink so that I can have many more of these grand adventures and anniversaries....

Meanwhile, back to my reality of fighting this beast....Todd pointed out that though I have avoided the IV chemo "for life" it seems that it may be xeloda "for life."  Makes me cry.... I really thought I would feel better....Starting the xeloda again has hit me hard -- totally exhausted and queasy.  Trying to teach myself to belch to relieve the gastric distress is pretty funny in the middle of all this!  Hey - ya gotta laugh when you can!  

It will be interesting to see what the blood draw says and also in a few weeks what the PET says....

Thanks for checkin' in -- Thankful for all of your prayers and concern!  

Blessings among Disappointments

Not the energy upswing I had hoped
Xeloda probably to blame
Continuing to add supplements s-l-o-w-l-y
Successfully adding an afternoon dose of modified citrus pectin 
     (trying to be happy about it as it causes gas issues)
Hand and foot syndrome (from the xeloda) continues to be a problem...
     Not walking to avoid aggravating my feet more :(
Emotions run the gamut -- more down the last few days than up - though trying to stay positive
Regularly feel discomfort in my gut from the tumors in the late afternoon or evening -
    Please pray that they shrink....
Still deliberating about whether to get a PET scan early, or just live life in blissful ignorance


Well, the xeloda must have taken the edge off the burst of energy that I was thinking would happen after the IV Vit C infusion and the cold laser therapy on Thursday.  I was a bit perked up Friday, but then Saturday I was pretty tired.  Took a nap, stayed in my jammies lots of the day and in general was discouraged.  Felt decent enough to go to a function for the Missions program at OLu,but there was a lot of standing and visiting and I flamed out really quickly. Don't know why standing just frys me so quickly.

Thankful that I had some increase of energy, but looking forward to being on my xeloda vacation tomorrow, Tuesday, and getting my infusion and cold laser.  Hopefully that will be a more significant upswing - particularly because we are celebrating our 35th anniversary this weekend and I want to be able to enjoy it!

Meanwhile, hand and foot syndrome is acting up.  My pinky and ring finger on L hand are numb at the tips this round of xeloda.  The irritation of my feet gets worse each time and it hard to manage -- they say to wear loose shoes and not have any friction on your feet - fat cotton socks (tho the seams bother me) which is all fine and good, but it is really tough to plan your wardrobe around toe socks and flip flops!  (Not that I am vain or anything....) The sensation in my feet at times is that I am walking on glass, or needles....I walk like I am ninety!  Guessing this will get more difficult with each round of xeloda...praying it stays manageable!

It is really difficult to:
  Stay positive and not get sarcastic and want to just throw in the towel.
  Be joyful always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances
  Not be frustrated that I can't walk
  Not lose hope...
  Hope that this is not a "no" answer to prayers, rather a "wait" answer

It is really hard not to cry when:
  I see someone wearing my Team Christine bracelet
  God's promises scream at me - "I will be with you"
  A friend hugs me and says they pray for me
  I think of all the things I wish I had done....

Will end with a sweet story  - again from my Sprouts store.  When I was checking out, the young man asked how I was and I told him I was doing pretty well.  Then, contrary to the usual custom of eyes glazing over as they check you out, he asked why I was doing pretty well.  I told him that I was a stage IV colon cancer patient and that some days were better than others but today was a good one and I was super thankful for that!  He was surprised -- as most are-- and asked if he could give me a hug!!  How sweet was that?  I was really surprised -- we had a nice conversation after that and he wished me well....
This kind of a response restores my faith in mankind!

Thankful for:
  Kind people
  Surprises  
  Beautiful weather
  Watching a friends sweet fur-baby
  Getting to share God's truth and love with several different people, while still in my jammies!
  God's word and promises - how alive it/they are!
  Daffodils
  Unexpected rain - even if only a little
  All your prayers...

Thanks for checkin' in! Y'all are a blessing!

