Wish it were better news...

First of all- for those of you that heard of my last weeks adventures in the hospital, thank you for so prayerfully lifting us up.  It helped so much!   For those of you who stepped up so that Todd could be with me — thank you!  You gave us a gift! Thank you!

I am writing from home now, having gotten out on Friday afternoon - thank goodness!  Last Tuesday, I had my chemo infusion and all seemed normal, until evening when I spiked a 103 fever, which is a ticket directly to the ER with no questions asked.  In the ER they ran many tests to discover the source of my fever and came up with nothing - including 2 2 day cultures of blood and urine and a brain MRI.   Evidently, this is not unusual for cancer patients, but for us it was a first.  I have no memory of our trip to the ER, the tests, all the bouncing around from place to place in the hospital- nothing at all...I was really, really out of it.  It was just one series of pain medicine discussions after another because there were no beds on the oncology floor and the nurses on the regular floor were unused to such high doses.  Add to that nausea brought on by medicine given too swiftly and a miserably uncomfortable bed!  Todd was with me the whole time advocating on my behalf, explaining the medication and making sure they kept me as comfortable as possible.  I have very few memories from this as I think I was hallucinating a bit - not sure - not important - just painting the picture. The next night we got onto the oncology floor - which was much nicer as they understood my predicament.  

Thank you for your prayers.  Enduring such excruciating discomfort and being unable to fend for yourself is when you really need your prayer warriors to pray that 

you can fix your eyes on Jesus - even when you can’t focus them —-

you need them to pray scripture for you, cause you can’t remember it—-

you need them to pray for God’s presence, wisdom and peace because you don’t even know what day it is!  

When you have no clue what is going on - that’s when you desperately need your friends help - carrying you before God, like the friends who let their friend in through the roof so he could get to Jesus!  (Mark 2:4) You are such blessings!  Thank you!

( if you are wondering why you did not know about my hospital stay, I think Todd only posted under his name on FB but tagged me, so you can friend him if you really want to get all details as they occur - haha.)

Unfortunately, the CT scan that they took in the ER on Tuesday evening did not have good news.  Once again - much disease progression.  Once again, new lesions throughout the R lung and the liver tumor grew again.  This explains why I am a bit short of breath and why certain movements cause some sharp pains.  In addition, it explains why my belly is protruding.   I look like I could be pregnant.  As I began, I wish it were better news.  This means that the first round of chemo, while being tolerable, did not accomplish very much at all.  In fact, it appears to have done nothing.  

The recommendation from my oncologist is to do one more round of chemo, dose reduced, the PET scan and then go back to USC with the possibility of Plan B which is immunotherapy mixed with chemotherapy.  This would be fine if I were guaranteed a round like the first one, but I could end up like the second one again, which was really horrible.  I was definitely resting on heavens doorstep.  

So once again, we are in the unenviable position of needing to think about which direction we are going to go.  Chemo, or no chemo.  I trust you Lord, I have no clue what you are doing, and I am scared to death, but I trust you and I love you Lord.....show me the way....Everyone agrees that, short of a miracle,  I seem to have a short amount of time - if their crystal balls are correct.  How do I want to spend that time?  Lord have mercy....

As you lift us up, please pray that we have wisdom regarding what the best plan for my life is — what God’s will is!  And thank you - you have no idea how much we appreciate that!  

This song https://youtu.be/LqBpifDpNKc has been accompanying me on this journey - hope it blesses you.  

Thanks for your prayers and for checkin in!