Prayers please - reality is scary

Got preliminary bloodwork back and it is not good –

  Cancer numbers are up and

  Numbers that indicate organ dysfunction also are up

PET scan scheduled for tomorrow at 1:45  PST

  Prayers appreciated – a miracle actually would be great!

So how am I really???

Terrible – have not posted because have been so discouraged and self-pitying.  It is difficult to keep up all these protocols, to feel terrible, to be in pain and then to  realize that up until this point, I really thought that we would beat this thing and that I would get to the “peaceful coexistence” that Oasis of Hope talked about.  Now, Well can I just say – this is awfull??? I hate losing and I feel like I am losing – my life!

I could tell you about my struggles with digestion (again) or stopping suppplements to feel more human (again) or with pain management (still) – but I have no energy for that – All I can do is cry – can’t even call people – just crying too hard….

I know God is able to heal me.  It is reconciling the “what if that is not His plan” with my hopes and dreams.  Praying I can strengthen my faith – 

Thank you for your prayers and love—please pray for Todd because he is the one holding us together and this is harder than it has been…..

I have no clue how to deal with the terror except scripture - so here goes...

Is 41:10  Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God. 

I will strengthn you, yes I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

Romans 8:31-33 What then shall we say in response to this?  If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all – how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things??

Ps 18:2 The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;

my God is my rock in whom I take refuge,

my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Is 43:1-3 Fear not for I have redeemed you,

I have summoned you by name –you are mine

When you pass through the waters I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you  

When you walk through the filre, you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze, for I am the Lord your God.

Phil 4:13 – I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me - 

                        Even when I have no idea how to do this.....

Is 40:30, 31 Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary-they will walk and not be faint…

1 Peter 5:6, 7 Humble yourselves, therefore under God’s might hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 

                      Even when it feels like he doesn’t care….I have to hang on to the truth

                      that I know, not the feelings that overwhelm me!

Ps 103:1-5  Praise the Lord, oh my soul;

    All my inmost being praise his holy name.

Praise the Lord my soul

   And forget not all his benefits –

Who forgives all your sins

   And heals all your diseases

Who redeems your life from the pit

   And crowns you with love and compassion

Who satisfies your desires with good things

   So that your youth is renewed like the eagles

Thanks for holding us in prayer –

Thanks for checkin’ in!