Side effects - hands and feet-still numb/tingly - indigestion/nausea worse than they have been the last few times--very tired - feel weaker than I have in several rounds -- hair falling out more again -
Even tho I feel disgusting, I am so joy filled to be at the end of this valley. I am not sure how this works - but I feel so peaceful -- It has to be God! Even while confined to "resting" - I have had several God appointments, where I could help other people through my keyboard or my phone. It is a great blessing to be able to do this - especially because my brain feels like it is mush.
Have spent the day alternating between nausea, naps, God appointments and dirt therapy -- it could have been a much worse day! It could have been November 3 instead of May 3!!! I am thankful!
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want......He restores my soul....(Ps 23)
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Disconnected for the last time!!!
The euphoria of being disconnected and all done has receded before side effects that are a bit stronger than they have recently been. Indigestion is bad and closer to nausea- fingers and feet are getting number - now it is the whole sole of my feet :( Sleep is not the greatest - and I am changing colors - white, grey, yellow and pink -- yesterday I looked wind-burned I was so red/pink!
I can hardly contain myself -- to be disconnected from my chemo pump for the last time is such an emotional thrill! I could just dance - if I felt better --
I was feeling good all day until later afternoon and then the down hill slide started....
I am thankful
to be disconnected for the last time
dirt therapy thanks to some friends who brought me plants and helped me plant them
a beautiful day
anti nausea medicine
a soft pillow
that the end of this chapter is coming
for all of you!
Ps 18:46
The Lord lives! Praise be to my rock! Exalted be God my Savior!
I can hardly contain myself -- to be disconnected from my chemo pump for the last time is such an emotional thrill! I could just dance - if I felt better --
I was feeling good all day until later afternoon and then the down hill slide started....
I am thankful
to be disconnected for the last time
dirt therapy thanks to some friends who brought me plants and helped me plant them
a beautiful day
anti nausea medicine
a soft pillow
that the end of this chapter is coming
for all of you!
Ps 18:46
The Lord lives! Praise be to my rock! Exalted be God my Savior!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
1/2 way thru the last one!
Side effects are holding - same as yesterday -- mostly tired.
Quiet day today - made it to bible study thanks to a chauffeur! Napped and did a few domestic things - and that is about it!
Streams in the Desert had several lines today that really jumped out at me.
"I often hear people praying for more faith, but when I listen carefully to them and get to the essence of their prayer, I realize it is not more faith they are wanting at all. What they are wanting is their faith to be changed to sight.
Faith does not say, "I see this is good for me; therefore God must have sent it."
Instead, faith declares, "God sent it; therefore it must be good for me."
Faith, when walking through the dark with God, only asks Him to hold his hand more tightly."
There is much in those words - we want our faith to become sight --
instant gratification!
and
"God sent it; therefore it must be good for me....."
-- how difficult to wrap my brain around....
Thank you for checking in --
Quiet day today - made it to bible study thanks to a chauffeur! Napped and did a few domestic things - and that is about it!
Streams in the Desert had several lines today that really jumped out at me.
"I often hear people praying for more faith, but when I listen carefully to them and get to the essence of their prayer, I realize it is not more faith they are wanting at all. What they are wanting is their faith to be changed to sight.
Faith does not say, "I see this is good for me; therefore God must have sent it."
Instead, faith declares, "God sent it; therefore it must be good for me."
Faith, when walking through the dark with God, only asks Him to hold his hand more tightly."
There is much in those words - we want our faith to become sight --
instant gratification!
and
"God sent it; therefore it must be good for me....."
-- how difficult to wrap my brain around....
Thank you for checking in --
Monday, April 30, 2012
Last chemo is underway!
So thrilled to be able to get my last treatment! Side effects are the same, but much much more tired and headachey. Came home and slept right away -- I cannot complain though by comparison to what it was with both drugs!
Wed I go for my disconnect from the pump and next Monday I go for a nurse check. After that I will go in every month to have my mediport flushed so that it doesn't clot. Dr Frick recommended keeping my port for a year, which is the length of time for which they can remain in place without being used on a regular basis. He suggests leaving it in, because for this type of cancer, if it comes back quickly, it will be back in 1-2 years. Just to clarify, he is not suggesting that is my case--rather it is the "standard" recommendation. In October, he had said that they were going for the cure with this treatment and today he said that he felt very comfortable that we did everything we could do. I'll see the oncologist every 3 months for a year - not sure what the interval will be after that....probably either 4 or 6 months. They will be watching my bloodwork for any signs of cancer popping up.
