A window into a cancer patient’s world -

Chemo 21 has not gone as smoothly as I would have liked.  

Having the kids here was a fabulous distraction, but I did not go through my pre-chemo psyche up routine, which I think has made this a bit more difficult.  Last chemo, they had trouble getting a blood return through my port (fluid goes in fine, blood does not come out) Evidently there is a closing flap inside that prevents bleeding.  It can get clotted over.  Last time they were able to get a blood return by using a smaller syringe.  I did not think much of it except to be very thankful that they got the blood return.  Wednesday did not go so well.  They ended up removing the dressing that holds the needle in (a 3 x 4 in piece of adhesive), rescrubbing my already raw skin and re sticking me.  Then they put more adhesive on, all to no avail.  I am dreading them taking it off today because even my nurse said that my skin was very sensitive.  We got permission from the doc to use the port for chemo this time, but today I have to have a clot busting chemical put into the port, wait 30 min, try for a blood return and if it does not work, repeat.
As I understand it from my friend who was with me on Wednesday, this is pretty common.  When it is the first time for you, it does not seem really common - and any way you look at it, those needles hurt.  It’s better than in the arm, but they still hurt.  Though I fought them, tears flowed, from fear and aggravation and frustration.  

On top of all that, I woke up last night with a sharp pain in my gut, right where a tumor is....you can imagine what that does to my thought process!  It aches all the time - no clue what that is about!  I'll ask when I go in today.

So for today, I am asking God to grant me strength to deal gracefully with the pain of removing the tape(yes they use the adhesive remover, but it is still rubbing across raw skin) and that they do get a blood return.  If nothing works, I have to have the port replaced, which is a surgical procedure.  I’m trying hard not to go there...

Hanging on to the song from Laura Daigle
When You don't move the mountains
I'm needing You to move
When You don't part the waters
I wish I could walk through
When You don't give the answers
As I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You....

The point of this is not for your pity - but that you understand some of the things that grind down the resilience and spirit of a cancer patient.   I am blessed with a fabulous, loving group of friends that help me with all kinds of things.  My heart aches for the patients that come in by themselves - every step an effort, no one to shoulder the burden with them.  I am so thankful for all of our friends that have reached out and blessed us through their prayers and their time and their labor.  I am sure that we would not be doing as well if we had to shoulder this alone.  Thank you -thank you -thank you! Do not underestimate the power of your support — and if you are not able to be one of my helpers - who can you support? Run an errand, do laundry, drive, grocery shop, iron, clean, fix a meal or even organize a network of volunteers....You are blessed to be a blessing - Gen 12:2. 

I am certain today will go just as God has designed for it to go...I trust in Him...but it is hard!
Thanks for the prayers! Thanks for checkin’ in!