Time Flies when you're having fun!

Cannot believe how long it has been since I posted - Have been living life!!!
Blessed to go to Montana and also to have another dear friend (kinda like my niece) visit!
Endured Chemo #9 last week
Feeling fair - chemo rougher due to a cold (my Montana souvenir!)
Spirits ok - 
Weight ok - struggling with dehydration
Sleep is ok - I don't skip many naps, but night sweats are a pain
Skin fragile but ok 
Hair continuing to fall out - mornings are very emotional as I get ready for the day!
    God has less to count these days (Luke 12:7 NCV) 
   God even knows how many hairs you have on your head
Mouth sores come and go - thankful for "magic mouthwash!" to control it
Runny nose, cough and congestion - just to add to the fun
Did not walk enough last 2 weeks but had a great time playing with our grand daughter before chemo and visiting with friends after.

I continue to marvel at the miracle that God has granted to me.  Two weeks ago, I got to spend time in beautiful Montana with our older son and his family and I spent far more time on the floor playing pretend

than I usually do (for some reason, that is not in my therapy repetoir - it should be!) I was thankful and amazed at how much flexibility I have despite the fact that I have not been doing any of my yoga for the past year!  It was a great opportunity to stretch muscles that I have not stretched in a while -- and to give thanks that I still had some muscles and flexibility!  There are those who would say that this is because I was so fit before (I'm good at fits!) however, I vividly remember how ill I was a year ago -- when I was not walking much and spend most of my steps going back and forth to the bathroom!  Yes, the body is designed to heal itself - but I believe the Healer was heavily involved in my case!  Thank you for praying for me!  I am where I am because so many banged on heavens gates!  Time is ever more precious... great to spend it playing pretend and giggling with her!

Another thing that got stretched was my brain cells --

coming up with pretend scenarios exersized areas of my brain that have been untapped in years!!!  Best part - she liked it!  It was a joy to get to be at the baby shower also - such fun peopIe!  I am so blessed to get time in their world!  Thank you for praying strength for me to be there!  A fantastic encouragement was to get to see some of the people who are praying for me in Montana...I am so blessed!  This week was a fantastic reminder of why I am going thru the pain of chemo - and further to rejoice that it is working!!

My son was teasing me about my major "fear of missing out" on anything- but when you realize that you have far less opportunities to than you thought, it suddenly becomes even more important to do all you can with the limited time you have left.  It was great to be able to help our daughter-in-love to arrange the nursery, sort clothes, toys and books and in general be in her world.  It did my servant heart to be able to help out - and I was further blessed and amazed by the energy that God granted to me to enjoy it!  Yay God!  

Chemo 9 was on Tuesday - and it went ok -- They administered the anti nausea slightly differently, so rather than falling into a deep deep sleep for 2 hours, I dozed.  Then I dozed when I got home, and all evening and then woke up at 2 a.m. wide awake....It kind of threw everything off.  Having a nasty gross cold did not help either!  
I am continuing to struggle more with nausea and for longer.  In the past the one anti nausea pill would work 98% of the time with an occasional booster of a different kind of anti nausea medicine.  This time, I got a third kind of anti nausea medicine and have used it several times in addition to the #2 booster...

I confess, it makes me a little bit  edgy-nervous-concerned, to see how each chemo is a bit harder, and takes me a little longer to bounce back.  With only 2 weeks between times to "heal" there really is not much time to work on getting stronger.  It stands firmly in God's hands and I trust him and try hard to shove scary doubts out of my head. Having company come was a fantastic distraction!   
Bet you wondered if you would hear about my hair!  Well in an effort to not disappoint, I have to say, 
my hair keeps getting harder for me emotionally as it is  still falling out...I know you must think I am almost bald by now - well - guess what? not quite, but you are pretty close.  I can still get away with not wearing a hat, but it's clear I have something going on,    Last week a friend went with me to the wig boutique just to explore options.  Not sure how I feel about this, tho I was pleasantly surprised at how nice they were.  Another friend was so helpful talking with me about scarves and options etc.   I still need to do more hunting, but the fact of the matter is that the docs  say that you may experience thinning, but after you are done, your hair will grow back....except that I am unfortunately on chemo for life, which means I won't get the regrowth option.....
Underneath the words of the last paragraph are lots of tears and lots of emotions...Last time around, my hair thinned, but I have lost about 4 x more hair than I did last time!  It is only hair, but it is also sad/ upsetting.  
Then there is the question of do I shave my head? be twins with Todd? ugh - so hard to think about....
Feel free to message me if you have thoughts/opinions/insights - but pls be patient if you don't hear back right away - thanks!

