New Prayer Request Please!

My oncologist is referring me to USC for a possible clinical trial.  I don't know if we qualify ... but USC will give it some consideration.

My integrative doc says I am a candidate for CAR-T therapy IF my natural killer cell count is high enough for them to harvest and grow a new colony.  Historically my NK count has been very low, like double digit when I need thousands! 

By reading the fine print on the drug that the oncologist wants to put me on, we discovered that statistically, I have about 6 months to live...I understand that statistics are just a number on a piece of paper -- however, I have clearly been in denial.  When I was re-diagnosed, the stats then were 2 1/2-5 years....of which I went alternative for one year...So - God is on the throne and He has a plan which we do not understand-but it does not look very positive.  This does not mean that I am giving up, or that I do not believe in miracles - they absolutely can happen...I am trying to be realistic and not stick my head in the sand about my situation.  

Two reasons I am sharing this - 1) I want prayers that I'm here a long time - but 2) is that this is a warning to anyone in this situation -- read everything you can find - read the fine print - grasp what it says.  The oncologist would never have said this, except that we really pinned her down... Yes it's good to know, but gosh it hurts....

Please pray with us 

for wisdom about which direction to take - if USC is an option

that my natural killer cells miraculously jump in number so I'd be a candidate for CAR-T therapy

for clear thinking

for my life to be extended to a good old age

I am so exhausted from crying and grieving about this-hopefully this will be coherent.  I feel bludgeoned-beaten.  If you are helping someone who is in this kind of a situation - don't be surprised if they get dopey.  Physical exhaustion is real as well as the emotional exhaustion of processing.  Naps are so necessary.  If they just fall asleep on you - that is a great blessing!  Don't be surprised or offended... I don't have the words to explain how hard it is to think about whether you 'll be around at Christmas.....

Jer 17:14 Heal me oh Lord and I will be healed.  

   Save me and I will be saved for you are the one that I praise.

A positive thing to leave you with - an indicator that perhaps God's gonna keep me around (we can only pray)  There was a 50/50 chance that the oncologist would notice that the wording was ambiguous.  That the radiologist left out that there were new lesions is incredible to me.  Yet, God intervened and pushed my onco to go and talk to the radiologist - to look at the films.  

Praying he continues to intervene - 

Praying also that this made sense as I am so worn out.