Not much exciting to report - Chance has kept me on my toes with an upset digestive system....
fortunately all out in the yard- but still a mess to clean up. Didn't walk him today like I thought I was going to -- will head out for a short one after this....
This morning as I left the hospital and headed for the clinic that is close to me, Is 46:4 popped into my head - and it is not even one that I have been memorizing -- it just came to me!
I will sustain you and rescue you!
That he certainly has done -- and I am thankful for:
His carrying strength
the end of chemo being in sight
seabands to control nausea without drugs
naps
rain to make things grow
clean water
flowers and plants growing (not counting weeds! tho I guess I am supposed to be thankful in all
circumstances.....have to think about that one...)
you for keeping tabs on us --for praying and for your encouragement!
Blessings on your evening!
Wed I go for my disconnect from the pump and next Monday I go for a nurse check. After that I will go in every month to have my mediport flushed so that it doesn't clot. Dr Frick recommended keeping my port for a year, which is the length of time for which they can remain in place without being used on a regular basis. He suggests leaving it in, because for this type of cancer, if it comes back quickly, it will be back in 1-2 years. Just to clarify, he is not suggesting that is my case--rather it is the "standard" recommendation. In October, he had said that they were going for the cure with this treatment and today he said that he felt very comfortable that we did everything we could do. I'll see the oncologist every 3 months for a year - not sure what the interval will be after that....probably either 4 or 6 months. They will be watching my bloodwork for any signs of cancer popping up.
Not much exciting to report - Chance has kept me on my toes with an upset digestive system....
fortunately all out in the yard- but still a mess to clean up. Didn't walk him today like I thought I was going to -- will head out for a short one after this....
This morning as I left the hospital and headed for the clinic that is close to me, Is 46:4 popped into my head - and it is not even one that I have been memorizing -- it just came to me!
I will sustain you and rescue you!
That he certainly has done -- and I am thankful for:
His carrying strength
the end of chemo being in sight
seabands to control nausea without drugs
naps
rain to make things grow
clean water
flowers and plants growing (not counting weeds! tho I guess I am supposed to be thankful in all
circumstances.....have to think about that one...)
you for keeping tabs on us --for praying and for your encouragement!
Blessings on your evening!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Hoping for chemo tomorrow...
Side effects the same - finger and toes the biggest hassle - and tired - but not bad otherwise!
Hoping that my blood is strong again tomorrow so I can get chemo - the last one!
Never know if I am going to be able to get it -- when I feel good, my blood hasn't been strong, and when I have felt bad, it has been ok! Makes no sense, I know -- Trying not to get my hopes up too high - but truthfully - can't help it! It is in God's hands -- and I will have a tantrum with Him if I can't have it...
We have been blessed with a full rich weekend - home group Friday evening, our brother in law's birthday celebration brought us a houseful on Sat and today we celebrated confirmation at BLC -- Sat was also Gretchen's shower in Missoula (our oldest son, Karl's fiance'). It was hard not to be there but she was very sweet taking many pictures and calling :) We are blessed! In between I squeezed in "dirt therapy!" (Gardening, for those of you that may have missed references to this in the past) with the result that I have rediscovered many muscles that have been unused for a season, and weakened by this chemo game that I am playing! Working on getting strong again!
Not much else to report - though I am starting to think about what to do with my blog after I am finished with chemo. Truthfully, I don't quite know what to do -- it seems like this may have run its course, but some have suggested keeping writing....Hoping God sends me that e-mail telling me exactly what He wants me to do....ya right! :) We'll just take each day as it comes and keep watching for answers!
Thankful for friends
teachers
dirt therapy
Todd helping me dig!
family
rain
sun
warmer weather coming
my gardening supervisor, Chance :)
water tasting great
technology that keeps me connected
scripture that keeps me glued together
I will leave you with a favorite verse --(not "the" favorite - that would be way too hard!)
