Prayers for decisions please!

Fear stalks, now bringing along it's weapon of pain. 
It has been quite a rough week as my pain has increased substantially. I am back to painkillers 3x in 24 hours instead of 2x.  My belly is distending more, revealing the tumor growth.   I am also sleeping more-not a good sign.  
A week ago, I thought they were nuts to say I might be gone in 6 mos-now i have to wonder if these really are my last days...all of which makes me cry hard-which hurts cause the tumors are bigger...... sleep is now interrupted by pain and tears-it is dreadful... my right shoulder hurts intensely-referred pain from the tumor in my liver, which i now feel a great deal more than i did...I'm frightened as i feel the tumors grow and wait to get in to usc or to see if my killer cells are high enough to use for car-t therapy....and feel as though i am doing nothing.  Have not used the laetril more because using it was at the beginning of this downhill slide...

I thought tears were ever present before-HA! Those were rolling tears with a few sobs.  These are the deep sobbing tears that hurt because it jars the tumors in my diaphragm, in my lungs and around my heart (can i really have this many tumors?)  This pain scares me— that i can feel that the tumors have grown and it starts all over again...
I'm sad, scared and still need to function...
Can't cry all day! 
That's not living life!! 
And i desperately want to live life!

When life is unbearable—give thanks!  I’m thankful for:
-Todd who holds me and hands tissues and tries to comfort me, who cooks for me and works hard to bring joy an laughter to my life with silly jokes, songs and who always looks at things positively and is my greatest cheerleader.
-Family that shows me some of my life prayers fulfilled-
—God loving sons, walking their life-paths w godly wives.
—Conquering family disfunction and having a close family.
—Having a loving marriage.
—Having glimpses of joy and peace
-For the funny antics of the birds playing in my bird bath
-Beautiful flowers
-God’s word and promises 
-Food tasting good 
-Dark Chocolate
-Beautifully green vistas in IA farm country-their cat and the horses at camp
-Mountain vistas in MT and grand daughter antics 
-Being able to walk several miles a day (2.5-wish it were more)
-blue sky and cloud pictures
-Being able to read scripture on my phone,  in the middle of the night, in the dark—(not like I used to when I was a kid, with a flashlight)

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves 
those who are crushed in spirit.  
A righteous man may have many troubles, 
but the Lord delivers him from them all.”  Ps37:18-19 

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; 
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, 
my shield and  the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”Psalm 18:2

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous!  Do not be terrified, Do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go! Josh 1:9

Do not be afraid- I am your shield and your very great reward! Gen 15:1 

The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still.  Ex 14:14

Trying to encourage myself...by God’s grace, we will persevere though it is hard!
Thx for praying for me... 

PS I just heard from my integrative doc that my natural killer cell count IS high enough that they could do car-t therapy- however he is not sure that at this advanced stage it will work.....and I would have to have it at least 2 times (they do 4 times in Japan!)
     Thanking God for the miracle that i have enough cells— they have been extremely low 
     up to this point....A miracle! Thank you Lord!
Please pray for wisdom as we deliberate-we need to decide quickly...
And
We have not heard back about moving my August 6 appointment at USC up at all....which means I'll be off chemo for almost 2 months....allowing the cancer to run rampant....

So - do I gamble with this completely new therapy (which is cutting edge and everyone is all excited about CAR-T) or do I wait for USC and go for a clinical trial???? (this is assuming there is some trial available for me...)

Thank you, as always, for your faithful prayers that sustain us, carry us - we so appreciate them! 
Thanks for checkin' in!