Clearly, this beast has gotten a more
vicious grip on me. The tumors have spread with great speed. (They probably were there before, but too
small to see) There are new ones in or
on my liver (waiting to hear from Oasis of Hope as they should be able to
clarify location when they look at the scans). There are tumors in new places like my
ascending aorta, by my heart and in my lungs as well. The
Obviously, all my work is not working any more…Gotta
come up with another plan.
Basically, from as Western Medicine
perspective, she says, IV chemo or hospice…which I don’t feel ready for.
She said immunotherapy was actually harsher
than the chemo in terms of side effects and that is a last ditch effort if the
chemo did not work to take down the tumors….
I am not open to clinical trial because in my
opinion, the risk of being in the placebo group is too great.
This is taking me a while to write because of
tears….
Good news – my kidney seems ok and there is
nothing showing in my bones.
My oncologist gave me medicine that is extended
release so I will not be in as much pain.
So how are we really? Stunned...numb...wailing with grief...
Continuing to pray for a miracle....which just got a lot bigger! But He is able!
Waiting to talk to Oasis of Hope today or tomorrow I hope (if they can convene the doctors board) and my integrative doctor on Friday---though frankly, I do not think that there is much that they can say that will change anything --- I do not know if there is enough healthy killer cells in me to fight integratively ---
So how are we really? Stunned...numb...wailing with grief...
Continuing to pray for a miracle....which just got a lot bigger! But He is able!
Waiting to talk to Oasis of Hope today or tomorrow I hope (if they can convene the doctors board) and my integrative doctor on Friday---though frankly, I do not think that there is much that they can say that will change anything --- I do not know if there is enough healthy killer cells in me to fight integratively ---
Several people sent this song to us and it is so appropriate –
though so difficult.
Desperately hanging on to God—
Rom 8:31 What then shall we say in response to these
things? If God is for us, who can be
against us?
Rom 8:38-39 For I am
convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the
present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything
else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is
in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Ex 14:14 The Lord will
fight for you – you need only be still
+ Ps 46:10 be still and know that I am God…
The blessing my grandfather gave me when I was born –
Gen 12:2-3 I will bless you….and you will be a blessing
Joel 2:25 – I will restore the years the swarming locust has
eaten-
And what keeps me going is seeing good coming from this –
Phil 1:12 Now I want you to know brothers, what has happened to
me has served to advance the gospel….
Matt 26:41 Watch and pray so that you do not fall into
temptation. (of panic) The spirit is
willing but the body is weak..
Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me…..
Thanks for checking in and for praying! Honestly, your prayers are the only reason we can function at all....
Christine, Your strength is inspiring, your hope is unwavering, my prayers are unceasing. Continue to fight onward, Christian soldier, and know you have a battalion of fellow prayer warriors storming heaven on your behalf...for peace, for comfort, for healing, for His perfect will to be done. Much love to you and Todd, Brooke
ReplyDeleteChristine,
ReplyDeleteI am saddened also by the news but explains the pain you have been in. You have and continue to fight the good fight. It is all God's timing. We pray his will WILL be done as you work through this. Hugs my dear friend. Tears of sadness and joy for you.
Sweet Christine, I pray you can find comfort in David's words to our Lord..."O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
ReplyDeleteYou know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it." (Ps 139) You are not alone in this battle; He has and is going before you, behind you, and all around you and Todd. Forrest and I continue in fervent prayer for His compassionate will. Love you.
Justin and I pray often for peace in your hearts as you walk through these days. Your honesty is admirable and inspiring. I appreciate your sense of humor yet know there are many tears behind the laughs. May the Lord continue to strengthen you and Todd as you take in more information and make very difficult decisions. You are surrounded by love.
ReplyDeleteWe pray for nothing less than a miracle. There is one in the works and it will be beautiful beyond despair.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you Christine and praying for you when I think of you, which is often.
ReplyDeleteChristine you are constantly in my prayers
ReplyDeleteDear Chris,
ReplyDeleteYour grandfather's blessing over you has certainly borne out in your life and testimony. Praying for continued strength to trust Him and rest in Him as you await further direction. Praying for relief from the pain, strength and peace. Healing as well. Much love to you.
Christine,
ReplyDeleteYou are a child of God and trust that he will heal your pain in his way. I am praying for total healing (Our God is so Big) and peace when God answers your prayers.