Ps 50:15"call upon me in the day of trouble;
I will deliver you and you will honor me..."
Blessings - Thanks for checking in!
Hoping that my blood is strong again tomorrow so I can get chemo - the last one!
Never know if I am going to be able to get it -- when I feel good, my blood hasn't been strong, and when I have felt bad, it has been ok! Makes no sense, I know -- Trying not to get my hopes up too high - but truthfully - can't help it! It is in God's hands -- and I will have a tantrum with Him if I can't have it...
We have been blessed with a full rich weekend - home group Friday evening, our brother in law's birthday celebration brought us a houseful on Sat and today we celebrated confirmation at BLC -- Sat was also Gretchen's shower in Missoula (our oldest son, Karl's fiance'). It was hard not to be there but she was very sweet taking many pictures and calling :) We are blessed! In between I squeezed in "dirt therapy!" (Gardening, for those of you that may have missed references to this in the past) with the result that I have rediscovered many muscles that have been unused for a season, and weakened by this chemo game that I am playing! Working on getting strong again!
Not much else to report - though I am starting to think about what to do with my blog after I am finished with chemo. Truthfully, I don't quite know what to do -- it seems like this may have run its course, but some have suggested keeping writing....Hoping God sends me that e-mail telling me exactly what He wants me to do....ya right! :) We'll just take each day as it comes and keep watching for answers!
Thankful for friends
teachers
dirt therapy
Todd helping me dig!
family
rain
sun
warmer weather coming
my gardening supervisor, Chance :)
water tasting great
technology that keeps me connected
scripture that keeps me glued together
I will leave you with a favorite verse --(not "the" favorite - that would be way too hard!)
Ps 50:15"call upon me in the day of trouble;
I will deliver you and you will honor me..."
Blessings - Thanks for checking in!
Friday, April 27, 2012
Weak is Strong? God's economy
Side effects the same - mouth sores tapering off - numb fingers/toes still but energy is pretty good - though more tired than last weekend.
Yesterday's devo from Streams in the Desert by LB Cowman really struck me --
Here is an excerpt from it --
"We tend to feel we are doing the greatest good in the world when we are strong and fit for active duty and when our hearts and hands are busy with kind acts of service. Therefore when we are set aside to suffer, when we are sick, when we are consumed with pain, and when all our activities have been stopped, we feel we are no longer of any use and are accomplishing nothing.
Yet if we will be patient and submissive, it is almost certain we will be a greater blessing to the world around us during our time of suffering and pain than we were when we thought we were doing our greatest work."
When I read this, it really made me pause. I have received so many comments from you about my writing this blog -- some of you even said you use it in your devotional time! Wow! I am so honored! So for the last six months, I have been knocked on my butt - sidelined if you will - having to receive help from so many of you (a real learning time for me!). Yet it seems, that my obedience to God's push to write this has blessed many more people than I could ever have done when I was well and "busy." I am thankful that God brought good from this -- and incredibly humbled by it. Not sure exactly how all this works -- It's a God thing!
Along the same line, when talking to a friend, she was frustrated that she hadn't accomplished more this week. She had taken time out to help another friend who was in need. Unfortunately her "to do" list was still very long and work loomed next week.
I asked her what her kids were learning by watching her this week. They had learned first hand how to help a friend in need --
with phone calls to activate a network of people --
with a trip to the store for things she needed --
with phone calls and an encouraging note --
She had taught the next generation how to help people when they have a crisis situation.
Was this on her to do list? No! Was it more important than the list? You bet! Our kids are the ones who will be taking care of us -- we want them to know how to be helpful and compassionate! Prov 22:6 talks about teaching a child so they know what to do when they are older.
So even though she wasn't busy with her to do list (what might have seemed the right things to be doing) she answered God's call to help a friend, and not only blessed her friend, but her children and the next generation by her faithful actions.
She blessed more people by doing the small, faithful thing.
Sometimes God nudges us to do something that seems insignificant to us, like help a friend or start a blog, and He blesses it exponentially.
2 Cor 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you for My power is made perfect in weakness.
Prov 28:20 A faithful man will be richly blessed...
John 11:40 Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?"
What is God nudging you to do?
Thanks for checking in - Have a great weekend!