Along those lines, it was very emotional this week, to commend to the Lord a fine man who served faithfully at our church in St. Louis. He had battled bladder cancer and beaten it into submission, but it roared back and claimed his life.  His beautiful wife was one of those women that I look up to as a wonderful role model and teacher.  After 49 years together, I know that she leans completely on God to get her through losing her best friend.  Many weep with her - me included - often...

This brings me to my biggest prayer request - Please pray that I not become immune to the IV chemo like I did the low dose chemo.  Pray that the cancer cells continue to respond properly to the chemo and that I am able to bounce back and build strength between each round....

Jehovah Rapha - The Lord my healer -- has blessed us immeasurably...
Thankful for God who blesses me with life events that may seem ordinary, but are not when you days are limited
for your prayers, your friendship
for the antics, laughter, and snuggles of our grand daughter
for our extended family whether by blood, marriage or faith
for Todd who makes trips and events happen for me - so blessed!
for an opportunity to serve God by listening to and praying for friends
for the start of bible study - missed my Tuesday morning friends!
for anti nausea drugs
for wigs and the kind lady that helped me
for friends who have walked this path and share tips and tricks
for God holding me up through it all
for friends who visit and provide much needed distraction
for friends who drive me everywhere
for decongestant and kleenex
for the tiny volunteer-made pillow that cushions the seatbelt where it presses on my port and hurts
for cucumber lemonade that tastes decent when water makes me gag
for magic mouth wash
for hummingbirds, flowers, fountains and my fantastic husband who tends it all to bring me joy
for potatoes still tasting ok even when nauseated 
for energy to keep fighting this battle
for you all for blessing us with your prayers and love

We love y'all! Thanks for checkin' in!

Giving and taking....

Hope ya'll had a nice break from your labor over the weekend!  

Chemo #8 complete - got disconnected and got hydration today! 

Thankful for my friends that drive me and pick me up...

Weight holding, though it is in different places than it used to be -LOL

Still walking - 2-4 miles/ day 6 days a week, on my off week- I count my steps and that ups the total, which helps!

Hair is continuing to thin rapidly- investigating a cold cap

Mouth sores are acting up - today used magic mouth wash for the first time during the day and the sores seem to be heading 

                                                                            down my throat....

Nausea is hitting earlier than it used to - pretty much from Tuesday on...

Digestion is ok - upset stomach means eat...

Found a recipe for Cucumber Mint Lemonade that really helps me to drink 

Nupogen shot to build blood cells is giving me body and head aches  :( it's working tho!

Emotions are on high alert - tears imminent at any moment due to feeling yucky

Bed and Breakfast still in business :) great to see people!

Great word picture of how I feel from a fellow colon cancer patient.  She said that when you are on your chemo, "you feel pregnant, drunk and hung over all at once."  So very true...

I am taken aback at how unhappy or upset I get about my hair falling out.  It's just hair --

One of the verses that has been rolling around in my head a lot is from Job 1:21  --The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” 

Am I still able to "bless the name of the Lord" even when He takes things away from me?  It's hard when faced with a bowl full of hair and when I work to make the thin, fuzziness look better.  Just writing makes tears come to my eyes -- and yet when I pull out handful after handful, I force myself to thank God (to bless him )that the chemo is working and swallow my tears. (Todd was helpful in helping me look at it that way!). Balding beats the options!  

On the subject of giving and taking away - A dear friend gave me a pair of sterling silver hoop earrings and they were not to big, and not too small - they were "just right."  Somewhere, I lost one and tho it is no big deal, it continues to make me sad because I wore them all the time because they were "just right" and they reminded me of my friend.  Do I have the guts to thank God for her kind gesture and just move on?  I know it is what I should do, but having wallowing at my pity party is so tempting...   

