Nausea is persistent - often on all 3 oral nausea medications at once! Yuck!
Very tired
Pain is managed
Hands and feet continuing to be cracked etc - thanks for the lotion some of you sent!
A new development is that my skin is getting crepey and wrinkly - never a dull moment!
Stitch from port removed-- finally!
Still eating a broader range of foods than just carbs - tho that's what I gravitate toward
Feeling good enough to enjoy some living-but I end up very weary.
Headaches accompany the disconnect shot for about 5 days- yuck!
Emotions, grief and anxiety continue to pick away at both of us....
Ps 94:19 When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
In the genre of "the rollercoaster of a serious illness", we spoke with Oasis of Hope and were discouraged. It was not the doc I spoke to before. It was one I had not spoken with for almost a year and I was frustrated because he did not have all my records in front of him. Further, he quickly recommended that I come back for a 3 week stay (they had spoken about a 1 week "tune-up" stay before I left there last year) and he wanted me to take all the supplements that they sent me home with. When I explained that I had been unable to tolerate them because they made me sick, he suggested cutting the dose of some of them by half....When I asked whether he had looked at the image, he said that he had and that there was very little difference but that the liver was where all the change was.
At the end of our conversation, I felt discouraged and defeated. The thought of going back on that extremely strict diet (4 animal protein meals out of 21, no gluten, no dairy, no sugar) and all the struggles cooking for that kind of a diet- (not that I did that - my kind husband made all those recipes happen!) the thought of struggling to live like that again with all the supplements making me even sicker than chemo already is was simply too much for both of us. And that did not even scratch the monetary effect of his suggestion! I can't tell you how down in the dumps I was--we spoke Thursday evening after I got disconnected so I had a building headache as well. Fortunately the next day was somewhat better and we were somewhat more upbeat, but not much!
I plan to try to contact the doctor who I spoke with last time and the time before...We'll see what happens...
On the uphill portion of the roller coaster, several dear friends blessed me by helping me hostess a table for our Lancer Ladies Luncheon - similar to an Advent by Candlelight but with a boutique to accomplish some Christmas shopping! I wanted so badly to host a table but did not have the energy to decorate it (and that is quite an elaborate undertaking!) nor to do all the inviting. One dear friend helped me with the invitations and another did all the decorating, including providing the desert! I was so blessed to be able to go! Afterword I took a 2 hour nap, sleeping like a rock!
Back down the roller coaster --This chemo has been a bit different again -- I woke up Wed morning nauseated -- usually that would wait til Thursday! I have been sleeping a lot more again which scares me because it makes me wonder if the cancer is growing more....
On Monday before chemo, I went in to see the surgeon who placed my port. The stitch that had been bothering me for months finally got to be "Too Much!" It had a nasty habit of rising thru the skin to catch on my clothes like a sliver would and then receding into the skin as soon as I thought about picking up a tweezers to grab it, as the doctor told me to do. In fact, 4-5 different times I ended up ripping off a small chunk of skin in my efforts to grab the stitch! Ouch!!!
When I went it, it ended up being a big stinkin' deal. I got admitted as an out patient - lotsa forms to fill out - gowned up and left to wait. Finally the surgeon was able to come and work on me. The injection of local pain killer hurt so badly it made me cry. I've never experienced pain like that. He said it was because it was shooting through scar tissue -- I just know I never want that again! It was horrible. After that it was rather odd to be lying there awake and feeling the tugs and cuts tho they did not hurt. He worked on me for over 1/2 an hour! We even chatted a bit. I thought surely he had grabbed ahold of the stitch but he said, "no, I'm looking for it!" Told you it would hide! Finally he got it. It was the tail of one of the two permanent stitches that adhere the port to my chest wall. He was able to remove the tail without disturbing the knot, for which I was very thankful. When he began to stitch me up though, there was not enough slack in the skin so I ended up super glued together with steri strips holding it all together! Fortunately the nurses the next day did not get all in a tizzy about my fresh wound. Also fortunately, the dressing that they use on me because of my tape problem had enough room to go around the port and around the new incision. By now I am over the pain of the incision except for a few stray shooting pains. The steri strips are starting to loosen - so I'm trying to keep them on so they don't come off too early.
So there you go - the latest and greatest in the story of my journey -Not too thrilling!
On a more exciting front - we are awaiting the birth of our second grand daughter and praying for momma and child
and
we are counting down days til our son's wedding! 3 weeks!
So thankful for having fun things to look forward to like Christmas!
We focus on the good things to combat the attacks of grief and sadness.
Thankful for
safety during the crazy santa ana winds all last week
safety from fires
for faithful friends who help us out with everything from rides, grocery shopping, praying with me or with Todd, setting a lovely table, fixing food for us, making phone calls and especially praying for us!
technology that keeps us connected -
so blessed to get to watch my new almost daughter in love's recital! so talented!
blessed by the frequent phone calls, texts, e-mails, fb messages from friends and family
christmas stollen - no it's not organic, but i eat only a little and it makes me think of
Christmas with my parents and grandparents
the silly little bird that perches up above my rose bush, safely tucked out of the winds
neighbors who are kind and caring
soft pillow and warm bed to sleep in
anti nausea medicine to keep me feeling a bit better
clean water
birds who play in my fountain
flowers that bloom even though it is Winter
Advent that reminds us of the amazing gift of our Savior...
Luke 1:38 sticks with me. I admire Mary's courage - her simple faith.
"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May your word to me be fulfilled."
Praying that I can be as courageous in what God calls me to face....l.
Blessings to y'all! Thanks for checkin in!
