Good News, Bad News continued

Oasis of hope is not concerned about bloodwork-they say that my prognosis is still good-
     However
Integrative doc said split test results and the increased pain, and tumors growing indicate
     that something is growing tho  the results are confusing
Blood showed that it is very healthy- Yay!
     no toxins, clumping or yeast!  All the right shape and dispersion over the field.   
     That is great news!
Shoulder is still very painful - getting different medication to control the pain
Trying not to dwell on growing tumors
Doc said I was somewhat dehydrated -I feel like all I do is drink water!!! argh- 
     back to counting ounces!
Will continue vit c infusions to build immune system
Weight holding
Trying to increase Modified Citrus Pectin 
     to combat new cancer colonies establishing themselves - tastes yucky tho!  
Walking pretty faithfully 1-1.5 miles
Back on xeloda -Docs say that is what is making me feel nauseated and so exhausted
Energy was great last week (on xeloda vacation) like my old self-tons of energy-fantastic!  
Onset of xeloda is having a negative impact on that :(
     Even at low dose, it is still chemo
     Praying the benefits outweigh the side effects!
Will try to add in other supplements to counteract having poop that floats 
     (which indicates that I am not breaking down fats properly)

So how am I really?
Well...... exhausted actually! and a little numb- So much to assimilate 
This is the first time I could see so clearly how much the xeloda impacts me!  I absolutely pass out when I sleep in the afternoon -- now if I can just get the shoulder pain under control so I can sleep at night that would be great!  

Can really tell the difference being on the xeloda - I forget all kinds of things - way more than I usually do! hahaha!

Doc today confirmed that shoulder pain is probably related to growth of tumors in dome of the liver, which presses on diaphragm and gallbladder, which refers pain to shoulders.
One tumor is about 5 cm now and the lower edge of my right rib cage is distorted, indicating that there is probably cancer activity there.  I wish it were just old age arthritis or something like that, but probably not.  The PET scan which I'll get in a month, will probably show it - though it has to be bigger than 1 cm to show up on a PET.  

Dr Contreras at Oasis of Hope said that the goal is not to eradicate the cancers, but to live with them in a peaceful co-existance.  I am praying diligently that all these protocols will keep the tumors in check so they do not grow.  

Working on Trusting God's plan and not my own -- it is very hard to not dwell on all that I wanted to accomplish in my life...

Am very thankful for the many God appointments, talking faith with people, that He does bless me to have!  
Thankful for my docs - 
for the instinct to go back to my original integrative doc - it was a blessing
for friends who check in on me showering me with love through cards, texts, gift cards and 
     even home grown avocados and completely organic free range eggs!! I am so blessed!
for making plans 
for having the food taste good 1/2 the time now (instead of rarely)
for the few things that I do get accomplished each day
for a soft bed, warm blankie, clean water and available medicine

My grandfather used to say, in German of course, "It all stands firmly in God's hands."
This is part of strengthening my trust -- focusing on God's plan being better than I could ever script and that He can do immeasurably more than I could ask or even imagine.....

This is like when you pray for patience -- How do you get more patience? by being frustrated and learning to wait....
How do you gain more trust? by dangling by a thread over a precipice and repeatedly having the strength of the thread revealed....It is terrifying....But He is always there!

     The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you;
     He will never leave you nor forsake you.
     Do not be afraid;
     Do not be discouraged."
          Deut 31:8

So thankful for each of you checking in on me and praying for us!  This is a long and rocky road, with brilliant sunshine and deep shadows - You are precious to us!  

Thanks for checkin' in - we love you

PS - Christine made the fatal mistake and asked me to edit and post her blog.  Therefore I will remind you that "Todd is a stud" :-).  T