Praises and Fears

trying to add in supplements/protools to fight the beast
weight holding
ascites up and down
energy up over the weekend
back down a bit M-W

This past weekend was the best I have had in almost a year!  We had company, so Friday night was a hang-out-at-home-night -- a-go-to-bed-reasonably-so-we-could-get-up-and-do-stuff-night.  Sat morning we drove to a beautiful botanical garden and walked all over (about 5 miles) had a nice reasonably healthy lunch, and then headed for the beach!  After some nice chill time there, we packed up and headed home for a quick dinner before heading out to the Olu performance of Anything Goes!    I did doze in the car, but it would not qualify for a real nap!  Sunday we got up and went to church, took her to the airport, ate lunch and then I took a 1 hour nap.  When I got up - I told Todd that I had done everything I was supposed to and could we please go to the final theater performance??? which we did.  Sounds like no big deal, except that it finished at 4:15 ish (not counting hugging the kids) and at 5:00 our Athletic Hall of Fame induction soiree began.  This was great fun, complete with drinks, munchies, dinner, awards, speakers,  pictures and lots of people I had not seen in a VERY long time.  
Guess what?  I made it through the whole thing and enjoyed myself hugely!  This was not a "sit in a chair and let people come to me" evening either! (which I have done a lot lately) I was up flitting around, hugging people and chatting like I have not done in months! (since last May!)

When we came home, I kept saying to Todd, "I feel like my old self!"  It was unbelievable!  I was so jazzed!  That is what I thought the integrative approach would be like!  Fighting, but feeling like myself in the process, rather than this nauseated, tired person.....Praying the energy comes back again! 

Why this burst of energy?  Well, two theories - and it is probably a little of both.  Friday I had my IV Vit C infusion followed by cold laser therapy.  I sleep super soundly during cold laser, so I had a great nap.  One theory is that those two things are finally "catching up" on how behind I was and that they are having a greater effect than ever before.  
The other theory, which I personally think is really responsible, is that there have been tons of people who praying for me.  This is completely reasonable that prayer is able to  provide me with lasting energy!  When I was on chemo 5 years ago, there was no explanation at all as to why I looked so healthy, lost so little hair and struggled less with side effects than others.....except the prayers of all the people lifting me up!!!

So either way, I am thanking God profusely for this wonderful weekend!  

Did I pay for it?  Yup!  Was it worth it?  Absolutely! 
Monday through today have been much less energetic- though I made it to the girls soccer banquet last night- which normally, would not have happened!!  I have dialed it back, taking my naps, and in general, behaving more like a cancer patient than a kid out of school!  This week, my infusion is tomorrow, again followed by cold laser, so we shall see....

On a more solemn note, a friend's mother in law, who had stage IV colon cancer, passed away this weekend...she fought hard in the Western tradition, but it got into her liver and lungs and she lasted only days.....
It is impossible not to think about the tumors "on top" of my liver (outside it) or the two nodules in my lungs....then fear grips me with a paralyzing vice like force... I can barely whisper, "I trust you Lord" through the tears....

https://youtu.be/n_aVFVveJNs

I will trust in you....
As Opa said, " It all stands firmly in God's hands."  I just have to trust God's plan and not think too much....

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid;do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.  Josh 1:9

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.  
He makes me to lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet water, He restores my soul.  He leads me in paths of righteousness for his names sake.
Yea tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, 
I will fear no evil for You are with me.....Ps 23
      
     This is far easier said than done! 

Prayers please that my tumors would begin to shrink - 
I have one directly between my hip bones (right where your seatbelt goes) that is 5 cm long x about 2 cm wide.  It is very sensitive to pressure and at times causes a fair bit of pain.  
There is at least one in the dome of my liver (probably more) that is pressuring the gallbladder and referring the pain to my R shoulder. [Over the weekend, this did ache more, but seems to have gone back to it's "normal" pain routine of flaring early evening and responding ok to the pain meds.]

Also asking that I would be able to tolerate these various protocols that I am trying to add in....

Mostly tho, thankful that I had a ray of sunshine in the energy this weekend!  Praying desperately that it is not a flash in the pan that will give way to more pain and listlessness....

Thankful for energy and a great weekend
for the hope the energy caused
for IV Vit C infusions and cold laser therapy
for the joy of beautiful weather
for God carrying me and blessing me with joy in the midst of the storm
for His word to guide me in the hard times

Thanks for checkin in! You are so precious to us!