Praises and Fears

trying to add in supplements/protools to fight the beast
weight holding
ascites up and down
energy up over the weekend
back down a bit M-W

This past weekend was the best I have had in almost a year!  We had company, so Friday night was a hang-out-at-home-night -- a-go-to-bed-reasonably-so-we-could-get-up-and-do-stuff-night.  Sat morning we drove to a beautiful botanical garden and walked all over (about 5 miles) had a nice reasonably healthy lunch, and then headed for the beach!  After some nice chill time there, we packed up and headed home for a quick dinner before heading out to the Olu performance of Anything Goes!    I did doze in the car, but it would not qualify for a real nap!  Sunday we got up and went to church, took her to the airport, ate lunch and then I took a 1 hour nap.  When I got up - I told Todd that I had done everything I was supposed to and could we please go to the final theater performance??? which we did.  Sounds like no big deal, except that it finished at 4:15 ish (not counting hugging the kids) and at 5:00 our Athletic Hall of Fame induction soiree began.  This was great fun, complete with drinks, munchies, dinner, awards, speakers,  pictures and lots of people I had not seen in a VERY long time.  
Guess what?  I made it through the whole thing and enjoyed myself hugely!  This was not a "sit in a chair and let people come to me" evening either! (which I have done a lot lately) I was up flitting around, hugging people and chatting like I have not done in months! (since last May!)

When we came home, I kept saying to Todd, "I feel like my old self!"  It was unbelievable!  I was so jazzed!  That is what I thought the integrative approach would be like!  Fighting, but feeling like myself in the process, rather than this nauseated, tired person.....Praying the energy comes back again! 

Why this burst of energy?  Well, two theories - and it is probably a little of both.  Friday I had my IV Vit C infusion followed by cold laser therapy.  I sleep super soundly during cold laser, so I had a great nap.  One theory is that those two things are finally "catching up" on how behind I was and that they are having a greater effect than ever before.  
The other theory, which I personally think is really responsible, is that there have been tons of people who praying for me.  This is completely reasonable that prayer is able to  provide me with lasting energy!  When I was on chemo 5 years ago, there was no explanation at all as to why I looked so healthy, lost so little hair and struggled less with side effects than others.....except the prayers of all the people lifting me up!!!

So either way, I am thanking God profusely for this wonderful weekend!  

Did I pay for it?  Yup!  Was it worth it?  Absolutely! 
Monday through today have been much less energetic- though I made it to the girls soccer banquet last night- which normally, would not have happened!!  I have dialed it back, taking my naps, and in general, behaving more like a cancer patient than a kid out of school!  This week, my infusion is tomorrow, again followed by cold laser, so we shall see....

On a more solemn note, a friend's mother in law, who had stage IV colon cancer, passed away this weekend...she fought hard in the Western tradition, but it got into her liver and lungs and she lasted only days.....
It is impossible not to think about the tumors "on top" of my liver (outside it) or the two nodules in my lungs....then fear grips me with a paralyzing vice like force... I can barely whisper, "I trust you Lord" through the tears....

https://youtu.be/n_aVFVveJNs

I will trust in you....
As Opa said, " It all stands firmly in God's hands."  I just have to trust God's plan and not think too much....

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid;do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.  Josh 1:9

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.  
He makes me to lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet water, He restores my soul.  He leads me in paths of righteousness for his names sake.
Yea tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, 
I will fear no evil for You are with me.....Ps 23
      
     This is far easier said than done! 

Prayers please that my tumors would begin to shrink - 
I have one directly between my hip bones (right where your seatbelt goes) that is 5 cm long x about 2 cm wide.  It is very sensitive to pressure and at times causes a fair bit of pain.  
There is at least one in the dome of my liver (probably more) that is pressuring the gallbladder and referring the pain to my R shoulder. [Over the weekend, this did ache more, but seems to have gone back to it's "normal" pain routine of flaring early evening and responding ok to the pain meds.]

Also asking that I would be able to tolerate these various protocols that I am trying to add in....

Mostly tho, thankful that I had a ray of sunshine in the energy this weekend!  Praying desperately that it is not a flash in the pan that will give way to more pain and listlessness....

Thankful for energy and a great weekend
for the hope the energy caused
for IV Vit C infusions and cold laser therapy
for the joy of beautiful weather
for God carrying me and blessing me with joy in the midst of the storm
for His word to guide me in the hard times

Thanks for checkin in! You are so precious to us!


 

Good News, Bad News continued

Oasis of hope is not concerned about bloodwork-they say that my prognosis is still good-
     However
Integrative doc said split test results and the increased pain, and tumors growing indicate
     that something is growing tho  the results are confusing
Blood showed that it is very healthy- Yay!
     no toxins, clumping or yeast!  All the right shape and dispersion over the field.   
     That is great news!
Shoulder is still very painful - getting different medication to control the pain
Trying not to dwell on growing tumors
Doc said I was somewhat dehydrated -I feel like all I do is drink water!!! argh- 
     back to counting ounces!
Will continue vit c infusions to build immune system
Weight holding
Trying to increase Modified Citrus Pectin 
     to combat new cancer colonies establishing themselves - tastes yucky tho!  
Walking pretty faithfully 1-1.5 miles
Back on xeloda -Docs say that is what is making me feel nauseated and so exhausted
Energy was great last week (on xeloda vacation) like my old self-tons of energy-fantastic!  
Onset of xeloda is having a negative impact on that :(
     Even at low dose, it is still chemo
     Praying the benefits outweigh the side effects!
Will try to add in other supplements to counteract having poop that floats 
     (which indicates that I am not breaking down fats properly)

