Hope and Reality

Good week last week - high energy-living life with gusto 
Working on projects a little at a time
Being social
Walking a little bit more- got 1.75 miles while on my chemo pump -That’s a first!!
Then reality hit-Chemo 23 
Fighting nausea - feeling cold
Hand and foot syndrome acting up-my hands are painfully cracked...
Mouth sores still “brewing” and "blooming" 
Feeling dejected because of whiplash-- feeling almost normal to feeling bad ...got the blues!

Back on low carb diet, per integrative doc, at least for the non chemo weeks - 
   during chemo - he says, “ do what you have to do to stay sane.”'  
   counting carbs is annoying- so many things that are good for you have carbs - 
   like apples, avocados and fruit juice! 50-80 carbs/day is tough to get to! 
Working on the constipation...cramping is so miserable, painful and nauseating

On a good note, my hair is growing back!  enough to get it cut a little bit! And
Todd and I celebrated 36 years of marriage - I am so blessed!

Overall the last 3 - 4 weeks I have felt better than I had in a long time - 
Why is that? Well.....
Before my last PET scan several things happened.  
—I had a phone conference with a Pastor in CT who has a healing ministry.  The details are unimportant, but he talked a great deal about forgiveness - my forgiving others.   We also did some role playing.  He asked about my relationship with my father and I told him it had been rocky, though I knew that my dad had loved me.  In the role playing, he played my father and asked me for forgiveness.  It was quite powerful as I forgave him.  He also gave me home work to do namely to forgive everyone who has wronged me, going back as far as I could remember.  I spent a long time doing this, journaling my forgiveness for all kinds of things - ancient history and current events.   When finished, I did not really think much about it, except to add things as God brought them to mind.
—I also began regularly drinking Pau D’Arco tea which is thought to be very anti carcinogenic in the South American Culture.
---We attended another healing service at our church.—And finally, i began moving/ walking a little bit more-even if just doing projects around the house and gardening.
     And my PET scan said no progression....

More good news - last week I had an appointment with my integrative doc who was delighted with my weight!  He said he was worried I would come in very very thin and he was thrilled that I looked so healthy, with meat on my bones :)  He pointed out that on the PET report it said that my liver tumors were calcifying. That means that my body is fighting the cancer and walling it off from the rest of my body!  That is really good news - that my body is strong enough to fight!  

And more good news - the last two times the oncologist read my bloodwork, my liver levels were normal!!!  They have not been normal in well over a year!  

Jeremiah 17:14 Heal and I will be healed, 
    save me and I will be saved 
    for you are the one that I praise

So - what does all this mean?  Indications are that my body is fighting more successfully than it had before!  In talking to a friend, I said that it was very hard not to get my hopes up that perhaps God is healing me.  Her wise response is that for today he is granting me healing - that day that I spoke with her I was out in the garden planting and watering and having a wonderful time.  That day, I had a measure of healing that allowed me to do that.  

Ever since, I am even more thankful for each day that I feel pretty good.  I am thankful for the healing for that day....
Who knows where this journey will take us...but for each day I am so thankful...
And as I fight getting my hopes up, I remember that each day is a gift, that it is silly to get my hopes up, that God can heal me if it is in his plan. But even if he chooses not to heal me, I will be thankful for each moment I get to live “normally” and currently, my “normal” includes mouth sores, hand cracks and a lot of nausea and cramping!!  but I am here!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6fA35Ved-Y

Looking forward to next week when it should be better! 
Thanks for your continued prayers and love.  The prayers are making the difference!  Thanks for checkin in’!