PET Scan tomorrow, Thus 7:45 a.m.

Busy last two and a half weeks! 

Flu for 1 1/2 weeks - with residual effects still

Flu has diminished thanks to z-pak and your prayers — still very droopy tho - 

     slept 11 hours and then napped for 45 min by mid morning!  

Healthy enough for chemo last week which went fairly well

Sleeping well 

Mouth tender but no sores 

Palate is finicky as ever - hard to find things I like to eat

Loved the olympics

Liver area is very achey

Liver levels are up in blood work - definitely a concern...

Weight holding

Not walking enough - need accountability!

Finally got PET scan scheduled after 3 weeks....

Really struggling with drinking - looking for anything that will make fluid go down easier

Doing hydration at home which helps

Loving our California Winter with  lows in the 30’s and highs in the 60’s- praying for rain. 

Fighting  sadness and melancholy - tears are always near -

   tear ducts, not tear damns! as a friend of mine says - lol

Two weeks ago, I thought I had a cold and treated it like a cold from Monday to Thursday.  By then I was feeling so tired, so to Dr Google we went and low and behold - it was flu...A flu with no puking and diarrhea is foreign to me, but that’s what it was.  A call to the oncologist to ask if there was anything different that I should be doing - and she said zpak to prevent pneumonia!  Friday and Sat were really long days where I was just praying to stay out of the hospital.  This flu just sucks the life right out of you! It leaves you feeling so weak that walking to the bathroom feels like a 5 mile trek.  My energy still has not returned.  3-4 naps per day are normal and I wear out super easily...ugh

On another note, we got another miracle!  The Docs wanted to send my tissue out (the frozen tissue from the original March’16 surgery) to be tested for the Foundation One test.  It was a very expensive test ($15,000) that is not covered under insurance and we had to apply for financial aid.  We were turned down for the financial aid.  So we waited to get the estimate to see how much it would be so that we could decide what to do - and we heard nothing.  Last Tuesday, at my chemo appointment, my PA told me that not only had we been approved for financial aid!!! But that the test was already done!!  I was stunned!  She waved a stack of paper about 1/2 inch thick in front of me and said we would talk next time about what it said.  So we went from completely unfunded to totally funded and done in 2 weeks!  That’s God!

AND

We were also blessed by some friends who came to us saying that if money was the problem, they would be happy to help us pay for the tests!!!! (Tears...lots of them). 

So really we got 2 miracles!  Just had to share them with you so you could rejoice as well!

By the way, the test is to see which specific receptors I have, that will respond to other chemo’s.  Yes there are other chemo drugs for colon cancer, contrary to what I originally thought!  Hopefully the 1/2 inch stack of paper yields something that I will respond to if my PET scan is not great...

Speaking of PET scan, I am finally scheduled for tomorrow morning at 7:45.  I cannot begin to tell you the levels of frustration and stress trying to get this scheduled.  Many phone calls involved and finally got squeezed in (which I am thankful that they got me in, but I got a lousy time slot and it messed up my blood draw appointment and I had to scramble to get friends to help me - frustrating when the process started February 5th!)  It should not be such a big deal, and never has been before!  And I m not supposed to have stress - ha!

Ps 118:17 I will not die but live and will proclaim what the Lord has done!  

Truthfully, I am pretty scared/nervous about this PET scan.  I dwell on this verse when I am fearful over a sore liver....it is like a dull ache - just aches pretty much all the time... I had been writing it off to two weeks on the couch and coughing a lot but the elevated liver levels contradict that and fear raises it’s ugly head again.  It is never far away...kind of like a sliver on your foot that just wears away at you, making you limp and walk out of kilter and throw your back out because of it...It grates at you, sapping your energy and emotional strength...

I trust you Lord....repeating this helps....

There is one friend who usually goes with me for my PET scans and she cannot go.  We are so blessed that two different people are tag teaming with Todd to provide rides and company for me.  On the one hand I feel so babyish that I am not just doing the scan by myself.  On the other hand, it is hard to be injected by a robot and then wait and then have to be still in that tiny little tube...I am just grateful for not having to do it alone - they do not get easier...if anything, I think the anxiety levels increase...

Jer 17:14 Heal me Lord, and I will be healed.  Save me and I will be saved, for you are the one that I praise.

Please pray for a better attitude, more joy - I have been so bummed out....

less stress through this journey

emotional energy for both of us and of course, 

a miracle that I am able to continue to live life and serve God.  

     Thank you so much!

  

As often happens, I started this one day, but it did not get posted for several days as I finish it — so by now I am on the upswing after the flu - only 2 naps today—but they were long ones and the energy still is not there!  A trip to the grocery store totally wore me out!  

Thank you so much for so many praying for me in response to my facebook posts - I could barely type that much and the thought of a blog was completely overwhelming!  But, as always, the prayers made all the difference! 

Y'all are our greatest blessing! Thanks for walking this difficult walk with us!  Thanks for checkin’ in!

Emotions are Higgledy Piggledy

Chemo 18 is complete and thankfully it was pretty uneventful!
Sorry for the long lag between times - I have been in the garden and seeing friends :)
Weight is steady
Getting back to walking, but it’s hard to stay in the groove
Struggling with not eating sugar - ugh it is so hard
No mouth sores for several rounds tho tender to temperature and spices 
Drinking continues to be difficult - too bad it’s water and not gin and tonics - hahaha
Continuous runny nose - sometimes bloody, but it stops, so no ER trips! (Thank you Lord!)
Emotions have been giving me a rough time....