This weekend we were super blessed by a friend of Olu.  Their family has a home up on a bluff overlooking the ocean - a beautifully gorgeous place - and it was available for the weekend and they offered it to us!  We were so excited!  We love the beach, but do not go a lot -- we have not perfected how to "play" well.  We work well, but don't play very well. haha!  Anyway, we made it down there for sunset on Friday and had a fantastic weekend full of R &R - lots of walking, naps and staring at the water.  It was so therapeutic!  In addition to their gracious offer, they left me a wonderful concoction for strawberry/blueberry/mint infused water.  It was so wonderful to drink water that tasted good!.  They also invited us for brunch serving a lovely meal that lined up with my diet!  So grateful for their thoughtfulness!  

We continue to be amazed and how God blesses us over and over!  It is easy to bless the Lord over this one!  This was something we could never have done without their generous offer!  So blessed and thankful!

While we were away, I struggled with really achy legs and hips. (Sad when you want to walk on the beach!)  Thankful to discover that this was a result of the nupogen shot -- It's easy to bless the Lord over this - especially when we thought I might be getting sick, which would delay chemo. 

Thank you for your prayers!  They are the reason that I am doing so well!  There is no other explanation, unless you want to go with the "the doctor is right - the chemo is working" theory.  However, that does not explain how I am able to function at such a high level.  It has to be the prayers!  We are so blessed and thankful for you walking this path with us.  

Praying for the Texans that will have no end to labor for a really long time....! 

Thankful for all the people that have stepped up and are working hard to help in whatever 

     way that they can!  

Praying for the Montana folks and all those in the NorthWest who are living in a constant

     state of horrible air quality.

Praying for those who are in the path of Irma, that if they need to leave that they can, and 

     if they stay, that they are protected and safe.  

Praying that Irma hooks East and heads out to sea...

Praying for so many families torn asunder by all kinds of awful things...

Blessed by small things like watching a pair of hawks wheel across the sky

Like catching a baby lizard who got into our house and realizing how cute they really are

Like a fresh bloom on a flower

Like 5 bluebirds playing in my fountain

Like friends who offer us everything from weekends away, to a cold cap, to a meal, to the

      precious prayers

Thanks for carrying us in prayer -you are a blessing to us! Thanks for checkin in! 

Power Outage

Pardon the delay getting this out - had some technical difficulties!
Chemo 7 - done -
Weight pretty steady
Walking slowly due to low energy
Mouth sores starting
Drinking liquids is hard - nothing tastes good
Very, very tired this time (slept 18 hours on Friday)
Nausea starting earlier in the cycle (Tues night instead of Thursday afternoon)

It's official!  All three docs agree again!  The chemo is working and the cancer is shrinking!
My Oncologist brought her NP in to celebrate with us - we each got at least 3 hugs each!!  They were both elated!
Based on this test, they will hold my chemo at 80% to keep the toxicity as low as possible.
Some of the bloodwork numbers were elevated and we were concerned, but she  said that in her world they were just fine!  (So for a stage 4 cancer patient, they were fine)
My liver numbers were elevated, but that is a direct result of the chemo's toxicity, and she was not worried!
My integrative Doc was more reserved, but certainly was pleased with the report.  He corroborated everything my oncologist said.
The very best tho was my Doc at Oasis of Hope (can't say enough good things about them!)  When I spoke to him on Friday, he pulled up the actual 3-D image from August and compared it to the image from April.
(For those who missed this detail, at O of H the doctors actually look at the images.  Here in the states, the radiologist reads the image and generates a report which the oncologist goes by.)
Here's how our conversation went --(Remember, English is not his native language)
"Oh dear, oh --my dear, well --now -- oh ---dear - well now this is really something! --"
(By now I was starting to get nervous!)
"I wish that you could see this!""Your image from April looks like a satellite image looking at earth --- 
of a big forest fire! 
But your August image, 
well now, that image looks like a power outage!!!"
"Your oncologist should be very boastful about these results -- he should be effusive in his congratulations to you!  This is wonderful! Fantastic! Congratulations!"
"Whatever you have been doing, continue doing it!  Congratulations! "  
                                                                                                                    British Columbia Fire July, 2017
And this from a rather quiet, reserved,  seemingly unemotional man!
This word picture is so much more powerful for me than all the stats I told you last time!!!!
He went on to tell me that there were lesions on my liver (remember I quoted the sizes last time) "but they are black!  There is no metabolic activity in them.  The black makes me think they are necrotic." (Dead!) "There is a 90% response in the liver!" (meaning 90% of the lesions responded positively to the chemo and shrunk/died off!)
Woohoo!!!

