PET scan Monday 10:45

Praying for no progression, even for regression!  God is able! 
Will get unofficial results of PET hopefully, at the end of the week 
  (will pick up from Medical Records department to send disk and report to Oasis of Hope)
Will get official results next Tuesday (a week away) when I meet with my oncologist 
  prior to next chemo
Integrative Dr will weigh in next Friday with his opinion at a late afternoon appointment
Nausea worse this chemo - but managable thanks to medicine
Weight holding
Still walking, though sometimes more slowly and not so far
Controlling the beginning of mouth sores with "magic mouth wash" so they don't fully bloom" 
Very tired - napping again (had given that up for awhile)
Struggling with craving carbs- comfort food (baked potatoes, fresh home made bread, tortillas)
  also watermelon and coffee ice cream - definitely NOT good for me! LOL
Enjoying all the visits with friends
Continuing to fight the demons of fear and panic
  they are ever present, sometimes in larger forces than at other times
Struggling to connect with God in a regular, focused intimate way

How can that be? you ask?  Well, I'm kinda busy...  How can I possibly be too busy for God?  Well, I'm not really, but I am finding that I have this attitude of entitlement that is getting to be a problem.  It goes kinda like this:
"I have no idea how long I will live, and right now so-and-so is here and I really want to "play" so I'm just gonna play, because after all - this might not happen again" 
Another variation is to substitute an activity or a food for a person's name -  because, after all, time is short...

I'm not proud of this - just sharing the journey with you....
Corrie Ten Boom said that if the devil can't make you bad, he'll make you busy.  I am proof thereof!
We have had an endless stream of company and activities - either day visits, or overnight guests - and we enjoy having the company!  Do not mis-read this - it has been a blast!  However - I find that I have taken my limited energy and allocated it to fun and the necessities of life, squeezing out my "God time."  This is so wrong, because He is my rock - the one I cling to.  Yet I cannot help feeling like I'm ignoring Him until I need Him - which is not loving or honoring.  Just think how well it works out in a relationship between people when you do that - be it marriage, friendship, parent-child.  The person who gets ignored has justifiably hurt feelings and often a breach in the relationship happens.  Don't ask me if God's feelings get hurt -- I just know I feel guilty which feels awful...

In the same way that I know walking, sleeping well and drinking clean water are critical to my health, so spending time with God is critical to my spiritual health.  How else will I have strength to continue fighting this battle?  This did not used to be a struggle - I had my God time built into each day.  Now, however, I do not have a set routine.  Each day is different, depending on how I feel....Gonna have to figure out my schedule quickly!  It is not a good trend and I feel it in my soul - fear is more fearful for me- anxiety is more anxious for me -  I feel weaker - scripture is harder to remember....
However
It is God's will that I spend time with Him - He delights in it - so I can ask for His help in this and know with confidence that He will help me to overcome this challenge.  Bible verses support this!
Rev 3:20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock! If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in.... 
Mark 1:35 Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up and left the house and went off to a solitary place, where He prayed. (If Jesus did it, shouldn't I?)
James 4:8 Come near to God and He will come near to you...
Ps 46:10 Be still and know that I am God...
So that is my challenge this week, as well as keeping my fears in check!  

In response to last weeks blog post, a friend sent me the following blessing.  It parallels Ps 91 and is lovely.  Hope you enjoy it as much as I do.  

Psalm 91 Blessing

Your life is lived in great spiritual warfare, but you are sheltered in the safe refuge of the Almighty. Be at home in the hiding place of Most High. Rest under His wings (1). He is the Lord, your refuge and fortress. You are defended by His faithfulness as your shield and defense (2).
Be blessed with security from satan's snares and schemes (3). You have peace in El Shaddai. His promises are sure (4). God hears your heart's cry. Be blessed to put into God's hands the terrors in the dark and the arrows that attempt to destroy you by day (5-6).
Stand steadfast in your Commander of the Lord's hosts. See that the battle is the Lord's. No weapon formed against you will prosper (7-8).You have the Author and Finisher of faith in you to enable you to trust the unfailing protection of God Most High. He is your hope and trust, your true home (9).
Jesus in you stands against all hindrances. You have His name and the authority of His blood, His cross, His resurrection, and His ascension. He has already defeated the adversary you are facing. In His name you have victory (10). God is the Commander of the armies of heaven. He will command His angels to guard you. His angels will hold you up so you don't stumble (11-12).
Jesus has already defeated every foe. You have nothing to fear. Stand as a covenant child of God Most High. Be bold, be free, and take your rightful authority in your protector (13).
God promises to rescue you because you love Him (14). He will pay attention to you and be with you in trouble. He promises to deliver you and give you the honor due you as the object of His strong care(15). His crowning promise is that He will fill you with the satisfaction of a full life and show you His victory. In Him you will be truly satisfied (16).

You are blessed this week to be a blessing to others! (Gen 12:2)
Thanks for all the prayers and thanks for checkin' in!