So how am I really?
While on chemo, I am kinda a vegetable - its hard to discipline myself to get things done, but I try and slog through-blessed to have a friend who is between jobs who is helping me with Spring cleaning and projects- what a blessing!!
When I am not on chemo, I do pretty well with energy and getting things done, but continue to flame out quickly.  Naps help.

Emotionally the last three-four weeks have been rough.  Everything built up to the wedding and getting to meet our new grand-daughter.  I think this funk is the let down after all the fun.  Having something to look forward to helps- and we have short term things going on, but will I be here for the next family milestone?
It is reality - I have been fighting this for 2 years now...Stats say that there is not much time left and yet I try not to listen to them...A dear friend said, “ There are no stats for Christine Moritz!” And we are hanging on to that.  My prayer has been to keep me healthy enough that I can be around, be a part of Todd’s world and live life—that God have work for me to do.  Between the rational self talk and the prayers are a lot of tears... as you can imagine.  I really fight the, “is this the last time” thing.  Trying to focus on shorter term goals.

However, I was very blessed to be able to travel the day after disconnect (so very very thankful!) to fly to St Louis and celebrate the retirement of some dear and influential friends and partners in ministry - Stephen and Carol Hower.  Steve ignited my faith to a new level when I was a very young and frazzled mom and raised Todd up as a Christian leader and encouraged him to get into ministry.   Miraculously, after a full day of travel on Thursday, I was strong enough to say a few words about Carol at the banquet that evening. I was thankful to be able to honor her with my thanks for all she taught me.  Seeing her again - going for lunch and laughing was such a gift.  Just being back in the town we raised our kids in is enough to make me emotional, but seeing these friends celebrated, being back in worship with this congregation where we invested so heavily - oh my gosh - please pass the kleenex!!!!
We stayed with wonderful friends who pampered us unbelievably, catering to my flakey palate, tucking me in for naps and blessing us with great conversation and much laughter.  We visited with so many people- were especially blessed to see some of our kids friends - some of our “kids” from youth bible study - what great fun!  I was absolutely stunned how many people came up to me saying they were praying for me — not just close friends - but people who did not really know me that well! Praying for me! Wow!  This is a big congregation, with a long prayer list -to be remembered, still, after being gone 9 years blows me away!  And as we leave, it is so hard to wonder - is this the last time we’ll be back? It seems like it cannot be the last time-I do not feel that decrepit - today...but saying goodbye to Carol, she said she’d see me in heaven, if not before — 
comforting, yes!   

difficult - oh my, yes...

On a more humorous note - 
Home health care is somewhat different than I anticipated.  Basically, they come in and teach you how to do much of your own care.  I am fine with this, except that some of this is really technical, like hooking up lines to my port etc.  The whole idea seems a little crazy to me. Its a lot of responsibility!   There is a whole list of steps that you have to go through to connect your IV bag and another little routine to disconnect your IV bag---all of which I had to glean from their verbal instructions.  That’s all well and good, and relatively easy to manage, until you get distracted..... like when you are traveling....Not that I ever get distracted - right?
I got so excited to be rid of my needle that when I finished my second round of hydration (while in St. Louis) I pulled out my needle — without flushing my port with heparin (a blood thinner which keeps my port from clotting).
Did I mention I had a most patient husband?  And the best of friends?  This was on Saturday and I had not been feeling good all day. Because of this, Todd went to the Sat evening installment of the celebration and I waited for calls back from my home health nurse about what to do - hoping that I could just wait until Monday and deal with it then.  Unfortunately, word came back that I did need the heparin and I needed to find some in St. Louis...Really the hard part was that I needed to have my port accessed (a nice way for saying I needed to get stuck again) - which was only slightly more difficult than explaining WHY I needed this help - oh man - talk about feeling flakey!  Cutting a long story short (I know - too late) Our dear friends took me to the emergency room and sat with me through the whole mess. Downside was that it hurt like heck getting stuck by a regular nurse (not an oncology nurse, who does multiple sticks every day) and when they pulled the needle for the first time ever,  my port bled all over the place - surprise!  Several gauze pads and bandaids later it was cleaned up but I am still sore, with a big purple bruise 48 hours later!
Ironically, I learned from the nurse and the doc at the ER that that hospital does not even heparinize their ports at all anymore...so I would not have needed to jump through the hoops - even if my clinic does require it!  Argh!
The blessings?- my home health nurse had his phone on and took my call!
He put calls out to the nursing team to double check if I really did need to do this.
He saved us time, telling me to call the urgent care to see if they had the heparin.
The winter storm that was to engulf St Louis was minimal so driving to the ER and all the celebrations was not hazardous.
The ER was not busy
The ER nurses were fascinated/entertained/curious about my situation and so got us in and through triage in record time.
Despite feeling awful all day, my nausea stayed in check going to the ER
The bleeding stopped.
If I was going to forget to do something, at least it was fixable
I woke up Sunday morning feeling as good as it gets and got to go to church!

Thankful for so much —
The blessings already listed
Friends - of all ages and walks of life
Prayer warriors who life us up repeatedly
     (several said, “ I pray for you every day” --Cannot believe how blessed we are!)
Joy in singing praises to God and being thankful for his grace, his mercy
Safe travel, even if it was a little queasy - we got to go!
The privilege of serving - wherever - whenever....
The beautiful scenery while traveling -
The variety of birds in St Louis -
Staying healthy - so far
Strength for the good days -
Naps for the bad days
Getting to see so many, many friends

I’ll try to be more faithful posting...Thanks for your prayers and for checkin in -