                                                                           Los Angeles, CA power outage July 2017

Again, rejoice with us - we are so very thankful!
Happy Dances!

Ps 145: 3 Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;
  His greatness no one can fathom.

Ps 50:15 Call upon me in the day of trouble
  I will deliver you and you will honor me!
God is good - all the time and 
all the time -  God is good!
Please lift up those in Texas...
Thanks for checkin' in!

God's got work for me!!!

Dear Prayer Warriors -
By God's grace, my technician told me of a shortcut to get my PET results.  We are so thankful to say that it is a very good report.  I really should probably wait until I hear officially from my oncologist next Tues and my integrative Doc next Friday - but I could not contain my joy and had to share it with y'all!!! Throughout the whole report, it referred to shrinkage and less brightness -- there was nothing about growth at all! The doc that read/wrote this report had done several other of my other reports, and he commented on how specific tumors had shrunk and were not glowing as brightly (indicating decreased cancer activity). This scan was a pivotal one because there is no drug for colon cancer other than 5FU, so if it did not work, my only option would be clinical trials-which I am not doing.  

"There has been favorable interval response to therapy of patient's multiple metastases with decrease in size and metabolism of the multiple mediastinal and paramediastinal nodules, hepatic metastases, retroperitoneal adenopathy, abdominal wall/retroperitoneal implants."    There is a happy sample of the jargon a patient has to figure out! 

Two tumors in the mediastinal area (between lungs, from diaphragm to/including throat and heart) 
were 2.5 x 2.1 cm with SUV (brightness) of 7, 
Now are 1.5 x 1.7 cm with SUV of 2.1
The other was 2.3 x1.6 cm with SUV of 6.7, 
Now are 2 x1.2 cm with SUV of 2.2.
A nodule along the right heart border, 
was 2.1x1.9 cm with SUV  of 4.4. 
Now it is 1.1x1.1 with an SUV of .9

Some pulmonary micro nodules "have not significantly changed", but some of the nodules are no longer visible - in other words - these were metastatic colonies that the chemo reduced in size to below 1/4 inch!  

The biggest tumor, which is in my liver 
was 9.2 x 7.8 cm with SUV of 9.6 and 
now is 5.2 x 5.5 with an SUV of 3.3. 

I won't continue to bore you with this technical stuff, but the reason that I put it in here is so you can get an idea of sizes and the amount of tumors. I really have a lot of them! In addition to the biggest one in my liver, he references specifically two other tumors in my liver.  If you measure these out with a ruler, it is difficult to understand how all these can be inside me -there's not a lot of room in there! Several times in the report, he refers to multiple other nodules.  It is the most bizarre, surreal feeling to know all these tumors are in there! It truly underscores what a miracle I am-that I can walk and function and enjoy life at all is a miracle!  This, I believe, is directly attributable to y'all pounding on heaven's gates in my behalf!  Thank you! thank you! thank you!   This is such an answer to your prayers! It feels like I have a new lease on life!  I'm really struggling to find the words to convey the bubbling up joy I feel - it's like champagne bubbles zinging everywhere!  God must have more work for me to do!  So very thankful!!!  

Ps 100:4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving 
   and his courts with praise;
   give thanks to him and praise his name.  
Jer 17:14 Heal me O Lord, and I will be healed;
   save me and I will be saved,
   for you are the one I praise.

This is the song that has been running through my head since we read the report! 

https://youtu.be/7s0GIxS2cEE

Ps 50:15 Call upon me in the day of trouble;
I will deliver you, and you will honor me...

Thanks for checkin' in! Love y'all!