So how am I really?
Well...... exhausted actually! and a little numb- So much to assimilate 
This is the first time I could see so clearly how much the xeloda impacts me!  I absolutely pass out when I sleep in the afternoon -- now if I can just get the shoulder pain under control so I can sleep at night that would be great!  

Can really tell the difference being on the xeloda - I forget all kinds of things - way more than I usually do! hahaha!

Doc today confirmed that shoulder pain is probably related to growth of tumors in dome of the liver, which presses on diaphragm and gallbladder, which refers pain to shoulders.
One tumor is about 5 cm now and the lower edge of my right rib cage is distorted, indicating that there is probably cancer activity there.  I wish it were just old age arthritis or something like that, but probably not.  The PET scan which I'll get in a month, will probably show it - though it has to be bigger than 1 cm to show up on a PET.  

Dr Contreras at Oasis of Hope said that the goal is not to eradicate the cancers, but to live with them in a peaceful co-existance.  I am praying diligently that all these protocols will keep the tumors in check so they do not grow.  

Working on Trusting God's plan and not my own -- it is very hard to not dwell on all that I wanted to accomplish in my life...

Am very thankful for the many God appointments, talking faith with people, that He does bless me to have!  
Thankful for my docs - 
for the instinct to go back to my original integrative doc - it was a blessing
for friends who check in on me showering me with love through cards, texts, gift cards and 
     even home grown avocados and completely organic free range eggs!! I am so blessed!
for making plans 
for having the food taste good 1/2 the time now (instead of rarely)
for the few things that I do get accomplished each day
for a soft bed, warm blankie, clean water and available medicine

My grandfather used to say, in German of course, "It all stands firmly in God's hands."
This is part of strengthening my trust -- focusing on God's plan being better than I could ever script and that He can do immeasurably more than I could ask or even imagine.....

This is like when you pray for patience -- How do you get more patience? by being frustrated and learning to wait....
How do you gain more trust? by dangling by a thread over a precipice and repeatedly having the strength of the thread revealed....It is terrifying....But He is always there!

     The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you;
     He will never leave you nor forsake you.
     Do not be afraid;
     Do not be discouraged."
          Deut 31:8

So thankful for each of you checking in on me and praying for us!  This is a long and rocky road, with brilliant sunshine and deep shadows - You are precious to us!  

Thanks for checkin' in - we love you

PS - Christine made the fatal mistake and asked me to edit and post her blog.  Therefore I will remind you that "Todd is a stud" :-).  T

Bad news, good news

Got bloodwork back - one tumor marker up, one tumor marker down - 

Oncologist fine with bloodwork - waiting for Oasis of Hope to weigh in - 

Praying to figure out which integrative docs to involve in this process - one or both

Energy up last week (trying not to get too excited)

Feet better after being off xeloda for 3 days

Weight steady

Details:

Primary care doc is amazing - she e-mailed me results Tuesday night so I could prepare for my oncologist apt Wed afternoon!!!  She is such a blessing!

When I saw that one tumor marker doubled (1.6-3.2) I cried and did not retain much of the rest of the numbers.

So thankful for my loving analyst who spent several hours researching the history/trends of the numbers and consolidated 26 pages of history and results into one page(!) with "concerns" on it-- and then e-mailed it off to Oasis of Hope!  

     I am blessed!

     After all that analysis, he felt that my bloodwork was not so bad as I thought :)  Yay!

Went into the oncologists appointment assuming that she would use the doubling of the tumor marker to insist on the IV chemo.

Before I even got to see her, an assistant came in with 2 containers of xeloda that had been left by another patient, whom I did not even know(!) with my name on it!  God dropped about $3,000.00 worth of medicine into my lap (worth based on what insurance pays for it). We were stunned!

     God is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine! Eph 3:20

I could never have come up with that plan!

When the oncologist came in, she looked at my numbers and said they really were not really bad!  (I shut my mouth) As she went to look for the history, Todd asked her a question and she did not really focus on the numbers doubling!  She promoted me from every 3 weeks to every 6 weeks and said she would order a PET next time....and away we went!!!