Yesterday's devo from Streams in the Desert by LB Cowman really struck me --
Here is an excerpt from it --
"We tend to feel we are doing the greatest good in the world when we are strong and fit for active duty and when our hearts and hands are busy with kind acts of service. Therefore when we are set aside to suffer, when we are sick, when we are consumed with pain, and when all our activities have been stopped, we feel we are no longer of any use and are accomplishing nothing.
Yet if we will be patient and submissive, it is almost certain we will be a greater blessing to the world around us during our time of suffering and pain than we were when we thought we were doing our greatest work."
When I read this, it really made me pause. I have received so many comments from you about my writing this blog -- some of you even said you use it in your devotional time! Wow! I am so honored! So for the last six months, I have been knocked on my butt - sidelined if you will - having to receive help from so many of you (a real learning time for me!). Yet it seems, that my obedience to God's push to write this has blessed many more people than I could ever have done when I was well and "busy." I am thankful that God brought good from this -- and incredibly humbled by it. Not sure exactly how all this works -- It's a God thing!
Along the same line, when talking to a friend, she was frustrated that she hadn't accomplished more this week. She had taken time out to help another friend who was in need. Unfortunately her "to do" list was still very long and work loomed next week.
I asked her what her kids were learning by watching her this week. They had learned first hand how to help a friend in need --
with phone calls to activate a network of people --
with a trip to the store for things she needed --
with phone calls and an encouraging note --
She had taught the next generation how to help people when they have a crisis situation.
Was this on her to do list? No! Was it more important than the list? You bet! Our kids are the ones who will be taking care of us -- we want them to know how to be helpful and compassionate! Prov 22:6 talks about teaching a child so they know what to do when they are older.
So even though she wasn't busy with her to do list (what might have seemed the right things to be doing) she answered God's call to help a friend, and not only blessed her friend, but her children and the next generation by her faithful actions.
She blessed more people by doing the small, faithful thing.
Sometimes God nudges us to do something that seems insignificant to us, like help a friend or start a blog, and He blesses it exponentially.
2 Cor 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you for My power is made perfect in weakness.
Prov 28:20 A faithful man will be richly blessed...
John 11:40 Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?"
What is God nudging you to do?
Thanks for checking in - Have a great weekend!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
It caught up with me!
Side effects the same - mouth sores a bit better for now!
Today is a napping day! I think all the gallivanting about this past weekend finally hit! I am pretty tired, but not nearly as tired as I was in the beginning of chemo. Have had a quiet day -- being domestic and then resting....
Have been thinking about that phrase, "New Level, New Devil" - meaning that when you reach a new level in your faith walk, the devil ups the ante and comes at you with a new angle, or with particular viciousness.
This is brought to mind because of friends who had been going through a really rough time, but were making an effort to live life with the Lord more intentionally than in the past. They had come through that valley, and many things fell into place -big things like better health, new job, and a home sale. Suddenly they lost most of their possessions - certainly the most sentimental ones - to a fire. They have each other and there were no injuries, which is a special blessing! Praise God! That doesn't change the loss of pictures, favorite toys and books, jewelry, your favorite shoes and your underware! Imagine the feeling......
When I heard of this, it flashed through my mind that the devil must not be very happy with them trying to live their life in a more Godly way.
Some of you may think that this is a stretch, - but 1 Peter 5:8 cautions us to be alert because the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. In John 10:10 Christ refers to the devil as a thief who comes to steal, kill and destroy. We have a real enemy looking to bring us down any way he can!
Do you think perhaps that he is trying to discourage them from their more Godly way of life??
Is he perhaps trying to weaken their faith?
or make them think that God doesn't care about them or love them?
or do you think he could just be making them so busy with insurance and details that they are
distracted from talking to God's and seeing his blessings?
I'd bet on it!!
When things go wrong or you are tempted to doubt that God knows and cares what is going on, remember you have an enemy that wants to take you down! He doesn't care how.
Then focus on Christ who said, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
Remember Luke 12:6,7 where He says, "are not 5 sparrows sold for 2 pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed the very hairs on your head are numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." [Some of us, he doesn't have to count as high anymore to number our hair! :)]
Call to mind Jer 29:11 that God has a plan for you, to prosper you --and Ro 8:28 that He works all things for good to those who love Him.