PET scan Monday 10:45

Praying for no progression, even for regression!  God is able! 
Will get unofficial results of PET hopefully, at the end of the week 
  (will pick up from Medical Records department to send disk and report to Oasis of Hope)
Will get official results next Tuesday (a week away) when I meet with my oncologist 
  prior to next chemo
Integrative Dr will weigh in next Friday with his opinion at a late afternoon appointment
Nausea worse this chemo - but managable thanks to medicine
Weight holding
Still walking, though sometimes more slowly and not so far
Controlling the beginning of mouth sores with "magic mouth wash" so they don't fully bloom" 
Very tired - napping again (had given that up for awhile)
Struggling with craving carbs- comfort food (baked potatoes, fresh home made bread, tortillas)
  also watermelon and coffee ice cream - definitely NOT good for me! LOL
Enjoying all the visits with friends
Continuing to fight the demons of fear and panic
  they are ever present, sometimes in larger forces than at other times
Struggling to connect with God in a regular, focused intimate way

How can that be? you ask?  Well, I'm kinda busy...  How can I possibly be too busy for God?  Well, I'm not really, but I am finding that I have this attitude of entitlement that is getting to be a problem.  It goes kinda like this:
"I have no idea how long I will live, and right now so-and-so is here and I really want to "play" so I'm just gonna play, because after all - this might not happen again" 
Another variation is to substitute an activity or a food for a person's name -  because, after all, time is short...

I'm not proud of this - just sharing the journey with you....
Corrie Ten Boom said that if the devil can't make you bad, he'll make you busy.  I am proof thereof!
We have had an endless stream of company and activities - either day visits, or overnight guests - and we enjoy having the company!  Do not mis-read this - it has been a blast!  However - I find that I have taken my limited energy and allocated it to fun and the necessities of life, squeezing out my "God time."  This is so wrong, because He is my rock - the one I cling to.  Yet I cannot help feeling like I'm ignoring Him until I need Him - which is not loving or honoring.  Just think how well it works out in a relationship between people when you do that - be it marriage, friendship, parent-child.  The person who gets ignored has justifiably hurt feelings and often a breach in the relationship happens.  Don't ask me if God's feelings get hurt -- I just know I feel guilty which feels awful...

In the same way that I know walking, sleeping well and drinking clean water are critical to my health, so spending time with God is critical to my spiritual health.  How else will I have strength to continue fighting this battle?  This did not used to be a struggle - I had my God time built into each day.  Now, however, I do not have a set routine.  Each day is different, depending on how I feel....Gonna have to figure out my schedule quickly!  It is not a good trend and I feel it in my soul - fear is more fearful for me- anxiety is more anxious for me -  I feel weaker - scripture is harder to remember....
However
It is God's will that I spend time with Him - He delights in it - so I can ask for His help in this and know with confidence that He will help me to overcome this challenge.  Bible verses support this!
Rev 3:20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock! If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in.... 
Mark 1:35 Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up and left the house and went off to a solitary place, where He prayed. (If Jesus did it, shouldn't I?)
James 4:8 Come near to God and He will come near to you...
Ps 46:10 Be still and know that I am God...
So that is my challenge this week, as well as keeping my fears in check!  

In response to last weeks blog post, a friend sent me the following blessing.  It parallels Ps 91 and is lovely.  Hope you enjoy it as much as I do.  

Psalm 91 Blessing

Your life is lived in great spiritual warfare, but you are sheltered in the safe refuge of the Almighty. Be at home in the hiding place of Most High. Rest under His wings (1). He is the Lord, your refuge and fortress. You are defended by His faithfulness as your shield and defense (2).
Be blessed with security from satan's snares and schemes (3). You have peace in El Shaddai. His promises are sure (4). God hears your heart's cry. Be blessed to put into God's hands the terrors in the dark and the arrows that attempt to destroy you by day (5-6).
Stand steadfast in your Commander of the Lord's hosts. See that the battle is the Lord's. No weapon formed against you will prosper (7-8).You have the Author and Finisher of faith in you to enable you to trust the unfailing protection of God Most High. He is your hope and trust, your true home (9).
Jesus in you stands against all hindrances. You have His name and the authority of His blood, His cross, His resurrection, and His ascension. He has already defeated the adversary you are facing. In His name you have victory (10). God is the Commander of the armies of heaven. He will command His angels to guard you. His angels will hold you up so you don't stumble (11-12).
Jesus has already defeated every foe. You have nothing to fear. Stand as a covenant child of God Most High. Be bold, be free, and take your rightful authority in your protector (13).
God promises to rescue you because you love Him (14). He will pay attention to you and be with you in trouble. He promises to deliver you and give you the honor due you as the object of His strong care(15). His crowning promise is that He will fill you with the satisfaction of a full life and show you His victory. In Him you will be truly satisfied (16).