We were so surprised  - so fun to see God intervene!!!

So I am staying on the xeloda for at least one more full round - thankful!

Still waiting for comments from Oasis of Hope - The doc said that because some of my numbers were up, he really wanted to convene the docs and discuss my situation and he would get back to me when they had met.  I'm guessing we will hear soon - and I am so thankful that several sets of eyes will look at the numbers.  

I need to figure out which integrative doc to go back to .... this is weighing heavy on me because they offer different benefits - like comparing an apple and a steak....praying for wisdom on this, as one looks at the quality of my blood, practices like oasis of hope does, and his work provides insight for my cold laser therapist.  The other doc is closer, cheaper and has a whole team of docs that look at my stuff and is more "cutting edge".  He however, does not look at the quality of my blood. 

These decisions are wearing...

    Since I wrote this,  I made an appointment with the doc that looks at my blood quality....

In the good news realm -- I am so thankful because last week I had good energy!  My naps were shorter and I automatically did some household chores that I used to really have to push myself to do, if they got done at all!  

Blessed to have a full weekend - Friends in town, theater performance, volunteer banquet - so fun!

However, today I am dragging... not quite as much as I had been - but not as energetic as last week :(  Focusing on being short on sleep and praying that I rebound!

Thankful for:

good doctors

my great husband who cheerfully wears whatever hat is the most helpful that hour (chef, analyst, host...)

energy to attend activities

feeling like myself ( a first in almost a year)

the beautiful weather 

the steady stream of guests coming to visit

opportunities to talk about God and faith and his provision

faith - that we are not alone in this!

all of you for praying for me and visiting my blog to see how I am doing....

Thanks for checkin' in! You are a blessing!

  

More of the same --

emotional roller coaster for last 3 weeks - high peaks, dark valleys
finally over flue - but cold still hanging on
slight weight drop due to diuretic to fight ascites - not worried about it
stopped wearing the hernia belt to see if that helped with discomfort  - it did
stopped laetril for 5 days to see if gut was better - 
     somewhat better, but hesitate to quite such  powerful anti cancer drug
resuming it today...
trying smaller portions to see if that helps discomfort
not walking as much because
hand and foot syndrome acting up :(
napping regularly- sleeping hard

So how am I really???
Sometimes when you don't hear from me, it is because life is rough, but other times it is for happy reasons, like that we are traveling and I am living life and don't have time to write what with maintaining all this silly protocols!  When we travel,  we don't post much because we don't want to advertise that the house is empty - guessing y'all can understand that!

It's easy to write about the good things that are happening: 
- God clearing obstacles
- getting to see Paul, spend great time with Catie and meet her parents
- wedding plans :)
- begin guests of friends and attending the finals at the Grand Paribas Open
- having energy enough to travel and do these things
    So thankful!

It's harder to write and be transparent about the hard things in this journey.
There are  things that keep me clinging tearfully to God's hand and praying that this nightmare ends in health, not heaven--things like:
- mysterious pains in my gut that come and go -
   or that come and don't go
- taking more pain killers again - not a ton, but the trend is there
- realizing that I have not felt really great for 15 months, with the exception of last May
- having underlying pain pretty much all the time - low grade, but annoying and worrisome
   and worrying is not what I am to be doing!
- enduring days where the tears are so close to the surface that a kind word will start a
   weeping binge
- not being able to accomplish simple things because I am too tired 
- realizing that not accomplishing things means more gets dumped on Todd's plate...
   (this is really hard for me as he bears so much)
- struggling with self discipline-
- wondering if I will have the energy to do and enjoy events
- tears that well up from nowhere and won't stop---for hours - 
- the struggle to stay positive and peaceful
- trying not to wonder if I will see people again (tears again)
    you can't help wonder how many more times your going to get to return to someplace
- weariness of fighting this battle
- feet burning from hand and foot syndrome(side effect of xeloda)
- weeping loud and long for what I am missing, and what I may miss
- being sick of thinking about what I can and can't eat
- being sick of the food I have been eating
- going places and missing hot dogs, ice cream, cheesecake, lemonade slushies and junk
    food that I loved
- trying to stay thankful that I can still eat!
- feeling guilty for complaining
- realizing a tumor has grown (less ascites, means clearer palpitation on tummy)
- being overwhelmed with the protocols 
   each new problem that comes up gets a new protocol or pill
- being overwhelmed with decisions/schedules
    old integrative doctor / new doctor?
    Oasis of Hope / new doctor?
    order a small amount of whatever b/c I may quit tolerating it, 
       or order lots cause it's cheaper that way?
    how many appointments can I squeeze in in one day and will they affect each other?
    run a test now or in a month?
    take a vacation from this pill to fell better but risk cancer's spread?