Remember his admonition from 1 Thess 5:16-18 to be joyful always, to pray continually, and to give thanks in all circumstances. Not give thanks for all circumstances, but in them -- look for the things you can be thankful for -- focus on them -- on the goodness that He brings into your life.
Is all this the normal human response? No it's not!
We are not called to be 'normal.' We are called to live by the spirit (Gal 5:16) We have been crucified with Christ and we no longer live, but Christ lives in us and we live by faith in the Son of God, who loves us and gave Himself up for us! (Gal 2:20)
We are called to show the world how to deal with adversity while walking with God --
to hold out hope and a hand to those who don't know our God
So, when you are trying to live more closely with the Lord, and things go wrong -- remember that thief that wants to destroy you -- he's messin' with you! Watch for car trouble, illness, fights with your husband or your kids, or misunderstandings. He'll press your buttons!
Then remember your God -- and who wins in the end -- and look for things to be thankful for!!
Thankful for
daffodils
rain
naps
hair to have a bad hair day
baseball hats for the above
Chance
puddles
God's word
Thankful for you!
Today is a napping day! I think all the gallivanting about this past weekend finally hit! I am pretty tired, but not nearly as tired as I was in the beginning of chemo. Have had a quiet day -- being domestic and then resting....
Have been thinking about that phrase, "New Level, New Devil" - meaning that when you reach a new level in your faith walk, the devil ups the ante and comes at you with a new angle, or with particular viciousness.
This is brought to mind because of friends who had been going through a really rough time, but were making an effort to live life with the Lord more intentionally than in the past. They had come through that valley, and many things fell into place -big things like better health, new job, and a home sale. Suddenly they lost most of their possessions - certainly the most sentimental ones - to a fire. They have each other and there were no injuries, which is a special blessing! Praise God! That doesn't change the loss of pictures, favorite toys and books, jewelry, your favorite shoes and your underware! Imagine the feeling......
When I heard of this, it flashed through my mind that the devil must not be very happy with them trying to live their life in a more Godly way.
Some of you may think that this is a stretch, - but 1 Peter 5:8 cautions us to be alert because the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. In John 10:10 Christ refers to the devil as a thief who comes to steal, kill and destroy. We have a real enemy looking to bring us down any way he can!
Do you think perhaps that he is trying to discourage them from their more Godly way of life??
Is he perhaps trying to weaken their faith?
or make them think that God doesn't care about them or love them?
or do you think he could just be making them so busy with insurance and details that they are
distracted from talking to God's and seeing his blessings?
I'd bet on it!!
When things go wrong or you are tempted to doubt that God knows and cares what is going on, remember you have an enemy that wants to take you down! He doesn't care how.
Then focus on Christ who said, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
Remember Luke 12:6,7 where He says, "are not 5 sparrows sold for 2 pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed the very hairs on your head are numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." [Some of us, he doesn't have to count as high anymore to number our hair! :)]
Call to mind Jer 29:11 that God has a plan for you, to prosper you --and Ro 8:28 that He works all things for good to those who love Him.
Remember his admonition from 1 Thess 5:16-18 to be joyful always, to pray continually, and to give thanks in all circumstances. Not give thanks for all circumstances, but in them -- look for the things you can be thankful for -- focus on them -- on the goodness that He brings into your life.
Is all this the normal human response? No it's not!
We are not called to be 'normal.' We are called to live by the spirit (Gal 5:16) We have been crucified with Christ and we no longer live, but Christ lives in us and we live by faith in the Son of God, who loves us and gave Himself up for us! (Gal 2:20)
We are called to show the world how to deal with adversity while walking with God --
to hold out hope and a hand to those who don't know our God
So, when you are trying to live more closely with the Lord, and things go wrong -- remember that thief that wants to destroy you -- he's messin' with you! Watch for car trouble, illness, fights with your husband or your kids, or misunderstandings. He'll press your buttons!
Then remember your God -- and who wins in the end -- and look for things to be thankful for!!
Thankful for
daffodils
rain
naps
hair to have a bad hair day
baseball hats for the above
Chance
puddles
God's word
Thankful for you!
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