You are blessed this week to be a blessing to others! (Gen 12:2)
Thanks for all the prayers and thanks for checkin' in!

Hopefully - Chemo 6 today

PET scan scheduled for 8-14 at 10:45- Prayers always appreciated

Weight good 

Energy good - actually really better than I had hoped!

Walking 1.5-3 miles per day - 5-6 days a week - thankful for the energy to do that!

Enjoying company- people coming from all over the country to see me!  The B and B is humming!

  Blessed to have them help with cleaning up and cooking etc!

Stitches continuing to rise and fall

Worry continuing to enter and re enter my mind...

Hair continuing to fall out - but does not look too bad yet

Many people send me articles - links with information.  The most recent one was regarding the use of frankincense with 5fu. I was shocked to see this because 5fu is the base drug for folfox that I was on 5 years ago, xeloda that I was on from August til April, and folfiri that I am on now--It is the basis for the IV chemo drug that I get every two weeks.  

http://roberttisserand.com/2015/03/frankincense-essential-oil-and-cancer/

is the link.  

Basically it says that frank could protect the cancer cells, or it could interfere with the effectiveness of the chemo!  I was shocked because I thought that frank was this wonder oil that was great for everything.....pretty bummed, but gonna stop that while I look into it further.  

Fear continues to rear its ugly head....I am pretty anxious about my PET scan, which is annoying.  Locigally, I have a solid, firm faith and that should take care of the anxiety, right?  Wrong!  It nibbles at me - chewing around the edges of my thoughts.  It reminds me of mice, sneaking in and eating into packages of food, destroying upholstery to make a bed --

leaving poop and a big mess behind and making you feel like you were not smart enough to out smart a mouse!  Worry sneaks in and eats into your peace.  It destroys your calmness and makes you want to scream!  It erodes your calm trust and makes a bed in your soul - pushing out faith.  It colors everything - how I'm going to phrase things - should I really talk about plans for next year? Is that pollyana or is that positive thinking? It nibbles away at the joy of making plans and makes me second guess things that I sayor want to say.   It sets i[ that worry filter (like when you are always looking around wondering if a mouse got it) When I look through my "worry" filter, things look a lot blacker than when I look through God's filter.  In this war, it takes God's truth to fight the nibbling worry - to keep it to "nibbling" and not let it get to "chomping!" 

Prov 12:25 Anxiety weighs down the heart

Phil 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything , but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your requests to God -- and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.  

I'll just continue fighting this day by day - sometimes hour by hour.  

We attended a memorial service today of a wonderful, Godly man.  It was a fabulous celebration of his life and the influence and impact he had on so very many people.  God carried his wife through this trying day and as I hugged her goodby - what struck me was how effectively she was was using this tragedy, leveraging it to gently point unbelievers to God.  "My husband and I have been praying for you...how is....?" ---over and over.....

When she had been in total shock the day after he died, she had repeatedly quoted scripture...character and faith shine in disaster.

This only can happen when you have spent time with God - lots of time...when you have arranged your day to include time with God....when you have "dwelled" in his presence.  The last line of the 23 psalm is, "I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."  It is easy to say, " I'll do that tomorrow" but you may not have a tomorrow!  When you take time to "dwell" with God, you gain His strength and wisdom for whatever comes your way.  When you have a habit of dwelling, then you automatically default to His thought patterns and to trust rather than worry and fretting.  It takes repetitive "dwelling". 