This is not written to make you feel sorry for me - rather to shed light on what a patient (any kind of patient of a debilitating illness) may be going through so that you can be more understanding and help or pray in concrete ways.   I am trying to be a window into a patient's world - hope I am succeeding and you can view those in your circle of influence with more understanding.  

Throughout all this, I have never ever doubted that God can heal me in the blink of an eye. The crux of faith has come in the question, "Will he?"  That leads to the follow up problem that I wrestle with. 
Do I trust enough to surrender to whatever his will is for my life?  
That is a tough one.  It is easy to say yes until I look at the plans I had - 
- like retiring w the love of my life  
- attending grandchildren's baptisms, confirmations, games, performances
- visiting friends again and again
- traveling with friends
- continuing to encourage others in their faith
The realization that my plans may not line up with God's plans is a difficult thing to accept - hence the floods of tears!!!

I continue to cling to God as He is the only way I can survive this mess --
  Mark 9:24 is a continuing prayer -"help my unbelief!"
with the continuous echo - "I trust you Lord" -- even (or especially) when I am struggling with that.  

Thanks for praying for me so faithfully, for being concerned when you don't see a post  --
Thanks for walking this rocky road with us!  Thanks for the books, notes, cards messages and love that y'all send to us!  You bless us over and over with your kinds words and care!  Thank you seems so trite - it is from the heart though!  Thanks for checkin' in!

Humbled again and again!

God did it again - Mexico package arrived already!

So humbled by all the prayer warriors I have met at the conference!

But that is not all the news!!!!
Remember the difficulty in getting the medicine from Mexico - how he assured me there was the probability that it would get caught at customs for days, up to 2 mos?
It arrived Friday!!!  I ordered it Monday night!!!
That has to be God - it is NOT a coincidence - He is ordering the details for me!
So thankful!

Flew to Texas for the ALSS conference with Todd (Association of Lutheran Secondary Schools) and got a wicked bad cold/flue thing.  Went to bed and stayed there for a day and a half- and still not better!
Thankful for:
A beautiful view to look at while honking and sneezing
A king sized bed so I did not wake Todd up everytime I got up to blow my nose or gargle
A kind husband who got up early to make a run to the store for medicine (oscillococinum is great!)
Bed pillows scaled for a small person
     (usually I get a crick in my neck because they are so big and fluffy!)
Being able to finally sleep with only a few blowing/gargling interruptions
Feeling good enough to go on the "spouse outting" and make the banquet
   (Had to miss the big social outting but with two naps and in jammies by 8 - I made it!)
Fantastic service at LaToretta Resort that made my misery more bearable with great vegetarian food and much kindness

The most humbling thing for me in the last few days has been all the people who have come up to me and said they were praying for me  - daily!  Of those people, only some of them I know!!!  Imagine having a total stranger come up and hug you and say that they pray for you every day???  I cannot even type it without crying.  It is a little embarassing to get teary eyed and then say, "thank you  so much - it means so much to me - what's your name???"  Fortunately, people are very understanding :) I am blown away by the brotherhood that is within this group.  This is the conference that I was able to attend 5 years ago, while on chemo,when it was in Las Vegas at the Red Rocks resort.  Some of the people are still attending this conference now - and it is one of our favorites!

What is even more humbling is to see how my story has affected other people.  One gentleman that I do know, came up to me and gave me a huge bear hug - told me they pray for me daily and began to  cry....This big, tough, successful businessman and I stood there and hugged and cried (I can't let anyone cry alone - it's just rude :))
My point with all this is that you do not know how you touch people.  Clearly, my story touched him greatly!  God is using it in some way in his life.  It's not my deal what/how that is -- I just need to be faithful to God's calling me to write and be transparent -- and He uses it for His purposes.  Do you know how wonderful it is to see some good come out of my struggle?  It is so encouraging to actually see that this is not for nothing!

It was such an emotional, blessed time -- despite being sick, not being able to attend much, and weak as a newborn pup.  Praying that I get better soon.  I am so thankful to have put faces with some of you who pray so faithfully! Never doubt that your prayers make a difference!!  I am so thankful for all of you!!

Thanks for checkin' in!