Think of being thirsty....does a shot glass of water satisfy your thirst?  Is it enough to keep you going?  Nope - you need consistent hydration with clean water to function.  Don't bank on having time tomorrow to hydrate, to fill your soul.  Tomorrow may be the crisis when you need to be at your best to deal with the worst - when you need your character and faith to shine.  

Take time to "dwell" with the Lord while you can...

Tonight I am thankful for 

My church and my faith family and my Olu family 

Our many friends spread far and wide

The incredible faith filled witness of this family - including the kids-2 of whom sang and 2 of whom spoke - all beautifully!  

Beautiful weather to sit out and "dwell" while watching the birds play and the butterflies flit

My fear, since it motivates me to get back to eating better

The food that I enjoyed when I fell off the "sugar free, gluten free" wagon

Friends who come to visit, send cards, links with information and all kinds of gifts - thank you all!!!

Scripture that grants comfort even when there are no answers

The magic hour of dusk when daylight fades to night

I will leave you with an incredible song - Even If 

https://youtu.be/B6fA35Ved-Y

Thankful for each of you and you prayers! They are carrying us! Love y'all!

Thanks for checkin' in!  

Take time for the important things!

Weathered this chemo well 
Weight holding fairly well
Tues, Wed and 1/2 of Thursday had good energy to enjoy company and some retail therapy
Napped a lot on Friday and Saturday
Rested a bit today --
Just feeling droopy with no pep, but that's normal
Nausea is relatively under control thanks to medicine
Trouble drinking water- just does not taste good - really have to be disciplined!
Blessed by wonderful oncology nurses and a palliative care nurse
Tough conversations happen, and bring tears, but better to have the conversations than not!
Continuing to enjoy puttering outside and watching the birds -- had orioles 2 days ago!

So thankful to have some energy to enjoy life!

I got the word last Tues that after my next chemo, they would do a PET scan again and see if chemo is working....Praying for positive results 'cause there are no other options except hospice! 

In conversation with a dear friend who has faithfully kept up with my blog, we discovered that they were under the impression that I had only 2-3 tumors and that was it.  I wanted to clarify this, because there may be others who are thinking the same thing. 

As of my PET on April 27, there are many tumors throughout my body including but not limited to:

a new anterosuperior mediastinal node

a node along the right side of the ascending aorta

a nodule along the inferior right heart border

  multiple other nodules in the area (this area includes esophagus, heart, trachea, thymus)

perihepatic peritoneal disease worsening (liver and abdominal lining around it)

multiple, new (since December) hepatic metastases in the liver, one of which is 9.2 cm x 7.8cm

multiple new retroperitoneal lymph nodes

SO - bottom line - tumors are everywhere.

That is why I began the IV chemo - there were no other options... 

This simply highlites what a miracle I am, to be able to walk and visit and enjoy life!! God has indeed heard our prayers in that regard!!! We are blessed - trying not to be fearful of what comes next!  

Our prayer is that my next PET will show regression in these tumors, or at least no progression. 

https://youtu.be/XxkNj5hcy5E   I'm no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God....

As I got ready to post this last night we got a phone call saying that our friend's husband had suddenly died of a heart attack.  They both are younger than we are....The shock is indescribable -- Thankfully, he's a man of deep faith, a Godly father and role model, so we can rejoice in the hope of heaven -- but let's not kid ourselves- 
the loss is huge, 
   life altering and 
      devastating for their family...


Life is short and precious -- be sure to hug those you love an extra time or two and tell them that you love them.  Take time from the unimportant things that we all get caught up doing and spend that time with those most precious to you.  You do not know when you will not ever have that opportunity again.  Make time for the important things -- 

There is an old saying, " show me your calendar and your checkbook and I'll know what is important to you."  You can be sure that no on their death bed ever wished they had worked more hours...

You get the drift.... 

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest (Matt 11:28) Be still and know that I am God (Ps 46:10) and those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint...(Is 40:31)

And on that day when my strength is failing
the end draws near and my time has come 
still my should will sing Your praise unending
10,000 years and then forever more.....
I'll worship your holy name.... (10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman)

You are such a blessing! Thank you for the prayers which sustain us!  Thanks for checkin' in!